Chapter 1: I'm at a Loss for Words...
I stared out the small windows of the horse-trailer, as the vehicle up front drug the trailer along the road. The only light entering the cramped trailer was the bright light coming from the sun.
I bet you’re wondering, "Why is this weirdo in a horse trailer?"
Yeah... it's pretty complicated shit.
I might as well start from the beginning...
Earlier in the morning...
I opened my eyes, my sight greeting the sunrise that was growing outside. Already, I wasn't excited for another day in college.
Sure... ever since my grandma told me about a comic-book college, I've wanted to go. Even though my drawing skills are shitty and I am pretty much lazy 75% of the time, I still wanted to go.
But that didn't stop me from hating the work and classes that the college provided.
Every good person would say that it was nice that I graduated like many other students, and had a family that had enough money to send me to college. And they were right. But come on, a guy can't hate classes surrounding a subject he likes?
After checking the time, I knew that I couldn't spend another minute in bed. So I slowly got up before going over to the clothes dresser that my dorm had. I wasn't one for fashion, so I pretty much tossed on a fresh pair of underwear, blue jeans, and a simple shirt. I can wait for another day to look nice.
As I made my way to the bathroom, my roomate left the bathroom at the same time. His name is Dale, whom I've met when I first arrived at the college. We get along pretty well, and I guess we're good friends if you put it that way. He also knows that I'm a brony.
Yep. My Littly Pony: Friendship is Magic is a show that I still love. The show ended about six years ago, but I still prefer it more than the other My Little Pony generations that aired after Friendship is Magic. In fact, I still think about it. Dale thinks it's weird, but he agreed to not tell anyone else. I'm pretty much lucky that I have a roomate/friend like him.
Anyway, back to the present story...
"Mornin'," Dale said as soon as he passed me.
"Good morning," I mumbled as I entered the bathroom, picked up my toothbrush, and began to put toothpaste on it.
Dale didn't reply. But I didn't care. We usually don't talk much when getting ready for classes, anyway.
Once I finished, I spat my toothpaste back in the sink and began to search for the required items I needed for the classes.
After collecting our items and leaving the room, Dale and I retrieved our breakfast and sat down at the table. A couple of our other pals, Evan, Joey, and Jeremy, sat with us too, and we just talked about other things. Just like Dale, these guys knew I was a brony, though it took more begging to convince them to not tell anyone.
"Another day..." I muttered.
"Yeah," Dale replied before eating some scrambled eggs.
I nibbled on a sausage.
"Hey," Evan began. "My dad's birthday is coming up."
"Oh yeah," Joey remembered. "Planning on sending him anything this year?"
"Of course! If I sent him something last year, I'll do it this year. It is his birthday, after all."
"Do you have any ideas on what to get him?" Jeremy queried.
"I have a few ideas..." Even replied.
Soon, the bell rang, and we got up.
"Class time!" Dale picked up his things and turned to head to class. We all followed suit.
The five of us stood together, walking to the class. Soon, we entered the large classroom and took our seats, all of us sitting up to two seats away from each other. The fact we're close a lot makes me feel like I'm in a group. It's nice.
As soon as I sat down, I started to feel a headache.
As soon as everyone was in the room, the teacher began to do attendance, before moving on to the teaching/working portion of the class.
Comic college is definetly different than I pictured. But every single thing is unique.
My headache started to throb more, and I cussed under my breath.
"Leo..." Dale whispered. "What's up?"
"I have a damn headache..." I rubbed my forehead.
A nearby classmate shushed us.
I looked back at the teacher, and my vision suddenly began to act funny. Everything I saw started to ripple like waves. My eyelids also began to feel heavy.
I tried to pay attention. But at the same time, I felt like I was going to need a trip to the nurse or something.
And then, with the flick of a switch, my hearing dulled.
I plugged my nose and blew in an attempt to unplug my ears. But unlike times where I am on planes, I still was deaf. Oh well. I don't go deaf on planes anyway, so why did I even bother.
I finally gave in. I raised my hand.
I couldn't hear my teacher's muffled words, but whether he told me to shut up or asked me what I wanted, I went for it.
"Can I go to the nurse?" I asked, my voice muffled in my hearing. "I'm not feeling well..."
Again, whatever my teacher told me, I went for it. I staggered out of my seat and began to hobble past my classmates. I made my way away from the desks, and closer to the doorway.
And then everything suddenly went dark.
***
I groggily opened my eyes, completely blank on the events that last transpired.
I weakly lifted my head, finding it odd that the room was darker than usual.
I groaned, my voice sounding feminine.
I rubbed my eyes, feeling the lack of fingers on my arm.
But then I caught a glimpse of my arms and my eyes went wide. The light entering the trailer made it easier for me to see many different changes to my body and the area around me.
First, instead of my regular clothed arms, my arms were now pink logs with the ends looking like marshmallows. Not only that, but these arms were oddly cartoony and very familiar.
Second, as soon as I saw my arms, I noticed a pink blob in between my eyes. I used my arms to feel the blob.
My heart jumped when I came to the realization that the pink blob was part of my face.
Then, I came to the discovery that there was a huge wave of unkempt hair hanging off my face. I could see a streak of peach on the hair, a streak of hot pink, and out of the corner of my eye, a streak of purple. I yanked it with my hooves and tugged.
It was hair. My real hair!
My attention was brought to the enclosed space I was in. There wasn't much, but it appeared as if I was in some sort of horse trailer.
Still, I was in a state of panic.
"W-where am I?" I stammered. I shoved my familiar arms in my weirdly-shaped mouth. I brought my hooves away. "W-who am I?"
Then I started to come to reality. The voice... the color of my body and nose... the shape of my arms and face... and the hair colors... they all started to piece together.
I started to check my full body for the signs that I felt were there.
I felt my head, only for my stubby arm to feel something potruding from my forehead.
I turned my head to get a glimpse of my body. But as expected, I didn't see the body of my human self. Instead, I saw the body of a horse! Equipped with what appeared to be wings, and a tail the same color of my hair. Biting my lip, I lifted the arm and moved the wing, only to catch sight of a familiar picture...
I rolled back to my former position, and then saw a bucket of water. It was a stretch, but I needed to attempt a final test. All the evidence was there, but I wanted to do one last double-check.
I lifted my stubby arm, hooked the bucket, and knocked it over. The water seeped under my arms. It was uncomfortable, but I didn't care.
I leaned forward to look into the puddle.
And I saw Princess Cadance from My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic staring right back at me!
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Not a bad start let's see were this goes
Shouldn’t Baba Orielly be playing at the start?
your - something that belongs to you
you're - you are
Does wondering belong to me or am I wondering something?
No need to explain what a brony is on an MLP fanfiction site.
You accidentally started another line in the middle of this sentence.
Another common mistake here. "alot" should be 'a lot' as 'alot' isn't a word.
Will edit as I read
Conclusion:
Still a number of minor errors. Not really errors, but some bits could use better word choice to improve the fluency of your writing. I get the feel you're dead set on improving your writing skills, and are making a good effort in doing so.
Pacing is a bit fast - not quite Mach 5 as 'a lot' of stories tend to be, but still a little too quick to really grasp onto what's going on. The last bit, with the protagonist waking up and finding he's been turned into a pink horse did feel more properly paced.
i am intrigued to see what you're going to do with the horse trailer bit. Do keep these things in mind when writing your next chapter. I look forward to seeing more :)
Ok, you have me hooked. Proceed
I would strongly surest dropping the sex tag. Reading the intro about waking up in a horse trailer and seeing the sex/dark tag combo my mind immediately went to some bad places. And if I hadn’t kept reading your note would had made this a hard nope.
So far the first chapter has me interested. Fun read.
Happy endings yes
They please my mental palate
Child of love coming?
Favorited and Thumbed Up because of Transformation (My all time favorite thing ever. X3)
"Yes, yes. And when you reach the end... Stop."
10216463
Yes, we’ve figured that out
(Don’t stop though)
Hopefully he isn't forced or convinced to stay this way oo become Cadence #2. He doesn't seem much like he fits.
Well at least he wasn't aware during the transformation, hooray body horror skipping?
But who the flip stuffed him in a horse trailer while unconscious?