Duel Above the Clouds

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Nyx has challenged Princess Luna and the action is set to take place in the skies over Ponyville!

This time it’s a matter of pride …

Chapters (1)

Comments ( 3 )

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ShadeNightingale

ShadeNightingale #1 · May 12th, 2020 · · ·

A nice idea and a cute little story. It is over-written, however. We don’t really need to have their every emotion explained to us. The story also changed perspective frequently, so I wasn’t sure which character I was meant to focus on.
As I said, I do like the idea of Nyx playing games with Luna. Having her lose the game was a good choice, as well as showing that she recognized when she had made an error. She still has room to grow!
I hope you write more in the future! Just make sure you work on your prose too. Cheers!

SamSwordsman123

SamSwordsman123 #2 · Jul 10th, 2020 · · ·

I was intrigued by the idea but when I started reading there were just so many things wrong with the dialogue. You didnt put commas or periods where they were supposed to be in the quotes. That really bothered me and just instantly took me out of the story itself. You dont want to distract your readers and lose them. You need to try and make things good to keep them.

starship55