• Member Since 5th May, 2015
  • offline last seen 2 hours ago

Jarvy Jared


Just a guy learning to write, one word after another.

E

One morning, Rarity discovers a strand of gray hair in her mane. It shouldn't bother her, not really; after all, it was bound to happen at some point or another. But when she begins to see the signs of aging appearing on most of her friends, she is forced to confront a harsh truth about life, and what that means for the future.


Special thanks to my pre-readers, including:
ponybird21
TheAncientPolitzanian
MeowofyMLP
Several Discord friends


Featured:
6/7/20
6/13/20
6/21/20
6/28/20
You guys are the greatest!

Chapters (5)
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Comments ( 39 )

Hmm...Intriguing. I shall try to read when I am able, but this is interesting.

... In a world of potions, alicorn magic, and whatever effect magic itself has, is this even an issue. Age is quite literally a number

This is gonna be a good one.

10275393
I'm glad it's piqued your interest; I can only hope that the rest of the story delivers on that hope.

:moustache: ???
:duck: Yes. . . a real date?
:twilightsmile: took you long enough,
:ajbemused: That seems to be a common theme with all of us here,
:pinkiegasp: We all can have foals together at the same time, Just think of all the fun they could grow up together and Eris can send her foal sitters to Uncle Pops corn field and Ruby can burn up Raritys guest room multiple times Oh and and and .....
:flutterrage: Pinkie! That imposable!
:pinkiehappy: Discord can snap his finger.... Poof hybrids
:rainbowderp::applejackconfused::fluttercry::raritystarry::twilightoops:
:moustache: cool...

Found a spelling error in the short description, stand instead of strand.

Looking forward to reading this story later.

I am really glad I got the chance to read this! It’s a very original concept and I’ll definitely track it!

Congratulations on making ‘Featured’ by the way!

10275522

How do you know Rarity hasn't been jabbed with a Stand arrow?

10275590
Thank you! Once again I appreciate your time and effort with helping me with this! :raritywink:

Very interesting story so far.

I can't wait to read the rest. I'm a fan if story with good ending so I'm pretty sure that I will enjoy this one.

Congrats on being featured.

I plucked those irritating gray hairs for a decade. Rage, rage against the dying of the light!

This is a great story and of course we all wonder what the girls have been up to since the end of the series. There's just one tiny mistake (and please don't take this as a criticism of the story itself because it's not). The Council of Friendship meets once every moon (which I assume is a month), not annually.

Of course you may have altered this point so the changes the girls are going through will appear more dramatic, which is fine.

Overall pretty good opening, although I would like more elaborations at some certain parts.

The first part was very well written, and I really like the way it ends. However, some deeper dive into Rarity's thought when she put the gray hair away would do very well to define Rarity's emotional state at this event. As of right now, her feelings are just too vague. The readers can't really tell how she took it.

The second part though I think is where opportunities were missed a lot. In the type of nostalgia inducing story like this, you should take the time when you introduce the characters. Describe their appearances, their demeanors, make it stand out to the readers when they entered. Imprint their images on the readers. That's what the readers are waiting for with the nostalgic feeling you set up. Rarity found a gray hair. What about the others, how much had they changed? How did they look now? It would also play very nicely with Rarity's train of thought, as she was being bothered by her discovery and her focus would naturally be drawn toward her friends's appearances. You did pretty ok with Fluttershy, though it could still use a little more descriptions besides her mane. But with AJ, Rainbow and Pinkie, you rushed too much. It's really a missed opportunity to paint out Rarity's thoughts better, and tug at the readers' feelings to dig that nostalgia in even deeper.

Similarly, you focused a lot on what had happened with Fluttershy, but kind of glossed over AJ, Rainbow and Pinkie's stories. These don't need to be elaborated a lot, but a few snap shots of their life, their careers can do a whole lot to that nostalgic feeling. As it stands, the story leaves the readers quite underwhelmed.

So it seems like it's not just Rarity growing grey hair.

This could be interesting!

Facing or own mortality is never a nice experience

10284628

Facing or own mortality is never a nice experience

And then one day you find ten years have got behind you
No one told you when to run,
You missed the starting gun

(Pink Floyd - Time)

It's not growing old that we fear, it's the end. It's not leaving first that is truly terrifying, but leaving the ones we love behind or being left behind our ourselves.

:ajbemused: Ah Rares? You do know you're licking gemstones there?
:duck: Am I? It was my dear Spikey Wikeys doing...
:rainbowlaugh: Craving gems and it's her Spikeys fault!
:twilightoops: You're not pregnant are you?
:raritystarry: Celestia NO! What type of pony do you think I am?
:ajsleepy: A lonely pony Ifen you don't grab ole Spike and take him off the market!
:pinkiegasp: Spikes for sale?
:derpytongue2: I'll give you a muffin for that cute dragon!
:trixieshiftright: I'll take him! The Great and Powerful has spoken!
:unsuresweetie::scootangel::applecry: We'll give you three whatevers for him!
:coolphoto: We go! Send me zee dragons!
:flutterrage: Now Discord!
:moustache: whoa what a dream... I thought I was popular just for once.
:raritycry: Dragon babies now!
:facehoof: . . .
:moustache: Me like!

Yet another wonderful chapter! Congratulations on making ‘featured’ again! Looking forward to your next chapter!

10305651
Thank you! Without your help, this story would not have been as lovely as it's now portrayed. So, really, you deserve as much credit as me. :twilightsmile:

“Aren’t all momentous epiphanies preceded by moments of hysteria?”

I really liked this quote. You also have a wonderful knack for description, and I'm really enjoying this one. Excited to read more!

10305851
Thank you! We've got one more chapter left, but I'm glad you're enjoying the story! :raritywink:

Completed! Amazing story, an instant favorite for me! Ending was short and sweet, right to the point and in character!

I loved ‘Gracefully’ and I look forward to your next story!

10306995
Thank you! And I know I've been saying it a lot, but it bears repeating all the same: all of your help, advice, and feedback is greatly appreciated, through and through. :raritywink:

10307634
Thank you, I'm glad you enjoyed it.

Why is this story not named Gray-cefully? :pinkiecrazy:

10310634
:rainbowhuh: Hey, yeah, why wasn't this story... Huh.

Face the aging gracefully, it totally in rarity's style, nice work!

You know, part of me wondered if the entire conversation between Discord and Rarity was your original idea for the story which you then branches out from. That part was my favorite, and its was written brilliantly. It's also one of the few times in a story I've read where the two of them exclusively have a conversation. But I love when people take Discord and actually write him out to be as insightful and empathetic as you did here, he becomes an incredibly complex and enjoyable character.

Rarity's voice within her own mind was done incredibly well too. Although I'll say that parts of this felt maybe too heavy on exposition (trust me I have that problem myself a lot), the way she panicked internally about something like aging would make sense, as did the long process on acceptance of it. You also mentioned the open-endedness of the story's ending and I liked that quite a bit, although perhaps it does leave openings for maybe a couple branching off sequel one-shot sort of things where Rarity talks to Twilight about her own immortality (speaking of which I wrote about that in one of my stories Infinite), or mentions to Fluttershy how she ages. Might be worth looking into with how much you seemed to enjoy writing about this.

The story was a wonderful read, loved the idea, and this was great! :twilightsmile:

10315707
I'll admit, the second clearest scene that emerged before the first and second drafts were written, was that of Discord and Rarity talking in the middle of the night. In fact, that seemed to me the climactic moment of the story, and so, starting with discovering the gray strand, everything else naturally was leading to that conversation.

I'm glad you found it pleasing and intelligent, too. That was probably my favorite part of the story to write. It felt like I was recording a conversation that I'd just heard - it was, in that way, a true spark of dialogue. And it's interesting, too, that it is one of the few examples of a Rarity and Discord interaction. I'm surprised to not have found many stories dealing that kind of dichotomy - I figured that they are both vain, to some extent, and therefore I wondered if they wouldn't have a conversation about their sense of personal vanity at one point or another.

Writing them in this way seemed almost as natural as writing Discord and Fluttershy, without the guidance of romance involved.

Indeed, the ending was left naturally open. I couldn't think of anything more concrete than letting the possibilities speak for themselves, and I do have a few ideas about exploring the headcanons introduced in this story, but nothing concrete.

Nevertheless, thank you for your insightful comment! I'm happy you enjoyed the story.

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