• Member Since 20th Jun, 2013
  • offline last seen 6 hours ago

Alphamon_Ouryuken


"I am the Aloof Hermit, the Lord of the Empty Seat. I am the Alpha and the Omega"

Comments ( 5 )

" her nose caught the familiar scent of nose caught "

I love me the familiar scent of nose caught

"striking resemblance to the two spa points back in Ponyville"

Every good spa has at least two distinct spa points in it at all times

10211031
Thanks for catching that, my auto-correct must have acted up.

10211031
Why does reading these kind of witty responses to typos always crack me up so hard?

Great work keep it up

This is your official review from Dirty Little Secret's Dirty Little Contest!
Remember to vote in the contest's poll -- voting closes at midnight, June 6th.
And make sure to allow notifications from the contest group and/or follow Dirty Little Secret to get the full results and the awards show post on June 9th!

------ Review ------

Please keep in mind, I know I can be overly critical and negative at times. I can always find something to nitpick, even in the greatest works of literature ever written. Please don't take it personally!
-Nice use of disguised Celestia letting things be more equal between them, even though it's not really.
-The Cyan Pegasus -- lavender unicorn syndrome and improper capitalization.
-put the vile back in the basket -- it uses the correct spelling of vial, or it gets the hose again!
-this offer again." She stated -- incorrect dialog punctuation.
-Sometimes repetitive word usage.
-Could have taken more time with Dashie getting used to her new equipment.
-Sex scene was a tad rushed.
-It's a nice emotional touch that Rainbow keeps coming back to Celestia in disguise, clearly attached to her. That gives it more depth than the random prostitution encounter.

------ Scores ------

To clarify what these scores mean, check my judging rubric.
Cloppability: 85/100
Allure: 68/100
Enticement: 87/100
Immersion: 85/100
Prose Quality: 79/100
Total Score: 404/500
The more specialized scores for individual prizes, as well as the results of the community poll, will be published when the full results are announced. If this story wins any awards, there will be another post in the story comments sometime after June 9th announcing that this story has won.

Thank you for participating, and thank you for contributing to Fimfic's collection of clop!

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