- Member Since 23rd Feb, 2016
- offline last seen 4 hours ago
Mind Jack
Bee horse go bzzzzzz. Commission prices and ToS: https://www.fimfiction.net/blog/1025389/commission-prices-tos
Mind Jack
Joined 23rd Feb, 2016 ·
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This was a wonderfully funny story
I don't really know clop well, but this had me laughing a lot 
Why is it so hard to believe that Twilight is a virgin? She's like, the least likely person I can imagine to have had sex in her lifetime.
10206055
Hey now. It may take’em a bit longer to get started with it than most, but once they get a taste nerds are the biggest freaks. Kink isn’t usually the domain of the basic.
Fuck! I’m on the weird side of the internet again. But it was hilariously worth it. 🤣🤣
Now we wait for the rest....
Fun concept overall, and you worked some nice character moments in there too. I'd personally prefer to see Fluttershy less "oh god yes please I need it so bad now" but I'm probably in the minority in that regard, anyway :3
Chapters for the others would be neat!
This was both funny and quite fun. It's always the (yellow) quiet ones, isn't it?
And yes, that mirror is the perfect gimmick for a series of sequel stories/chapters featuring the rest of Virgin Six. (Well, sans Fluttershy now.
)
It might not be a romance but this is going in my Fluttershy folder. Also, if you're going to make a story involving each of the main six I cannot wait to see who you do next.
This was great, I loved the shining Cadave dynamic. I hope you plan on continuing with these
10206055
But she'd be the most well-read virgin in history.
"I read every issue of Colthouse Letters." - Twilight Sparkle
10206943
10207089
I do indeed plan on continuing them! Rarity is up next.
A...A-Always the...the quiet ones? .////.
Predictions::
Rarity: dominatrix
Pinky: food play (or not actually a virgin)
AJ: exhibitionism
Dash: surprisingly vanilla
Twilight: Shining (duh)
10208113
You got exactly one of those right. I refuse to say which one.
10208477
Not a fan?
10208563
Haven't read the story. Not bashing the story or you as an author. I just have a problem with anyone who things being a virgin is a thing they need to "fix". Boils my blood.
So is the sequel going to be titled "The Virgin Five"?
10209142
You know I hadn't considered it but that's actually a good naming scheme. Like Ten Little Monkeys. X3
Haha, this was great fun! I like that even though this was a ridiculous idea about Cadence using a magic mirror to intrude on ponies' sex lives, it was still pretty in-character for everypony involved with a few deeper moments as well. I especially appreciate that while Fluttershy is showing off the hidden kinky side we all know she has, she's still Fluttershy and thus demands more cock while hesitating to actually say the word "cock". That whole character dynamic made this ten times better.
And some of these lines you came up with too. "I call him Polish, because he likes to get all over Shining Armor." Dear god.
Can't wait for the other five!
Moonwalks back to the safe stories
10209399
Good luck! I hope you find something you enjoy. ^^
10209434
Thank you kind writer!
It did make me laugh, but then it became... Predictable.
10209892
Predictable how? I'm always open to feedback and looking to improve. ^^
10210052
Jumping right to the sex and futanari. I've just seen way too many fics like that. I suppose I'm just jaded, as it's more a matter of taste rather than skill. You have skill, so don't take this the wrong way. It's not a bad fic. I've just seen a lot of fics pretty much like this, when you could have played with it a bit more. Have Cadence decide to enlist the help of other ponies to fulfill the de-virgining, and maybe try some more unexpected fetishes. Maybe Fluttershy has other fetishes to explore, and thus Cadence needs to take more steps towards getting Fluttershy to that point of full on sex. But that's just my opinion.
10210063
I did consider doing this, but I decided that, in a clopfic contest with a 10k word limit, I really didn't want to cram too much unnecessary stuff in and risk both going over the word limit and grinding down the pacing. I also knew the contest would likely prefer not having an unbalance of clop and setup. But I understand and respect your point of view. Thank you for commenting. :)
10210072
Ah, fair enough. Again, it's more just a matter of taste so there's nothing inherently wrong with the story. And as a contest submission it is acceptable. But if you choose to expand upon it in the future, you should take the opportunity to really explore the idea and expand on it further.
10210078
I definitely will. I have tons of ideas for future entries in the series, including more characters than just Cadence, Shining, and whoever Cadence is trying to get laid. X3
I know it's just me, so my opinions and tastes can't really amount to anything. But I read stories like this, and I can't help but wish that, sometimes, our expectations are subverted and the one who's intended to be the recipient of whatever sexytimes are going to ensue, have no interest in what's going to ensue and quickly extract themselves from the situation.
I like stories where the characters have to deal with inner turmoil and wrestle with a desire for sexytimes, and a sense of wanting to be anywhere else in the world but there. Characters who're so reluctant that they won't even admit to themselves what they're interested in, for fear of discovering what the want. Like if all Fluttershy could do was tremble while holding the mirror, unable to even get a peep out to ask it the question.
But then again that's just me.
This is your official review from Dirty Little Secret's Dirty Little Contest!
Remember to vote in the contest's poll -- voting closes at midnight, June 6th.
And make sure to allow notifications from the contest group and/or follow Dirty Little Secret to get the full results and the awards show post on June 9th!
------ Review ------
Please keep in mind, I know I can be overly critical and negative at times. I can always find something to nitpick, even in the greatest works of literature ever written. Please don't take it personally!
-The bit with Angel Bunny was great -- it’s really cute to think of the Princess of Love helping to set him up, too.
-I laughed at the eggplant potion, and the ‘pussy-eating grin’ was also a great moment.
-Not sure if the character voices ring totally true -- things like Cadance saying ‘wanna’. But Fluttershy’s adorableness is on-point.
-The sex scene was great, maybe a bit fast at times.
-Seemed like it skipped over quite a lot during the night that I wish the story had covered.
-The Moneybags part is kind of pushing the no OC rule, but he’s not that major of a character in this story, so it can slide.
-"I call him Polish, because he likes to get all over Shining Armor." -- both times I read this, I thought she was making a joke about it being from Poland at first. Probably something about Polish sausage.
-I love the mischievous cupid Cadance, and you did a great job pairing her with Shining Armor as the straight man.
------ Scores ------
To clarify what these scores mean, check my judging rubric.
Cloppability: 85/100
Allure: 70/100
Enticement: 85/100
Immersion: 80/100
Prose Quality: 90/100
Total Score: 410/500
The more specialized scores for individual prizes, as well as the results of the community poll, will be published when the full results are announced. If this story wins any awards, there will be another post in the story comments sometime after June 9th announcing that this story has won.
Thank you for participating, and thank you for contributing to Fimfic's collection of clop!
10239384
Thank you! Glad you got some enjoyment out of it.
The polish joke was intended to be about polishing armor to make it shine. Funny enough, one of my editors is from Poland.