This story is a sequel to To Try For the Sun
The young alicorn Celestia leads and ponies follow, fleeing south from their frozen lands.
Luna is not respected, not mighty like her sister. She can only watch Celestia slowly crumble from ceaseless labor, and the caravan rot with animosity and fear.
She needs to help, yet no one will listen.
She needs power.
(Same universe as To Try for the Sun, reading one is not necessary for the other.)
(Now with a Spanish translation here, courtesy of SPANIARD KIWI)
Chapters (1)
Finally, a sequel. And a damn good one.
That was nicely dark, beleiveable, and didn't overstay its welcome at all. Really rather perfectly told. Excellent job.
Oh, Luna...
A damn good sequel to a great one shot.
Excellent! One thing confuses me: was the Moon moving on it's own at this time?
Very enjoyable. You did a good job showing Luna's mixed motivations for seeking power (she tells herself it's purely an altruistic shouldering of a terrible burden, but she's equally just desperate for authority/love). Only the ending seems a bit rushed and could have perhaps have used something about Luna realizing the real consequences of her powergrab.
I also like the contrast of Luna here and Celestia from Try for the Sun. Celestia willingly attemted what she thought was certain death. Luna siezed power at much less direct risk to herself.
Excellent, though I expected no less. The extra bits of worldbuilding with the three tribes, how their bickering and infighting was both irritating but perfectly logical from a long-oppressed and segragated population, was especially enjoyable and well thought out.
This slips in very smoothly in between To Try for the Sun and Wayward Sun, too, whether or not doing so was your intention.
Fascinating story you've spun, here, and now I have to go read the other one you mentioned. I love the way you explain how she got her powers in detail, down to the star at the base of her horn. And the idea that the nightmares have tricked her... chilling. Love may sour so easily. Excellent story!
And meanwhile, in the devastated Flutter Valley, the last defense of the Flutterponies finally falls and the survivors flee the flocks of Windigoes, pursued into the mountains, where a young princess is contacted by a smooth-talking interdimensional demon who exchanges entry into their world for a chance for the Flutterponies to have revenge upon the Tribes who'd abandoned them. A new form, immune to the cold, with magic unlike any other creature's, and of their many emergent hollows, one they all share is where their hearts once beat... a hole that can only be filled if they learn to love unconditionally once more.
There are a number of stories with these themes that are quite complementary. If they were all combined, they'd make one heck of a prequel series, filling in virtually all the gaps and plotholes in the backstories of all the historical characters and villains.
"There is a place... terrifying to us... to mares. It is said that the Kwisatz Ponyrac will be able to go there."
And so, Alondro drank the bile of a young Tatzlwurm and the Sleeper awoke and drove away the Nightmares with his awesomesauceness.
His eyes become, like, really really blue... and his mane turned blonde... and he also became a Super Alicorniyan, because we need to crossover ALL THE THINGS!!
... seriously, why has no one made a "Dune" parody crossover yet? I can't do it, I'm wayyyy too lazy for that.
Hmm, and while I'm on a binge, when the EoH show up they're simultaneously the Infinity Stone, and the 6 segments of the Key to Time, and Doctor Whooves must battle Grogar who's now Pony Thanos for them. ALL THE CROSSOVERS!!
not bad. I dislike that feeling that Luna's corruption was inevitable though
This story makes me feel chills, even while it is burning outside. Beautiful.
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Um... real-quick headcanon that it was another heavenly body the unicorns (and now Celestia) could move, just generally ignored because ya-know sun. They and later Celestia used it as the world's nightlight, and now Luna takes over with her impressive magic in order to maintain her lie of being the moon's chosen one.
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I am really happy that came across.
Luna being an imperfect hero was something I really wanted to drive home, without clearly siding one way or another as to whether she did the "right" thing.
"Who is to say this isn’t my destiny, to finally, finally share Celestia’s burden? To be the Moon to her Sun, to stand as her equal?”
In an initial cut that was removed for being too "Telly," her teacher notes that these are very different things...
At any rate, I'm glad you enjoyed.
If one follows the 'The Dark is the Light' metaphor, and given that Light is rather directly Life, then Luna having drunk the aspect of Death explains much.
After all, it's something the living naturally fear, yet respect. Tremble, yet bow. They do not love, but they cannot help but obey.
And Death demands, and takes, without remorse or mercy. It is hungry, horrible, monstrous and inhuman - and fully unleashed upon the world would consume life until death dies from having nothing else to practice its craft upon.
Or at least, that's the parse I am getting, and also why Luna's power is stolen, because it was not meant to mix with the realm of life so readily.
Fortunately, after a thousand year long meditation break or so, she finds balance
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I interpreted it differently. Luna here isn't Celestia's balancing opposite as she is usually depicted. She's not tied to the moon if I understand the author's comments correctly. She and Celestia aren't the same thing, the alicorn aspect is just what she is comfortable with.
She seems to have made some deal with some unknowable cosmic power of night/dreams/unconcious/the Warp in exchange for power outwardly comparable to her sister.
If I were to read in the classic Faustian narrative I would say her "teacher" deliberately offered her a first taste knowing that she is far too desperate to refuse, but also wanting her to take the power entirely of her own free will.
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Right, I am saying Luna isnt the Princess of the Moon to Celestia's Sun.
Celestia is the Princess of Life - the waking world of light and laughter.
Luna is the Princess of Death - the dreaming world of demons and darkness.
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I still think thats too directly parallel. If celestia is an apple then luna is a lawn chair someone has painted red and taped a stem to.
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I think Luna deserves better than that
This explains perfectly how Luna became what she became. It's so sad
Great story, as the previous one
This reminded me strongly of a scene from In The Mouth of Madness.
Anyway, the story is excellent as usual. I wonder if Luna came clean to her sister some point after her time as NMM in this setting. It would make an episode like Between Dark and Dawn way more impactful.
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I think Celestia and Luna both deserve better than that.
I get what the story is going for but it doesn’t work. The same way it doesn’t matter if Luna gives Celestia back rubs or pleasant dreams, It doesn’t matter if she becomes an Alicorn or the Nightmare. It’s all background noise to Celestia refusing to put her hoof down.
Whelp, I finally got around to this one. I'm absolutely thrilled that it was longer than the predecessor, which means there was far more to bite into. The way the style unfolded was very nice, I always really dig when you go for the more mythic prose that was present in Wayward Sun especially. The abstract nature of the demons (many mouths, eyes, and so on) was probably intended to come across as far more sinister, but either it's my affinity for them or the implication that they're more of a primal divide than a truly malicious force. (I'm mostly going off of the title and the dialogue there, which is dependant on how trustworthy you intended the Nightmares/Teacher to be.) I ended up being reminded way more of ophanim if they were made out to be just a bit creepier.
Watching a literal child trying to navigate an older society and more prolonged, fascinating assimilation into the Equestria in the show was a major highlight, but I think it detracted from the characterization of Luna herself at times. In To Try for the Sun Celestia is mostly examined alone, which is really effective in building a personal ascension narrative. Having Luna go from a supporting character to only really seen in the context of how she interacts with the Nightmares to with politics and her sister makes her identity feel too dependent on external factors (and not necessarily in a way I thought was deliberate?). She's more scheming and determined than Celestia, but the actual process of showing Luna really deliberate making a deal with the
devilNightmares for her own sake isn't shown as much as Celestia's personal deliberations.With that said, I felt the two biggest issues with this story were the oversight of the moon and how it could hold up in the present day and how well they fit together. More than that, why does Celestia believe her at all? Yes, she's idealistic to the fault that she is willing to work herself damn near to death trying to sustain these ponies, but the actual exchange was solely told, despite being a key plot point. That just felt like a loss. The other has to do with the... relative asymmetry of the stories? This is a good continuation, but one that feels like it sets the stage between To Try for the Sun as a stand-alone piece and possible, larger pieces. It doesn't feel complete in of itself despite the tease of "and then Nightmare Moon happened" as the ending note and the nature of just how Luna's ascension is different from Celestia's doesn't get the kind of fleshing out it could when their drastically different sources and methods open the question of where the limit with these things would be. What and how can't somepony ascend if the process is as vague and varied in how it happens? Would one be more powerful than the other? If so, how? Without a standard, is Luna's really as illegitimate as the story's tone tries to impress upon the reader?
Though, I have to know: is burrowing derived from any already existing practices? I haven't seen anybody incorporate that as a way for ponies to live, and the lack of it being a purely war-time occurrence makes me think that WW1 trenches weren't their source of inspiration.
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Thanks for reading! And even the criticism - I've never written a story quite like this before and it's good to know what landed and what didn't.
They are definitely two different stories - this is more the same timeline than a true sequel. I hemmed between actually tagging it a sequel, but ended up going through because 1) the first story provided good setup for how bitterly divided the races were, and 2) I liked the idea of highlighting the difference between Celestia's rather more fated rise and Luna's darker turn.
I'm a victim of my own preferences. I really, really enjoy takes on the alicorns being fundamentally different from one another. It explains their difference in abilities, and for me is really neat worldbuilding to see how different ponies took different roads to the same place.
It just seemed like an earth pony kinda thing.
Especially in a world where one of their rival races can fly.
(emphasis added)
Love it, love it, love it! That there is some dam' fine backformation smithing! Bravo!