• Member Since 18th Apr, 2012
  • offline last seen 3 hours ago

Jade Ring

Dashing and daring, courageous and caring. Faithful and friendly with stories to share...

Comments ( 6 )

Curiosity dictates I ask if the chapter name is a reference to later versions of Kings Quest VI.

You seem so far away...
And I just need to hear your voice...

Given that my own Rarity-Celestia entry for the contest is going to have to wait (since it's already approaching the wordcount limit and I'm only just getting rolling), this gets my full approval in its stead. :raritywink:

月の悪夢 A clever name for the Sorceress. Cosplay will never go out of style.

This is your official review from Dirty Little Secret's Dirty Little Contest!
Remember to vote in the contest's poll -- voting closes at midnight, June 6th.
And make sure to allow notifications from the contest group and/or follow Dirty Little Secret to get the full results and the awards show post on June 9th!

------ Review ------

Please keep in mind, I know I can be overly critical and negative at times. I can always find something to nitpick, even in the greatest works of literature ever written. Please don't take it personally!
-Steamy and confident.
-Repetitive 'she' sentences in 1st paragraph.
-Characterization a tad weak, necessitated because they're roleplaing almost the whole time, missed getting much sense of what their real relationship was like.
-your hoof and not my own.” She whispered. if it is to your liking.” She managed between licks. my lady.” Rarity whispered hotly. -- incorrect dialog punctuation.
-Very sweet and endearing.
-I liked how the roleplaying context took some things that would otherwise be cringeworthy fit and actually work.

------ Scores ------

To clarify what these scores mean, check my judging rubric.
Cloppability: 89/100
Allure: 79/100
Enticement: 80/100
Immersion: 94/100
Prose Quality: 87/100
Total Score: 429/500
The more specialized scores for individual prizes, as well as the results of the community poll, will be published when the full results are announced. If this story wins any awards, there will be another post in the story comments sometime after June 9th announcing that this story has won.

Thank you for participating, and thank you for contributing to Fimfic's collection of clop!

The cover art is beautiful. I hope it wins the accompanying reward.

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