• Published 19th Apr 2020
  • 9,556 Views, 36 Comments

Deer Tales - Uh-hmmm

It is not every day that you learn that a monster of legend is real, let alone friends with Rarity. If she had heard of the old stories, perhaps she would be more cautious. Or more daring. (RGRE) {Has first and second person versions}

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First Person Version

I am Anon, eating a salad with all the fixings. It's one of the tastier things I can get at Flower Bed and Breakfast, and the view from the balcony is nice. The ground is a riot of colors, flowers blooming in every color of the rainbow, surrounded by high walls to keep ponies from grazing. The door to the balcony opens, and I hear a familiar voice.

"-recommend the lemon and lily parfait, it is simply to die for."

I turn to find Rarity leading two snooty looking deer, the buck trailing behind the doe. The buck sneers when he sees me.

"What is this, a malformed Minotaur?"

The doe frowns. Rarity turns on them, lifting her chin and speaking in a frosty voice.

"That is Anonymous, a good friend of mine, and I shall thank you to take back your words, Nether Meadow."

The buck scrunches, and the doe sighs.

"I apologize, Anonymous. My brother has led a very sheltered life. I am Hidden Valley, by the way."

I nod politely.

"Nice to meet you. I'm a human, to answer his question."

Nether sniffs.

"From the old tales? I doubt it."

Hidden licks her lips.

"Could you show me your teeth?"

I grin, flashing my pearly whites.

"How's that?"

She shudders, her cheeks reddening.

"Ah, thank you, that proves it. I apologize once again for my brother's behavior."

I wave dismissively and start to stand up.

"You're fine, but I do think I'll take the rest of my meal to go. See you around, Rarity, Hidden Valley."

Rarity frowns.

"You really don't have to-"

I shake my head ruefully.

"I've got some laundry to take down before the evening rain, which is really what I ought to have been doing half an hour ago. Don't worry about me."

Rarity sighs.

"If you insist. We shall simply have to talk another time, Darling."

I am Hidden Valley, watching the human leave out of my peripheral vision. I hadn't believed the old stories, even when I had found the older manuscripts with less foal-friendly tales. But when I saw those teeth, those uncanny fingers, the way his eyes smoldered as he met my gaze...

It is a good thing that I am sitting down. Nether huffs.

"I no longer have any appetite. Let us leave, Sister."

I sit up straight, resisting the urge to give him a taste of my hooves. I love my brother, I do, but he's been nothing but a burden this entire time.

"You're right, you should go back to our room and stay out of trouble. I'll meet you there after Rarity and I have lunch."

Meadow looks between my glare and Rarity's severe expression. His ears droop and he lowers his head.

"What if he's out there, waiting?"

“Don't provoke him and you'll be fine. Now go."

He whimpers, then trots towards the door, tail flat. I rub my face, trying to ease my headache. Rarity chuckles sympathetically.

"An older sister's work is never done."

I sigh and pick up the menu.

"Doubly so if the younger is a buck. Now, what did you recommend again?"

Thankfully, Rarity warmed up to me after that. I’m almost thankful to Nether for providing some common ground to bond over.

"If you don't mind me asking, what old tales do you have about humans? Our legends are rather sparse on the subject."

I blink and swallow the spoonful of tart yogurt and lily petals.

"Well, the oldest ones talk about beings that haunt the cairns of forgotten kings, raiding into the woods for deer to prey upon, among other things."

Rarity raises an eyebrow.

"That certainly explains your brother's reaction, but you hardly seemed afraid at all."

I lick my lips nervously.

"There are other legends, but they are hardly something to share among polite company."

Rarity's eyes widen, and her polite smile morphs into a teasing grin.

"Shall we call your brother back, then?"

I laugh.

"You really want to know?"

The mare averts her gaze, feigning indifference.

"Far be it from me to pressure my new friend to tell me naughty tales about humans. I am far too well-mannered to- tell me tell me tell me!"

I giggle.

"Alright, alright. Now, these other legends talk about brave does who venture close to the black stone rivers and alabaster huts of human territory. There are many dangers there, great growling beasts that strike without warning, smaller familiars that scratch and bite. And of course, the humans that can gore a deer with a single shout."

Rarity listens with a rapt expression, and I find myself growing more comfortable with the telling.

"There were others, but the most well-known of these does was Black Forest. She was walking in the woods on the outskirts of the human territory, and smelled something delicious, sweeter than any fruit. The food was colorful and crunchy, tastier than anything she had tasted before. That's when the vines tightened around her. Before she could react, a human tied her to some trees, her hind legs spread apart. Black Forest feared for her life then, but that was not taken."

By the blush on Rarity's face, I think she knows where the story is going. I feel a little awkward about describing the next part out loud, so I just sum it up.

"The human was a male and sowed his seed in Black Forest's every hole, until she could only lay exhausted upon the ground. The human untied the vines and left her there, never to be seen again."

Rarity fans herself, blinking rapidly.

"That's a good legend."

I am rather heated myself, but I make an effort to casually resume eating my parfait.

"There are other legends, of humans, let us say, stealing a does' musk to attract bucks for his hunt. For some reason bucks don't find those stories as fascinating as does do."

Rarity smirks.

"I can't imagine why that may be. Sadly, pony legends of humans mostly involve carrying them on our backs for some reason. Hardly as exciting, outside of a certain frame of mind."

I nod sympathetically.

"That does lack a certain dangerous appeal."

As the conversation turns to less suggestive topics, I idly wonder what would happen if I were to linger around Anonymous' house. Perhaps I should bring some rope, if he doesn't happen to have any.

Comments ( 25 )

The worst part is, that I recognize that doe-hunter green, of which this story was based on.

Nice story. Keep it up.

Was it just me. When I saw the title I imagined hearing the Duck Tales theme song but replace Duck with Deer.

Don’t bring that cursed green here
I was present when it was made. You do not know the energy such things hold.


But people demand it.
What should I do?
I know. I will give a hint.

Lurk on /mlp board, or /k board.

/k/ has a healthy fascination with deer...

OH GOSH THIS WAS SO GOOD! Ahh, between the great short story writing and the sauciness, GOD this was such a fantastic read!~ I hope ya didn't mind, but I had to make a little audio reading of this!~

Audio Thong!: https://youtu.be/14amaLf6d0w

(I don't mean to offend anyone with this comment!)

Hope there is a another chapter or follow up cause this was good.

This reminds me of a short comic by the artist Loimu. I'm not going to link it, for reasons that will become abundantly clear if you decide to look it up for yourself.

Interesting story but feels like a set up to something more.

I assume there's some reference here that's flying over my head. Also, I had assumed that the second chapter would show a different take on the encounter, yet it seems to be identical save for substituting every "you" and an "I" and I do not understand why. Padding? It was already past the 1000 word mark.

You're not alone friend.

There are people who do not want to read a story in the second person point of view, so I have a version in the first person. Since the adaptation takes about 5 minutes to do, and I gain a lot of people who would otherwise not read my story, I think it's worth it.

As for the reference you're not getting, it's to several posts from 4chan's /k/ board (a place to talk about weapons and related topics) in which some people had... unconventional tactics and/or objectives when hunting deer.

I never understood why people prefer the second person over the first in vice versa. I mean its the same story in the end. Well, to each their own.

Honestly, I'm not sure what real impact the RGRE had on the story.

And judging from the comments, I'm frightened to discover what that "source" might be...

Perhaps I should bring some rope, if he doesn't happen to have any.

I'm sorry, WHAT!?
Also, sequels?

I'm upset that I missed a story about /k/ for this long, but I'm also glad that I found it.

Well done,

Its a short one, but its well done and got me interested in the world.

The Monk
“If you can't awe them with knowledge, baffle 'em with bullshit.” -Guardsman_Sparky

Perhaps I should bring some rope, if he doesn't happen to have any.

I think that bit really sells it. ;]

Wouldn't mind seeing a whole world with this sort of thing...

I wish this would continue.

I really think you should have revisited this one.

A follow up could have been fun


Almost forgot about this fic. Glad I remember it!

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