• Member Since 24th Feb, 2020
  • offline last seen Mar 21st, 2021

pentapony


If we knew each other's secrets, what comforts we should find.

Comments ( 56 )

Wow. Right there in the feels. I would certainly like to see more chapters!

Well done. This is an interesting topic to focus on, as it actually kinda makes a scary amount of sense.

I can sort of see Miss Eri (clever name btw) becoming very close friends with Anonymous. Depression is something that would be completely alien and incomprehensible to a pony. Only someone who’s seen or experienced it would understand what it does to you.

I’m rambling, but this was very well written. Good job.

Very interesting... despite the fact that I dislike 'Anons', this seems pretty good.

I Do hope this can manage to update regularly. has quite a bit of potential

Very interesting idea. I'm looking forward to reading more.

So... Does Eri have the ability to "rewind" things to a previous state?

Okay, holy shit. This is something. Haven't felt this way since I read Room 219. Both of these stories deal with very serious subject matters. Although this one isn't as heavy yet, doesn't mean it doesn't pull me in like Room 219. In fact, it does a great job with only a thousand words each chapter.

I think the only issue I have with this story is that we're both characters, instead of just being the guy who is the therapist like the description says because of it being in 2nd person. In fact, I think it would be more beneficial if Miss Eri's perspective was in third person, as if we're a viewer to her life, while a narrator that's close to her thoughts highlights each and every little improvement that she comes to embrace.

Just my thoughts though. Really enjoying the fic! Keep it up! Found an error:

"What do you do when you feel like you can't manage?"

Missed the word 'do' there.

10190337
Thanks for the feedback. I'll state this publicly so people can see: this is actually a greentext I'm currently writing for /mlp/, thought I'd make minor adjustments to turn it into a fic since I'm new here and need more stories on my profile. The story was designed to fit the greentext format (it's easy to just go >Be Anon, >Be Eri, etc.), and I really didn't expect the fic version to get attention, especially before I've even finished it.

The thing about second-person-present-tense is that you can't switch back and forth to first or third person and still retain a cohesive flow. I understand this can be confusing, having the thoughts written in second person instead of first, and the fact that you can't state what someone outside the current perspective is actually thinking. After I finish the greentext I'll give this fic some attention, because as it stands it's actually far below my personal standards for prose. Greentexts are inherently constrained by character limits, they benefit from keeping things concise. Without that limitation here I can expand each chapter to be more detailed and natural.

If you find the current state jarring already, you should know that Chapter 4 is heavy on perspective switches, but for thematic purposes. If this format is (understandably) off-putting, I'd recommend waiting until I've had some time to rewrite the tense and perspective from the ground up (and I will, after I finish the green).

Thanks for all the support.

I'm really liking this so far. I was so disappointed when I hit hit the end, got a bit lost reading it.

Looking forward to the future of this!

That last part reminds me of a conversation I had with someone once. He equated waifus to spiritual living. She acts as a guide, always motivating you to do better in your life. Motivating you to walk to your destination when your car breaks down in the rain, to get you out of bed even when you just want to stay and avoid the world, to encourage you to finish that project you've always wanted to do. She is always there, smiling down on you, and you want to make her proud.
I can only imagine how terrifying it must be to meet her in real life, and how devastated he must have been to realize that everything he believed in was nothing more than a beautiful lie.

10207895
Flash Sentry

And that's it! That's the end! Not a happy ending but not a depressing one either - it's clear that Eri and Anon got a lot to work through, but this is clearly the start of a strong and meaningful friendship that's really gonna save both their lives.

Yep!

This is the end!

No more chapters!

That Tragedy tag was so pointless!!!

I suppose a romance tag would be valid yes? :3

10210066
Yeah, I'll switch one out.

Plot Twist: Eri was a vampire all along and she's seducing Anon to become her vampire husband.

Dann that got deep quickly, great chapter

I never noticed the whole "VampAnon doesn't come inside until invited" part during my first read - that's such an amazing little detail.

That stream of consciousness in the middle was appropriately climactic.

I'm not sure I understand the thoughts at the end, though.
I'd have expected that sort of result if she'd have succumbed to her despair or something, but I was under the impression she had instead triumphed.
I hope the next chapter makes things clearer.

10213814
That's a great point. I kept it implicit. I think I expected a little too much reading between the lines than was responsible of me. The next chapter does clarify it some, but I'll go back and add a few lines to the end of this one to make the transition more sensible. Thanks.

I've been wondering this since i started reading this fic... do you have depressed and/or have you had writing lessons because not only is this story really well written and engaging, but also it seems... too... real...

Love the story.

Out of sheer curiosity, is Logic's 1-800-273-8255 gonna be one of the songs?

Wow :pinkiegasp: this is great great history and music appreciation classes all in one
:pinkiehappy:
Because there are no more stories how are tis :fluttershysad:

10214961
I won't comment on my medical history, but suffice it to say there is a lot of myself in this story. If it feels genuine, that's because it comes from a real place within me. I took a couple writing courses in high school, but that was years ago. Thank you.

10214988
I wrote this for the /emo/ thread in /mlp/. All of the songs, save for a couple, are going to fall under that general genre. Each chapter is written so the events thematically parallel the lyrics of its titular song. The songs actually tie-in heavily with the narrative, I promise they're not just filler, or a crutch to set the tone. They're ultimately optional, but if you do choose to listen, it shines some insight on the character's thoughts. There are a lot songs that I would have liked to use, but with ten chapters to work with, many of them did not make the cut.

The way this story is going, I'm predicting that it'll end in a double-suicide
Yes, I know I'm a horrible person

I heard that it was ice that was a good replacement of cutting.

I thought you said his love was Flash Century, but they are talking about a mare.

I registered just to comment my love for this story. I truly do hope to see much more from you in the future. I will say tho i kinda wish the (amazing) song choice was at the start of the chapters because each one fits its chapter perfectly.

Fucking good this story is hmmmmm

So...They both killed themselves of did Eri become a therapist? I am confused.

10220891
I think.....one of the endings is fake. Forced

Comment posted by ComradeCheese deleted May 7th, 2020

Well... I don't know what to say about the double ending. I have seen it before in a theater play the name of which I don't remember: in a similar fashion.
I will however say that looking at the second ending, remembering Trouble Shoes and some headcannon shenanigans I am convinced that Cutie Marks are the root of all things cruel and wicked. Praise Starlight and smile!

10220938
Up to the reader would be my opinion, but judging by the author note at the end of the epilogue chapter.......well....

If there's a silver lining in this, it's that I finally got a prediction right :trollestia:

10220938
The first ending is fake, take another look at the footnote in the last chapter.

10220960
Awe... I was feeling good about the epilogue.

So that ending part (as of this chapter this is written on) totally shot Metallica's sad but true into my head granted not a prefect song that goes with the red text but that's what came to mind. Also damn spooky stuff

Hm... nah, the last chapter was the ending, because the CMC are a thing and Eri used what she learned from Anon's example and came back, insisted herself in his life like he did her, saved him like he did her. Because that's what can happen sometimes, too. It's not a definite but neither is the dooming of their relationship.

10216941
Well done. Here come the test results: You are a horrible person.
I'm serious, that's what is says:A horrible person. we weren't even testing for that.

Okay it's been a while since I read this but I just have to praise the poem.

It's probably where most of the fic revolves around and honestly was my favourite part besides the ending.

Did you write it yourself?

10295530
It was something I'd written years ago.

Спасибо за это произведение, плохой конец грустный, но он идеальный. Спасибо

Yeah. . . This was the kind of story I was looking for right now. Well written.

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