Booze, loneliness, and a grumpy drinking partner... A typical Friday night for Delta Vee, but a strange potion, and a failed attempt at flirting sends Delta home alone packing some new equipment... where her daughter has shown up on her doorstep!
I had several comments I lost from when I reading this last night. I can sum them up by saying, Delta is a liability rather than an asset and while technically you've been achieving much, my subjective dislike of this OC is a constant drag on this work as a whole. Really, the up-close limited narrator as a whole has a tendency of wearing me down over long periods of time during constant sex but that's a comment for another day. Time to find where I left off...
Speaking of, Delta could now smell her daughter’s pungent arousal, as she laid a kiss on the underside of her left tat,
You mean her cutie-mark? I dunno what else this could mean.
She didn’t think the filly shaved… she just hadn’t grown it in yet.
‘Celestia’s teats Apogee is young to be doing this.’
Something-something 13 years old. Add a comma after 'teats'.
But it was like a cargo-container ship steaming into port,
You're going to take this Chinese-made shit and you're going to like it, Apogee! UMPH! UMPH! UMPH!
“Mmmn!” She certainly was vocal, and antsy. Each little movement was met with some moan and shifting of her body, writhing like she couldn’t stand still under the pleasure. Very cute.
Show and tell. I will decide if it's cute if you show me something cute. (smacks your knuckles with a ruler) Bad Cloppy!
Delta brushed her lips back and forth on Apogee’s clit a few more times, making sure to mix her own saliva in with the filly-cum already gushing about Apogee’s sex, ensuring a thorough coating of the delicate pleasure center… and eliciting more of those cute whines that were like music to her ears.
Metaphors are generally stronger than similes. I'm baffled by your decision to use the word "like" here but if I had to guess, it's a writing tic of yours. I'd delete it and let the paragraph stand on its own.
If Delta knew anything from her own masturbatory explorations of her body, and the kid was anything like her… there would be a super-sensitive spot just on the underside of her clit. One that required more… aggressive actions.
How the hell do you know so much about erogenous zones? You're exacting anatomical detail is unsurpassed!
I suppose you could just be making all this up and if you are, bravo sir! You sound like you actually know what you're talking about.
Delta took hold of her daughter’s athletic teenaged thighs, pulling her face deep into Apogee’s cleft, extended her tongue… and dug it in between the protruding clit and the flesh of her vagina, slipping her tongue like a spear to the extremely hidden spot where clit met body.
I fucking hate having to describe cunnilingus. It's like having to eat brussels sprouts, take my medicine and get fucked in the ass with a rake all at the same time. But dammit if you don't have to do it when writing clopfiction involving at least one female. Those ponies are just so scrumptious you can't help but have a munch!
All this is to say, it looks like work when you do it too.
“Ah ah AH! M-MOM… MOMMA! I’M…Mnnnnnghhhh!!!” Her filly got loud when she came.
You don't need to add a said tag to everything, me boyo.
muff dive.
I think this is going to be my last chapter of this. *Yawn* Turns out when you take the most boring sex scenario possible and add tons of effort into it you get a super-long, repetitive scene. Don't get me wrong, you're trying your ass off, it's just not... enough.
I'm done.
Maybe calling this story is favorite is a bit much. It's more than earned an upvote but for the bitter, unlikable character of Delta Vee and the plain-vanilla sex, it just can't hold my attention. Hopefully, my comment will still be of some help and of course, it's not unerring praise so there's that.
Cunnilingus has always been a tough one to m, an my goal with this fic was to try it out a bit more than I usually would.
I do have some readers who LOVE the tongue work, and asked me to do more f it (even to the extent of dedicating an entire story to it!).
Thanks again for the comments! I'm excited for whatever story you pick next (if you really aren't gonna stick around for the more penetrative cool coming shortly).
Fuck yeah ♡ Love to read this kink. What is more ego boost than bring your mate to the peak and hear em 'sing'
Your story are the best clops.
Ze Grammar Nazi Group has spotted a mistake!
=======•=======G=======•=======
Either there is something missing or it's an extra.
=======•=======G=======•=======
Oh poor Delta, if only she kNEW
Good chapter.
I had several comments I lost from when I reading this last night. I can sum them up by saying, Delta is a liability rather than an asset and while technically you've been achieving much, my subjective dislike of this OC is a constant drag on this work as a whole. Really, the up-close limited narrator as a whole has a tendency of wearing me down over long periods of time during constant sex but that's a comment for another day. Time to find where I left off...
You mean her cutie-mark? I dunno what else this could mean.
Something-something 13 years old. Add a comma after 'teats'.
You're going to take this Chinese-made shit and you're going to like it, Apogee! UMPH! UMPH! UMPH!
Show and tell. I will decide if it's cute if you show me something cute. (smacks your knuckles with a ruler) Bad Cloppy!
Metaphors are generally stronger than similes. I'm baffled by your decision to use the word "like" here but if I had to guess, it's a writing tic of yours. I'd delete it and let the paragraph stand on its own.
How the hell do you know so much about erogenous zones? You're exacting anatomical detail is unsurpassed!
I suppose you could just be making all this up and if you are, bravo sir! You sound like you actually know what you're talking about.
I fucking hate having to describe cunnilingus. It's like having to eat brussels sprouts, take my medicine and get fucked in the ass with a rake all at the same time. But dammit if you don't have to do it when writing clopfiction involving at least one female. Those ponies are just so scrumptious you can't help but have a munch!
All this is to say, it looks like work when you do it too.
You don't need to add a said tag to everything, me boyo.
I think this is going to be my last chapter of this. *Yawn* Turns out when you take the most boring sex scenario possible and add tons of effort into it you get a super-long, repetitive scene. Don't get me wrong, you're trying your ass off, it's just not... enough.
I'm done.
Maybe calling this story is favorite is a bit much. It's more than earned an upvote but for the bitter, unlikable character of Delta Vee and the plain-vanilla sex, it just can't hold my attention. Hopefully, my comment will still be of some help and of course, it's not unerring praise so there's that.
Needs more ear sex.
10345720
Lol, no worries my man.
Cunnilingus has always been a tough one to m, an my goal with this fic was to try it out a bit more than I usually would.
I do have some readers who LOVE the tongue work, and asked me to do more f it (even to the extent of dedicating an entire story to it!).
Thanks again for the comments! I'm excited for whatever story you pick next (if you really aren't gonna stick around for the more penetrative cool coming shortly).