Dinner with the In Laws

by SamuelK28

Dinner

Author's Note:

Please be aware I'm sick to death of tragedy, and drama. This site needs more comedy fics and longer ones especially in the current climate. I'm not a writer and will never pretend to be one, my editing this time around consisted of one quick skim over. This is designed to give people a laugh and a smile and if I manage that with one person, I'll be happy. Now that's over enjoy the craziness!

Twilight sat at the head of a long dining table. To her left sat Moonlight and her parents whilst to her right resided Berry, Tempest, Rainbow Dash and Applejack. After the late finish of their meeting she'd offered to all of her friends the option of staying for dinner. Rarity though had made plans to meet Coco in Manehattan ahead of Manehattan's fashion week, one of the biggest events in Equestria's fashion calendar apparently. Fluttershy had stated that although she trusted Discord and Dr Fauna, it wouldn't be fair on them or the animals if she didn't get back to Ponyville as soon as possible. Pinkie Pie had decided to accompany her, stating it would be 'totally uncool' of her to let Fluttershy make the trip alone. With the new Wonderbolts season still a month or so away Dash had persuaded Applejack to stay the night, insisting that Big Mac could handle the farm for another day.

*
30 minutes previously

"Rainbow, it seems awfully inconsiderate of us to intrude on Twilight's personal time like this." Applejack enquired as the two mares trotted a little way behind the main party towards the dining hall. "What are you up to and don't you dare lie to me."

Rainbow sighed and looked deep into her marefriend's emerald eyes as they continued trotting. "Look, I know I'm not the brightest tool in the shed, but even I can clearly see Sweet Apple Acres is built on a tightrope AJ. We are coming out of a second tough winter on the trot and both times."

"We have come out fine, I've checked and re-checked the books." Applejack interrupted.

"Maybe so, but there are now six of us under one roof during the winter months and with such bad weather outside we've been constantly getting under each others hooves. You not noticed how many late night walks Big Mac and Sugar Belle take?"

"I try not to notice."

"Look AJ, I know you love your family, but we simply can't go on like this. How long till Sugar Belle and Big Mac have a kid on the way? I want our own place and although there's not enough money solely on my Wonderbolts salary, if we could get a government loan and permission for this bar, we could easily put in a first floor flat for two and use the profits alongside my bolts money to pay back the loan. Not to far away from your family, but far enough for a little bit of freedom. That's why I wanted to stay behind, alongside finally getting some alone time with you tonight." She stared seductively at the mare trotting beside her.

"Oh" Applejack's face slowly went from orange to red before she lent over and whispered in her marefriend's ear "I love you Sugarcube."

*

Twilight sipped her drink daintily before trying to break the awkward silence that had fallen upon the room. "So, to get straight to the point, I believe there are two areas we need to discuss over dinner. Rainbow and Applejack, don't think I don't know why you really stayed on, you are still looking to strike a deal with Berry over opening a second bar in Ponyville."

"That ain't happening Twilight." Berry bluntly cut in, taking a swig from her own drink.

"Oh yeah, well how'd you like Sweet Apple Acres to stop supplying your bar with cider an apple whiskey among others?" Rainbow growled, glaring at the alicorn a couple of seats down from her.

Berry simply shrugged. "My bar would survive, but would Sweet Apple Acres?"

"Enough." Twilight took the opportunity to cut in and end this squabble before it escalated further. "We will discuss this later, right now we have a more pressing matter to deal with Berry. Our little Moonlight here in eleven months or less will need to start proper schooling and we need to discuss her options. Mum, dad, has she shown any indication as to what her special talent will be yet? I believe you said she had a gift for me?" Taking another sip of her drink.

"Hee hee, you're drinking it mumma." Moonlight cut in next to her.

"Wait, what! This is alcohol. Please tell me you haven't been turning my four year old filly into an alcoholic, I already have enough trouble with one of those." Twilight facehooved.

Rainbow Dash tried to cover her mouth with a hoof to stop her laughing once again.

Berry looked at her daughter with approval. "This is good, took me until I was at least six to make something this good. What you put in it?"

Moonlight grinned ecstatically. "I'm not totally sure, grandma Velvet just gave me some bottles and let me experiment. It just sort of happened."

"Mother, care to explain why you are letting a four year old filly mix alcoholic drinks." Twilight glared into her mothers eyes.

"I told her not to. Just because I left the liquor cabinet open one time and Moonlight got in and started mixing stuff." Night Light tried to pass the blame to his wife who in return scowled at him.

"Oh, so it was originally your fault. Now explain and give me something positive from this situation before I, I, you know what you are my parents and I can't actually do anything to you, so please just give me a good explanation. " Twilight sighed.

"Hey, there ain't nothing wrong with being a connoisseur of drinks" Berry commented.

"Yeah, so you can drug and rape ponies" Night Light muttered under his breath.

"Did you say something Blue Balls, because I'm itching to give you a shiner in return for the one you gave me at the Festival of the Two Sisters last year." Berry asked innocently.

"Berry, focus. This is neither the time nor the place to bring that up again. We are hear to discuss and determine where our daughter's future lies. Also, language in front of Moonlight. Dad, I heard what you said. One more comment like that and no dessert. I had AJ bring your favourite and unless you want Berry eating it in front of you I suggest you be quiet if you have nothing nice to say." Twilight threatened.

"Sorry love, I'll be good for the kid. Although you know firsthand being a bar owner has its perks!" Berry smiled flirtatiously before leaning over and kissing Twilight on the cheek. "Maybe we can revisit old times later tonight" she whispered in the other alicorn's ear before returning to her seat.

Twilight's wings sprang open. Most the table fell into a fit of giggles as Night Light gave Berry a death glare. Thankfully for the red faced Twilight she was saved any further embarrassment by the sound of a gong and the first course, carrot and coriander soup with ciabatta bread on the side, being brought out.

After a few minutes of the ponies tucking into their first course, including AJ staring stunned for a full minute at just how neatly Dash was eating, Twilight lowered her spoon to her bowl and asked her mother. "Now mother, explanation please."

"Of course dear. You see, as you are probably aware, nearly 90% of cutie marks and a pony's special talent is related to at least one of the parents. After the accident with the liquor cabinet, don't worry she didn't drink anything, just mixed up a lot of very good cocktails, I spent an evening going over ideas at what her special talent might be based on your talent, Berry's and a combination of the two. So far she'd shown no real interest in magic or reading up on spells such as yourself, often finding such books boring and opting to instead tear the pages out and make paper airplanes out of them." Velvet explained.

"Sacrilege, Moonlight, you should never damage literature that way. If you find a book boring just ask one of us to find you something you'd prefer to read. Some texts can be very old, rare and irreplaceable. To damage such texts would make mummy very sad. We don't want that now do we?" Twilight lectured her daughter.

Moonlight finished a spoonful of soup before replying, "no mummy, but they were really boring. That was until Grandma Velvet showed me all the ones with colourful bottles and pictures and let me make some of them. That was fun. Especially the ones that went boom or made rainbows."

Twilight coughed and spat the spoonful of soup she was consuming back into her bowl.

"Potions" Velvet blurted out before her daughter's anger could be directed at her. "I got the idea from combining Berry's ability to create drinks with your magical ability and it just popped into my head. Vaguely it's the magical equivalent of mixing drinks, with each ingredient needing to be an extremely precise amount and applied both at the right point and delicately, otherwise the potion just will not work, similar to how a drink will not taste right."

"Ingenious. It is nice to see somepony knows how difficult my job can be. So, how strong is her affinity for potions?" Berry queried.

"Very strong. I bought her a book the very next day along with some ingredients. Although she was initially skeptical, after showing her that by reading this we could make some fireworks, she gave it a go. I didn't hear a peep out of her for three hours until I went to check up on her and found a twelve foot Manticore in her place. Although I'd only provided her ingredients for a small fireworks and liquid rainbow potion, the little minx had managed to scuttle around the house and found just what she needed to transform herself. Scared me half to death, I was just thankful it was only temporary." Velvet recalled.

Moonlight chuckled. "Grandma Velvet screamed really loud".

Twilight chuckled "You remind me of myself at that age. I once teleported a book into the oven, set the whole kitchen on fire! Still, a transmogrification potion in one afternoon at four years old!!! I couldn't make one of those till I was twelve and even now I find them very tricky to pull off correctly. "

Moonlight beamed at her mother.

"Don't remind me of the kitchen incident" Velvet groaned. "You were more upset over the book than the carnage you'd caused to my kitchen. Took us a month to get it fixed. Anyway, over the past week she's been reading and experimenting more and more. Considering only around 10% or less of adult unicorns can perform Transmogrification potions, I called in a favour and had Apple Polish from the school assess her. Although her magical ability appears to be no more than average, Moonlight shows a phenomenally rare natural ability for mixing potions according to Mrs. Polish and can utilise such potions to bolster her magical ability. Even most dedicated individuals will master no more than ten to twenty complex potions over the course of their life. She'd mastered five by the end of the week, including one of Mage Meadowbrook's healing poultices."

"She's already mastered one of Meadowbrook's potions. You are just full of surprises today aren't you my filly. That is another seriously impressive feat." Twilight praised her daughter.

Moonlight's smile grew wider.

"Yes, well from mine and Mrs. Polish's observations, if nurtured correctly she could be developing her own potions before she hits her teenage years. The only question now is how do we do this. As you'll most certainly agree, the School for Gifted Unicorns is unlikely to be a suitable choice. She shows no real interest in other areas of magical studies and does not seem to have a strong enough magical ability generally to be considered either. Furthermore, as previously discussed, potion making is a rare talent that is usually only seen in zebras and as such the school would likely be limited on what they could teach her. Thus I think we'd be best looking at seeking the assistance of your zebra friend Zecora twice a week to assist Moonlight's magical development whilst I home school her a more traditional timetable during the rest of the week." Velvet laid her carefully thought out plans for Twilight to think over.

"Sounds fine to me" Berry said finishing her drink. "But you ever want me to teach her how to make a few more drinks..."

"NO" Twilight and Velvet both chorused at once.

"Okay, fine, no more showing Moonlight how to make drinks till she's older." Berry huffed.

"If I have my way it would be never, but I'm guessing with you that would be impossible, so I'll take what I can get." Twilight conceded.

"Oh Sparkie, you know me too well." Berry chuckled.

"Unfortunately, yes, yes I do." Twilight stated bluntly before turning back to her mother. "Mother that sounds like a wonderful plan. I'd love for her to have a more social school life than myself, but for now I feel the options you have provided are the best for all parties involved. I'll contact Zecora tomorrow. Right now I feel it is time for the."

"Mummy, who's Zecora?" Moonlight asked.

Twilight turned her attention back to her daughter. "She's a zebra. A very similar creature to us but with a number of different cultural beliefs and ways of living. Their magic is created through potions and poultices rather than a horn and Zecora is especially gifted in this area. She's one of my oldest friends from Ponyville and hopefully going to assist you with your new found gift."

"Ooooh, you mean I'm going to be allowed to make even more potins?" Moonlight looked like she was ready to burst.

"Potions my dear and if Zecora offers to teach you, then yes, but we will need to wait and see what her response will be. Now be a good little girl and finish your soup, the main course will be here shortly." Twilight answered just as another gong sounded and the main course, an assortment of curries, rices and other delicacies was brought out.

"Mmmm, these smell delightful Twilight. Saffron Masala's finest I presume." Night Light quipped.

"Of course. Now lets all tuck in before discussing our next topic." Twilight declared.

For a short while peace and quiet reigned on the dining hall as everypony enjoyed the delightful spread laid on by some of the finest chefs in Canterlot. Of course, it would be Rainbow Dash who would finally break the tranquility.

"So, lets get straight to the point. What will it take for you to allow us to open a bar at Sweet Apple Acres?"

"Nothing, because it isn't happening. No way am I letting any competition steal my trade right now. Berry's Bar is and shall remain the sole public house in the district of Ponyville, unless..."

"Unless what?" Applejack didn't want to ask.

"Well you see, with me traveling around a lot in recent years due to the new job, Pina has taken over the general running of the bar with some assistance from my first daughter Ruby. Although the latter's technically not old enough to run such an establishment as of yet she soon will be in the next year or so. I've already had to break up a few squabbles between them and the last thing I need is for them to be competing over each other rather than putting the bar's best interests at heart. But if they had a bar each, I feel the little bit of competition would only prove to be beneficial and profitable in the future. Obviously Sweet Apple Acres would receive more than adequate rent for providing their land and I'd even let you have use of any private dwelling incorporated into the plans. That to me sounds like more than fair." Berry rattled off.

Applejack though was not an easy mare to fool. "I don't know Sugarcube, that sounds almost to good to be true and I think we'd prefer to either do this venture ourselves or not at all."

"Fair enough, just thought I'd offer you the chance to get away from counting how many times a week your brother takes his slut of a wife out to pasture in the barn, but hey..." Berry didn't get any further. A half empty bowl of curry adorned her muzzle. A second shortly joined atop her head. Velvet glared at her husband for the latter as he looked away guiltily.

"You're lucky there's a filly present. No one and I mean no one insults mah family, yah hear. You're lucky I don't pull our contracts after that stunt. GLUMPH". An apple pie had landed in Applejack's face. An unmistakable mulberry horn poked out from underneath all the leftover curry.

"Oh no." Twilight groaned putting her head into her hooves as the final bell for dessert rang and trays upon trays laden with apple pies entered the room.

"FOOD FIGHT" Dash cried, launching towards the pies.

In a matter of moments the whole room had fallen into what could only be described as carnage. Tempest had hastily flipped a table and dragged her sister behind it as a barrage of pies and left over curry hurtled towards their location.

"Sister, give me one good reason, asides from being family, that I shouldn't just hand you over to the pissed off farm mare right now." Tempest barked.

"Would 'she's a stuck up bitch' or 'I'm drunk' suffice?" Berry asked.

"No."

"Okay, you got me. I was bored and it is just so easy and fun to rile Applejack up. She is also a bit of a stuck up bitch. We'll have our fun, then make peace and go over a deal tomorrow. I'll probably offer her some extra incentive or something to say sorry." Berry admitted, briefly exposing herself to lob a Pie at the orange earth pony. "Also, Twilight's father is a complete cock who deserves a pie in the face."

"I hate you so much." Tempest lamented, dodging out of cover for a moment to hurl naan breads at their attackers.

Meanwhile, Twilight simply sat at the head of the table they were previously eating off, head buried in her hooves whilst bits of pie, curry and who knows what entangled in her mane. "Now I remember why I don't invite Berry to any dinners." She mumbled as another pie flew past.

"Oh cheer up dear, it isn't all bad. Night Light is certainly enjoying himself" Her mother's voice echoed in her ear.

"EAT PIE YOU MULBERRY HARLOT" Night Light's voice reverberated around the room.

"Oh I'm sure you'd like to eat some of my pie. That's if if your wife ever let you of your UMF." Berry's words were abruptly cut off by an almost direct hit from the opposition.

Twilight slowly lifted her head off the dinner table and looked into her mother's eyes. "Is it to much to ask for just one normal dinner in this family?"

SPLAT, a pie hit her squarely between the eyes.

"That's for the kitchen, I really liked that kitchen you little book wielding terror." Velvet snickered making a dart for where Berry and Tempest were hunkered down. "Come and get me if you think you can."

Twilight wiped the pie from her face, a wide Creeplestia grin plastering her muzzle. "Oh it is on."

*

Ten minutes later and what was once one of the highlights of the castle tour was now nothing short of a war zone. A gooey, sticky war zone. Rainbow Dash hung dazed from the chandelier, whilst Tempest was frogmarching both Velvet and Berry from their table fortress.

"Traitor" they cried as Tempest pushed them in front of Applejack, Twilight and Night Light.

"What shall we do with these miscreants my queen," Tempest over elaborately knelled in front of Twilight. Just moments before, seeing how they were slowly running out of ammunition, Tempest had decided to 'get some payback on her sister' by planting a pie each in both the back of hers and Velvet's heads before dragging them outta hiding.

"Oh you have done well my loyal subject. I knew you'd never turn against me. I suggest having them pied by firing range and then forced to clean this debauchery up. Maybe if I'm kind they'll get more help than just a toothbrush each." Twilight cackled getting in on the act before arching down to her mother. "Thought you could get away with pieing me whilst my guard was down did you, let's see how you like it."

A Pie levitated itself in front of Twilight as Velvet squirmed.

"Please, have mercy. Not the pie, anything but" SPLAT. Velvet fell quiet.

"Applejack, would you like to do the honour with Berry?" Twilight inquired.

"You bet sugar. She's going to regret the day she insulted mah family." Applejack sauntered forward, taking a pie in her hooves.

"Hey, Applejack, I hope you know I didn't really" CLANG.

Everypony stared at the farm mare in shock as Berry collapsed to the floor.

"You got a good right hook Jackie." Berry applauded.

"Oops, silly me, looks like I threw the pie tin the wrong way and forgot to let go" Applejack pleaded her innocence as she leaned in and whispered in Berry's ear. "You ever insult my family again, even for a joke, nopony will ever find the body, alicorn or not. Remember that."

Berry nodded swiftly as the Earth pony moved away.

"Now I do believe we all have one hell of a mess to clear up before calling it a night. Rainbow get that fat flank of yours of the chandelier and give us a hoof." Applejack instructed.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH"

"What in tarnation was that?"

Twilight suddenly looked around frantically. "Moonlight, where's Moonlight? Anyone seen her." She was gone before anypony could reply shooting out the doors at breakneck speed. Dash, suddenly alert from the scream, shot out after her, swiftly followed by everypony else.

*

Rainbow Dash crashed into the back of a statue as she tried in vain to keep up with Twilight's mad search for her daughter. After taking several seconds to regain her bearings she realised this soft, furry plump thing she'd crashed into was actually Twilight's flank.

"Yo Twi, what's up? You found her or what?" Rainbow quizzed, suddenly noticing the alicorn's face was completely frozen in a seemingly look of perpetual shock even when she waved a hoof in front of the other mare's face. "Huh, weird." She turned as she heard hoofsteps approaching in the hall. "Hey, in here. I found Twi, but she seems.."

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH, HELP, MUMMIES HELP ME!" Moonlight cried and for the first time Dash looked up.

Three things registered simultaneously with Rainbow Dash:
1) She did not believe that hole in the wall should be there.
2) Nowhere in today's weather report did it state cloudy skies with a chance of tentacles.
3) Said tentacles were now holding Moonlight captive and attempting to pull her into some kind of glowing portal in the clouds where they were originating from.

"Oh buck. Huh Twi, looks like your daughter prefers tentacles over horns."

Comments

[Stainless Steel Fox]

"Hey, Applejack, I hope you know I didn't really" CLANG.

Everypony stared at the farm mare in shock as Berry collapsed to the floor.

Now that she had coming.

It's impressive. I've never really thought about Berry Punch until now, except possibly when I read MLP time loops. You've managed to make me hate her with a passion of a thousand suns.