Nine Millimeter Vorpal Sword

by totallynotabrony

Chapter 9

Inside the Ponyville castle, Sunburst showed Nancy a large table that appeared to be made of a single huge piece of crystal. “This is the Friendship Map. Princess Twilight and her friends used to use it to identify disharmony across Equestria. With a little tweaking, I’ve been able to use it for various magical purposes.”

“Does it also work as a table?” Nancy asked.

“It was originally the centerpiece of the room and used for meetings - a literal roundtable.” Sunburst chuckled, mostly to himself. “But the other functionality is much more interesting.”

His horn lit up, and after a moment the surface of the table flickered, a three dimensional map rising from it like a hologram. It took Nancy a moment, but she realized it must be Equestria, as it resembled the map at the train station.

“That’s cool,” she said.

“If I can make some slight adjustments to what it shows, I may be able to use it to search for alternate dimensions or take a wider view and look at the outer space surrounding this planet,” Sunburst explained. “We haven’t done anything quite to dramatic before, but Princess Twilight did manage to figure out most of the table’s functionality while she still lived here.”

“Well…” Nancy raised her magicless human hands. “Let me know if there’s anything I can do to help, I guess.”

“Hmm. Tell you what, why don’t you start with helping Starlight with dinner? Your presence might...help sooth the situation a little.” He flushed. “She can be pretty direct about things, and I did kind of surprise her with this, so you being around might remind her to take things a little more gently.”

There was no way Nancy wanted to get involved in someone else’s marriage, much less in this situation, but she also wanted to make sure Sunburst could do his work.

The castle wasn’t nearly the size of the one in Canterlot, more like the size of a very large house, and Nancy was able to follow the sound of hooves to the kitchen. Starlight Glimmer, now sockless, looked up as Nancy came in.

“Hi, um, can I help you with anything?”

It looked like Starlight was in the middle of making a salad. Without even looking at the counter, she used magic to lift an entire bundle of carrots up to a cutting board and diced them in seconds, a knife chopping down in rapid-fire like a machine gun.

“No, thank you,” Starlight said.

Nancy stood back and let her work, mildly curious to see how magic could speed up dinner. She crossed her arms and tapped her foot a little.

Starlight noticed her fidgeting. “Something on your mind?”

Nancy had been very careful with her remaining cigarettes, but had smoked her last one before getting on the train to Ponyville. Maybe withdrawal was part of it, but she also felt the awkwardness of a dead-end conversation.

Well, it couldn’t get worse, then. “Sorry if this is awkward to ask, but is there any way I could wash my clothes? It’s been almost a week and I was in the desert before that.”

Starlight’s look changed instantly. “Oh, that explains the smell. Sure, go ahead. Somehow this magic castle came with appliances.”

Until she mentioned it, Nancy hadn’t considered the thought, but in hindsight should have wondered if she was going to have to wait for her uniform to dry on a line or something. Ponies didn’t seem to be quite at the technology level of Earth.

The smell comment had caught her off guard. Ponies probably did have more sensitive noses. It was still embarrassing. Why hadn’t anyone else said anything? Did they just think it was how she normally smelled?

Starlight directed Nancy where to go, for a shower too, and gave her the okay to borrow a housecoat. The laundry room was the nicest-decorated that Nancy had ever seen, but other than that didn’t seem too unusual. She read the instructions on the detergent, stripped, and started the machine running.

The robe was, well, sized for a pony. At least that meant it wasn’t too small. Nancy wasn’t sure what to do with the things she wasn’t putting in the washing machine. None of the ponies wore shoes, most of them not even horseshoes, and the floor seemed spotless enough, so she just decided to go barefoot. She carried along her vest and weapons.

Nancy went across the hallway to the convenient bathroom. It was, other than being sized a little differently, apparently a normal bathroom. The water that came out of the shower faucet was, mercifully, warm.

She sniffed a couple of the bottles in the shower and used the one she liked the best to wash. She still didn’t relax - she hadn’t really relaxed since arriving in Equestria - but in a warm shower with no armed guards outside, this was as relaxed as she had gotten.

When she was done, Nancy found a spare towel, dried, and then put on the housecoat. Back in the dining area, Sunburst seemed to have finished up whatever he was doing and joined his wife. He seemed to have calmed her down, too. Dinner was ready, and though it was just salad, it was heavy on actual vegetables instead of just lettuce. The selection of dressing was also pretty choice.

While not everything Nancy had eaten in Equestria was to her taste, she did have to appreciate the apparent quality. Ponies seemed to have enough technology - or perhaps magic - to make food abundant, but not so much to make it mass-produced.

The three of them were nearly finished eating when suddenly there were several screams from outside.

Sunburst and Starlight jumped up. Nancy nearly fell off her chair, but got her hands around her rifle. The three of them headed for the windows at the front of the castle. Nancy could hear a faint rumbling sound.

Nancy was vaguely aware how she must look - barefoot, wet hair, too-large robe - but this was not the time to dwell on it. Out the window, she saw a few ponies running, away from an onrushing stampede of-

“Pigs?” Nancy said incredulously.

Sunburst and Starlight both relaxed. “Well, could have been worse,” Sunburst said.

“I really hope that wasn’t an accident in the school’s animal husbandry elective,” Starlight said, her tone suggesting that it was a significant possibility.

“That seems like a lot of pigs for a school,” Nancy observed.

“Well, they belong to Sweet Apple Acres, a farm outside town,” Starlight explained. “The kids just go to help out.”

“She’s being modest,” said Sunburst. “It’s also a big school. Students come from all over Equestria. She’s the principal.”

“So why do ponies raise pigs?” Nancy asked. “Are they like animals? They don’t talk, do they?”

“No, why would they?” Sunburst said. “Some ponies keep pigs to find truffles. The manure is also used in agriculture.”

Nancy decided not to ask about the possibility of carnitas.

Comments

[Admiral Stoic Rum]

Carnitas.... You made me hungry