• Member Since 19th Oct, 2015
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The Sleepless Beholder


Have you ever spent sleepless hours writing a random thought you had while in the internet? Well thats my craft

Sequels1

Comments ( 97 )

Damnit man stop making me cry

I personally would have asked...Hey moony, was that time-travel spell I found in Starswirl wing way back based on something he actually made.

Because it never hurts to ask.

I would have liked the idea that Twilight believed in Starlight and Discord so much, cared so much, they did up becoming real. Unknowingly to Nightmare Moon. :pinkiehappy:

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I believe that at the end, with all the stories she made of them with Twilight, she also saw them as real, along with all the people in the dream.

I guess you could see them as their children, so to speak.

These were a nice set of stories, nice job with them!

I will be honest: after reading the prequel to this story, I thought it was good but also a cliche "oh no it's all a dream and the world is fucked!" sort of story, complete with the "please wipe my memories, I can't take this." Still was written decently, let me make that clear.

However, I think this story, while also good, posthumously makes both stories a lot better. I think something that really makes a sad story whole is injecting moments of happiness between the sad stuff. I think showing the scenes with her having a good time with Nightmare Moon and demonstrating Twilight's goodness in personality and NM's remorse yet willingness to socialize with Twilight as well. It's the kind of sad story that makes you hope there's a Heaven waiting for them after the story ends.

I don't normally read sad stuff because it easily shakes me, but I enjoyed reading yours regardless. +Follow on you, and I look forward to seeing your future work!

Too bad there is no happy ending...

10179201

Wow, thank you for this wonderful comment :twilightsmile:.

"oh no it's all a dream and the world is fucked!" sort of story, complete with the "please wipe my memories, I can't take this."

Yeah, that's because I didn't really try to do something 'out of the norm' so to speak. It was just a thought I had and later wrote in a couple hours, and it terrified me when it suddenly became so popular.
I'm not saying it to excuse the cliché, just to give my point of view when I wrote it.
When I wrote this sequel, after seeing all the comments of the people, I wanted to make the story justice.
And for that I thought less about the background and more on what the characters would do, even if limited by all the weight of the problem.

demonstrating Twilight's goodness in personality and NM's remorse yet willingness to socialize with Twilight as well

Twilight has always, and will always be, the princess of friendship, so she would absolutely try and make everyone happy, especially the one that has suffered the most, and is more alone than anybody.
And Nightmare Moon; she was broken, more than Twilight when she knew the truth, but with Twilight's genuine friendship she finally managed to heal over time, making her open up to Twilight, be her friend, give her happiness instead of saying that all was useless, and finally, at the end, she accepted to let go of her guilt, freeing herself of her own prison.

The ending was the hardest, because I knew I couldn't pull a happy ending out of my ass without insulting the first story, and I really wanted to after writing their relationship.

It's the kind of sad story that makes you hope there's a Heaven waiting for them after the story ends

We don't really know in canon, but if there is, I can imagine Celestia waiting for her sister on the other side.

This story has been a roller-coaster of emotions, and I don’t know if I can do something like this again, but I will certainly try, and your comment made me realize some things that I didn’t see at first, so I thank you.

sorry for the rambling :twilightsheepish:

10179226
not every story in life gets one sadly

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And if there is any justice, everyone, including those in the dream world, will be there to greet Twilight as well. :pinkiehappy:

It would be nice to have Twilight go to heaven and see that her friend Starlight ended up a real pony.

Two little typos at the end:

“Please Twilight, let me put you in the dream again. Live your last moments with your friends.” I begged her, but she shook his head.

I slowly deactivated my magic, feeling the cold increase with tremendous force. The warmth in Twilight’s body started to fade form our embrace, but mine remained. My alicorn body, as weak as it was, could survive this cold, but I didn’t want it to. I forced my magic to surrender, and the cold invaded my body, until the last of its warmth faded away.

I'm not sure why you're so surprised over this story's popularity. It's a hard thing to do, making tragic stories in the MLP universe, and those few stories that succeed in doing so without coming off as too farfetched and angsty deserve applause... You're probably just amazed that you hit the jackpot without meaning to :rainbowlaugh:.

There are also two little tidbits that really make this stand out. Aside from what I mentioned above, you also go against the "evil is evil and only evil" trope. NMM here is reformed despite still being NMM. Additionally, the scene where she crowns Twilight for real just made my eyes water. How heartwarming!

So yeah, this deserves applause. It also deserves to be in many readers' Favorites Box.

10179526
If you think about the Tantabus accident in the show, I wouldn't be too crazy to suggest the dream ponies coming into reality.

10179534
Those two typos are the worst when i write, because I write them more from instinct and then i can't see if it's wrong at simple view because they are still words even if misspeled.

You're probably just amazed that you hit the jackpot without meaning to :rainbowlaugh:

You are right, but theres also the thing of; where do I go from here?

you also go against the "evil is evil and only evil" trope. NMM here is reformed despite still being NMM

I always saw her and Luna as the same pony, just that the former is more driven by emotions rather than reason, wich is what caused her own downfall in this story.
And also, can someone really remain 'evil', with a world like this?

the scene where she crowns Twilight for real just made my eyes water. How heartwarming!

That scene, and specially the ending, gave me the same effect.
Twilight's coronation was her most important achivement, and she suffered a lot when she realised she hadn't really earned it, and thats why Nightmare took the time to make it to her, as a form of thank you.
And let me tell you, she made that crown form scrath while hiding it form Twilight, and took various attempts to get it perfect.

It also deserves to be in many readers' Favorites Box

Judging from the constant number of bells in my notifications, it has reached many boxes.

Tahnks for your comment, i i'm happy you liked it :twilightsmile:.

Now this...this is what I was looking for.:twilightsmile::scootangel::scootangel:
In the previous story, it kind of rests on it's laurels with the twist of "Surprise it was all a dream".

But here the ramifications are really felt. I truly appreciate that Twilight and by extent us Readers get to make the choose to enter the "real" world. I also appreciate TWilight's little outburst about Starlight wanting a "happy ending" inspite of the fact that she is not real.

I appreciate that Twilight went on to try and even make Nightmare Moon happy. That's something the "real" Twilight would do. I also appreciate that you didn't pull out a happy ending out of your butt just to make us happy. In this way I think you found an ending that was both true to your vision and true to the characters of the show, and to be honest...it's beautiful.

I think that there is something innately human about wanting to die on our own terms.
About striving against all odds against the impossible.
I'm glad that the characters in this story learned that lesson. Even if your entire life is a dream, even if it all amounts to nothing it meant something to you and thats what makes it valuable.

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The difference form one comment to the other makes me happy.

As you said, for this sequel i concentrated more on the characters rather than the world.
Twilight is the princess of friendship, and she would do anything she can to make her friends happy, even the ones that were made for her,
And Nightmare Moon was a being created from the desire of being appreciated and cared for, and Twilight gave her just that.
They both gained hope with each other, and as you said, they left the world in their own terms, in peace.

Again, damn. But good story as well.

10179791
Im glad you painted out that you made a sequel :ajsmug:
You addressed most of my conserns so I assume either I was saying things other people were saying or...you subconciously felt the same way I did. But most importantly you acted and really made this story your own.

I do believe that their is still potential for this cold dark world. The ponies might be gone but the changelings still slumber in their cattacombs. I know you said the dragons would have perieshed as well but plate techtonics which enables volcanic activity would still be active is the sun went out. What im trying to say is that life would continue just not human...or in this case pony life.
Just food for thought

10179805
You had many questions like the ones in previous comments, and the comments made me want to follow up and refine the story since the first one was more of a random idea i had that ended up writitng later, and didn't expect to explode like this.

It is true what you say about the changelings, although now that Nightmare Moon is not controling the temperature, the cold has gone really far below 0.
but who knows, maybe the changelings manage to develop an inmunity to cold.
as you said, food for thought.

10179816
I could imagine the changelings much like cockroaches emerging from thier slumber to reclaim the world. Perhaps the world eventually begins to heat up again after thousands of years. Maybe the changelings take on the form of the former inhibitants of the surface world in their memory.

Here's a side story concept...consider it a FAn fiction of your fan fiction :ajsmug:

Eventually, Equestria is once again repopulated by species not seen on the surface in thousands of years. Dragons, Gryphons, and Ponies once again populate the land. But it is a dead world. But see the changelings live off love not food. Even more important they can "give" their love. After millennia the Changelings have been slowly revitalizing the planet. Giving their very life essence back to the planet.

Who can say how long it takes untill one group pools all their power to create a beackon of light and hope. They would call this the "Sun". The ancient celestial body predating their ancient empire known as the "Moon" and their artificail "Sun" work in harmony.

Some changelings forget about their ability to shapeshift, perminately taking on their new forms. Other changelings forget how to "give" love and revert to "stealing" love.

Countless ages pass untill one changeling(know known as the Unicorn race) asks her mentor abut the "Mare on the Moon"

Thus the cycle continues...:twilightsheepish::applejackconfused::trollestia::trollestia:

10179828

Well, if you could lower the temperature enough before the ponies in the crystals die of hunger and dehydration, you could wake them up and repopulate Equestria.

I wouldn't be too fond of the idea since it would make Twilight's and Nightmare's last moments kind of hollow since if they just waited a couple more years they could have lived, but if you want to write something after the end, I won't stop you.

10179843
It is your story this was just a kind of thought experiment. Kind of like if cockroaches became a sentient lifeform after humanity "passes".:derpytongue2:

I was trying to invoke the idea of "reincarnation" notice I said a pony much like Twilight would eventually be born :raritywink:
In some cultures, there is the idea that the world has "ended" several times but always repopulated by the "Gods".

Of course this is all metaphorical. The physical entities known as Twilight and Luna are gone...but perhaps something lives on. Maybe not even their souls...but their influence~:ajsmug: (wooo spooky :rainbowlaugh:)

Beautiful story, even as a tragedy.

The premise kind of reminds me of the anime Shelter.

“Shelters?”

“Like this castle, there are other places that host the crystals that maintain the ponies sleeping. There are hundreds of them.”

"When the sun died, our world was lost to a blanket of snow and ice. Our Princess was gone, and in her place the evil Nightmare Moon condemned us all."

"She offered us a lie, a dream world to live out the rest of our days, waiting for the inevitable day the cold finally takes us all.."

"Many took the easy way out, unable to bear the consequences of her actions.."

"But we refused. She took everything away from us, we will not stand idly by while Equestria falls to her frozen hooves."

"Celestia shall return, and with her return the sun shall be reborn."

"The city must survive. No matter the cost."

10179910
I fucking love this!

Frostpunk is one of my favorite games, and it could be a possibility. Maybe a city underground so they can maintain a little micro climate.

There is a great fic somewhere in here about the game, if you haven't seen it look for it.

i.redd.it/97ox0dlpu9l41.png

For that whole pony thing. They had a nice run.

I'd say you could do one more story with Twilight and Nightmare Moon waking up in whatever after life there is with Celestia standing ready to meet them but I think this is a fitting end to the story. This world you created was not meant to have a happy ending and there is a sense of finality to this story that is both sad and oddly satisfying.

You did very well and I'm looking forward to seeing you do bigger and better projects in the future.

10179910
Damn it, you beat me to it!

The fire fades and I am alone...

Damn, it has been a really long time since a story has made me this sad. You have done such a good job with this and I am looking forward to seeing what stories you make in the future.
I hope you have a great day! 😊👍

'Tis sad that they weren't able to properly hibernate their consciousnesses. Some time in the future their little rock may have been able to be resuscitated, but they simply didn't know it could be possible.
Oh well, their story is recorded, and that's better than most.

Man this fic was so bittersweet, so charming and pleasant in such a cold environment, though I did get a giggle when it said they indulged in shipping, cos of course they would.

I was half expecting MM to wake up and it turn out to all be another dream of Celestia’s and Twilight’s to redeem Luna since the elements only defeated her but not redeem her. But I think that may loose a lot of its grace if that turned out to be the case.

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I was half expecting MM to wake up and it turn out to all be another dream of Celestia’s and Twilight’s to redeem Luna since the elements only defeated her but not redeem her

It would be an interesting explanation, lika a 'A Christmas Carol' sort of situation.

10180161

I'd say you could do one more story...

do one more story...

one more story...

one more...

*Furious typing intensifies*

This story was amazing... So many emotions flowing perfectly through it at once.

Just... Wow.

10180303
Yeah, be interesting to see the fallout of what, see how the “real” timeline actually turned out. Like equestria isn’t as prefect at the original dream universe but it is far better then frozen wastelands.
Though like I said, if that did turn out to be the case then this ending would loose some of its bittersweet charm. Would perhaps a nice what if story.

Great work my dude, keep them coming

Just as eerie as the last one, excellent story.

How dare you write such a wonderfully sad story that hit my feels so hard.. I love/hate u so much right now

1.
Can you create "what if?" sequels?
Examples of what if:
-After a journey to visit every shelter some miracle happened and the new sun was born, or it turned out Celestia didn't die and like Phoenix rebuild her body and the sun?

-Some cosmic being stumbled on frozen Equestria and decided to help by creating a new sun from a star,etc

-After ponies death , after the next many years, new sun is born and the planet starts to unfreeze
Later changelings wake up and rebuild

The last one is interesting
Also, do Chrysalis, Pharynx, and Thorax exist?

I feel like Nightmare Moon should have left them a mental, dream message, explaining everything
Considering that they have a bigger chance of survival of the winter then ponies

2.
So only changelings and ponies survived?

And in the end, changelings will be the longest living species on Equestria , because like Nightmare Moon said, changelings, cocooned and survived by themselves before she found them

10180344
Oh, then I will make more!

Hahahaha

10180356
Maybe, in the future, or make a story with a similar premise. Someone suggested a Frostpunk style society to survive, or a return of the changelings.

If someone wants to make a what if scenario of the story I won't stop them, I would like to see what they can come up with.

10180367

Maybe for changelings there won't be Faith vs Order but their survival vs seeking other survivors from other races

10180376

I belive it would be more like this.

I know that with our technical development we cannot recreate the process of the thermonuclear reaction of the sun, but in the magical world this is theoretically possible.
4p → 4Не + 2е+ + 2νe + 2γ + Q

10180463
I think the problem would be creating it at the rigth distance.
Don't know if the ponies have the tecnology for space travel, but a sun too close would burn the planet, wich i think would be more painful.

10180480
The only way to discover the limits of the possible is to dare to take a step into the impossible.
-A. Clark
We will either find a way out or create it ourselves. Because a dead end is a good excuse to start breaking walls. :)

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