• Member Since 6th Jan, 2015
  • offline last seen 12 hours ago

Cinders of War

Even now there are only embers, and man sees not light, but only endless nights... - Dark Souls

Comments ( 12 )

Do you will continue your story. I really want know what happen to rarity and fluttershy and applejack. BTW,your story is awesome.

Thanks for taking the time to read it. What about it did you like? And I did have some ideas for a sequel, but that's if it's something people want to read.

OH my god RIP Trixie and her neck. . Wai-Wait-Wait No-NO RIP WATERMELODY. SHE GOT MERKED BY A F*$^7ing (Can't swear I am a Family Channel. Okay, Elsa Spider-Man Mickey Mouse Play-Doh Gone wrong and all that) DEMON, MONSTER, A BALD TELLATUBBY. BRUCE WILLIS A**

No but in all seriousness this was a pretty interesting story . I mean I saw some stuff that I thought had some interesting wording like "Applejack slammed her eyes opened." I don't know if slammed could be used in that context. But at the same time I'm still just trynna figure different words I can use in a story so don't take my word for it. Still this was pretty good to read

Uhh, Damn RIP to all the bois that didn't make it though.


SHE GOT MERKED BY A F*$^7ing (Can't swear I am a Family Channel. Okay, Elsa Spider-Man Mickey Mouse Play-Doh Gone wrong and all that) DEMON, MONSTER, A BALD TELLATUBBY. BRUCE WILLIS A**


Thanks for taking the time to let me know! Yeah, english is a strange language, there's always weird ways to use everything. :trollestia:

Anything I can work on to make these kinds of stories scarier? :trollestia::trollestia:

Well I think you probably know these already. But I guess

  • Build up Tension and Climax
  • Foreshadowing
  • Never use Daytime, or at least sunny time daytime. Sunny time daytime means happy rainbow time. Use pretty muggy atmospheres, if not then just full on Night which you've already done.
  • Weather Situations
  • Describing some Smells, y'know like uhh… "The Smell of that Dead Teletubbie's corpse reeked! That Fat Bastard LALA!" (That being said Bastard has not been proven to be a swear wordwell maybe it is but I'm too lazy to do a background check So I'm basically still keeping that kid friendly channel vibe)
  • I guess to capitalize on each characters fear. (But yo there's this nice story called "THAT made by this one guy. His name is Cinders of War. I mean it's pretty much a perfect example I suggest you check it out right Here

Uhh...yeah that's kind of it from me

Haha, thanks for this feedback. Yeah! Weather and smell, that’s a good idea. I’ll be sure to try these out the next horror story.
As for swear words, it depends how you use the word. Using it to refer to an illegitimate son, well, yeah, but just calling someone that, I guess it counts? Haha. And hahaha, glad you really like That! Perhaps I should try to come out with more ideas and continue That, since Flame of Disparity is done.

Thanks so much for taking the time to read this! I guess I know what I’ll try to work on next!

I liked it. Reminds me of a Wendigo, a creature that is like a man, and yet clearly not. Something was traded, exchanged...sanity and soul for strength and the ability to survive. To persist, despite what may come. It's not bad at all, and I've seen far worse horror showings, so to speak.

Thanks a bunch for taking the time to comment. If I may ask, what points can I improve on? Still trainin' up on my horror style.

Couldn't say I rightly know for sure. More of a reader instead of a writer, heh. I found the beats of what was going on to be good, and the clear struggle that was had by those who survived was obvious. Maybe a little more heartbreak as to those lost, but that's just personal musings, and I can see why that in particular wouldn't work in this story, especially with the eventual outcome of things. I still liked it overall, and encourage you to keep at your craft while I read some of your other stories! :eeyup:

Are you gonna continue this story.

Perhaps if I could come up with something decent, there could be a part two. That'll be a new story, I guess. This one's done it's job.

i hope you will continue this story

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