• Member Since 30th Apr, 2014
  • offline last seen Yesterday

Hichigo


"We might know we can't win, but we're dumb enough to try".

Comments ( 75 )

Currently working on the next chapter! It's gunna be atleast 6,000 words.

Too bad the only chance of a portal popping into my room would be a 0.000000.1 chance within a billion factors to consi-

https://arxiv.org/pdf/1712.08465 On the quantum "self teleportation" of a human body

"Sorry, I didn't mean to swear, it just happens sometimes, and no I do not have Tourettes either. I'll try my best to curb my language from now on haha." I said whilst rubbing the back of my neck awkwardly.

What's up with the mention of tourettes?

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Mostly because my friends in College would notice I swore after every sentence not knowing myself that I do, they use to say I had it, even though Tourettes is something entirely different to just swearing all the time. It got me in trouble with my tutor a few times, I'd be mid-sentence and she'd immediately scold me for swearing in front of people, I didn't even know! It's a bad habit I guess haha.

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Cheers! I'm not really a sciency guy, so I didn't really know what would happen if an actual portal showed up and the chances. Quite interesting actually.

What I wanted was to disappear from this world and play a different role, instead of being in this boring, mundane life where you get up, you get a wash, you go to your job or University. And then carrying that on for the rest of your life until you get put in a care home or abruptly die from something stupid like getting flung mach fucking 20 from a colliding bus that you so happen to run in front of.

this is literally what I think about all the time

"Ah, here we are, out through these doors is Ponyville and I hope that you don't return to this Hospital, otherwise I'll have to tell you off" Nurse Redheart joked whilst opening up the double doors with her magic, not knowing how much time had passed since I was immersed in our conversation, whilst the others were talking between themselves giving me looks back and forth, I still don't get seeing magic in front of me, it's a little hard to get used to, but it would be fuckin brilliant if I could learn it.

Nurse redheart doesnt have magic (not a unicorn I mean) so unless this is a completely alternate universe with ponies having some latent telekinetic capabilities, you should change the first sentence here.

"We have a guest, but don't freak out, the pair of you I mean," I said whilst my brow was upturned.

A bit of a weird sentence, who is speaking here.

Other than that the only comment I have is that this is an interesting story, even though i dont really like anthro equestria

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Cheers for the heads up! I didn't realise I left a mistake like that in there, it's meant to be Twilight talking haha. I'll get it sorted right away!

Also regarding towards none unicorns having magic and stuff I'm deciding the worlds magic and basing it on something else to make it more interesting instead of only Unicorns and Alicorns allowed to use magic and so on. In quick terms, anyone in this Universe that aren't born a Unicorn/Alicorn etc has the power to learn that sort of magic, either via normal means like constant training and knowledge or an object that can enhance their latent abilities. This will be explained later on in the story so don't worry.


Also thanks so much! I appreciate your help! And I'm glad my story isn't that boring. :)

I look to my right to my beige coloured wall and grabbed my sword and its sheathe (Yes, I was a mega weeb, bite me.)

And I see my long black coat, an edgy edge boy's leather trench coat that reaches a little bit higher than my ankles.

That fact that he knows this and still owns these things makes it twice as cringy.

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Cheers for your comment! I really appreciate it. Although, yes to some it would seem quite cringy, at the end of the day, whether a person likes these items and doesn't really care much on what people think of them is what really counts.

Either way, I'll try my absolute hardest to cut back on cringy or edgy stuff in the future, although I will say it will get quite dark later on, so just a bit of a heads up really.

Thank you :)

This is a pretty interesting story thus far but good God is it dripping in teenage angst.

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I'm glad you find it interesting :)

But, in your opinion how would you tone it back? Any ideas would be appreciated! I will definitely take it into consideration.

Cheers!

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It's not inherently bad it's just off-putting because he's supposed to be an adult.

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To be honest, I agree with you. Since I'm a below-average writer I find it hard to really make people feel some sort of emotion for a character like I wrote in one of my chapters, the main character feeling really guilty with himself for choosing to leave his family for his own selfish needs.
And then him feeling frustrated and lashing out for what he has done.

Overall, I'm still learning, and I'm trying to wrap my head around some of these plot lines to get this story to go in the direction I envisioned. And sometimes I even drive myself into a corner.

I hope my writing ability gets better along the way, I've started planning out a few things I have jotted down, so we will see how that goes I guess.

I'm just glad I didn't really give the character a back story like, My family is dead, I have no one, that sort of thing.

Cheers!

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Hey every paragraph is more practice, and you're only going to get better.

"Oh shit I forgot my sword!" running back and grabbing my sword whilst Twilight shuck her head.

Being a grammar nazi here and there is another misspelling somewhere in this chapter but I forget where. Anyway it’s shook not shuck. I think of shucking like taking the outer layer and hair off an ear of corn.

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How the absolute fuck did I make an rookie mistake like that lmao, cheers for pointing that out! Sorry for the late reply, just about to go to sleep.

Sorted :)

"Wait, is this fucking Excalibur??" I shouted in shock to absolutely nobody, taking a step closer to try and touch it, it hummed when my finger got close, it was if the sword was calling to me.

Actually, common misconception. It is physically impossible to find Excalibur as the sword in the stone was broken in battle. What you might find is Caledfwich which was loaned to Arthur by the Lady of the Lake at Merlin's behest.

Seriously though, wasn't expecting her to recuperate, I thought she would've shrugged it off and say absolutely fuck all about it.

Reciprocate.

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Completely missed that! Cheers!
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Well, you are right I have read a lot of Arthurs Legend and among other things. But, for this story, it's completely fictional.

Awh fuck this mate, I'm going to sleep, Jesus this floor is slippy even barefoot, be a shame if I sli-

"Elliott what whe-" Twilight said since she opened the door so quickly, I slipped on the smooth floor and whacked the back of my head and knocked myself out.

:rainbowlaugh:

love it so far and luna is so gonna make him pay gonna be fun

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You got that right mate ;)

That cover is amazing you should be proud!

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I am! Absolutely love it mate!

Cheers!

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Sorry! I'll try to shorten them, sometimes I get too into the writing and I sort of forget to space my paragraphs haha. Im glad you like my cover! :)

Death by snu snu all the way.

If I know my human in equestria stories it's going to go down the path of your self insert fucking your way through the cast or gaining some kind of god power that lets you fuck your way through the cast. Just a hunch.

The moment, I saw you use the words, brilliant, bloody and the pound symbol, I knew you were British you self-insert wanker! (I love it!)

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I hopefully don't want to do that. I actually want to expand the world and make it bloody interesting to read instead of it going absolutely fuckin no where. Right now I'm trying to build relationships.

Yes there will be a few suggestive themes but we are somewhat a little ways away from that kind of thing. I also don't want my character to be op, because that isn't fun without him actually progressing and getting stronger.

Cheers for your comment! :)

Some cringe in just the first chapter and edgy outfit just for the sake of being edgy?

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The edgy outfit was indeed cringy at the start, but for a good reason.

However, later along in the story those clothes especially the coat will be useful and somewhat detrimental.
I have it all planned, don't worry. :twilightsmile:

My suggestion to you is that if swords are going to be prevalent in this story you look into them a bit more.

Zecora must be ripped in this if she can use a longbow that well.

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Actually, Zecora isn't exactly ripped, with her using the longbow that well, that however... I wouldn't use the excuse of it's just 'magic' but other factors that I have yet to explain further into the story will soon come to pass I assure you. I would also like to make a point that bows and swords, for example, are on somewhat par with each other, besides the range advantage.

Comment posted by Lavender Love deleted May 26th, 2020

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In what way are swords and bows on par?

When I said Zecora was using it well I wasn't talking about how much damage it did as that isn't even affected by the archer. The reason she would need to be strong is because she has to pull it back. She did so fairly quickly and fired with accuracy meaning she's used this bow quite a bit. Since she is using the bow as a weapon it clearly isn't a target bow so it's likely got a draw weight of 70-150 pounds.

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In terms of this story, I wouldn't go into so much detail about how much the draw weight is. This is not a story that delves into so much detail as for some people detail like that is only prominent when necessary to the story. And for bows and swords being on par, what I meant was that their magical capabilities (Not their strength) are on the somewhat same level to each other.

Depending on the strength of the string and a good enough technique of the person, the bow definitely could be better than a sword, not including the range factor. Like swords, they're better at close quarters, or unless you want to throw it like a spear (Not sure why you would do that though.)

So basically, I haven't put in a lot of detail as of what you've shown me, but it has made me think a little and I might want to incorporate a few things later on. And to be honest I haven't exactly thought out everything yet so there might be a few plot holes I'll have to fill.

Cheers for your comments!

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Listen, strange women lying in ponds distributing swords is no basis for a system of government.

Hmm, Kirin? That’s gonna be interesting.

At the end your author's note I saw this:

deture

I'm not sure what word you meant but that is not a word. Maybe you meant deter or detour

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Yeyyy, a hundred likes! Okay! Next mile stone is a hundred and fifty!


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Oops, sorry about that. I'm pretty sure I didn't do that purposely. Cheers!

This story does not make any sense his nose comes up to Princess Celestia chin In the first chapter now everybody taller than him the fuck

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In height Luna and Twilight are somewhat slightly taller. Celestia obviously being the tallest and the rest either being slightly smaller or on par. My mistake though, I may have fucked up somewhere in the earlier chapters. Don't worry I'll have it rectified.

Cheers!

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