• Member Since 13th Aug, 2019
  • offline last seen 8 hours ago

MetalandPonyFan2578


A brony since December of 2018. Loves all things pony, but especially the best Book Horse in the world. Also a fan of film scores.

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Source

It's one of the hottest summers in Equestrian history, and Rainbow Dash is bored. None of her friends can do anything with her, so she just wanders the streets of Ponyville...that is, until she hears the sound of weeping. Now she must help one of her closest friends realize that blood relationships mean absolutely nothing. It's the bonds that truly count.

I was inspired to write this after seeing a really beautiful picture on Twitter with Rainbow Dash adopting Scootaloo. In fact, it's the cover art to this story. I hope y'all enjoy it!

Chapters (1)
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Comments ( 9 )

I'm sorry...you went from

:rainbowdetermined2: Boy it's hot
to
:rainbowhuh: no one can hang out with me

and then in about 900 words the story became:

:scootangel: Adopt me!

:rainbowkiss: Sure thing!

Build up! Conflict! Tension! good stories thrive on these things.

10173270
Yeah, I was really going more for "cute one-shot" here. There never was supposed to be "tension" or "conflict." It wouldn't have fit the atmosphere of the story. If I was writing a 30 chapter epic about blood, dragons, sex, and long, drawn out romances, then yeah, I see your point. But here, it just doesn't work that way. Some stories don't need those things. This was just supposed to be cute, fun, and something to draw people away from their troubles.

10173716
Ok, I'll back up.

Your story has no logical progression. A cute one shot would be Scoots and Dash get ice cream cause it's so hot. This starts out as slice of life, and then veers into tragedy and redemption, and does so so fast that the reader gets whiplash.

10174029
I get where you're coming from, but to me, that's cliche. Scoot and Dash have fun together, random tragedy happens, and then in the fallout, Dash decides to adopt Scoot. I've seen it a million times. I wanted to catch Scootaloo in the moments right after the tragedy, when all the world feels like it's crashed in on her and Rainbow is the only pony she can turn to. In those moments, where the heart feels shattered beyond all repair, is truly when, with the right adhesive, it can be put back together again. I wanted to capture the subtlety and gentility of that motherly side of Dash that we never got to see in the series proper. That's why there was no dialogue in the scene where she's embracing Scootaloo. She's at a loss for words because her motherly side is warring with her endless ned to be cool. Plus, I was already over 2,000 words and I like to keep my short stories between the 1K and 2K word mark.

10174233
I guess we're having a philosophical disagreement. because I didn't get any of that in this fic. For me, whatever you were trying to show, the balm of a caring figure , Rainbow Dash's mothery side, those moments where the world where the world seem broken, all of that is muted because before I can appreciate it the story has moved on.

10175872
I have read the argument so far I agree with you. This feels like there needs to be more with this story, but I also agree with metal about rainbow dash needing to be more comfortable with showing her motherly side and I have read a few stories that were like that but they weren't rushed like this one. This story here is what I call too short a story. I'm not against short stories Twilight Sparkle Lays An Egg being one of my favorite. So yes the story was indeed rushed, but it is a good concept over all one that many a brony would love to read if treated properly.

Decent Foundation but ends on a massive cliffhanger. Needs expansion badly.

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