• Published 11th Apr 2020
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A Band of Misfit Losers Hunt the Undead - Rune Soldier Dan



Ongoing adventures of college kids and public educators fighting horrors beyond human ken.

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A Monster in the Bedroom (slice-of-life, innuendo)

The alarm on Sunset’s phone took five rings to hammer her into a state that could only charitably be called “awake.” She fumbled for it with leaden limbs, knocked it from her nightstand, and screamed silently into her pillow as the alarm continued blaring from the ground.

At least the noise forced her to move. Sunset dragged herself from bed and hoisted the phone up to glare blearily at its clock.

8:00 A.M. Celestia damn it.

“Oh, she sure did,” Sunset garbled out, unable to even register her own joke. She stumbled from her room, too tired to yawn, and began shuffling towards the kitchen. Only when she fully reached it did her congested nose and addled mind pick up the merciful scent of coffee.

Aunt Luna sat at the table, swaying listlessly, baggy eyes staring past Sunset for a few seconds before they blinked and focused.

“Morning.”

“Unk.” Sunset slouched past, scratching her belly. She grabbed a mug, filled it from the mercifully fresh coffee pot, and took a drink. It scalded her tongue, but that was a welcome sensation.

“Hey, give Auntie a refill.”

Sunset complied, bringing the pot over to top off Luna’s mug. She replaced it on the burner and sat down with a lethargic groan.

Luna chuckled, earning as strong a glare as Sunset could manage. The blue woman sipped at her coffee, one eyebrow raised with good humor. “As an insomniac, I’m curious: was this your first sleepless night?”

“I don’t even know,” Sunset groaned. “They were at it til like two; I think maybe I dozed a little bit until they picked back up at four. I don’t really know if my alarm woke me or if I just spent the night in a weird fugue state.”

The coffee helped, barely. At least it got her thoughts in order. “We should say something.”

“Nope.”

“Aunt Luna, I’m happy to be home over the summer, I really am. And I’m super happy Mom has a boyfriend who...”

Sunset sighed lowly and went on. “Pleases her. But I really didn’t need to know she is a screamer who can scream all night long.”

“It’s all that jogging she does,” Luna said, grinning into Sunset’s scowl. “Good cardio. What was your favorite part?”

“Not when they slammed the headboard hard enough to knock off my lamp.”

Luna went on cheerfully. “Mine’s when she told Torch to ‘break me in effing half,’ those exact words. Tia’s so much of a prude that she can’t even swear during sex.”

“So I heard,” Sunset grumbled. “Luna, what if he moves in? I can’t keep this up, we need to say something.”

“Nope.”

Sunset gave a grunt, setting down her mug. “Just to keep it down, you know? She’ll listen.”

“She will,” Luna agreed. She sipped and swallowed, a more serious expression gathering on her face. “And that’s why we can’t say anything.”

Sunset looked at her expectantly. Luna smiled, resting her chin in one hand. “She’ll be embarrassed, she’ll hate that she disturbed us, and she’ll either tone it way down or abort liaisons at our house altogether. Because that’s how she is. She lives for other people. She spent ten years taking care of me because I would’ve crashed and burned on my own, then she adopted a ‘bad kid’ she learned was homeless. She goes to work every day to give ungrateful students the best chance she can with the budget the politicians give her, then spends her weekends saving innocents from horrors beyond human ken.”

“Torch makes her happy. And not in her usual pleasantly-smiling I’m-happy-because-you’re-happy kind of way. For the first time in her life she’s doing something for herself, and watching this unfold has been downright magical. We can trade bedrooms if you want, maybe sleeping upstairs will make things a little easier. Maybe listen to music or something. But I will die on this hill, and so should you.”

The shower began running in their bathroom. Water hit and dispersed around a massive body, creating an odd noise of pattering rain.

A melodic hum carried to the kitchen, heralding Celestia’s arrival. She stepped out in pajamas far too clean to have been worn last night, wrapped in her pink bathrobe and beaming without one hint of exhaustion.

“Good morning!” Her pink eyes found Sunset’s. “And good to have you. How was your first night home?”

Sunset laughed, but did not even hesitate. Luna was right. “Little rough. Just gotta get used to my own bed again.”

“Maybe breakfast will help,” Celestia mused, gliding to the stove. “I’m in a blueberry pancakes kind of mood. What do you think?”

Blueberry pancakes were Sunset’s favorite. A high, happy little noise squeaked in her throat, and she rose to help with the cooking. They bickered pleasantly as they often did, with Celestia trying to shoo Sunset away from the chores while Sunset helped anyway.

Sunset’s gaze caught Luna as she reached for the baking mix – still at the table, sipping coffee with just the tiniest air of victory. Sunset flashed her a grin, then turned with her prize to Celestia.

“Hey, Mom? I’m making a run to the gun store today, do you need anything?”

Celestia pondered a second, humming as she cracked eggs into a bowl before shaking her head. “I think we’re stocked. What do you need?”

“Ear plugs.” Sunset’s eyes slid over, and now found Luna’s looking back. “I want to change brands, find something a little more discreet and comfortable.”

Luna gave a silky smile and said nothing. Celestia nodded along. “Do you want a ride? It’s near that Japanese place you like, we can get lunch on our way back.”

“Nah, I don’t want to take you from Torch.”

“Oh, Sweetie.” Celestia turned, accepting the baking mix and planting a surprise kiss on top of Sunset’s head. “Torch may soon join the family, but you’re already here.”

“Hey, pick me up a set of whatever ear plugs you get,” Luna called over to Sunset, her eyes twinkling. “Mine are starting to chafe.”

Batter and blueberries hit the pan, soon to be the first of many pancakes. Three people became four as Torch joined them, and the house buzzed with antics and laughter with not a monster in sight.

Author's Note:

Not specifically requested by anyone, but in comments several people expressed a desire for more Torch and/or low-key family slice-of-life.

Also, check out my new cover-art!:pinkiehappy: Courtesy of Night-Quill

Feel free to drop off any chapter suggestions via the link here. And thank you for reading!

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