• Published 11th Apr 2020
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A Band of Misfit Losers Hunt the Undead - Rune Soldier Dan



Ongoing adventures of college kids and public educators fighting horrors beyond human ken.

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Baby’s First Midlife Crisis (slice-of-life, drama)

Sunset drew a digital line on her tablet. Frowned, erased it. Another, erased.

Another. No better than the first two, but it would have to do. Being an art major was a little rockier than she thought it’d be. It wasn’t just a question of learning new mediums or improving her style, the big thing to master was production. Making progress with dynamic creativity even when you weren’t feeling creative. Like when the subject wasn’t interesting, or you were tired. An aspiring artist had to make paychecks where and when they could.

She settled back, studying the single line that would ideally soon be a picture of a goose. Warm vanilla found her nose, quite alien to their room. She glanced to the side, then glanced again.

Applejack stood by her dresser, wearing thick jeans and a heavy sweater. Winter had come, and the Dali Hall’s heater was no better than last year. The odd part was the open jar of scented skin butter, which Applejack rubbed liberally onto her hands.

“Since when do you use moisturizer?”

Neither of them ever did. Nor perfume, nor conditioner. Sunset liked to think it was part of the reason they got on so well, neither with any need or want to hide their looks.

“Adagio got me into it.” Applejack smiled distantly, eyes on her work. “I think folks might like it more if my hands didn’t feel like bricks wrapped in sandpaper.”

“I like your sandpaper,” Sunset said. “It makes them feel strong.”

Applejack shrugged, not noticing the tight frown coming to Sunset’s face. “They’re still plenty strong. I’m just starting to take care of myself a little more, that’s all.”

She replaced the lid, snuffing out the vanilla scent. Sunset stayed quiet as Applejack left, miffed and surprised at her own mess of feelings. Vague malaise and anger… for what? Nothing at all.

She leaned back in to her work, trying and failing to make the goose take shape.


Fortunately, the picture wasn’t due for a few days. Sunset wandered to the living room, still feeling blah with no rhyme or reason. She needed people, distractions. They could play video games, put in a movie.

...Not right now, the couch was occupied.

Adagio lounged with Applejack on the sofa, both facing each other and wrapped in a single blanket. They gossiped and giggled, perfectly calm and relaxed in the others’ arms.

No obvious groping from the impatient siren, no sign of her normal sassy boredom when asked to remain still for five minutes. Adagio had learned to cuddle somewhere along the way, when Sunset wasn’t looking. Their feet poked from the base of the blanket, Applejack’s in brown wool socks and Adagio…

“Hi, Adagio. Since when do you wear wool socks?”

Adagio wiggled her toes, barely visible in the thick covering. “They’re warm.”

Not an answer, but Sunset supposed one wasn’t really needed. The pair looked happy, comfy…

Sunset let her eyes linger. Adagio’s bright smile looked so foreign on a face more used to sarcastic smirks. Applejack spoke softly a little longer but trailed off, leaving the pair gazing silently into each others’ eyes.

Unnoticed, Sunset slipped into the other bedroom. “Hi, Wallflower.”

“Hey!”

The girl was obviously on her way somewhere. A notebook, laptop, and kirin sat flat in her open backpack. She zipped and stood it up, leaving the kirin’s head poking out of the top.

“Hi, Sunset!” Autumn Blaze called cheerfully.

“Going somewhere?” Sunset asked.

Wallflower slipped one arm into her brown winter coat. “Yeah. I’m, uh...”

She hesitated, meeting Sunset’s eyes and giving a meek little smile. “I’m going to start studying emergency medicine. Ambulance workers, EMTs, that whole thing. The college does a program for it, I’m heading over to talk it out with my guidance counselor.”

“And I just wanted to be involved!” Autumn chirped.

“Yeah, she just wanted to be involved.”

“Congrats,” Sunset said, but her smile slipped when Wallflower looked down.

“I mean, good money, good for the business...” Wallflower shrugged. “I’m going to be twenty-one this month. Time to start getting my life in order.”

Sunset patted her shoulder, winning back both their smiles. “Hey, I’m proud of you. Wanna do something when you’re done? They got that new arcade in the mall.”

“Nah, sorry. I’m actually heading to Canterlot High afterwards.” Wallflower put on a knit hat, then conscientiously put one on Autumn. “Miss Redheart said she’d teach me about making and using explosives. I figured it would help if the business ever picked up again, what with the ‘Invisible Girl’ routine starting to… you know, go away.”

Sunset hesitated. “Is it a good idea to bring a kirin with you when making explosives? Can’t they spontaneously combust?”

“You’d think, but I asked Miss Redheart and she said there was no way that could possibly go wrong.”

“That sounds like Redheart, yes.” Sunset sighed. “Alright, just be careful. Can we meet up after that?”

“I’ll have to take Autumn home. Rain Shine says she has to be back before dark and isn’t responsible enough yet to have sleepovers.”

Autumn piped up. “Do you want to tag along? You look kind of lonely.”

Sunset forced a grin on her face. “N-no! I’m good. Have fun and, uh, don’t blow yourselves up.”


Sunset lounged flat on her bed. She clicked a name on her phone and held it to her ear. “Hi, Twilight. Wanna do something?”

“Sorry, I’m working on my new deep space probe. I’ve got a deadline and there have been snags.”

“Oof, sorry.”

“Yeah,” Twilight grumbled. “The trick is figuring out how to get it to the depths between galaxies before I’m ninety and too old to celebrate. I could bend the folds of time to just put it there, but then I’ll be hunted and killed by trans-dimensional hounds from before time began. So now I’m tinkering with magic to see if I can teleport it the old-fashioned Equestria way.”

“Huh,” Sunset trailed off, then resumed. “That’s… pretty cool that you’re stopping to consider the consequences.”

Twilight’s voice teased back. “‘For once,’ you mean?”

“I didn’t say that,” Sunset chuckled.

“Hey, we all grow up eventually.”

“Want me to come cheer you on?”

“No, I need to focus.”

“Okay. Take care, Twi.”

Sunset clicked the red hangup button. Sighed.

A light rapping came on the window. More hail, as if this day needed to get worse. Sunset pushed her thumb against another name, hearing it ring three times before answer came.

“Hey, kiddo.”

“Hi, Aunt Luna.” Sunset tried to sound cheerful. “You guys home? I’m thinking of stopping by.”

A gurgling roar and gunfire sounded in the background, though if anything Luna was cheerier than her norm. “Dunno about your mom. Me and the other old farts are on muck monster duty.”

Sunset sat up fast. “Do you need help?”

“Nah, we got it. They’re made of sewer debris so even if they hit you hard it’s more gross than anything. Just kind of a chore to take care of before they start congealing into a single mass.”

Two more roars came, closer and louder. “I gotta go. Love you.”

“Love you too.”

Tap-tap on the window. Tap-tap-tap on the phone. Two rings on the other side.

“Hi, Sweetie!”

“Hi, Mom.” Sunset heard engines on the other side. “Are you driving?”

“Torch is.” A girlish giggle broke up Celestia’s voice. “We’re looking for a bassinet, then we’ll be shopping for baby clothes. What’s up?”

Sunset’s voice cracked, then paved. “N-not much. Just checking in, you know?

“Is everything alright?”

Sunset gulped, too softly to sound over the phone. “Yeah, I was just thinking of stopping by. Maybe next time. Have fun!”

She hung up before Celestia could respond.

Tap-tap.

Sunset dropped her phone to the bed, staring listlessly to the ceiling.

Tears sprang up, catching her by surprise. She sat and wiped her eyes.

Tap-tap-tap!

She looked down. What was wrong with her? Everyone got busy sometimes. This was nothing strange, nothing bad.

Pink hit the corner of her eye. Tap-tap. Her head snapped to the window, but it was gone.

Sunset waited, watched. Ten seconds passed, fifteen…

Something ascended to view, pink and with puffy pink hair. Knuckles rapped on the window, tap-tap, then plummeted downwards.

“Pinkie!”

Sunset sprinted to the window, knocking aside her lamp and pushed it open. Cold winter air slammed into her. She looked down, seeing the pink speck… growing?

Pinkie flew, closer and closer until she came level with the dorm’s fifth-story window. “Hi, Sunset!”

“Pinkie, what...”

Already, the girl fell. Sunset stared downwards, heart in mouth until she saw the blue circle of her landing zone. Pinkie hit it, and bounced back upwards.

She almost shrieked when Pinkie reached her again. “Is that a trampoline!?”

“Yes!”

Pinkie fell, and Sunset pondered that she could perhaps have chosen a better question.

By the time Pinkie returned, Sunset’s tactical mind reclaimed the fore. “Can I pull you in?”

“Okey-dokey! Let me just tell Limestone.”

Again, Pinkie vanished and returned. Sunset reached out both hands, catching her under the armpits and tumbling back from the window with Pinkie in tow.

She laid there an extra second, half-hugging the girl before standing and shutting the window.

She turned back to find Pinkie well into her personal space. Pinkie had already shed her winter coat to stand in a white sweater and pink skirt, now leaning in to study Sunset intently on the face.

“Why the trampo–”

“Shush!” Pinkie popped a chocolate into Sunset’s mouth. She continued her study, nodding and humming to herself before settling back with a smirk. “Yep! Auntie Pinkie’s still got it. The ol’ nose-twitch ear-itch breath-hitch tongue-twist combo is never wrong.”

Sunset swallowed the food. “Which means...”

Pinkie pointed dramatically to the ceiling. “Which means my friend Sunset is having a bad day! And not the usual bad day where you just need a party or to pet a puppy for a while (that’s the foot-hop nose-bop belly-flop combo), she’s being weighed down by existential problems with no easy answer!”

She blinked, seeming to catch up with what her mouth just said. Her hair deflated like a leaking balloon. She looked to Sunset, smiling very weakly.

“So I wanted to be here for you.”

“Thanks, Pinkie,” Sunset said. “Why the trampoline?”

“I got the nose-twitch-etcetera feeling and wanted to reach you as soon as I could, so I figured that would save time.”

“You know what? That makes sense.”

Sunset sat down on her own bed. She sighed, then smiled. “Yeah, okay. It’s not the greatest day of my life and nothing bad even happened. I just… you know...”

Pinkie perched on Applejack’s bed. Her voice came soft and brittle, a far cry from her norm. “Let’s talk it out.”


Sunset laid prone on her blankets, facing upwards. Pinkie had pulled off her sweater and skirt to reveal a brown formal suit beneath. Silver glasses perched on her nose as she took notes, hair straight and legs tightly crossed.

“Okay. So, I’ve been in the business… four years. Four-ish. Age seventeen to twenty-one. Those are the ‘setup of my future’ kinda years, and I had what comes next all planned out. I would get my degree and teach art at Canterlot High. Mom would be principal, I’d merge our groups, and we’d keep on being an awesome team for years to come. It was perfect. I’d stay in town, keep in touch with everyone, stay close with her. Hunting isn’t always fun, but it’s really important and fulfilling and I’ve been doing it all my adult life.”

“But like, what’s even happened in the past year? Okay, I got kidnapped once. There was the robo-Harshwhinny which was Twilight’s fault, Lord Palmerstone who wasn’t a monster, and that one speed demon who didn’t even take two hours to wack. And the P.E.T.S. goons I guess who weren’t monsters either, and that thing with you getting god-like powers which I really think would’ve worked out fine one way or another.”

Sunset blinked. “I mean, when I list it all out like that it sounds like a lot. But compared to the years before with the werewolf, Principal Cinch, freaking Tirek? These days I go weeks without business, and that’s starting to turn into months. A huge part of my life is slipping away. And it’s not alone.”

Pinkie cut in, unusually straight to the point. “Sunset, before we move on: do you remember the horse-eaters?”

“Huh? Yeah.” Sunset nodded. “The horse-sized spiders.”

“Who kidnapped virgins such as myself, binding us in webs to sacrifice to dark gods?”

“Um… yes.”

Pinkie took a deep breath and shivered. “Maybe it’s a good thing your business is slowing down.”

Sunset glanced over to her. “I must sound like an asshole.”

Pinkie smiled gently. “Not at all! It’s like how if no one is sad, no one needs me to cheer them up. I really, really love cheering people up, but I know it’s better if they weren’t sad in the first place.”

Sunset sat upright. “Yeah. And like, that’s the purpose you’ve chosen for yourself. That’s how you know you’re making the world a better place. So if you’re not needed then it’s great because everything is okay, but at the same time you’re… not needed.”

Pinkie’s pen scratched across her notebook. “People need you for other things, silly.”

“Not...” Sunset paused, steadied herself. “Not really. Not anymore.”

She flopped back to the bed, staring upwards. “And I’m not going to say anything stupid. My friends and family haven’t stopped loving me. They’re great. They just… I don’t know, it’s like I’m not as important as I used to be. Like I’m the sidekick in everyone else’s story instead of the hero of my own.”

Sunset began counting on her fingers. “Mom has Torch now. And a baby on the way. And I’m not a freaking toddler about to throw a tantrum because I can’t handle sharing her love...”

She set her hands over her eyes. “Except I kind of am. The bigger our family gets, the more I feel like I’m on the sidelines. ‘The one that went away to college,’ you know? They’ll be building their life without me for the next couple years. I’ll move home to a family twice as big as the one I left. Mom will be busy with Torch and the baby; marital bliss is like her dream come true. Raising a daughter from infancy, husband and wife.”

Scratch-scratch, went the pen. “I guess I’d be less mopey about it if I had my own thing, but increasingly I don’t. Getting the Rainbooms together once every couple weeks has kept me sane, but it also has me noticing how well everyone else is doing. ‘What’s new, Sunset,’ ‘Oh, you know, same-old.’ Rainbow’s a team captain with a shot at the nationals, Fluttershy has finally figured out her major. Everyone is moving ahead with their ‘things,’ whereas my ‘thing’ of hunting is becoming smaller and smaller.”

“...And I miss it.” Sunset pulled down her hands, staring wet-eyed to the ceiling. “Discord was right. I don’t hunt to protect people, I do it to feel like a gun-toting bad-ass self-obsessed hero who–”

A wadded ball of notebook paper pitched up and fell squarely on her nose. Sunset unwrapped it to reveal a pen drawing of Pinkie Pie glaring at her with thick, angry eyebrows.

She knuckled her eyes dry. “Thanks, Pinkie.”

“A counterpoint, now that I have your attention,” Pinkie said with a prim tone that sounded ridiculous in her squeaky voice. “You are in college, taking classes to improve proficiency in your anticipated career. You’re moving your life forward just as much as the rest of us.”

“In an obsolete direction,” Sunset replied. “I don’t know if mom or even Luna will be there once I start teaching, and if this keeps up we won’t be a hunter group at all.”

“Sunset, nobody ever really knows what they’ll look like in five or ten years. Except me, of course.”

Sunset glanced over.

Pinkie flashed her a grin. “I’ll be super cute and fun!”

A wan, but real smile crept to Sunset’s face. “That you will.”

“And we’ll all still be friends!”

“Friends, yes.” Sunset rolled over, folding her arms on the pillow to prop herself upright. She stared to the gray sky outside her window. “Friends. That’s the other thing, isn’t it?”

She grappled a moment, catching her words twice before going on. “You know what I thought romance was supposed to be? I thought it was just having a best friend you want to f...uh, kiss. That’s what AJ and I have. We’re friends and sometimes we make kissy face.”

“But that was wrong. I missed something. Her and Adagio… it’s like magic seeing them together. They’re changing each other, merging around each other to be closer every time I turn around. They have a romance. The star-struck eyes, the constant thought of each other. I even heard them talking about Adagio moving in after college, which okay might be more about rent than love but still.”

Sunset strangely grinned, looking down. “I catch them now and then just staring into each others’ eyes like there’s nothing else in the universe. And let me tell you, Adagio is not one for eye-staring. She’s changed, and it wasn’t me who did it.”

“It wasn’t all you,” Pinkie gently corrected.

“I decided that I would be happy for them,” Sunset declared. “I am, actually. For real. But it’s a sad kind of happy. I’m watching them go somewhere great, somewhere that I can’t follow. We’ll stay friends, best friends. Best friends who make kissy-face sometimes. But nothing more.”

“Do you want to be more?”

“That’s the thing: we already trust each other with everything, share everything… I don’t think I can be any more. And with what they have, I don’t think you can feel that way about more than one person. I’m going to be the plus-one in the relationship. Supporting both of them in any way I can. It’s what I can do.”

Pinkie flipped back a page, studying something she had written previously. Sunset could see it from her position to be a tic-tac-toe board.

“Well, Sunset. I’m glad you came in today to share this with me.”

“Thanks,” Sunset said around a chuckle.

Pinkie pushed up her glasses. “What you’re going through is a very normal part of a young woman’s life. Family dynamics change, relationships shift, and ambitions meet reality. Do you remember how a very long time ago you taught Celestia and Luna that change could be good? Although it’s frightening at the time, it can open the door for better things to come.”

Sunset rolled to stare at Pinkie Pie. “Um… yes? But how did you hear tha–”

Pinkie set the notebook aside and leaned forwards, beaming towards her. “I think you need to remember that lesson yourself. No, the family isn’t just you and Celestia and Luna anymore. You have more people to have fun with, more people to love. And then the baby will come, and you’ll have a chance to give her what Celestia gave you: a family. How close or distant you’ll be is up to you. If you want to be a ‘main character’ in the family, then make it happen.”

“Your friends love you. Your future won’t go the way you planned because futures never do. People will need your help: if not today, tomorrow. Maybe with diaper changes, maybe with horrible vampires.”

“Thanks,” Sunset said again.

Pinkie nodded, still speaking with gentle cheer. “As for the lack of horrible vampires, when the cosmos align to recharge the Canterlot leyline in three years there will be ghouls and horse-eating spiders to your little heart’s content. Oh-oh, and there’ll be a really BIG one in sixteen years to set the stage for a possible sequel, so watch out!”

Sunset’s expression turned flat, though her smile remained. “Seriously Pinkie, are you an Elder God? It’s cool if you are, I just want to know.”

Pinkie laughed. “Oh Sunset, you’re so silly!”

Sunset swung herself upright, planting both feet on the ground. “Thanks for the pep talk. For everything, it felt good to get it off my chest. I think I know what I’m gonna do now.”

She hesitated. “Do you want to come with?”

Pinkie shook her head and stood. She whipped off the formal suit to reveal her winter jacket beneath. “Sorry, I’m going out with my sister.”

She let loose a giggle. “Soon, you’ll be able to do the same! Later, Sunset. Love ya.”

Pinkie opened the window and jumped. Sunset leaned out, watching as a parachute brought her down slowly and safely.


“...She didn’t answer my question, did she?”

The thought came three minutes later. Sunset shook her head and let it go.

She was already in her jacket. The phone rang on the other end.

Celestia answered once again. “Hi, Sweetie.”

“Hey, Mom. Where are you going for the clothes shopping?”

“The outlet mall just outside of the theme park.”

“Okay, cool.” Sunset took a deep breath. “Can I meet you guys there? I’d like to get the baby something, myself. Something from me.”

“We’d love to have you.”

Something changed in Celestia’s voice. It came out strong, certain. The chance, the bond, was taken with eager hands.

“Gotcha. See you soon.”

“Love you, Sweetie.”

“Love you too, Mom.” And Sunset was out the door.

Author's Note:

“Things change.”

In related news, I have posted a “Ask The Hunters Anything” blog for any question you would care to ask, which will receive in-character answers. Feel free to hit it up here: https://www.fimfiction.net/blog/959907/ask-the-hunters-anything

Thank you for reading!

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