The Menacing Assault of Their Greatest Foe Yet (gore, character deaths, false advertising)
The creature stood before Sunset – a freakish mix of scales and short brown hair, topped with a crooked horn. It drew near on cloven hooves, with a lion-like tail swishing in anticipation. It walked up to where she sat, no taller than her knee, and bumped her shin with its nose.
Sunset reached down and began scratching its ears. A small rumble within its chest signified approval, though the creature’s neutral frown did not change.
“Applejack?” Sunset stretched her legs out from the camp seat, toying with a freshly-picked apple in her free hand.
“Yeah?”
“Why didn’t you tell me there were Kirin living in your orchard?”
“Never really thought much about it,” Applejack said. One Kirin lounged across her lap, rumbling and frowning as she scratched its belly. “You run an orchard, you might get Kirin. That’s just how it is. They’re good at keeping down pests, you know.”
Sunset gave a contented sigh and reclined in her chair. Honestly, she didn’t much look forward to sleeping in a tent. The other girls were probably even less inclined, but no one quite had the heart to say ‘no’ when Applejack invited them to a campout.
So far, so good. Better than she expected. Hiking, swimming, and the novelty of cooking over an open fire.
And apparently, Kirin. A dozen-odd of them had descended on the campsite, diminutive and serious as they pressed the girls for attention. All utterly silent except for a tan-haired one jabbering nearly as excitedly as Twilight.
“…Oh-my-gosh this is so amazing! A chance to study living paranormal beings up close – raised your hoof, please.”
The grinning Kirin complied, and Twilight set-to with measurements and notes. “…And I’m so happy our leader let us come! Normally she’s ‘no, Autumn Blaze, we must remain secret,’ except she doesn’t say it like that because Kirin can’t speak and instead communicate telepathically. Except me, of course, I fell into the Stream of Speech way up in Canada and I was like ‘yay! I can translate now!’ But they were still ‘no, bad Autumn!’ Except we’ve been here long enough that she trusts the Apple family and…”
“…So fascinating! According to Princess Twilight’s book, they match the Kirin of Equestria in every detail except for their small size. This devastates my theory of the links between our worlds, and now I get to start from scratch all over again! This will be the best week ever! I get to sift through my old theories, contemplate the nature of the universe, experiment with…”
Perhaps jealous of its companions, the Kirin Sunset had been petting jumped onto her lap. She scratched at its tailbone and belly, earning more rumbles as it kneaded her jeans and settled to a comfortable perch.
The Kirin’s nose twitched and began sniffing her apple. Sunset shifted her hand down from the chair. “Nope. This is my dessert.”
A Kirin on the ground bit it out of her grasp and trotted away. Another bumped its nose against her leg. Sunset chuckled, awkwardly trying to scratch both her guests at once. “You doing okay, Wallflower?”
No answer came. Wallflower was sprawled on the ground and buried beneath a small pile of frowning, rumbling Kirin, with little visible save her grin.
Sunset looked to the side, briefly catching eyes with Adagio. The siren huffed and returned to her phone – the only thing she enjoyed about this trip was Applejack’s swimsuit.
Though Adagio’s lips quirked out at the contents of her own text. ‘You, me, dirty campout sex, tonight.’
She sent it, then groaned – Applejack had proudly switched off her phone that morning.
A Kirin nuzzled her leg. Adagio pushed it away with her foot. “Beat it.”
The Kirin walked right back and bumped her with its nose. Adagio pushed it away again. It sat down, sending its frowning gaze right at her.
“Too bad, so sad, I’m not into animals,” she said airily.
The Kirin continued to stare.
“I’m not petting you,” Adagio snapped. “I’ll get gristle under my nails and I’m already a mess.”
The Kirin pawed gently at the ground, never looking away.
Adagio rolled her eyes. “Whatever. Find someone else to manipulate. I’m immune.”
The Kirin yawned, flicked its ears, and resumed staring.
Undergrowth rustled as a final Kirin emerged into the campsite, this one the size of a full-grown horse. It approached Applejack with the same studious frown as the rest, and bowed its head.
“Good evening, Miz Rain Shine,” Applejack said, as easily as she would to any neighbor. “Just making a night of it with some friends, don’t mind us. I’ll be setting up the tent as soon as… you know…”
She gestured helplessly to the Kirin in her lap, who was now snoozing contentedly. The large Kirin watched it carefully for a second, with no hint of emotion before turning smoothly to Sunset.
It found her gaze, and she grinned weakly. Expression or no, there was age and wisdom in those eyes – deep red pools with the weight of a mother’s love. She was reminded of Celestia for no reason she could discern, and silently promised to give her a call before bedding down for the night.
Rain Shine walked over, and knocked the Kirin on Sunset’s lap to the ground with a sweep of her head. She then began turning around while giving her backside a little wiggle.
“Whoa, hey! No!” Sunset tried to wave her off. “You are too big for lap privileges.”
Rain Shine finished the turn, and slowly began descending to Sunset’s knees.
“No! Bad Kirin! Little help, Adagio?”
“Hm?” Adagio mumbled distractedly as she scratched a Kirin’s ears. “Sorry, I’m busy.”
Pressure turned to pain as Rain Shine began resting her rump on Sunset’s lap. She scrambled helplessly, but escape only came when the cheap camp chair fell apart under the weight. Sunset collapsed to the grass, and Rain Shine gave her a look of vague disappointment before wandering back and away, carefully stepping over Wallflower and her pile.
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Autumn Blaze is eternally adorable.
God that's adorable.
This was very cute. Too bad Sunny got smooshed.
Too cute, must scritch.
I'm both excited and worried
I think this is the happiest she's been in a while.
That's hilarious.
See, Adagio? None can resist the appeal of the kirin! None!
Sunset got snu-snued whitout the fun part
nice work.
Tragic and appropriate. The former horse's ass crushed by a horse's ass.
Adorable.
Oh Adagio, how could be so evil?
Not even a power-hungry siren can resist the kirin.
Sunset: Applejack, first you didn't tell us about the giant moles, and now the kirin? I need you to make a list of any and all unusual creatures that visit or live in the orchard.
Applejack: Sure thing Sunset.
1 month later...
Sunset: Applejack! Why didn't you write about the crab apples being literal hermit crabs the size of compact cars that use old hollowed-out apple trees for shells when I told you to make that list?! (flamethrower noises in background)
Applejack: Ya done told me to only put unusual critters on the list!
Sunset: How is this not unusual?!
Applejack: Don't most apple orchards have 'em?
Sunset: If most apple orchards were infested by land-dwelling crustaceans that could overturn a tractor, don't you think they'd be in books or on nature documentaries or something?!
Applejack: Just always figured they were too boring to mention (gas tank explodes in background). Why watch some dumb ol' crab apples when ya could watch a documentary on penguins or aardvarks instead? Now those are interestin'.
But are they really paranormal? They aren't dead or undead or spirits. They're just...creatures? Are they even supernatural creatures? Would bigfoot be considered a paranormal creature if (not if, when) it shows up in the orchard? Even if it was just a species of previously undescribed intelligent ape?
Ya know, that stream could help out alotta mute people and paraplegics. Wonder what Stephen Hawking would say about the phenomenon after he had been dunked in it? (RIP Stephen, RIP)
Being visible can have it perks, 'specially when it's being seen by adorable kirin. 😉 Of course, they're naturally attracted to Wallflower. Cute things are naturally attracted to each other. (See Sunset/Applejack/Adagio as further example).
Also, it's character death by cute kirin purring, so the description is still accurate. 😁
One of your two girlfriends is a pony.
I like your description here of how the kirin are unemotional in facial expression, but obviously are very emotional in body action and languags otherwise. Just like real cats.
Also:
Rain Shine: Mother or no, I'm still a female, and I have needs, dammit! Now give me that sexy lap!
10488811
It's too zany even for this fic, but now I got the idea of Applejack having just ever-escalating secrets she never shared because she thought nothing of them.
"Yeah, we got a portal to Equestria over by ol' Rupert. Everyone was just so impressed when you and Twilight came through the statue that I didn't wanna steal your thunder."
"Aw, don't mind them. A fair chunk of our tools are changelings who hang out because we grow our apples with love. Ain't really a big deal."
"Of course we have to do the harvest festival. If we don't Orboros will eat the whole world. Sorry, but... duh?"
"Gotta take a rain check, girls. The Fae Court is meeting then and you know how that goes... huh? Didn't I ever mention the Apple family are Fae who actually grow from apples? I could swear I did, but oh well, it don't really matter. We're still on for Wednesday, right?"
I was going "D'aww~" throughout this thing. Even when someone was getting smooshed underneath the magical horse-cat thing.
Being excited about that kind of thing shows that this Twilight is a proper scientist. Also, this is unfairly cute. It's a shame they didn't call in Fluttershy for this one. She'd have been in heaven.
10490121
"Twi's the genius, Dagi an' Sunset are from another world, even Wallflower's got her forgettable mojo. I'm jus' borin' old Applejack."
"We were nearly sealed in Tír na nÓg during your last family reunion."
"I told y'all Great-Uncle Puck couldn't be trusted 'round pretty young things."
Poor Miz Shine, all she wants is to sit in a comfy lap and get scritches
Hung, my feels!
That is so.... adorably awesome! Death by kirin cuddle pile is very much a good way to go out! And poor Rain Shine, we need to find hey a jumbo sized lap for cuddles!