It was raining. Of course it was raining. Because things weren’t bad enough already, the weather team in this damn town had to schedule rain today of all days.
The crying infant in the mare’s foreleg didn’t help either. She knew that her daughter was crying because of the rain, but she couldn’t help but imagine it was because of where the two of them were going. Because of what she was about to do…
Despite the rain, the mare stopped to look at the building’s sign. It read ‘Small Steps Home for Orphaned Ponies’, a fittingly quaint name for the rural orphanage, she decided. The mare resumed walking towards the building.
She opened the door with her magic, since she was using one foreleg to cradle her daughter and needed the other one to stand. She was aware she was dripping rain water all over their floor, particularly because her heavy travelling cloak was soaked, but she paid it no mind. She needed the cloak to hide her as she did what she had to do, even more so than she’d needed it to keep the rain off her.
She left the door open and walked up to a desk and caught the attention of the stallion sitting at it. He took one look at her and stood up. “Wait right there, I’ll go get you a towel.”
“Don’t,” the mare said. “I’m not staying.”
“Miss?” The stallion frowned. “What, uh, can I do for you?”
The mare looked down at her daughter. A tiny little pink unicorn, she had rose-colored hair that had a yellow streak through it. She took a steadying breath, then tore her eyes off of her to look at the stallion instead. “I need to surrender my daughter.”
He looked between the mare and the infant. “There are steps to take, paperwork to fill out. Please, let me go get you a towel then we’ll sort this whole thing out.”
“I’m sorry.” The mare kissed her daughter on the forehead. She closed her eyes and for just one moment, she let them be as mother and daughter once more. “I’m so sorry…”
If only she wasn’t crying… The mare didn’t want her last memory of her daughter to be of her crying. She looked up at the stallion and levitated her daughter towards him.
He took the child. “Miss, we really need –”
“Her name is Morning Glisten. Please –” The mare’s voice caught in her throat, but she forced the words out anyway. “Please take care of her.”
“Miss, wait!”
But the mare did not. She turned and ran out the still open door. She heard him get up, but there was a desk between them and he was holding a crying infant. He wouldn’t chase her into the rain, and even if he did, she would get away from him.
It wasn’t the right way to do things, she knew, but it was the best way. Her daughter, her Morning Glisten, she would be so much better off without her. Better to have no mother than a mother like her.
She’d grow up with other children like her in a quaint country orphanage, the same as anypony else, and that was the only gift her mother could give her.
If this orphanage specifically belongs to a pony named Small Steps, then there's an apostrophe missing. Otherwise, I just read this wrong.
10499915
It does not belong to a pony named Small Steps, that's just the name of the orphanage
So much mystery and emotion in less than 600 words.
The mother is surrendering the infant, without the proper process being undertaken for reasons I don't know, in a place I don't know, to ponies I don't know, thinking her Morning Glisten would be better off without her (and possibly would never get adopted from the place) for unknown reasons.
I also coincidentally don't know how to change the sentence:
Without adding another 'her' after 'last memory of'. But then you would have four lots of 'her' in one sentence which is arguably stranger.
10500903
Just cranking up the mystery in this fic
10500903
How about by cutting the sentence off at 'crying'? You lose one of the 'her's and the emotion of the sentence isn't lessened in any way. It fact it might be made better. It seems to me that a mother's fear of their child crying being the last she sees of them makes for a strong enough sentence on its own, especially here where the specific reason is just reiterating something said many times already. Besides, it works better in my opinion if you don't limit the meaning of the sentence by mentioning the specific circumstance of this particular parting.
10499940
An orphanage with that kind of name doesn't really seem right if it's not named after the founder. Maybe it's just me and my limited knowledge on the kind of naming conventions commonly used for such establishments. I admit my only exposure to that kind of name is the fictional orphanage 'Foster's Home for Imaginary Friends', which is named after its founder.
10502305
Yeah, I'll go with that. Thank you for the suggestion
10502312
I like the orphanage name as is. I could imagine that being a name for a real life orphanage (if orphanages were still a thing) and one would never assume a real live person would be named Small Steps
Oooh! I don't think I ever got around to prereading this. Excellent work! Very emotional stuff.
10503643
Yeah, the prologue and epilogue were written just days before the story was posted Glad you enjoyed it!
Alriiight, here we go, starting this one up. Time for more horse drama!
Damn, so far this is not how I expected the story to begin at.