So now we have Sunset show up and SHE'S the Captain of the ship, I thought for sure it was going to be Princess Celestia who would have been the Captain.
10166138 I was originally going going to have Celestia be the captain, but as I thought about it more, i thought it would be more interesting story telling, since i could imagine Sunset being more like a pirate riding the stars and causing Chaos. I even have a slight plot idea if i had done Celestia as the captain
This was a awesome second part this is getting interesting ,can't wait to see what the princess's are doing. Maybe they rule the home planet while Sunset is Captain.
Why have the characters be named Spike or Chrysalis or Twilight, if their personality and appearances are completely different?
Spike has nothing to do with show-Spike. This version doesn't even have the same hair and eye colors, which is what basically any humanization with him includes at the very least, and he's got a personality which is almost entirely separate from his show personality. Same with Chrysalis. Where in the show she was conceited, deceitful, and conniving, here she's just a random girl who took a position in a company from Spike who everyone hated for pretty much no reason and who may have been sleeping with the bosses.
Twilight, at least, has the same color hair, but she doesn't even seem to be a unicorn, given that you listed her as having "horns," and she doesn't seem to have access to magic. You stated that Sunset Shimmer is basically just a cat-girl, with "golden amber" eyes, but Sunset has turquoise eyes, and you didn't describe the color scheme of the rest of her body, but you did call her "The Grey Lady" so I'll just assume that she's just completely grey aside from her eyes. Twilight really does not match her in-show counterpart, as her entire personality seems to just be "complete asshole who's also intelligent."
Why did Sunset fall from the ceiling? What was the point of her being up there, aside from to do some dramatic entrance, logic be damned? Also, why is Twilight called "Twilight Storm" but Sunset is Sunset Shimmer? If you're going to modify a name to be different from the cannon name, change the other names from their cannon name to.
Also, why are some words capitalized at random? There's a lot of words that are capitalized even though they shouldn't be (things like space, galaxy, ship, etc.). Also;
Trans worm
In the previous chapter, you referred to it as "TransWorm."
To repeat my initial question, why are they named after characters in the show, despite not looking nor acting at all like the show's characters? If I were to take this story, change Chrysalis' name to Jennifer, Tirek's name to Alex, Spike's name to Rick, Twilight's name to Xylara, Sunset's name to Zaneli, and the ship's name to Folbertog, (or any other random combination of names), what would clue someone in to this being an MLP-based fanfiction and not just a whole new and unrelated sci-fi universe? Like, 50 Shades of Gray was originally fanfiction for the Twilight series, and was called "Master of the Universe," and people who look at the 50 Shades books can tell that it's fanfiction in spite of the differences in settings and character names due to the character dynamics and personalities. 50 Shades is bad, but as a fanfiction, you can tell that it actually is a fanfiction of Twilight if you compare the two works. Could you tell that with this story?
Like, I'm not even really telling you to have them act like their MLP versions. It's a completely alternate universe, of course they'll act different (although it'd still be good to try doing that, rather than a caricature). But they don't even share colors with their original counterparts, excluding Twilight, and even then you only gave the color of her hair (so her skin may just be normal human skin and her eyes may not be the right color), and her hair is just described as purple rather than purple with a two-toned streak running through it. Nothing about this universe or these characters connects me to MLP, so why have it be an MLP fanfiction at all?
10169701 Well to answer you i am working on giving Spike his apperance since this is a diffrent world and he is human i wanted an explanation of why hes got green anf purple. While yes sunset is referred as the grey lady she is going to have more development since this is a human world like and they are Aliens. Now for twilight storm well just me having fun and i joked that Sparkle is her middle name.
So now we have Sunset show up and SHE'S the Captain of the ship, I thought for sure it was going to be Princess Celestia who would have been the Captain.
10166138
I was originally going going to have Celestia be the captain, but as I thought about it more, i thought it would be more interesting story telling, since i could imagine Sunset being more like a pirate riding the stars and causing Chaos. I even have a slight plot idea if i had done Celestia as the captain
Sunset as Captain means she claims dibs on Spike.
10166274
Well she has plans for Spike though there is some character development XD
This was a awesome second part this is getting interesting ,can't wait to see what the princess's are doing. Maybe they rule the home planet while Sunset is Captain.
Why have the characters be named Spike or Chrysalis or Twilight, if their personality and appearances are completely different?
Spike has nothing to do with show-Spike. This version doesn't even have the same hair and eye colors, which is what basically any humanization with him includes at the very least, and he's got a personality which is almost entirely separate from his show personality. Same with Chrysalis. Where in the show she was conceited, deceitful, and conniving, here she's just a random girl who took a position in a company from Spike who everyone hated for pretty much no reason and who may have been sleeping with the bosses.
Twilight, at least, has the same color hair, but she doesn't even seem to be a unicorn, given that you listed her as having "horns," and she doesn't seem to have access to magic. You stated that Sunset Shimmer is basically just a cat-girl, with "golden amber" eyes, but Sunset has turquoise eyes, and you didn't describe the color scheme of the rest of her body, but you did call her "The Grey Lady" so I'll just assume that she's just completely grey aside from her eyes. Twilight really does not match her in-show counterpart, as her entire personality seems to just be "complete asshole who's also intelligent."
Why did Sunset fall from the ceiling? What was the point of her being up there, aside from to do some dramatic entrance, logic be damned? Also, why is Twilight called "Twilight Storm" but Sunset is Sunset Shimmer? If you're going to modify a name to be different from the cannon name, change the other names from their cannon name to.
Also, why are some words capitalized at random? There's a lot of words that are capitalized even though they shouldn't be (things like space, galaxy, ship, etc.). Also;
In the previous chapter, you referred to it as "TransWorm."
To repeat my initial question, why are they named after characters in the show, despite not looking nor acting at all like the show's characters? If I were to take this story, change Chrysalis' name to Jennifer, Tirek's name to Alex, Spike's name to Rick, Twilight's name to Xylara, Sunset's name to Zaneli, and the ship's name to Folbertog, (or any other random combination of names), what would clue someone in to this being an MLP-based fanfiction and not just a whole new and unrelated sci-fi universe? Like, 50 Shades of Gray was originally fanfiction for the Twilight series, and was called "Master of the Universe," and people who look at the 50 Shades books can tell that it's fanfiction in spite of the differences in settings and character names due to the character dynamics and personalities. 50 Shades is bad, but as a fanfiction, you can tell that it actually is a fanfiction of Twilight if you compare the two works. Could you tell that with this story?
Like, I'm not even really telling you to have them act like their MLP versions. It's a completely alternate universe, of course they'll act different (although it'd still be good to try doing that, rather than a caricature). But they don't even share colors with their original counterparts, excluding Twilight, and even then you only gave the color of her hair (so her skin may just be normal human skin and her eyes may not be the right color), and her hair is just described as purple rather than purple with a two-toned streak running through it. Nothing about this universe or these characters connects me to MLP, so why have it be an MLP fanfiction at all?
10169701
Well to answer you i am working on giving Spike his apperance since this is a diffrent world and he is human i wanted an explanation of why hes got green anf purple. While yes sunset is referred as the grey lady she is going to have more development since this is a human world like and they are Aliens. Now for twilight storm well just me having fun and i joked that Sparkle is her middle name.