Life on the Murder Scene

by The Red Parade

Give 'Em Hell, Kid

The building where Twitch hangs out is a shitty little wooden hut on the edge of Lone Hill. The parking lot out front is filled with dusty Walers MA jeeps, packed with bags and tools. A few ponies are hanging around, smoking cigarettes and kicking at the dust. They call this place ‘the Mast,’ home of the Village Idiots.

They’re not professionals, but they make damned good allies. Assuming I can stay on their good side, but so far so good. Besides, with the rifle slung over my back and the pistols holstered at my sides I blend right in. The ones in the parking lot don’t give me a second glance as I land.

I give the door a good kick, and it bangs open. The pony behind the reception desk flinches, his eyes shooting up. “Oh. Sunshower Raindrops Merriweather,” he says bitterly. “You’re still alive.”

“Nice to see you too, Stellar Eclipse,” I shoot back. “Is Twitch here?”

Stellar scowls at me. “Strawberry Sunrise is busy. Now I’d like for you to leave, please.”

I roll my eyes. Stellar hates our nicknames. He thinks it makes us look unprofessional or something. What a fucking headass. Luckily, I don’t work for him, so I don’t have to listen to a single fucking thing he says. “Right. Come on now, is this any way to treat a fellow bounty hunter?”

He squints at me. “You’re much, much lower than a bounty hunter.” He gestures to the other two Village Idiots hanging out in the lobby. “I want her gone. Now.”

They take a step towards me before I hold up a hoof. “Hey now. Let’s not get hasty--”

“Stellar? What the buck are you doing?”

Everypony turns to the doorway, where a red-maned pegasus is standing. Twitch has a steaming cup of coffee in her hoof and cocks an eyebrow.

“Trying to get her out,” Stellar says, shooting me a glare.

Twitch perks up as she sees me. “Oh, hey Killjoy! You here on business or pleasure?”

I give Stellar the biggest shit-eating grin I can manage. “Business. You free?”

Twitch jerks her head back towards the door. “Always. Let’s talk.”

Stellar’s glare could probably melt an iceberg. I stick my tongue out at him as I follow Twitch into the hallway.

“I still don’t understand why you two can’t just get along,” Twitch mutters as she heads down the hall. She noses open a door and enters her office.

I laugh. “And I don’t know why you put up with that loser.”

Twitch sighs and shakes her head, taking a seat behind her desk. “What do you need, girl?”

I settle into the chair opposite of her. “Looking for intel on a Vulture named Dogma.”

Her right eye starts to twitch at the name, but it’s hard to tell what that means with her. There’s a reason her nickname is Twitch. “Dogma? Grade-A shithead, that guy. Why’re you after him?”

“Bounty. One of his goons killed somepony, I’m trying to bring him in. Plus, he’s on the EMO’s wanted list, so this is right up your alley.”

Twitch scrutinizes me over her coffee mug. “Right, but what brings you our glorious doorstep?”

I roll my eyes. She’s a bit of a braggart, but you get used to it after a while. “Nopony knows the area like you do.”

“Not wrong there.” Twitch frowns, setting her mug down on her desk. “I dunno, Killjoy. Do you even have any solid leads that Dogma’s in the Badlands? I don’t want to waste resources on this unless you’re certain.”

I sigh at that. Twitch is a good leader. She always looks out for her ponies. Unfortunately, that means she’s a little hard to persuade, and I really don’t feel like pleading with her right now. So, I use my trump card. “Hey, Twitch? You owe me one, remember?”

Her other eye twitches. She takes another sip of her coffee and sets the mug down on her desk before folding her hooves. “Ugh. So I do. You really want to call it in now?”

I nod without hesitation. Twitch sighs and shuffles some papers around. “Alright, fine. Let me see…” She opens a drawer in her filing cabinet and rummages through some folders. “Here we go. We suspect a few residences out here are Vulture safehouses, but no promises. Word on the street is that Dogma’s laying low because he pissed off his boss or something.” She goes to the map on the wall and taps her hoof on an area. “Here’s our best bet. I’ll grab some backup. Meet me in the parking lot.”

She holds the door open and lets me leave before disappearing deeper into the Mast. As I turn to head back towards the lobby, I hear the creaking of wheels and groan. Sure enough, Stellar Eclipse rounds the corner on his wheelchair. He freezes as he sees me and frowns.

“Sunshower,” he says. “On your way out, I hope?”

I grunt. “Why can’t you call me Killjoy like every other fucking pony here does? Or at the very least Raindrops. You know I hate that name.”

“You hate a lot of things,” Stellar replies. “So that doesn’t surprise me.”

We fall quiet after that. My ear twitches as someone laughs from down the hall. “Yeah. Well, I guess I’ll get going.” I move past him when he calls out to me.

“Wait, Sunshow—Killjoy.”

I pause, turning my head to look at him.

He takes a deep breath before speaking. “Look, I don’t like you. I don’t like how you conduct yourself, I don’t like your recklessness, I don’t like your behavior. But… be careful out there.”

I raise an eyebrow in surprise. “Uh… yeah, sure. Thanks.”

Stellar nods and keeps wheeling down the hall. Since when did he ever give a shit about me? I shake off the thought and head out of the building. I can’t worry about that now. I’ve got a pony to kill.

---

The jeep jerks and bounces as it rumbles down the sandy hills. Twitch is driving, her eyes hidden by a pair of sunglasses. I pull my bandana up over the face so I’m not eating dust. Wish these damned things had windows.

“Almost there,” Twitch shouts over the engine.

“Awesome,” I reply. Glancing in the rearview mirror, I see another jeep behind us, with two more Village Idiots inside: an earth pony and a unicorn. Twitch insisted on bringing backup.

The jeep jolts again and we bounce up and down. The Badlands don’t have any paved roads, but these jeeps were designed for off-road usage anyways. Doesn’t mean they’re comfortable though. As I watch the cacti and sand dunes pass by, something sends a shiver down my spine.

I feel guilty again. I don’t know why, I haven’t even done anything yet. I don’t like lying to Twitch, but if I told her the truth, she would never go along with it. Octavia and Fritter’s faces suddenly flash through my mind. I see Fritter’s look of hurt and disappointment, and I see Octavia’s eyes piercing my soul, trying to figure me out.

I shake off the thoughts. We’re approaching the site now: a small wooden hut in the middle of butt-fuck nowhere.

Twitch pulls the jeep in front of the house, and the other jeep parks behind us. We group up and head towards the house, Twitch taking the lead. “Stay frosty. Let’s all make it home today.” She stands slightly to the right of the doorway and bangs her hoof on it. “Bounty hunters! Open up!”

There’s a shuffling noise from behind the door. “Whadya want?”

“Why don’t you open the door, and we’ll have a chat,” Twitch replies.

As I look around the front of the house, I suddenly realize how exposed we are. The entire area is flat and sandy, meaning there’s nowhere to take cover except for the jeeps. The house has the door and two windows facing us, and while it’s pretty small, we don’t know how many fuckers are inside.

In other words, this is shaping up to be a pretty shitty situation. Still, Twitch and her ponies are skilled in fighting out here, so we should be fine…

The earth pony Idiot shifts on his hooves, adjusting the strap on his rifle. The unicorn’s eyes start to wander, drifting from the house to the sky. Twitch bangs on the door again. “Just wanna talk!”

There’s furious whispering behind the door. Then there’s silence. Twitch shoots me a nervous glance and takes a half step back from the door. Our hooves slide to our pistol holsters.

The door suddenly explodes into shards of wood. If anypony was standing directly in front of it, that shotgun blast would have ruined them. Twitch and I take to the air and fly upwards, while the other two Idiots draw their guns and fall back.

“Well, shit,” Twitch grunts as she pulls out her rifle. “To the jeeps! Go!”

We make for the jeep as bullets whiz by us. I dive down into the dirt, rifle in hooves, before pressing my back against the jeep door. Twitch lands at my side. “Every fucking time! Every time we hang out, we get shot at!” she grumbles.

“Whatever, let’s break their knees!” I reply. I look over the top of the jeep to see a pony standing in the doorway, revolver in hoof. Both windows are shattered, and I spot two ponies in the right window holding guns.

The earth pony Idiot peeks over to try and get some shots off, but he’s met with a hail of bullets. He screams and falls backwards, clutching his foreleg in pain. “Fuck me!”

The unicorn curses and drops her gun to tend to him. She throws up a shield spell and starts helping him. “Pony down! Pony down!”

Twitch growls. “Fucking hell!”

The pony in the doorway is outside now, moving forwards while firing blindly. I pop out over the hood and fire. He screams and falls to the ground. “One down!” I call out.

“Drop your weapons and surrender!” Twitch shouts. The only answer is another burst of gunfire.

There’s a hiss as one of the tires takes a bullet. A Vulture runs out the door, heading to the pony writhing on the ground and screaming. A third Vulture lays down suppressing fire from the ground floor window.

“Yo, I’ll draw his fire,” Twitch calls out. “Heads up,” she shouts at the unicorn. “Heading to you!”

“Go!” I shout. Twitch bursts out of cover, making a beeline for the other jeep. She uses her wings to give her a boost, and the unicorn drops her shield briefly so Twitch can get in. The pony in the house follows her with his gun, giving me an opening.

I fire a burst from my rifle at the window, forcing the Vulture in the house to duck for cover, leaving his friends wide open. The second Vulture is dragging his wounded buddy back towards the house. I line up his head with my sights and fire. His head snaps backwards and he falls to the ground.

His buddy screams out and raises his revolver. He blindly fires a few shots in my directions but misses. I drop low to the ground, cover my head with my hooves. As I look up, I realize I have a line of sight onto him from underneath the jeep. I line up my sights and start shooting.

The Vulture collapses onto his back as two holes tear through his chest. A pool of red is staining the sand now. Finally, it’s quiet again. I get to my hooves, keeping my gun trained on the doorway. Third pony is still in there.

I glance at Twitch, who’s helping the unicorn with the downed pony. “Fuck’s sake, stop screaming! It just grazed you!” shouts the unicorn.

I roll my eyes and push up towards the house.

“Killjoy! What are you doing?” hisses Twitch. I ignore her and keep moving. I rear up on my hind legs and raise the rifle, keeping it trained on the window. Through the shattered glass I can see silhouettes of furniture, pressed up against the wall.

Aiming through the window, I notice shards of glass littering the floor, with trails of blood. The blood drops lead to a closed door on the other side of the room. I drop down to all fours and hop through the window.

The glass crunches under my hooves as I focus on the door. I do a quick scan but don’t see any movement. Alright, Dropsy. Nice and easy now.

I maneuver around a wooden chair and table, moving lightly on my hooves. I brace myself on the right side of the door, clenching my teeth and breathing heavily. “Come on out, before I start shooting!”

There’s some shuffling behind the door. Just as I extend my hoof to it, there’s the roar of a shotgun blast. I reflexively duck as the wooden wall just in front of me explodes open, sending splinters flying through the air.

Before I can recover, the door slams open and the last pony steps out. Dogma tosses his shotgun aside and pulls out a knife, snarling and charging me down. Before I can get a shot off, he tackles me, and I land hard on my back. The gun flies out of my hooves.

I scramble to get up again, but Dogma closes the gap quickly. He shoves me back down and stabs at my throat. I grab his foreleg with my own and growl, trying to keep the blade away from my neck. “Fuck you!” he spits.

I use my free hoof to deck him in the chin. He staggers backwards but doesn’t drop the knife. Just as I get to my hooves, he charges again. This time I’m ready for him. I dodge left as he slashes at me, grinning. “That's all you got?”

Before he can recover, I hit him again in the face. As I throw another punch, he blocks it with a foreleg. While he’s distracted, I throw an uppercut his way, connecting with his jaw.

I go in for another attack, but he jabs at me, hitting me dead in the eye. My vision blurs and I hiss in pain. Fucker, that one stings. Before I can refocus, Dogma decks me in the face again. The floorboards come up quickly to meet my face.

Fuck. I’m gonna be feeling that one in the morning. Can’t worry about that now though, not when Dogma’s still got his knife. I turn on my side just in time to register a shit-colored blur coming at me.

I raise a rear leg and kick him as hard as I can. The kick lands right in his face, sending some of his teeth flying out.

As he recoils backwards, I give him a good smack to the ribs.

Dogma doubles over in pain, and the knife finally clatters from his hooves. Another good hit knocks him to the ground.

I draw my pistol and press it into his forehead. “That’s e-fucking-nough of that shit.”

Dogma spits out blood. “What the fuck do you want, bitch?”

“You put a hit on Fading Light,” I say. “I want to know the names of the ponies who killed him.”

“Why the fuck do you care? That old shit deserved it!”

Fucker. I smack him across the face with the pistol barrel. “You want to play hard? Fine.” I grab his mane and drag him to the far end of the room.

“Argh! Bitch! Why do you give a shit about him?”

I bang the door open. A bathroom. Perfect. I toss him to the ground and grab his neck. “Last chance.”

“Bi--”

He’s cut off when I slam his head into the toilet bowl. “Look, fuckface, you either tell me what I want to know, or I’ll drown you in a toilet.”

His eyes widen. “You’re fucking crazy!”

“Yeah? Your point?”

I grab his mane again and get ready to slam. “Wait, wait! Look, that fucker didn’t give me a choice, alright? Fucking kicked me out of his shitty little restaurant and made me look like a foal in front of my boss!”

“I don’t give a shit! Who killed Fading?!”

“Fuck if I know! Look, I just told Lowball that I need him dead, and he said he’d grab some of the new guys and take care of it!”

I narrow my eyes and bash his head against the toilet bowl again. “Who the fuck is Lowball!”

“Argh! F-fuck! He’s my second! He’s in Dodge now, okay?! That’s all I know! I swear.”

I spit on him before bringing the butt of the gun to the back of his head. He smashes his head into the toilet bowl and crumples to the ground. “That’s how we do it on the murder scene, bitch.”

With a sigh, I straighten myself out and look in the mirror. My cyan mane’s a mess now, not that it was in a great state to begin with. Specks of blood stain my coat and jacket, and my right eye’s sporting a nice big bruise.

My ear twitches as I hear something in the doorway. I whirl around, pistol drawn.

“Fucking hell, Killjoy!”

I grimace and lower the gun as Twitch steps in. Her eyes widen when she sees Dogma sprawled out under me. Her lower eyelid starts bouncing. “What the fuck was that about?”

I shrug, holstering my gun. “He resisted.” I feel Twitch’s nervous eyes following me as I exit the bathroom. “I’m done with him. He’s all yours now--”

Twitch shoves me. I stumble, not expecting that.

“The fuck is wrong with you?” Twitch shouts.

I raise an eyebrow.

“Why’d you push up by yourself? You could have fucking died!”

Why’s she so hostile all of a sudden? “So what? I handled it! Why are you getting on my case like this?”

Twitch jabs a hoof in my face. “I swear to fucking Celestia! You’re always like this! You don’t give a shit for your own safety or for anypony else’s!”

“Well, it’s not my fault that your pony got shot!”

“How the fuck was it not? I know you don’t give a shit about others, but Killjoy, do you even care if you die?!”

I recoil at the accusation before narrowing my eyes. “The fuck does that mean?”

Twitch slams a hoof into her face. “Look, Raindrops, you might not give a shit about your own safety, but I do.”

“Do you?” I scoff. “Be serious. You’ve never given a shit about me.”

The words come out faster than I can stop them. Twitch’s lip trembles, but I have a feeling this time it’s because of me. But I don’t really feel guilty. Just tired. I grunt and turn away. “Just… do whatever. I’m going to go lie down in the jeep.”

As I pass through the doorway, I hear Twitch whispering under her breath, “... Damnit, Killjoy. Why are you like this?”

I hesitate and consider turning around to apologize. But I don’t.

…

Celestia damnit.

Comments

[PonyJosiah13]

Burning bridges left and right there, Rainy.

Good to see you writing again!

[The Red Parade]

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:)