Prologue
Prologue
Inside one of the guest rooms in Canterlot Castle a purple pony was sitting with her head lowered before a great window, that showed the sleeping city and the night sky with a full moon. Her dress discarded on the floor near the bed. It was an eventful day for her, but she could care less now that her brother's wedding party finally ended. With her eyes half closed and a heavy sigh, her misadventures of the day all played once again in her mind. What she found most disturbing for her was Princess Celestia's defeat at the hooves of the Changeling Queen. It was something she thought was impossible. Second most distressful thing she discovered was how unprepared she and her friends truly were, when it came to facing foes that were serious about their doings.
Yes, her and her friends defeated Discord but for him it was all a one big game. Even Nightmare Moon didn't take them seriously, allowing herself to be taken by surprise when they activated The Elements of Harmony. Chrysalis was different in that regard she didn't underestimate them, she just didn't take into account how powerful and deep love can truly be.
A quiet sigh escaped her lips.
“Some hero I am...” Twilight grumbled quietly and bitterly. For some time now she thought that they - the Elements, and if they failed the Princess - could handle whatever fate threw at them. The wedding was a wake up call.
But it was still a useless lesson, as Princess Celestia refused and will probably still refuse to teach her the more dangerous spells, being a firm believer of diplomatic solutions. She still remembered that one time she asked to attend the Day Court as a learning experience. It was startling for the then younger filly how some petitioners had the gall to straight out demand things from her teacher and Celestia just reasoned with them in her eternal patience, instead of using her political power as the Princess.
“When one has power beyond that of normal pony folk Twilight, it is better to believe in the strength of an argument than the argument of strength.” Was Princess Celestia's answer, told with a voice filled with sadness, that the filly received when she asked why the Princess haven’t just used her political power to outright deny such petitioners. But the belief in the 'Gentle approach' as Twilight dubbed it, failed spectacularly today.
If she just knew some battle spells things could have gone differently. Sometimes Twilight thought that Celestia wasn't putting enough faith in her subjects and after today... in her. The purple mare could understand it to some degree. Knowledge could sometimes be dangerous, she had to admit that. The accident with her Smarty Pants doll came to her mind as an example... but still.
Suddenly she sat upright as an idea struck her. Her eyes looking up at the moon. She did know a pony that could teach here the more dangerous spells. That pony had to know at least few spell of that kind... she did battle her own sister after all.
But how to approach Princess Luna about it? And should she let her teacher know? Twilight began to fear, that going behind the back of Princess Celestia with this could put some serious strain in their relations if she ever found out. However, would the Princess let her do something like that willingly if she told her? Yes, she should. Even being near pacifistic in nature she would understand, wouldn't she?
With things to ponder now, Twilight stood up and walked to her bed. It was late in the night and she would need at least some sleep if she wanted to get things done properly tomorrow.
**********
When late morning sun rays hit her closed eyes, first thing she did was to roll over on her other side. After some time came the annoying sound of the doors opening and closing. And then the voice.
“Twilight time to wake up.” The voice was familiar as it belonged to a certain baby dragon.
She mumbled something incoherently and put a pillow over her head, she was so tired.
“If you don't get up, there will be nothing left to eat for a breakfast for you.” Spike said before she heard him leaving the room. After she heard the lock in the doors click, her stomach gave a loud grumbling noise of unhappiness. That traitor...
With a wide yawn she got up, looked around and still half asleep got out of her comfortable bed to make use of the in suite bathroom.
Half an hour later Twilight entered the smaller, unofficial dining room that the Castle had. At the table she saw only Rarity. From what she could see, others have already eaten and were now doing other things, probably. When she sat at the table she realized what she had planned for today and her mood changed, from just being unhappy from getting up to being uncertain.
Rarity saw the change in Twilight eyes.
“Something bothering you dear?” The fashionista asked looking the purple mare in the eyes. There was something there but the white unicorn couldn’t decipher what.
“A private matter, nothing too important though. I just need to talk to the Princesses.” Twilight replied between bites of her daisy sandwich.
“Well I heard they both will be here today, to say their goodbyes to your brother and Princess Cadence when they leave on their honeymoon.” Rarity said between her sips of her tea.
Twilight looked up from her sandwich. She knew that Princess Luna didn't normally show herself during the day. It was the best opportunity she will have, if a bit too fast for her. After that short conversation they both enjoyed their meal and tea.
It was almost an hour later when Twilight stood outside the castle with her friends and the Princesses. Before them the newly married couple stood near a golden chariot, it was the one that took Twilight to Ponyville the first time. Cadence was smiling and Shining Armor was looking like the cat that got the canary.
It was almost time for them to depart. One last thing still remained for him to do, besides all the goodbyes he had said till now. Shining Armor walked to his little sister and gave her a hug.
“We will write to you Twili. And behave.” He said with a wide grin.
“I will BBBFF. Have some fun, you really deserve it.”
With that short farewell he along with Cadence stepped into the chariot. And at his sign the two pegasi guards pulled the golden chariot up into the sky.
When they disappeared from view Twilight immediately went closer to the Princesses.
“Yes, my faithful student?” Celestia's motherly voice reached Twilight. When the smaller mare looked up she could still see some fatigue in the eyes of her teacher.
“I would like to talk with you Princess and Princess Luna. Alone.” That news brought curiosity to the Princesses' eyes.
“Then let us talk in my study Twilight, sister.” Celestia said and started to lead the way into the castle. The other two mares following right behind her.
The walk was all in all a short one. When the trio got comfortable on the pillows in the study the Princesses gave their undivided attention to Twilight.
“What is it that thou wants to speak about Twilight Sparkle?” Luna's voice was full of her curiosity.
Twilight started to have second thoughts about all this, when she became conscious of the watchful gaze of both royal alicorns. She took a deep breath and fidgeted with her hooves a bit.
“I want to ask you Princess Luna to tutor me in battle magic, if Princess Celestia is ok with that.” The purple unicorn was now nervously shifting her gaze from one Princess to another. To her Luna looked ecstatic, Celestia on the other hand looked disappointed.
The white alicorn sighed as she looked between her sister and her favourite student.
“Twilight. I didn't teach you it for a reason. Diplomacy and understanding are the way to build Harmony. Not battle.”
“But the battle does happen sometimes and if I had the knowledge the battle with the changelings would go much smoother.” Twilight's instant reply was filled with a bit of underlying anger.
“We... I have to agree sister. Twilight Sparkle is correct.” Princess Luna looked at the smaller pony. New possibilities whirled in her mind as a smile showed on her muzzle and she unconsciously ruffled her wings a bit.
Celestia looked at her sister. She had to admit, the last time she saw Luna so excited, was when she went to Ponyville for the Nightmare Night. Luna now wanted this too it seemed. Also she knew Twilight was right but it hurt her to admit that. Battle magic was dangerous and straining on a ponies psyche. And she knew that if Twilight should have one of her... episodes while training, she could potentially cause a lot of damage. Especially is she was to allow Luna to tutor her. Her sister prided herself on her knowledge of the darker and even forbidden arts, from obvious reasons they had kept it a secret among them.
The older alicorn closed her eyes for a moment, thinking about this matter.
“If I am to guess, you're adamant about it Twilight.” Celestia half-stated half-asked her student. Which was responded with a determined nod from the purple unicorn.
“Then I agree under one condition. You will become Luna's apprentice and officially case to be my student.” It was her last hope of keeping Twilight from pursuing that branch of magic as she knew how much being her protégée meant for the purple unicorn.
What she got from her statement was one incredulous look from Twilight, which reminded her of that time after her entrance exam when she proposed the filly to be her student. Luna on the other hand looked at her disapprovingly. Such underhanded plays were below her, she knew, but she just didn't want to lose Twilight. And she didn't see any other options beside pointing out how unstable and paranoid Twilight could become under the wrong circumstances, but that was out of question. She wouldn't hurt Twilight with that kind of words.
“I... I...” It was all that at the moment Twilight could say. Being the Princess student was almost her second life. And now she had to choose. Seek knowledge and abandon a position that she held for a very long time or keep the status quo. But the bookworm and researcher in her were winning the argument. Also the fact that her mentor gave her such a choice in the first place stirred some unpleasant thoughts.
Twilight took a deep breath and seeing her do that, the Princesses themselves stilled their breaths in anticipation for the answer.
“I choose Princess Luna then. Forgive me Princess Celestia.” Twilight said quietly looking pleadingly at Celestia in hopes she would understand.
Said alicorn just dropped her head a bit with a heavy sigh.
“It is your choice my little pony. I can't stop you.” It was another silent reply.
Meanwhile Luna looked happy. Twilight Sparkle had interested her since the Nightmare Night and now she will have her as an apprentice. She felt indebted to the purple mare and now she had a chance to take care of that... and more.
“I propose sister that we end this meeting. I will take my leave if there is nothing more to add. And Twilight Sparkle, We... I will see you tonight.” After those words Luna left the room.
Twilight in the meantime stood up, and bit her lower lip as she looked at Princess Celestia.
“It's just like another adventure and I can come back to you if I find it unsatisfactory. Princess Luna would not keep me by force if I changed my mind.” She tried to reassure herself as much as she tried to reassure her now former teacher.
“No, but even if you return, you will not be the same.” Celestia said in a low voice leaning forward a bit to nuzzle the top of her head with great care.
When that moment was over Twilight took her leave, thinking about what the future will bring. In her study Celestia watched her, now former, student close the doors. She suddenly found herself deep in one of her memories. Once in the past she saw a once great pony consumed by the forbidden arts when she was not ready to wield them, when dark emotions ran rampant in her. The same words she had spoken today echoed in another castle's room then, more than a thousand years ago.
**********
A/N: If someone likes the story be warned though, I will write when I feel like it so there is no schedule for the updates, it can be days or weeks between them. And now to wait for the grammar nazi to strike again... EDIT: If you have any concerns about the grammar contact me, A Fox in Equestria, I am Vohiras proofreader and take pride in my work.
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In the description it's should be its
This has quite a bit of potential, and going from the cover art, I'm hoping this will be a twilacorn story.
Ok, I'm going to say this now. This has tons of grammar and spelling errors, way too many for me to actually count. I'm going to say this now: You're going to NEED a proofreader if you're going to continue this. Otherwise, the story's going to be harder to tell, and people aren't going to like it. This can go places, it just needs work.
See above comment.
Just a few grammar errors I will point out for you.
'With her eyes half closed and a heavy sigh, her miss adventures of the day'
It should be misadventures, it is a word.
'Cadence was smiling, Shining Armor was just looking happy.'
Did you mean 'looking just as happy?
'Celestia looked at her sister. She had to admit, she didn't saw her so excited from almost a year.'
I don't know what you were trying to say there.
'Such underhanded plays were below her, she knew, but she just didn't want to loose Twilight.'
Lose not Loose, common mistake.
'“I propose sister that we ended this meting. I will take my leave if there is nothing more to add.'
Meeting
That's it! Like the story so far!
Sorry if I came off a bit condescending, my teachers are very thorough if you will.
EDIT: I saw the comments above and your A/N, if you really are on no schedule I could be your proofreader if you want.
Great job! This really has some potential, keep it up! Also what pony in there right mind would dislike this?
Favorite+Like+I'm watching you, "insert creepy laugh here".
1139149 I agree. Reading this story I can see a lot of potential, but the spelling errors and grammar/punctuation/wording related errors are really holding this story back. Otherwise a solid prologue, I'd advise using Googledocs if you can't get a proofreader as it has a built-in spell checker which can be extremely helpful.
This is a very interesting story, but it is packed with grammar errors and typos. FreezeYoshi already put it best, so I won't beat you over the head with it any more. I look forward to see where this goes, but look into getting yourself an editor or at the very least a pro-reader.
I love the concept.
Who will protect equestria when Princess Celesita gets taken out? and Luna is asleep?
Twilight. She just needs a little more training.
Hopefully Celestia has shown Twily enough wisdom that she will be able to avoid the most obvious pitfalls of darker power. Hopefully she will be smart enough to ask for help to avoid the less obvious dangers as well.
1139149 1139500 Well, I put my faith into the OpenOffice built-in spell check for this chapter but seeing this I'm beginning to have doubts about it. Also, punctuation always wasn't my strong side when it came to grammar, as I tend to suggest myself after my native language which isn't English.
1139217 Thx, for pointing this out.
1140751 Most of the spelling errors are actually correct spellings of words, just not the word that should be used in context. Your errors are almost exclusively things like "tee" instead of "tea," or missing possessive modifiers (ex. Twilight vs Twilight's)
1141612 Hmm... I knew I forgot about something... It's been a while since I have written something longer in English.
thumbs up ,and track
ps: damm u grammar nazi
Dis gonna be gud. Looking forward to what happens next, but you do need a proofreader.
*Looks at tags*
Dammit, no Twiluna!
*Raises eyebrow*
Hope springs eternal.
beside spelling errors this is pretty nice
The poor grammar hurts what is otherwise a decent story.
1149597 It's being worked on and at the time of uploading next chapter, the prologue should have a more decent grammar (next chapter also).
1149611
That's good. As long as you work on improving it, you will get better at it.
I look forward to reading more.
Also, I recommend improving the story description. People judge books by their cover, and the description is the most important part of your fic's cover. It's the difference between thousands of views and obscurity for many stories.
This is a great concept and I'm sure you can do a lot with it, but there are quite a few errors. I found one in particular to be incredibly annoying, that being the lack of a period at the end of a sentence the characters said. Once again, great story! Looking forward to more.
The grammar errors were very off-putting, but I see that English is not your first language. In that case, I'll give your story another chance.
Edit, I should point out the sentence that almost made me stop reading:
"She had to admit, she didn't saw Luna so excited from the time she went to Ponyville for the Nightmare Night."
Evil Twi fic?
farm2.staticflickr.com/1060/5124699989_a414738d44_z.jpg
"Officially case" instead of "officially Cease"
1296153 i agree
1139217 If your are the proofreader, then you have a LOT of work ahead of you. Good luck, Mr. Fox
1518553
Explain this to me.
are you saying that
is correct?
The definition of the word case is an instance of a particular situation; an example of something occurring, or an instance of a disease or problem, or a legal action, especially one to be decided in a court of law, or a container designed to hold or protect something, or each of the two forms, capital or minuscule, in which a letter of the alphabet may be written or printed. (those were the definitions of the word case in its noun form) the definition of the word case in its verb form is surround in a material or substance, or reconnoiter (a place) before carrying out a robbery.
WHILE the definition of the word cease is bring or come to an end. Which means that the sentence "You will become Luna's apprentice and officially cease to be my student.” means the same as saying "You will become Luna's apprentice and officially bring your time being my apprentice to an end." (or something to that effect.)
5479801 I was about to correct him. I think he meant "cease"