• Member Since 22nd Dec, 2012
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The Man. The Legend. The World's Strongest Writerβ„’

Comments ( 91 )

I'm very disappointed that Shiny never had to haggle down the price to 17 bits to get his dick back.

This was certainly a strange read. More akin to something I'd expect from Flutterpriest! Though to be clear, that's not a bad thing. :raritywink:

If this doesn't spawn a Part 2 where Shining is begged by Twilight's cunt to fuck it, I shall be extremely disappointed in you, Shakes.

You're not the only one who wants this.

Well I was going to do some proofreading/editing.
But I guess I could be persuaded to knock up out another chapter tonight instead...

I..................huh. I feel like I came to an epiphany and form of enlightenment. Or I'm high. Without drugs.

"You're quite the pickup artist," Twilight sarcassed.

Youse ain't gots no good English. :ajsmug:

Also... Just...
There are no words, Shakespearacles. No words. After reading this I feel like the ape confronting the Monolith, staring into the infinite, inky black nothingness and having foreign and indescribable thoughts shoved into my brain.

In short, your story makes me want to pick up the femur of a gazelle and smash something with it.

Is it "quit fucking your sister"?

In carrying on with the tradition of original bard himself, Shakespeare, who invented 1700 words in his lifetime, I too, am also inventing words. Sarcassed is one of them.

Sarcassed: Verb. Past tense; To have said something sarcastically.

Sarcasm is an adjective, not a verb. :derpytongue2:

Your linguistic atavism shall be your undoing in due time, oh Bard of the Boner. :duck:


Sarcasm is an adjective, not a verb.
Your linguistic atavism shall be your undoing in due time, oh Bard of the Boner.

Sarcasm is a noun.

Sarcastic is an adjective.


"You come at the king, you best not miss." - Omar Little

Guess I "invented" a word, then.

Well, this was fun :D good work ^^

Not sure if the scales need tipping here, but heck, I'm down for thirding this idea.

Though it'd be a fraction as long; Shining wouldn't need nearly as much dialogue to convince :moustache:

I'm just waiting for the real ending, where the Sparkle Family Jewels run (flop? clop?) off to be together forever.

"It's the voice he gave me," it said. "Besides, if I had a stallion's voice, that'd be pretty gay every time he gave me a hoofjob."


No homo bro.

Look, Imma be real, the only reason I clicked on this, since I'm not really into clop (not judging, of course, but a personal choice.) is because of this song from like, the 90's? that has the same name. I assume you've heard of it, Shakespearicles?

If so, I applaud you for the obscure reference.

I'm pretty sure adjective was already a word.

"It's not incest as long as you say 'no chromo'."

....this was the most strangest clop ive ever read, i think i lost all my brain cells reading it. Still good clop regardless of the brain damaging effects :rainbowlaugh:

Immediately thought of One-Eyed Monster. Something tells me I'll enjoy this story just as much if not more.

You know he’s the worlds strongest writer when he can somehow make this shot work

The only reason I'm not faving this is that is a one-shot. Otherwise you get a like from me.

At first glance, I didn't think this could work, but I forgot to consider the source--the mighty Spakespearicles. You are a god at this, sir.

And at the end? What would be perfect is if Twilight's unmentionables spoke in a male voice.

"Usually," it said. "Although if it makes you feel any better, he always hates himself for it afterwards."

Ah, just like me whenever I indulge my weirder fetishes. Post-nut guilt is somehow always and yet also never expected.

How does that work?

Firesight dragged me in here.

"Oh. Okay then. Goodnight." Twilight said as he got up to go sleep in the guest room. She finished her drink and sighed. "I wish I knew what that stallion was thinking sometimes..." she muttered as she went off to her own bedroom.

Same thing we're all thinking about.


Twilight's ears shifted like satellite dishes

Why have I never read this simile before in pony fic? That's exactly what it looks like!

"Why can you talk!?" Twilight asked.

"Because you wished for it," it said.

I am the Ghost of Penis Past here to tell you about all the dick you've been missing. :moustache:

"It's the voice he gave me," it said. "Besides, if I had a stallion's voice, that'd be pretty gay every time he gave me a hoofjob."

Ha! :rainbowlaugh: Well played sir.

"That is of no concern to me," it said. "You are an attractive pony, and I've wanted to be inside you more than any other mare we've ever met! No other pony makes me harder. When he clops, it's always the best when he's thinking about you," it said.

The Element of Honesty is the Element of Dick if you think about it.

"You're quite the pickup artist," Twilight sarcassed. "How often does that work for you?"

"When it comes to getting Shining to clop, I have a one hundred percent success rate," it said.

I didn't know there was a verb form of sarcasm. Neat! Also, you can't argue with 100%

"Twilight, if you honestly believe that spending his entire adult life having an internal struggle with his penis every time he sees you isn't unimaginably stressful for him, then I have a bridge to sell you," it said.

More wisdom than I could have ever expected from a dick. Well said.

"No Twilight. He eats pineapple because he knows you like it. He actually hates pineapple. But Cadance told him that it makes his semen taste sweet. And he wanted it to taste good for you."

"But he eats pineapple every time he visits," Twilight said. "And for what? On the off chance I just up and decide to suck his dick?" she asked.

I'm just sayin', this is going the extra mile for a girl you don't want to have sex with who happens to be your sister to feast on nasty-ass pineapples every time you see her. :fluttershbad:

"Oh, no, there was a ton of cum!" it said. "But it was a perfect fit in there and I lined right up with your cervix. Most of it went straight into your uterus and stayed there."

I can't believe you fell for that Twilight! Enjoy your inbred foal!

It had been a long night. Twilight was exhausted and had turned off her alarm to let herself sleep in for a few extra hours. The first rays of dawn streaked through Shining Armor's window. He rolled over to look at the clock on his nightstand. He blinked awake and focused his eyes. There on his nightstand was what looked like a lavender fleshlight.

"Shining, we need to talk."

Somehow I doubt there will be much talking. Liked and faved.

This reminds me of this story revolving around Fluttershy

How am I just now finding out about this!?

"I know how intention spells work," Twilight said. "But I never wished to talk to a penis."

Also called the Literal Genie boundary or Fae Reach Around

That one was presumably based on a movie with the same premise (minus Fluttershy obviously)

"Gah!" Twilight yelped. "What the heck! Starlight, did you give me an enchanted dildo?"

Starlight: "Not this time. But thanks for the idea!"

"But he doesn't listen to me. He loves you. He will never act on my urges. He's a good pony."


"So good! So perfect!" she moaned against her sheets, damp with her sweat and pony-knows-what else. Her heart fluttered and she struggled to catch her breath. "That was absolutely incredible! I might just have to keep you," she purred.

Who would be more devastated? Shining or Cadance?

I’m not sure if imma read this but the fact the title is detachable penis gets you an upvote.

she could easily see that the stallion's defining characteristic was markedly absent

That's not how pony anatomy works... :trixieshiftleft:

it wiggled like a worm back into his sheath, snuggling up inside its personal turtleneck sweater before vanishing inside it

This makes the 'check-up scene' even stranger. :rainbowhuh:

I think Twilight takes it a little bit too well. She talks like the mare with experience, and the role doesn't really fit her in my opinion. Otherwise this was a fun story. The last lines are awesome.


Everyday we stray further from God's light

"You're a dick!"

"Yes. I am."

Coming in theatres this summer: Detachable Penis. Starring Shiny's schlong.

Shining Armor farted. His asshole was feeling left out of the conversation.

This made me laugh so hard!

ay, robcakeran53 just said you're a bitch ass motherfucker

She smacked him and shrieked. "You put it back upside down!"

Letter of Notification

To Shining Armor, Prince-Consort of the Crystal Empire,

As a result of the egregious category GM*1 incident of TS/SA-464205-2, your Certificate of Non-Virginity is hereby suspended pending further investigation. You are expected at the Place in 10 days from this letter's arrival; please bring your wife and daughter so that we may question the former under truth serum and institute a paternity test for the latter. You are also expected to bring any other sexual partners you have had, regardless of any hesitation you may have in doing so. Not doing so may result in permanent Virgin status. Rest assured that your privacy is our concern*2.

With Regards,

*1: Genital Misplacement
*2: Disclaimer: Terms & Conditions apply

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