- Member Since 12th Dec, 2019
- offline last seen Nov 5th, 2023
Bronyofcuba
My father is a writer and my mother graduated of Literature, reading and writing its in my veins.
Bronyofcuba
Joined 12th Dec, 2019 ·
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Great story.
One thing I would like to say is that I found that last big paragraph to be a bit overkill. It’s a bit too long. Therefore, I feel that it could be shortened and if done correctly, the shortened version would still have the same, if not more, emotional impact as the original paragraph.
Whoa... For a first story that's pretty damn good, I really felt the anxiety.
10151980
I don't totally understand the problem. Care to explain please?
Nice story! It has a good moral: don't make a big deal out of little things.
10152314
I just felt that the last major paragraph is a bit too long and that it could have been shortened down a bit. It's nothing major, it's just something I noticed while reading.
10155635
Ok.
Neat! Nice story.
Nice story, but you need to edit the chello part. The right word is Cello.
I'm going to try help you when it comes to one of the errors. I'm not good at correcting mistakes.
I think something is missing in this sentence
“Her mastery of playing the cello was divine”
Are the bad vision happened before while she's playing her cello.
This is before she could play her cello:
“More bad visions tormented her and were disturbing her so she dismissed them before they could interfere with her music and there was no room for mistake in that situation.”
To my opinion, the flow of this story is a little too fast, or maybe because the story is too short? But it did tricked me into believing the theater was going to collapse. Nice work anyway.
10244289
I will correct that mistake, thanks.
As for the rest, I also feel like it was pretty short. This was the first one I wrote and besides, English ain't my native language. (I suppose you guessed that anyway)
And thanks again!
10244357
I understand. I was like you, but worse since English is not my native language either. I live somewhere in Asia.