Come, as you are~ as you were~ as I waaaant you to be~! As a friend-Ah shit! Were live! Shit, Anons gonna kill me if he figures out I was using his device! Fuck shit, forgot were live again! I-uh, fuck! Anon, if your listening to this, please, please forgive me. . . hehe. Ahem.
A dark lord from another dimension threatens Equestria, yet nopony is surprised.
And scientist find a weird blob that can transform into any of your sexual desires. Huh, gotta try that out some time.
From Anon 69 Public Radio, this is Anon 69 News. I'm Stella, and I'm currently drunk while doing news. I'd say its time you drank up.
Anon 69 News is sponsored yet again, by Sweet Apple Acres. The sweetest apples in Equestria. Go on and buy one, its really, really good. Trust me.
Earlier today, a dark lord that goes by the title of Dark Nuggs, has put out a statement that he will 'Destroy Equestria.' The feedback he received shocking. . . for him at least. Fellow Anon 69 Correspondent, Cracker Jack, joins us now for more on the matter. Hello Cracker.
"Hey Stella."
Cracker, can you describe what the situation looked like?
"Yup. Around 2:37pm, a giant portal leading into another dimension opened right above the town of Ponyville. A few moments after the opening of the portal, a giant squid monster floated from the portal. He then gave a speech, take a listen;"
"I have finally arrived! Mwuahahaha! Attention the planet of Equis! Your new god has arrived! Now bow before I, Dark Nuggs! Hahahaha!"
"The residents payed no mind to him as they moved on with their business. To say the least, he was pretty shocked."
"Hey! Why isn't anyone running or screaming? Not even a faint? C'mon, I'm supposed to be all scary and stuff."
"He then continued to do a series of gestures with his tentacles. All the while shouting things, and I quote, "Hey look at me." and "I'm a big scary monster, about to destroy your world. You should probably run, or something." We interviewed a mare named Lyra Heartstrings on the matter."
"So tell us, why did you nor anypony else run or hide?"
"I think its mostly due on the fact Ponyville is like, the center of all monster attacks. The first 10 times, yeah it was scary, but now. . . well its basically the norm around here. And considering princess Twilight always takes care of it, it just makes every attack dull. If anything, I'd say a day without a monster attack would be more scary."
"Well thank you Ms. Heartstrings for your time."
"So when do I get to suck the human's fingers?"
"Lyre, I don't think we should be talking about that."
"We made a deal. Now when do I- hey! Get back here! We made a deal!"
Interesting. Hey Cracker, do you think you can tell me a bit more about that deal?
"Nope. And I will keep it that way till the day I die."
Hehe. All jokes aside, what ever happened to Dark Nuggs?
"He promptly left back into the portal after calling us, "useless bags of meat." And everything returned back to normal. Well, as normal as it could."
Sounds like he was disappointed.
"Sure did."
Well then, we'll be seeing you Cracker Jack. Audios amigo.
"See you later, Stella."
Before we wrap up todays episode, I want to let you guys know that every ten episodes, we will be accepting letters asking us questions and in the next episode, Anonymous will answer them.
Now then, this has been Stella from Anon 69 News. I'll be seeing you.
Click.
Have you (Anon) tried washing his hands in vinegar and offering them to Lyra to pay off that deal? It might guarentee she never asks again if they taste bad.
I feel like Anon should win a Pulitzer Prize for journalism, mainly because he actually tries to cover all the latest stories as well as he can despite the silliness of them all considering the how ponies blow everything out of proportion.
Here's my question:
When Luna was beating you to a bloody pulp, did you get a boner?
10145639
Salt n vinegar chips are a thing. She might just like em more.
Dear Anon, being the only human and being a healthy, normally, male we were wondering... just how blue are those balls? Or have you gone native?
Pretty sure this is supposed to be green not red
10146046
Pretty sure her name is Lyra
10145767
Yes, but the concept works on animals you don't want chewing on cords in your home. You just make it pure vinigar and not the water diluted stuff used in cooking and cleaning products.
10146046
Thanks man, didn't catch that (surprisingly)
I wonder if anon got guns....
This is real journalism! The reporting here is worthy of a Pulitzer or something!
So Anon besides the obvious, you bone any other ponies besides Stella?
10145650
One of the real questions
......I'm assuming that's a reference to something....and now I'm wondering where one gets one of those...for science, of course. I want to know how it shape-shifts, if it's a single-celled organism, if it can change color and what causes it to do so, what they eat and-
And yes for THAT reason, too. But mostly the rest of it.
Haha, awesome
10152397
Poor Yaphit.
Humor is hard
Hey, I've seen this one before! Damn it John, you were supposed to keep that fucker contained.