• Member Since 23rd Nov, 2011
  • offline last seen Oct 13th, 2012

Sonic Rainblast


I'm just a common sixteen year old guy with hopes and dream like everybody else, which are becoming a snowboarder, playing the bass, and attaching to my spiritual life as a minister.

E

After a 1000-year condemnation on the moon, Luna has rehabilitated her position as Princess of the night. Princess Celestia is glad to see the connection between Luna and the night harmonized as well as the connection they share themselves. But there is another bond that Luna must take initiative on: socialization

A slumber party is a decision Luna makes on her endeavor, so are the six equines as special guests. With aid from Celestia, Luna just might make her first step.

This isn't necessarily my first attempted fanfic, but it's my first completed one. I hope you readers will enjoy; criticism is appreciated.

Credit to Foolonthehills for proofreading and advice.

Chapters (4)
Join our Patreon to remove these adverts!
Comments ( 56 )

More, that's all I can say, more

“Consider your wish granted, Twilight Sparkle.”

i will hereby add this to the list of: "famous last words"

this should be good, keep em coming :twilightsmile:

I am a kind of paranoiac in reverse. I suspect people of plotting to make me happy.~J. D. Salinger

I approve of this. Please, continue. Oh, and welcome to my track list.

*tracks*

This is awesome! Can't wait to read more :pinkiehappy::heart:

Oh shit Celestia is gonna be all troll on dis ish XD

This looks very promising. Definitely tracking :twilightsmile:

Celestia must surely be a distant ancestor of Pinkie given the amount of pranking she gets up to!

A good start, looking forward to more.

75919
Personally, given how much she enjoyed most of his antics, j think he would be a descendant of Discord.:pinkiecrazy:

75976

Or maybe ... IT'S BOTH?!

Dun dun duuuuuun :pinkiehappy:

75980

:rainbowderp::pinkiegasp::pinkiehappy::rainbowlaugh::applejackconfused::twilightoops::yay::trollestia::moustache:


^my reaction.

This is why there should be an app for those emoticons for the iPhone or something.

I'm liking it so far.

/)^3^(\ this shows promise. Seems like this is going to be a good one, I'm tracking this. I like how she read the same book that Twilight used during her first slumber party lol. Can't wait for the next chapter.

Have a good one.

Luna and Celestia's overly-formal speech got very annoying to read. The plot's fine, it's just the dialogue was painful to read. I know they talk formally in the show, but not THAT formally. I suggest you clean it up a bit; have them talk in a way that doesn't make me want to heave.

Good first chapter, this is so going under traking :pinkiehappy:.

....and that's how equestria was made

why do i see chaos turmoil and utter destruction approaching poor spike :facehoof:

So you have an Oxford Dictionary...how...swell. :moustache:

77065
Hmm? I don't understand what you mean.

Ignore Havoc, Rainblast. If you write something, people will be asshats and snide and insulting. Just keep writing and be happy with your work. I've tracked this story and personally await more lovely chapters. n.n

A great chapter. Lol Spike is going to regret agreeing to watch the Crusaders XD I can't wait to see the chaos that ensues.

I'm looking forward to Luna's slumber party also, I have a feeling that they are going to be dealing with their own chaos there as well.

My only problem with this chapter is the flashback. Please separate the flashback from the rest of the story >o>. Write "Flashback" at the start or put it in italics or bold it or something. It looks rather bad when there's nothing indicating that a flashback has started. It wasn't hard to figure out that it was a flashback, but please separate it >o>

Can't wait for the next chapter :D Have a good one.

The story is moving along to the slember party, man there is going to be choas at those two slember partys and we all now who started the luna party :pinkiehappy:

Oh man... Poor Spike is gonna have a fun time... >.>

Otherwise, this is really good. Can't wait to read more!

You should make some sort of indicator dividing the flashback from the rest of the story. Most people use a divider, italicizing the flashback, or simply using the words "Flashback" and "End flashback".

Also, don't use obscure words. I had to go look up "lucubrating". Readers don't like needing a dictionary to enjoy a story. And no, I'm not talking about Sweetie Belle.

77722
Just fixed it. XP
I was like "Darn!" when I forgot to italicize the flashback and a few other things. No problem now, right?

77078
77229

I meant no offense. I just was pleasantly surprised at the level of writing. "Was that not clear?"
It was merely a comment on the somewhat excessive use of your extensive vocabulary. When an English Major has to break down and look up a word then something is up :twilightsheepish: I come from a different school of writing (simpler is better) and commented as much. I apologize if you took it the wrong way (I figured moustache spike could smooth over any situation).

I am tracking this story because I think it is a wonderful read and is being set up nicely.

On an unrelated note, Aurora Dimmet, yes I am insulting on occasion. This is not that occasion. :moustache:

I can see it now, "Cutie Mark Crusader's Dragon Slayers YAY!"

:moustache: V.S. :unsuresweetie::scootangel::applecry:

The shit will hit the fan.

Can we have an extra paragraph detailing luna's revenge please

So, wait, Dash lost the dare?

So, wait, Dash lost the dare?

So, wait, Dash lost the dare?

Greatly done. Cucumbers to the moon, indeed.

So much trollestia win :trollestia:

I laughed out loud so many times reading this XD. I laughed when the group found out that Luna was using the same book Twilight used for her first sleepover. Poor Luna not getting a turn at Truth or Dare, I was looking forward as to what she had planned for Celestia :3. Twilight still didn't have her first s'more :c poor Twilight.

The ending was really cool with Luna making a meteor shower for everyone :D

I would like to see what Luna has planned to get back at Celestia in another chapter XD. This was an awesome story, I enjoyed reading it.

Have a good one.

Axz

to bad the story is over:applecry: i real wanted to know what Luna planed for revenge hehe:pinkiesmile:

:trollestia:Trollestia strikes again!
But no cucumbers to the moon... they're delicious!
Man this was great. A very amusing story. What's Luna's revenge going to be? Perhaps a sequel?

Cucumbers?! TO THE MOOON!

This was amazing! :heart::pinkiehappy:

Excessively sesquipedalian loquaciousness and nonadherence to typically colloquial prose partially diminishes an otherwise spectacular narrative's capacity to generate humorous reactions in ordinary casual audiences, as complicated syntax comprehension gradually impedes rapid information absorption.

In other words, while the story itself is entertaining, going overboard with the complex language can start to get a little distracting, so you might want to drop it down a notch next time. Especially in comedy, when overdone, sentences like "wielding a nonchalant countenance" feel a little stiff for the light-hearted tone you want in a story like this. Just a suggestion anyway, because like I said, the story itself was amusing.

This chapter was really funny :rainbowlaugh: but my past part was when Luna won the pillow fight. Oh I have a question are you going to write what happen to spike and the CMC :unsuresweetie: :applecry: :scootangel: with there slumber party?

Dig

Oh man! That was awesome. Your descriptions of food have left me extremely hungry. :twilightsheepish:

I feel this story could also slot perfectly into the show, everything that happens fits each character almost too well!

Dig

Smiled through out this entire chapter.. JAW CRAMP! :rainbowkiss:

Seems appropriate to add a sequel. With the ongoing Rarity and Fluttershy relationship, CMC sleepover and of course Luna's Revenge! Even though that worked as an epic finish :trollestia:

SUDDENLY: DERPY!!!

OUT OF FUCKING NOWHERE!!!

Wow I forget that derpy was still in the library, nice conclusion to the story. :trollestia: streaks again!

:trollestia:and she strikes again great work :trollestia:

Author, you are really cruel toward Luna :fluttershysad:

#49 · Jan 1st, 2012 · · · Part 1 ·

“I know that some ponies out there have believe that I’m . . . good.”

Wut? I suggest removing the "have", it hits the ear wrong. fun read though

98699

It WAS hilarious, though. :rainbowlaugh:

Login or register to comment
Join our Patreon to remove these adverts!