• Member Since 19th Mar, 2020
  • offline last seen 2 hours ago

Dr Virus


E
Source

Feeling the need to calm her young students during the terrifying weather, Celestia tells them of the first student she ever taught, the student who inspired her to establish her school for gifted unicorns, the student who showed her any unicorn could have extraordinary potential.

Chapters (1)
Join our Patreon to remove these adverts!
Comments ( 3 )

This story has a lot of potential.

But are several things you need to work on:

  • Show don't tell.
  • Use the text to show a proper transition between scenes.
  • Improve the means by which you tell the story
  • The theme of a breakdown of relationships between student and teacher doesn't really work when trying to calm fillies afraid of a storm.

You have potential, but you need to hone your craft.

Wow that was really good I really enjoyed it

Login or register to comment
Join our Patreon to remove these adverts!