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Sad Celestia409 stories ·61 members

Her First Student

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Feeling the need to calm her young students during the terrifying weather, Celestia tells them of the first student she ever taught, the student who inspired her to establish her school for gifted unicorns, the student who showed her any unicorn could have extraordinary potential.

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Comments ( 3 )

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redandready45

redandready45 #1 · Mar 23rd, 2020 · 2 · 2 ·

This story has a lot of potential.

But are several things you need to work on:

Show don't tell.
Use the text to show a proper transition between scenes.
Improve the means by which you tell the story
The theme of a breakdown of relationships between student and teacher doesn't really work when trying to calm fillies afraid of a storm.

You have potential, but you need to hone your craft.

Changeling-Drone