• Member Since 27th Nov, 2017
  • offline last seen 8 hours ago

MagicS


Licensed Real Estate Agent & Notary Public. I also really love magical girls.

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A broken memory, strange occurrences at the farm, and something always in the corner of her eye. Applejack doesn't know what's going on or why she's being haunted by this strange apparition that appeared at the anniversary of her parents' deaths. Apple Bloom and Big Mac's strange behavior isn't helping either. Why does she feel so strangely alone? And just maybe, the ghost's reason for being could be too painful for her to face.

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 5 )

That ending was beautiful.

Spoilers↓
That had a happier ending than I expected, which I like. No one even ended up dying, and there wasn't even any gore or something. It was a wonderful surprise.

Comment posted by sophieedwards deleted Mar 20th, 2020

I normally don't read horror, but I've got to say that you put up a much happier ending than what I expected.

Now, I have to point out that there are several instances of grammatical errors such as run-on sentences—

They didn’t do much for it really; they wanted to keep it a small and simple thing knowing that their parents wouldn’t want them to make a huge deal about it.

—and then things that seem a bit too telly, like this part:

The eyes of her little sister looked up at her, a blank expression on her face instead of either the grateful smile or sad frown that Applejack had expected to see. It was puzzling. Why was Apple Bloom looking at her like that?

While it's important to build suspense for a horror story, there is, for lack of a better way of phrasing it, the danger of building too much suspense, too fast—or, rather, too often taking the audience by the hand, pointing at things, and saying, "Did you notice that? That is not normal." Although, considering that this may be your first foray into horror, the story is a competent if unexpected effort.

I say unexpected because of, well, the ending. The overwhelming majority of horror fics would spin this towards somewhere much darker than what you've done, but the idea of Equestrian ghosts being helpful is scary guides like a sort of darker Princess Luna, if you will, is a unique idea that also fits with the tone of Equestria.

Overall, though overtaken by grammar errors, there's a nice horror story here! Not bad for your (probably) first time doing this.

It was expected and unexpected at the same time.

I spent all the fic preparing myself for the worst just to be slightly trolled... And I can't believe I liked to be trolled.

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