• Member Since 27th Apr, 2017
  • offline last seen 1 hour ago

Supermarine_Spitfire


Writer in training.

E
Source

New York City: capital of the United Nations and as far removed from Ponyville as is equinely possible. For a pony unacquainted with the cities of an interstellar civilisation, getting to travel to and explore New York is a delightful (if somewhat overwhelming) experience. For Sweetie Belle and Apple Bloom who are cooped up with their sisters and Princess Twilight Sparkle on a diplomatic mission, it was anything but.

Thankfully, Sweetie knows of a place where she and Apple Bloom can pass the time.


Originally written for the Writing Snippets posts on /r/mylittlepony (this one specifically). Many thanks to Comma Typer for pre-reading this story; I am grateful for their assistance.

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 10 )

A-ha! Finally got it posted. Congrats, friendo.

I can sympathize with Flurry here - another item at McDonald's sounds like my name, and I used to get needled about it a lot.

At first, I thought the United Nations was the actual United Nations instead of a world government and I was confused.

How old is everyone supposed to be? Flurry Heart is older, but Sweetie Belle and Apple Bloom still act like children.

Flurry Heart's reaction was funny.

Am I missing something? There doesn't seem to be an ending so much as an abrupt stop.

10149735
Thank you. This will mark the start of an interesting journey.

10150202
Glad to hear this story resonated with you. I did not expect my first foray into creative writing to achieve that.

10150310

At first, I thought the United Nations was the actual United Nations instead of a world government and I was confused.

I should have made that more explicit. If you do not mind, at what point did you find out otherwise?

How old is everyone supposed to be? Flurry Heart is older, but Sweetie Belle and Apple Bloom still act like children.

I meant for the main characters to be a little bit younger than the Mane Six were in the show, but I can see how Sweetie Belle and Apple Bloom can come off that way (especially Sweetie).

Flurry Heart's reaction was funny.

That is good to hear. Intentional humour is a skill I have been trying to develop.

10150531
Trying to find a suitable ending point was a bit difficult. Going any further than what I currently have felt like I would end up rambling.

10151632
I can't remember the exact point, it just clicked because it kept mentioning that New York was the capital.

10151916
That is fine; thank you for clarifying.

Nice description of UDP (or is it TCP?—been a while since I made memes about those)

“Sounds like you’re doin’ something bad.” Apple Bloom flattened her ears against her head.

I love little touches that remind us that we're reading about horses.

10156611
Thank you. I probably had UDP in mind, since no connection is established between sender and receiver before the message is sent.

Equine details like that are nice to write. I do try to strike a balance, though, since overdoing it will make the reader think the ponies are Terran horses that managed to evolve intelligence and the ability to use magic. That would be fine in some stories, most in fact, but it does not exactly go well with what I have in mind (aliens that happen to look like horses).

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