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Good Morning Cliffjumper

As the Apple Blooms

Part 44; Good Morning Cliffjumper

Stretching her arms, Apple Bloom took a deep breath as she pepped herself up. “Alright Apple Bloom. You’ve got this.” She said to herself as she eyed the rusted car in front of her. Indeed, parked in front of her was an old car (One that could easily have been Granny Smith’s first car) covered in rust and grime that Ironhide had asked her to start cleaning. Though not the first time she’d removed rust from something, working on anything this big was overwhelming for the former farm girl.

Luckily for her, Apple Bloom heard the sound of barking coming from her side. Turning to see who it was, she was pleasantly surprised by the sight of Sparkplug sitting on the ground, holding a sponge in his mouth. “Heh. Ah can always count on you to get me started.” Letting out a gentle chuckle, the red haired girl bent down to take the sponge from the highland terrier, as well as reward him with a quick scratch behind his ears.

Soon the former farm girl slipped on a pair of gloves, dunked her sponge in a bucket of rust dissolver, and was at cleaning the old automobile’s hood. Alone with her thoughts, Apple Bloom quickly found herself whistfully recalling the previous night’s events.

The night before, Apple Bloom went on her first date, and the only way she could describe it would be one of, if not the best in her life. Enjoying a wonderful dinner, dancing to live music, and just spending time with Tender Taps were memories that made her heart flutter. Of course, like all good things in life, their date couldn’t last forever, and now the former farm girl had gone from dresses and fancy shoes back to shirts, boots, and overalls.

As she continued to scrub the hood, the all too familiar sound of Ironhide’s voice called out, “How’s it going kid?” Turning to face her uncle, Apple Bloom answered, “Not too bad. Ah think the rust is commin’ off pretty easily.” Indeed, where ever the young girl had scrubbed, the ugly brown rust was replaced with a surprisingly vibrant green-blue.

Walking up to his niece, Ironhide chuckled as he quipped, “Maybe it’s because you’ve got strong forearms.” Apple Bloom playfully rolled her eyes as she replied, “Whatever you say Uncle Ironhide.” The older man then revealed he had been carrying a small electronic device. Curious, the teenage girl asked, “Uncle Ironhide? What is that thing?”

“This is a portable radio.” The older scrapper answered. “Since we don’t have an immediate deadline for this, I thought we could listen to a little music while we clean this old junker up.” He then switched on the radio, playing an old song that Apple Bloom could only describe as fitting in the genre known as “Classic rock.” As the music started to play, Ironhide said, “Alright, let’s get this baby cleaned up.”

Giving her uncle a confident smirk as she stretched her arms, Apple Bloom replied with a determined, “Sir yes sir.”

A Few Hours Later…

As Apple Bloom wiped the sweat from her brow, she couldn’t help but remark, “Ah think Ah prefer cleanin’ these to tearin’ ‘em apart.” Ironhide smiled as he replied, “Maybe that’s just because we don’t let you work with anything sharp after the last time.” This remark left the young girl feeling somewhat dejected, at least until Ironhide reassured her, “Though maybe we can try again in the near future.”

“Thanks Uncle Ironhide.” The former farm girl replied as she bent down to pet Sparkplug. As the small dog responded positively to her affection, the song playing on the radio ended, leading to man’s voice on the other end, began to speak, “Alright everybody. Today, we’re going to take a trip down memory lane with the top forty from back in the day.” This was followed by an upbeat jingle, followed by group of singers singing, “Coast to coast top 40.”

Once the group of singers finished, another man’s voice began to speak. “How’s it going everybody? Welcome to the country’s top forty. I’m your host Cliffjumper, and we’ll be starting off with number forty. Here is “Code Slither” by Zartan and the Dreadnoks.”

Upon hearing this new voice, Ironhide immediately sprang up as he remarked, “Ah, good old Cliffjumper.” He then began to bang his head as the music began to play again, this time it was a loud and bombastic metal piece. This sudden change of attitude both surprised and embarrassed Apple Bloom, who found herself looking away as she struggled in vain to not laugh at her uncle.

Realizing he was embarrassing his niece, Ironhide ceased his head banging and awkwardly apologized, “Sorry about that kid.” Apple Bloom let out a relieved sigh as she replied, “It’s alright Uncle Ironhide.” She would have continued, but something began to eat at her.

“Uncle Ironhide?” The former farm girl asked. When the older man turned to her, she continued, “The guy on the radio, this Cliffjumper guy. Isn’t he the guy you saved in training?”

Nodding, Ironhide answered, “Yup. Turns out after he washed out, he was placed in Service Organization and became a disc jockey.” He then let out an amused chuckle as he continued, “And a pretty damn good one too. He even interviewed us about our work during the war.” Once he added that last statement, Ironhide let out a sigh before finishing, “Of course that led to Wheeljack, Optimus and bailing him out of a sticky situation.”

Intrigued, Apple Bloom asked, “What? Was this like just helpin’ him out or somethin’ more serious?” Ironhide nodded as he replied, “Well, it requires a little explanation. You mind if I spin another old yarn from back in the day?” The former farm girl enthusiastically nodded as she answered, “Yes please!”

Taking a deep breath, Ironhide began his story with, “In that case, we’d just come back from a disastrous campaign along a region called the Quan Chi Pass….

Nuoc Cam Base, The Wreckers’s Barracks, Many Years Earlier…..

Trudging towards his bunk, Sergeant Ironhide allowed his exhausted body to collapse onto the simple rack, his head landing on the cheap pillow that was still the softest thing he’d laid his head on in almost a year. All around him, the other members of the Wreckers followed suit, either sitting down onto or just falling onto their bunks as they allowed themselves a brief moment of what could only generously be called relaxation.

For the past two weeks, the Wreckers had been running up and down the Quan Chi Pass, a region they had confirmed was used as a supply route that ran all the way from the southern coast to the northern border and was crawling with enemy activity. Of course, all anyone could care about at the moment was getting off of their feet for a few minutes.

Just as Ironhide was about to close his eyes, he heard the sound of Huffer angrily shouting, “Oh fucking Damnit!” Lifting his head up to face his friend, he found his teammate slumping onto his bunk as he allowed a letter to gently plummet towards the floor. Concerned, Ironhide asked, “You alright there kid?”

Not even moving his head to face his friend and superior, Huffer dejectedly answered, “You know that girl I have back home?” Fearful where this conversation would likely head, Ironhide nervously answered, “Yeah? What happened?” The younger soldier groaned as he turned to face the sergeant and vented, “Well she just dumped me for some draft dodging bum!”

Sitting down next to him, Ironhide let out a sigh of sadness as he replied, “I’m so sorry kid.” Rising up, Huffer grumbled, “Doesn’t change much, but thanks sir.”

At that moment, Wheeljack’s voice called out, “Hey guys! It’s time for Cliffjumper!” The men began to gather around the light gray man as he pulled out a radio and turned it on. The moment the device powered on, a vaguely familiar voice rang out from it, practically screaming, “GOOD MORNING EVERYONE! If you’ve come for order and discipline, you’ve either taken a wrong turn or you have a mischief fetish.” Everyone present, save for Roadblock, began to laugh at the surprisingly raunchy joke.

On the other end of the radio, Cliffjumper continued, “Heads up everyone, we’ve got news straight from the news chopper. What do you guys have?” This was followed by the sound of someone beating their chest as he continued, “Well Cliff, there’s nothing to see but a bunch of trees.”

Ironhide found himself belting out laughter as he asked, “This guy’s hilarious. Who is he again?” Wheeljack turned to face his sergeant as he answered, “Don’t you remember? Cliffjumper was with us back at basic.” Once the maverick soldier finished, Ironhide realized that he had remembered Cliffjumper.

“Wait! You mean the guy who got stuck in the barbed wire?” Ironhide asked. Before Wheeljack could reply, Roadblock huffed as he rudely interrupted, “Of course that pansy gets a cushy desk job.” None of the other Wreckers paid their teammate much mind, with only Ironhide and Huffer rolling their eyes.

At that moment, Mirage immediately replied, “Attention! Officer on deck!” The team immediately sprang up to their feet and stood at attention. Sure enough, entering their barracks was Captain Optimus Prime, their leader. The blue haired officer let out a gentle sigh as he ordered, “At ease boys.” When the rest of the Wreckers changed their posture from “Attention” to “At ease”, Optimus continued, “Now that we have a few days of RnR, I have some good news.”

Turning to face his teammates, Optimus called out, “Private Wheeljack? Sergeant Ironhide? Step forward.” Ironhide and Wheeljack did as they were told, both men unsure what their commander had in common. ‘I hope this isn’t something like KP duty at the commissary.’ The young sergeant thought to himself.

Instead, Optimus smiled as he informed them, “Congratulations boys. The three of us are going on Cliffjumper’s radio program tomorrow!” Processing what they had just heard, Ironhide asked, “Uh, what?”

Wheeljack, on the other hand, was absolutely ecstatic. “Oh my goodness! Sir, thank you so much sir!” Nodding, Optimus replied, “No problem. Consider this your reward for that stunt with the Shilka.”

As the rest of the Wreckers began to gather around and congratulate their teammates, Wheeljack turned to Ironhide and remarked, “This is gonna be great!” Managing to contain his excitement, all Ironhide could answer in response was, “I sure as hell hope so.”

The Next Morning….

To say that Sergeant Ironhide was excited would be an understatement. As he, Private Wheeljack, and their Captain Optimus Prime entered the main building on the base, the team leader turned to his subordinates and warned them, “Now, I know that Cliffjumper can get a hectic, but I expect you two to behave yourselves.”

“Sir, yes sir!” Both soldiers replied. Nodding, Ironhide continued, “Sir, I won’t do anything stupid.” Satisfied, Optimus remarked, “Good man. Now, let’s see if we can’t find this DJ friend of ours.”

After a few minutes, the three Wreckers made their way to their destination; a simple radio studio. Approaching the trio was a man in a marine uniform with the stripes of a Sergeant. Saluting Optimus, this new man introduced himself as, “Sir, Sergeant Major Gung Ho Sir!” The army captain replied, “Relax son, we’re here to see Cliffjumper.”

The moment those words escaped Optimus’s lips, Sergeant Gung Ho sighed with annoyance as he replied, “Of course you’re here for that disorderly louse.” He then turned as he ordered, “Follow me.” The three Wreckers shared confused looks with each other regarding this sudden change of behavior, but decided that it was better to just follow him to their destination.

Entering the recording booth, the Wreckers were greeted by a familiar crimson man, now dressed in casual clothing. Rising up to greet his guests, the new man approached Ironhide and Wheeljack as he greeted them, “Hey guys! How’s it hanging?” surprised by his pleasant demeanor, Ironhide replied, “Not too bad Cliffjumper. I’m surprised you’re still in the military after what happened!”

Shrugging, Cliffjumper answered, “That’s what I thought, but the brass wanted to find another way for me to be useful. One thing led to another, and now I’m a disc jockey for the Service Organization.” He then smirked as he added, “Even if the pay is pretty crappy.” Both Wheeljack and Ironhide found themselves struggling to contain their giggling.

They were interrupted by someone knocking on the other side of the recording room. Turning to see who it was, everyone found a dark gray man holding up a fob watch to the window and calling out, “We go live in sixty seconds! Stop playing with yourselves and let’s get to work!”

Something immediately switched in Cliffjumper. Leaping into the rolling chair in front of the microphone, the crimson man spun around as he switched on the radio. Taking a deep breath, he belted out, “GOOD MORNING BOYS AND GIRLS! Is it me or does this place smell of green?!” As everyone began to snicker, Cliffjumper continued, “Well then everyone, we’ve got a special treat for you this morning. Today for our interview of the week, we have two members of the 84th infantry commandos here today. First up is Sergeant Ironhide!”

Turning to face the young sergeant, Cliffjumper motioned for him to sit down on the empty chair next to him. As he sat down on the chair, the crimson disk jockey asked, “So Sergeant, how’s it hanging?” Ironhide wanted to answer, but he couldn’t find the microphone to speak into. Realizing this, Cliffjumper rotated the microphone and extended it towards the sergeant.

Now with the microphone in front of him, Ironhide began to speak, “I’m doing A-OK Cliffjumper.” The crimson man let out an amused laugh and continued, “That’s excellent. So, how about we start with…..”

Thirty Minutes Later….

“My goodness! And I thought my mother in law was a bitch.” Cliffjumper quipped as everyone struggled to contain their laughter. All throughout the last half hour, Ironhide had told tall tales regarding the Wrecker’s missions or just dumb misadventures on bases throughout the country. All in all, things seemed to be going well.

As Cliffjumper regained his composure, he continued, “Sounds like our pajama clad foes are getting nastier.” Now fully into the spirit of the radio show, Ironhide added, “I know. The only guy I’ve ever met who could give the bad guys a run for their money was my first drill instructor back when I was supposed to be a marine. This real jackass of a guy called Sentinel Prime.”

As Optimus and Wheeljack shared worried looks, Cliffjumper asked, “Ooh. Do tell us more about this friend of yours.” Ironhide stretched his arms as he began, “Well where do I start? How about how he caused brain damage to a fellow recruit, then tried to murder him for it. When I tried to stop the bastard he….”

Without warning, all power cut off in the studio. Turning to face the technicians, Ironhide realized that they didn’t understand what exactly was going on either. ‘Something’s wrong.’ The sergeant thought to himself. ‘Are we under attack? Somebody sabotage the base’s power?’

The answer came when Ironhide felt someone grabbing him on the shoulder and angrily shouting, “What the hell was that?” He then found himself forcibly rotated to face a furious Staff Sergeant Gung Ho. Confused, Ironhide asked, “Was it something I said?”

His face turning red, Gung Ho belted out, “You bet your ass! You just insulted a member of my beloved Marine Corps!” Before Ironhide could answer, Wheeljack made his way towards his friend and defended him, “Calm down buddy! It’s not like he’s slagging off the entire branch, just one lousy excuse of a DI!” Ironhide then added, “And I didn’t make any of it up! You got a problem with that, you should bring it up with the brass up at Parry Island!”

Taking a deep breath, Gung Ho began to speak, “Now listen here boy. I don’t know what sort of hogwash you Army boys think is appropriate, but I need you to know right now that….” Within a second, his attitude escalated from relatively calm to absolutely furious as he finished with, “But you do not insult MY! BELOVED! CORPS!”

Now both challenged and insulted, Ironhide rose up to his feet as he stared Gung Ho right into his face and shouted back, “I will talk about your goddamn Corps any goddamn way I want!” As both Sergeants traded death glares, Optimus stepped in between them and pushed them apart as he shouted, “THAT’S ENOUGH!”

Turning to face his immediate subordinate, Optimus sternly reprimanded him with, “You will not escalate this situation any further! Stand down Sergeant!” Managing to regain some of his composure, Ironhide simply replied, “Sir, sorry sir.”

Now that Ironhide was dealt with, Optimus turned to Sergeant Gung Ho and said, “As for you, you do not threaten any of my men!” Though he was no longer raising his voice, the Captain made it abundantly clear he was in no mood for negotiation. The marine Sergeant sighed in resignation as he spitefully replied, “Understood sir.”

Cliffjumper then interrupted the serious situation as he awkwardly asked, “I hate to interrupt your lovely interaction, but we’ve just about got everything ready to go back on the air.” Turning to face Wheeljack, he asked, “Corporal? You mind joining me?” The gray private strutted forward as he playfully replied, “I’d love to. Step aside sir.” As Wheeljack sat down, Optimus turned to Ironhide and suggested, “I think we should give Private Wheeljack some space for this.”

The Army Sergeant smiled as he answered, “Sir, yes sir.”

Later that Day….

Walking down the hallways of the base, Ironhide began couldn’t help but feel incredibly lucky. True, he had been drafted into a war being fought for reasons he had no real understanding of, and he’d lost some of his friends, but he was alive, and at least for the next few days, he and the rest of the Wreckers could anticipate no further action.

“Ah, just us, the sun, and Army discipline.” Ironhide remarked to himself. “And between the three, I don’t know which is worse.” Snickering to himself, he almost failed to notice Wheeljack trying to sneak up on him. Without missing a beat, Ironhide turned to face his friend and nonchalantly asked, “What’s up private?”

Groaning that he’d been discovered, Wheeljack complained, “I hate it when you pull rank on me.” Ironhide let out a gentle chuckle as he replied, “I know. Just be thankful I tolerate a lot of your antics.” As the sergeant calmed down, Wheeljack asked, “So, what are your thoughts on the other sergeant? That Gung Ho fella?”

Contemplating how he would reply, Ironhide sarcastically answered, “He was certainly a bundle of joy.” As Wheeljack began to snicker, the young sergeant continued, “I bet he’s great with kids.” Now both men were struggling to contain their laughter.

At that moment, both Wreckers heard the sound of Cliffjumper’s voice desperately exclaim, “You want me to go where?” The tone in his voice made it clear that he was both confused and worried. As Ironhide and Wheeljack shared concerned looks with each other, the former bluntly stated, “Something’s going on.”

Without another word, the two Wreckers made their way towards the sound. After a few moments, both men arrived at an unsuspecting office with a sign that read “Sergeant Major Gung Ho.” On the other side of the closed door, Gung Ho’s voice began to speak, “Look, you’re not being asked to vanquish Unicron. You’re just being sent to interview some troops in the Quan Chi Pass.”

Turning to face Ironhide, Wheeljack whispered, “The Quan Chi Pass? That place is crawling with bad guys.” As the sergeant processed this, Cliffjummper’s voice spoke up, “Are you sure this is necessary? That’s pretty close to the front lines.”

Gung Ho angrily replied, “I assure you that place is the safest place in the world. I am ordering you to report to the Quan Chi pass immediately!” Upon hearing this, Ironhide turned back to Wheeljack and whispered, “That lyin’ sack of shit!”

At that moment, the door opened. Both Wheeljack and Ironhide managed to get out of the way as Cliffjumper exited, a dejected expression on his face. As he stormed off, Gung Ho stepped out of his office as he called out, “Good luck Cliffjumper!” Turning back to reenter his office, Ironhide heard the Marine Sergeant whisper, “And good riddance you damn clown.”

To some people, it would be too easy to just stand by and do nothing at what appeared to be clear injustice. To others, they would deal with a situation like this by informing a superior officer. However, Ironhide wasn’t an ordinary soldier.

Immediately turning to Wheeljack, the young army Sergeant ordered, “Stop him from leaving the base! I’ll get this pencil dick!” The maverick private nodded and dashed after Cliffjumper. Once he was gone, Ironhide took a deep breath and knocked on Gung Ho’s door.

When Gung Ho opened the door, the Marine Sergeant annoyingly asked, “What do you want Army boy? Want someone to tuck your ass into bed tonight?” Ironhide ignored this insult and asked, “Did you order Cliffjumper to the Quan Chi Pass?

“What’s it to you?” Gung Ho indignantly asked. “Why should you care if I send one of our disk jockeys out to entertain our boys?” He then walked up to Ironhide and began to stare him down in an attempt to intimidate him.

Luckily, Ironhide wouldn’t budge. Pressing his nose to Gung Ho’s, the Wrecker Sergeant replied, “Because we just got back from the Quan Chi Pass, and I can assure you that the whole area is crawling with patrols. You send Cliffjumper there and he’ll die!”

Sergeant Gung Ho rolled his eyes in annoyance as he quipped, “Oh please. I bet you army asses were just wandering in circles.” He then pressed his finger against Ironhide’s chest as he mockingly asked, “What are you gonna do about it you pussy?”

Before either Sergeant could say anything else, the sound of Optimus’s voice rang out, “Sergeant Ironhide! What is going on here?” Turning to face his commanding officer, Ironhide snapped to attention and reported, “Sir, Private Wheeljack and I have discovered Sergeant Gung Ho intends to send Cliffjumper to the Quan Chi Pass with no escort in spite of the clear danger sir!”

Taking this in, Optimus Prime turned to Gung Ho and asked, “Well, is it true?” The Marine NCO nodded as he replied, “Sir, yes sir.” Taking a deep breath, Optimus glared at the marine and asked, “Now then, you wouldn’t happen to know that the Quan Chi Pass is controlled by the enemy, meaning that such an order is suicide, would you?”

Gung Ho snapped to attention as he answered, “Sir, I was ordered to give the order by my commander sir!” Ironhide noticed that the Marine Sergeant blinked as he gave his answer, something he knew from Bright Mac was a telltale sign someone was lying. Optimus seemed to be on the on the same wavelength.

“Well then.” Optimus began. The army captain then allowed a small smirk to grow on his face as he asked, “Then how about we have a word with your commander in regards to your order?” As he began to usher the Marine away, Gung Ho could only gulp in fear, all while Ironhide let out a sigh of satisfaction.

Later That Day….

Seated in the base’s mess hall, Ironhide enjoyed the somewhat recognizable slop resembling food. Taking a bite of sausage, he thought to himself, ‘At least this stuff is better than the slop from basic.’ Luckily the young Sergeant was thinking about more than the less than delicious food in front of him.

“Hey Ironhide!” Wheeljack’s voice called out. Turning to face his friend, Ironhide was surprised to see his teammate was accompanied by none other than Cliffjumper. As the two approached him, the young Sergeant asked, “Private? What have I said about referring to me by name while in public?”

While Wheeljack playfully rolled his eyes, Cliffjumper sat down next to Ironhide. The young NCO noticed that the DJ’s face was noticeably pale. Concerned, he asked, “You alright there Cliffjumper?”

Shaking his head, the crimson man replied, “Guess this is two I owe you.” As Ironhide processed this, Cliffjumper continued, “I mean, I know that Sergeant Gung Ho was in need of…. Affection, but I didn’t know he could be that nasty. I mean, why’d he want to send me to the Quan Chi Pass?” Wheeljack shrugged as he simply answered, “I think he’s just a killjoy. Either that or he’s the worst kind of stick in the mud.”

Recoiling in confusion, Cliffjumper simply added, “I think it had something to do with me hosting a radio show where a guest criticized the Marine Corps.” Ironhide then began to chuckle as he added, “You mean “My beloved Corps!”” As the three men giggled, the young Sergeant continued, “With an attitude like that, you’d think he was compensating for something.”

As everyone regained their composure, Cliffjumper turned to Ironhide and said, “Joking aside, I owe you two for this. If there’s ever anything I can do….” Ironhide immediately raised his hand and reassured him, “I don’t keep debts. Well, unless it’s me owing someone else.” The crimson DJ nodded as he replied, “Still, Thank you.”

Pausing for a moment, Cliffjumper then asked, “So, how about I take you two to this GI bar I know? Drinks on me?” Wheeljack and Ironhide contemplated this offer before the former answered, “Sounds like a plan.” The private turned to his immediate superior and asked, “How about it sir?” Shrugging, Ironhide replied, “You’ve got it.”

The Present Day….

As Ironhide finished his story, Apple Bloom asked, “So what ever happened to that Gung Ho fella?” The older man shrugged as he answered, “I never really found out. Last I heard he was dishonorably discharged for attempted murder by proxy.” He then let out a small chuckle as he added, “Personally I think he got off lucky.”

Apple Bloom then asked, “And what about Cliffjumper?” Ironhide answered, “After the war he entered civilian radio. I think he retired a few years back. We haven’t really spoken in…..” Struggling to remember how long it had been, the older man finished with, “It’s been a long time.”

At that moment, Apple Bloom felt Sparkplug begin to scratch at her leg. Kneeling down to the small dog, she asked, “What do you want buddy?” As the small dog continued to scratch her, she realized something. “Wait a minute! Uncle Ironhide? What time is it?”

Looking at his watch, Ironhide answered, “About noon, why?” Apple Bloom’s eyes widened as she replied, “Oh mah goodness! Sparkplug, its lunch time!” She then began to lead the highland terrier away as she promised him, “Come on Sparky. Let’s get somethin’ to eat.”

Once both Apple Bloom and Sparkplug were gone, Ironhide let out a gentle sigh as he began to speak to himself. “She’s a good kid. I can’t speak with certainty, but I think you’d have loved her sir.” He then looked up at the sky, specifically the blue nothingness where the constellation Orion would be in the night sky. “I wish you could meet her Optimus.”

Author's Note:

Next Time; When Sideswipe admits to problems at home, Apple Bloom and CO will have to deal with a Red Alert.....

Author's Note; Cliffjumper being a DJ is a tribute to his original G1 voice actor, famous disc jockey Casey Kasem.

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