• Published 21st Aug 2012
  • 8,016 Views, 132 Comments

The Count of Gem Grotto - Matthais Unidostres

A parody of "The Count of Monte Cristo" starring Spike

  • ...

Chapter Two: Enter the Count

Author's Note: Okay, this is probably very important for all you readers. I said this was a parody of "The Count of Monte Cristo", however, I cannot parody every single event in the book. For one thing, somethings, events, and characters just can't work with the setting, time, mindset, and characters of this show. Also, I want to be original with this. So I will also add certain events, concepts, and plot elements to really make this something much more special than a simple parody (magic, battles, conversations, singing, songs, interactions, confrontations, etc.). Also, I have to work in the theme of The Magic of Friendship, as well as a way to make you feel at peace with what the Mane Six are doing and how they are coping during Spike's "absence". But there are events in the book that I will plan on parodying, such as a certain duel, a certain kidnapping, a certain revelation, and a certain moment of regret. I hope you fully understand what I mean, and enjoy this fanfic regardless. Thank you.

I dedicate this chapter to Pennwick, for the amazing diamond Dog research. Here

The Count of Gem Grotto
Chapter Two: Enter the Count

So, my new life began. I didn't wait, I took action immediately. I would have time to wait later. In fact, I would have time to leisurely lounge around in luxury and comfort before long! But now, it was time to work. I had my plan: tame the Diamond Dogs. So, I followed through with my plan.

Old Inciendio, bless his soul, surely was wise and well prepared. In-fact, he was downright scholarly! Amongst the massive horde he left me, there were chests and clay pots full of scrolls. As I quickly searched for what I needed, I quickly glanced at spells meant to tap into ancient dragon magic, a magic never to be understood by any unicorn. Surely they would come in handy at some point, but not right now. What I needed was a map. And indeed a found a map. Actually, I found many! Not just maps of the surface, but also of what is below the ground. Caverns, grottoes, chambers, and tunnels dug by previous generations of dragons, manticores, Diamond Dogs, and even Changelings.

I now had a path, and a map to guide me. It was time for me to head onward!


I finally made it. The map had lead me beneath the Everfree Forest from my precious grotto, and right towards the ancestral Diamond Dog colony of Canine. Of course, there would occasionally be a wall in my way. Luckily, dragons are strong creatures, and the aging up Inciendio's horde gave me came with a nicely toned body. I must remember to exercise regularly to keep up this marvelous tonicity.

Anyway, imagine the shock on those dogs' faces when a "tweenage" dragon came bursting through a wall into their tunneling system. After the initial shock, the couple of helmeted guards did the logical thing. They rushed me. Luckily, I know the easiest way to stop a back of rampaging Diamond Dogs. At least, I do now. Not too long ago, I was naive enough to think that I could dispatch them with a stout lance (which I must admit would've been enjoyable) combined with a few blasts of my fiery breath (which surely must have grown along with my body). But no, I now know better than to use force when it really isn't needed at this time.

A simpler method is thus:

Step one, bring a huge sack of gems with you.

Step two, empty said sack of gems in front of you.

Step three, confidently say that you've got plenty more where that came from if they'll do you a few favors.

And that is how you defeat enemy Diamond Dogs by making them your friends.


The guards led me to their three chieftains, whom I remembered from our last encounter. Luckily, they didn't recognize me, being older and taller and all. However, I don't even think that would've really mattered. As you can probably guess, I simple repeated the three easy steps in the presence of the Triumvirate. It worked like a charm. I just wish I knew why they wanted gems in the first place. I don't think they can eat them, no mammal has the stomach that can handle those sweet beauties.

Well, before you could say "fetch", I was heralded as a hero. "The Dragon Who Brought A River of Gems Into Our Caves" or something like that. Anyway, I actually enjoyed getting to know the Diamond Dog Triumvirate. The guys could actually be quite friendly, agreeable, and willing to listen to what you have to say. Also, their greedy, grabby, obsessive mannerisms were always quite amusing.

The small brown one with yellow eyes and grey jacket was named Spot. The medium, slightly lanky grey one with the green eyes and red jacket was named Rover. The biggest blue furred one with the orange eyes and grey jacket was named Fido. They weren't exactly dumb, per say. They weren't geniuses, but they were still of average intelligence. But I must admit, Fido was the stereotypical muscle bound big lug, that is to say, low on the IQ scale. Luckily, "red jacket Rover" seemed to be the brains of the operation, and I could tell that there was indeed a working brain in his head.

I introduced myself and gave a brief summary of what I desired to become in this world. While Spot and Fido were spellbound, Rover seemed not impressed.

"Gah! What need have we for filthy, annoying, whining ponies! We got gems! That all that matter to us!" the grey dog said.

I let out a small smile at his quaint form of speech and said, "Well, you may feel that way, and I don't blame you at all for it. I merely desire to form a friendship with you all so that I may achieve my goal by utilizing your services, while sharing my wealth with reasonable creatures like you. And you needn't associate with ponies if you would rather not. Does that seem fair?"

Rover smiled and laid back on a rock that was carved to form a chair. He was about to speak, when I piped up, "Hmm, interesting furniture you got here. Well, in the near future, you all might have furniture covered in soft smooth silk with layers of plush feathers, or maybe even cloud! How does that sound to you?"

Rover's eyes lit up at this. "Ooh, that's good. That's very good indeed!" he said eagerly.

So I began to comment on the tunnel network and compliment them on the complex design. We also discussed the mining techniques they had, as well as a couple of ideas of my own. They would need them, considering kidnapping gem finding unicorns was out of the question. I spoke of new mining tools, as well as other modern conveniences they really could use. However, during all of this, my mind was dwelling on something else.

My plan, my glorious plan, would take a long time to fulfill. A time where my closest friends, as well as my dear Rarity, would have to wait, believing that I am dead. I knew I could not give up on this plan, and I didn't plan on giving up. I had to do this. For them, for myself, for Rarity. . . But how could I possibly just ignore the sadness they must be feeling? Perhaps. . .I could check up on them before I truly began my journey. Maybe I could give them a certain push, so that they could truly move on. Rainbow Dash was tough, as was Applejack, and Pinkie Pie would just smile and do her best to get through it and help others to face life with a smile, which would be good for Fluttershy. They could surely get through this. But Rarity and Twilight, that was another story. A certain "fashion disaster" show and a tardy friendship report came to my mind at this thought. My heart began to race. I must act fast before things get out of hand for them! But perhaps I had better take some precautions. . .

During all of these thoughts, I had not faltered during the conversation, and at this point a cleared my throat and changed the subject, "Ahem! Well, I have decided on my first task on my personal journey, my friends. But I must ask of you, where could I find something of very strong, deep, or dark color, and yet is as sticky as. . . no, stickier than honey?"

Little Spot was the first to speak up, "Oh-oh-oh! I know! Really black, really sticky tar! In certain deep tunnels be tar pits! Uhhgh! Diamond Dogs no like tar!"

I brought my fist into my right hand, "Of course! Tar! Perfect! If I dilute it with enough water, and give myself enough coats of it, it'll be the perfect disguise!"

Fido tilted his head in confusion, "Why you wanna disguise yourself?"

I just chuckled, "Don't worry about it. It's just something I gotta do to help my plan run smoothly. Well then, I haven't a minute to loose! Show me a tar pit, and bring along a large container and something that can scoop."

Applejack walked into Sugarcube Corner, the bell tinkling happily as the door closed behind her. Fluttershy was there, sitting at a table and gulping down the contents of a large mug. The yellow pegasus smacked her lips and lightly placed the empty mug down.

"I want another hot chocolate, Pinkie Pie," Fluttershy called out.

Pinkie Pie walked over towards the pegasus, balancing a tray on her head. On the tray was another whipped cream topped mug of the rich, chocolaty beverage.

"Fluttershy, I'm a professional. I worked hard to reach ten cups of the stuff in one sitting," Pinkie Pie said with a smile, although it was quite small for somepony like Pinkie Pie, revealing all was not right in the pink party pony's world, "So I really don't think you should attempt to tussle with number ten here." Pinkie motioned with her tail to the mug on the tray on her head.

"First of all, I'm a year older than you. Second of all, I ordered another mug, I got the bits to pay for it, so you got to serve it to me. It's as simple as that," Fluttershy said calmly as she reached up, placed her hoof in the mug handle, and brought it to her mouth.

Applejack sighed and shook her head as she approached. She looked up at Pinkie Pie, "Ah see Twilight still has that big ol' force field round the Library."

Fluttershy placed the empty mug on ground, her hoof visibly shaking from the sugar high she was beginning to feel. She hiccuped as she spoke, "*hic!* Well, Rarity still hasn't *hic!* come out of her house! *hic!* She won't answer anypony's *hic!* calling either! It sure has been a long *hic!* month!"

Applejack looked at the shaking, wide eyed pegasus in pity. It wasn't so much as Spike's. . . passing. . .as much as what had become of Rarity. Fluttershy and Rarity were such good friends for so long. Just as Fluttershy had said during the white unicorn's last nervous breakdown, her first thought was to panic. The kind pegasus tried everything to get Rarity to come out and live again. Now that she had failed in all her attempts, Fluttershy was in a downward spiral, and who knew where it would land her.

Applejack decided to change the subject, "Anyways. . .ya'd think Princess Celestia could've gotten Twilight to come out. But all the Princess said after she came out from the Library was-."

"GIVE HER TIME!" Fluttershy suddenly shouted, standing up on her hind legs, front hoofs on the table for support. her eyes were wide and blazing from all the sugar running through her bloodstream.

"Uh, yeah. . ." Applejack said nervously, casting a slightly fearful gaze Fluttershy's way, "Anyways. . .ah kinda understand why Twilight didn't want no. . .ceremony. . .seeing as we never found his. . ." Applejack's voice trailed off.

Pinkie Pie slammed the table with her hoof, causing Fluttershy to spring up to a flying attention, as if ready for action. Pinkie Pie ignored her and said determinedly, "How am I supposed to get us all smiling again if two of my friends have practically turned into old, dry, toilet paper wrapped mummies locked in their ancient, creepy tombs!" Pinkie Pie sighed and held her head in her two front hooves, her front legs bent as they rested on the table. "When my Granny Pie died," Pinkie said thoughtfully, "I threw a party celebrating her life, and I don't feel sad about it anymore, cause I know my Granny Pie would want me to be happy! She lived a really great, fun, happy, smiling life, and she wanted me to do the same!" Pinkie Pie held her right hoof up as if in victory, only to have her head roll off of her left hoof and hit the table. Her right front leg seemed to drop like a dry plant as she continued grumpily, "But even if we could get those mummies out of their sarcopha-, sarcoophe-, sarcopo-, oh, out of their coffins, they'd probably both be a pair of party poopers! How can we celebrate Spike's life with a pair of party poopers!?"

Applejack nodded, "Ah get ya, Pinkie. If Spike can see us all, he's probably shaking his head and is just plum frustrated with how those two unicorns are acting."

Fluttershy landed down hard in her chair, the sugar causing her to giggle delusionally. She said with derped eyes, a creepy smile, and a slightly higher pitched voice, "Teeheeheehee! I wish Spike would come back down for a visit and tell those two to move on! Teeheehee!"

Pinkie and Applejack stared at Fluttershy with vague looks of terror on their faces until the awkward moment was broken by Rainbow Dash zooming in through the door.

"Ya come to vent your anger at yourself some more?" Applejack asked wryly.

Indeed, Rainbow Dash had been filled with self loathing when she heard about what happened to Spike. She seemed constantly angry ever since. However, Dash actually looked excited rather than angry at this time.

"No! I don't have any time to be angry now! There's this carriage heading through Ponyville that's being pulled by Diamond Dogs, and from what I heard, the guy in the carriage is supposed to be really rich! A real big shot! Everyone wants to get a look at him! Come on!"

Dash flew back out the door. The three friends exchanged glances, and followed the rainbow maned pegasus. Even Mr. and Mrs. Cake couldn't resist checking it out either. They heard what Rainbow exclaimed all the way from the kitchen, and were on their way out the door to see what all the fuss was about.

The carriage was new, freshly bought from the dealership on the edge of Ponyville. It had to have been the most expensive one the dealership had. It was in the style of an Appleloosa Carriage. However, the solid mahogany construction with mirror-like finish, combined with chrome wheels and window frames, gave it a very elegant look.

The Diamond Dogs were burly and wore metal shoulder pads and helmets. They skidded to a stop in the middle of town as everypony looked on. The door to the carriage slowly opened. . .and out stepped. . .a dragon.

This dragon was as tall as a pony is long. He was muscular, clearly the strong type. His scales were a dusky grayish-black color, very earthy. His belly was a sort of dark green, like mint-leaves. He had jagged spikes on his head, the same color as his belly. He also had spines of the same color running down his back. His mouth and snout was small and pointy, and his head was quite round.

In his hand he held what appeared to be a stick, but in reality it was a stone rod cut and shaped to be perfectly smooth. It was about as tall as the height from the dragon's feet to his neck, and the tip top of it bore a perfectly round emerald.

The dragon's green eyes blinked as he gazed around the town, and stopped when he say the group of four that came out of Sugarcube Corner.

The dragon let out a hearty laugh as he quickly approached them, "Ha-ha-ha! So here they are! The bearers of the Elements of Harmony!"

The four exchanged glances in confusion.

"Ya know who we are?" Applejack asked suspiciously.

The black dragon looked surprised, "I pity those who don't know you! You saved Equestria four times! Five if you count the business of that dragon who nearly filled the clear skies with smoke a while back." The dragon then smiled and gave a bow, "Anyway, allow me to introduce myself. I am the Count of Gem Grotto. You may simply refer to me as the Count. I know all your names, as well as the Elements you each represent. Don't be surprised. As I said, you are world renown heroes." The Count looked around with a confused expression, "Hmmm, but I do believe two of you are missing. The unicorns Rarity and Twilight Sparkle I believe." The Count's eyes suddenly widened with excitement, "I do wish to meet Twilight, the prized personal student of Princess Celestia! Also, I wish to be made a new wardrobe by Rarity! The famous fashion designer heralded by Hoity Toity and Fancypants!"

The Count's excited expression fell flat when he saw the huge, translucent, purple dome that shimmered in the sunlight. "What is that?" he asked.

Applejack figured that she continue to be the spokes pony for the group, "Well, ya see, Mr. Count, we all lost a dear friend of our recently. Rarity's locked herself in her room, and Twilight, well, she locked herself in that thing. They really are taking it the hardest."

The Count bowed his head respectfully. "Oh dear, I am very sorry about your loss. Who was the poor unfortunate soul?"

"A little dragon named Spike," Applejack said, taking her hat off and holding it over her heart as the others bowed their heads sadly, "We've been through so much together, and Twilight and him must have been through even more. But he's gone, all because of a couple of low down dirty thieves." Applejack put her hat back on and narrowed her eyes at the ground, "And If I had 'em right here right now, I'd make 'em pay in bucks to the face!"

The Count lifted his head up and tapped the emerald topped walking stick to his chin, "Hmmm, Spike. . .that would be the dragon she hatched during her magic test. . .no wonder she's devastated. . ."

The four ponies nodded.


The ponies' heads shot up when the Count brought his stick down into the ground hard.

"But who is the Element of Magic to let despair destroy the Spark of the Magic of Friendship she had worked so hard to ignite!" the Count shouted resolutely, his face actually showing the feeling of frustration and impatience rather than the emotion of anger and rage as his voice seemed to convey.

The Count snapped his claws, and the two Diamond Dogs ran up to his side.

"Bring me the blue pot," he said.

The Diamond Dogs nodded, ran back to the carriage, retrieved the item, and returned. The Count reached into the pot and took out what appeared to be old looking scrolls, yellowed and torn from age. As the Count mulled over the scrolls, Rainbow Dash gave the others a nervous glance.

"I don't trust this guy," Dash whispered to them, "He's up to no good. Either that or he's off his rocker."

"Rocking chair?! What rocking chair?! I don't see a rocking chair!" Fluttershy suddenly rattled off in a fast, loud voice.

Rainbow Dash just stared at her.

"Ten cups of cocoa," Pinkie Pie said simply, as if it was obvious.

"Oh, sugar high. That's why she's acting like you," Dash commented dryly.

"Good thing the Count of Gem Whatever doesn't seem to be listening," Applejack thought as she watched the Count scan the scrolls he was holding. Suddenly, the Count's head shot up.

"Got it!" he exclaimed as he stuffed the scrolls back into the pot. He then turned and strode in the direction of the Library.

"Not so fast!" Rainbow said. She was about to fly after him for a tackle, but Applejack stopped her by stepping on her tail.

"Whoa there, RD, let's see what he's up too first," Applejack said.

The Mane Four followed behind the Count as he arrived in front of the force field. The black dragon "tut-tut-tutted," apparently shaking his head at the force-field and the the unicorn within the tree of knowledge. He then hardened his gaze and shouted, "Element of Magic! It is time that you received a wake up call!"

Jamming his simple yet elegant staff into the ground hard so it stood up by itself, the Count took a step back and raised his right claw. Making strange looking hand motions with his left claw, the black dragon shouted,


His right claw was suddenly blazing with fire. Everypony who were in viewing distance stepped back out of fear and shock. The Count made a fist with his fiery, and then leaped into the air, utilizing his long, muscular legs. He then came down towards the force-field, and connected his flaming fist with its surface. The crack that followed was cosmic. It was a shattering like when the Changeling broke through Shinning Armor's force-field. No, it was a complete and utter crack that cut through the diameter of the entire dome. After the crack ran its course, the rest of the force-field totally collapsed, crumbling into bits of purple glass, which then vaporized into pink stardust.

Before the ponies around could react, or even process what happened, there was a flash of purple light as something appeared right in front of the Count of Gem Grotto. It was purple, with bags under its bloodshot eyes. It had hair and tail, both of which were black with a streak through them, but they were completely messed up, full of tangles and knots.

"Who do you think you are?" it said in a low dangerous tone.

It was, or at least used to be, Twilight Sparkle.

The awesome picture of Fluttershy was done by WhiteDiamondsLtd. See it on its page

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