• Published 12th Mar 2020
  • 3,336 Views, 204 Comments

Frozen Hearth - Enza Ren



After the craziness of the Battle of the Bands and the general stress of the holidays, Sunset is looking forward to the peace and quiet of Equestria, where ponies never have to worry about wacky hijinks or impending magical catastrophes...right?

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Chapter 11 - Joe's diner prides itself on the strength of its flame wards

It was a bright and sunny day in the city of Canterlot, and two ponies were sitting in a diner enjoying the finest donuts in all the land.

“Mmm! This coffee is good, but these donuts are something else,” a light-green pegasus mare told her companion.

Across the table, a pink earth pony stallion with a white mane nodded emphatically. “See, Ocean Rain? I told you this diner has the best donuts in the city!”

The pegasus chuckled. “Best in the city, Gum Drop? On no. I’ve traveled all across Equestria and beyond. I can tell you that these are the greatest donuts on the continent!”

The two ponies stared fondly at the plate between them. Sitting atop it, was the most beautiful assortment of donuts imaginable. Each one was a perfect balance of frosting and sprinkles; they were made of dough that was neither too firm nor too soft, and they had a taste that simply could not be described by mortal words. After a moment of admiration, the ponies went back to eating, unaware that their dining experience was about to come to a bitter and brutal end.

Just as the mare bit into another perfect pastry, a spider fell from the ceiling and landed on the donut, right in front of her snout. Her eyes flew open. “SPIDER,” she yelped as she shot into the air.

The stallion moved to assist his friend, but a second spider dropped down on top of his head. “SPIDER!” He flailed about and fell backward out of his chair. Terrified, the two ponies bolted for the door. In their rush to escape the apparent rain of spiders, they thoughtlessly abandoned a plate of confectionary wonders so delicious, that Princess Celestia herself had named them one of Equestria’s national treasures.

The loud retreat made by the two ponies caused quite a commotion among the other diners. However, after a minute of checking their booths, tables, chairs, and manes for spiders —and finding none because there are no spiders in such a pristine establishment— the stalwart citizens of Equestria did what they do best; they carried on with their lives.

They continued chatting, laughing, and enjoying donuts so grand, that an Equestrian diplomat had once used them to broker a peace treaty between two warring nations. Soon, even the supposed spider-infested table had been occupied by a new group of ponies. Though they did have to clean up after the table’s former occupants, who had inconsiderately left behind two half-filled coffee cups and an empty platter.

Unbeknownst to them all, a great crime had been committed.

In the alley behind the diner, a small filly sat down and started digging through her saddlebags. With a smile of evil triumph, she pulled out one of her ill-gotten goods, a donut so beautiful that it even lit up the dank back alley she hid in.

“That donut wasn’t for you.”

The filly jumped nearly three times her height and spun around to meet the stern, but fair gaze of a rugged, yet sophisticated stallion.

Embarrassed at being caught unaware, the headstrong filly quickly went on the offensive. “What!? You’re saying it would be better in the trash? Those ponies just left it! If they wanted it, they would’ve taken it with them. Don’t blame me just because ponies don’t want to take your two-bit donuts to-go!”

The filly’s words were harsh and meant to incense. However, the stallion’s eyes gleamed with a wisdom beyond his years and he remained calm. The dirty little-street urchin’s heretical ramblings had no effect on him. As he looked her over, he realized that she was on a bad path. Fortunately, her salvation was already in her hoof.

“Go ahead,” he instructed.

“What?”

“The donut. Eat it.”

The little unicorn kept her suspicious gaze locked on the stallion as she raised the donut to her mouth and took a bite. Instantly, a tsunami of feelings swelled within her. Joy, hope, relief and regret. That donut was the single greatest thing she had ever eaten, and it fed her starved spirit just as it did her belly. The darkness in the young one’s heart lifted and in the light of day, the little filly saw the error of her ways. The pure goodness of a donut fit for a god had healed her soul.

She broke down and wept.

“Ok-ay, Joe. That’s enough!”


Back in reality, a group of four ponies were seated in a booth by the window of a diner. Two of them were doing their best to stop from giggling, and the other two were staring across the table at each other.

“What?” Joe asked, giving Sunset an amused shrug. “Princess Twilight wanted to know how we met. That’s how we met. Are you saying that’s not what happened? Are you saying that you did not—on multiple occasions— use fake spiders to scare my customers away before they finished eating so that you could help yourself to their donuts?”

“…No, that happened. But—"

“Are you saying that I did not catch you in the alley behind this very diner?”

Sunset sighed. “No, you did, b—"

“THEN, are you claiming that I did not start giving you donuts each day so that you’d stop stealing them?”

“That wasn’t stealing; that was salvaging!”

“It’s not salvaging when you are the one who tricks somepony into abandoning their food,” Joe countered.

Sunset opened her mouth.

“It’s also not confiscation if the ponies weren’t criminals,” Cadance interjected.

Sunset shut her mouth.

Twilight gave Cadance a questioning look. “Confiscation?”

“I’ll tell you another time.”

“So, what’s the problem, then?” Joe asked the amber mare.

“Well, aside from how much time you spent talking up your donuts, I don’t recall our confrontation in the alley being nearly that serene.”


In the alley behind the diner, a small filly sat down and started digging through her saddlebags. With a grin, she pulled out one of her salvaged goods, a donut that was decent-looking, but not some heaven-sent miracle. As she was about to take a bite, a large burlap sack came down on her.

“GOTCHA!” Joe yelled triumphantly as he tied off the bag.

“HEY! Let me go you jerk!” The filly started to yell and kick wildly, but Joe held the bag in his magic a good distance away from himself.

“Donut thieves don’t get let go,” he replied, hauling her back inside the diner.

“Thief? What kind of moron are you? Those ponies left these donuts behind of their own accord! You should be thanking me for cleaning up after them!”

“Oh yes,” Joe said dryly, “thank you sooooo much for scaring my customers off. Do you know that because of your stupid stunts there’s a rumor going around that my diner is infested with spiders!”

“HA! Serves you right for picking on a kid!”

I’m not the bad guy here you little brat! Now you’re going to start talking or you’re staying in that bag while I get the guards.” Joe dropped the bag onto the backroom floor.

“YOU’RE NOT THE BAD GUY HERE!? ARE YOU KIDDING ME!? YOU PUT ME IN A BAG LIKE SOME KIND OF FOAL NAPPER! NOW LET ME OUT OF THIS THING! I CAN’T BREATH!”

“You’re shouting an awful lot for a pony that can’t breathe. Also, that’s a burlap sack I had left over from a recent shipment of oats, it’s hardly airtight.”

“IF YOU DON’T LET ME OUT OF HERE, I WILL BURN YOUR TWO-BIT PASTRY SHOP TO THE GROUND!”

“Please, you couldn’t burn your way out of… well… a burlap sack,” Joe quipped, chuckling at the aptness of his observation.

The filly inside the bag ceased struggling and gave a loud, drawn-out groan. “That was terrible, and you should feel bad.”


“From there we started talking and Joe offered to give me a few donuts each day so long as I agreed to stop scaring off his customers.”

Twilight gave Joe an approving smile. “That was a really nice thing to do, Joe.”

The baker waved the compliment away. “Nah, it wasn’t much. I could tell she wasn’t a bad kid, so I really didn’t want to turn her over to the guards. I figured that if all she wanted was a few donuts, well, I could spare that.”


Soon, Joe had to get back to work but before heading off, he brought them something to eat. “Here you are ladies,” he announced, “the full spread!” A large platter with a wide assortment of donuts was placed on the table between them, along with some drinks. “I’ve included all of your favorites and a few of my newest creations. Just holler if you need anything else.”

After thanking him, the mares turned their attention toward the mountain of donuts sitting before them. Sunset gave a low whistle. “Joe must have been busy these past few years. I don’t recognize half of these.”

“The menu’s expanded a lot,” Cadance told her. “Try this one.” She floated a twisted red and yellow donut over to Sunset, who took it in her hoof and bit into it. Something halfway between a cough and a laugh erupted from her mouth.

“Is that…coffee-flavored filling?”

Cadance nodded. “That’s right. He said that one was inspired by you: fire on the outside, coffee on the inside, with a very thin layer of sweetness in between.”

Sunset smiled and rolled her eyes. “I didn’t drink that much coffee.”

Cadance coughed and gestured to an old sign above the counter.

Joe’s reserves the right to cut off any patron after 16 cups of coffee:
regardless of excuses, sass, threats of arson, or general surliness.

Sunset’s eyes narrowed. “That sign is intentionally misleading.”

“Sunset, you’ve done all of those,” Cadance deadpanned.

Twilight snorted into her coffee. “Sunset, that sign is about you!? I always thought it was a joke!

“It IS a joke,” Sunset insisted.

“Refills?” The mares looked up to see Joe standing beside the booth with several pots of coffee held in his magic. Twilight and Sunset both took a refill, but Cadance declined. Before Joe turned to leave, he looked back at Sunset. “By the way Sunset, I’m a little busy right now, so when you need a refill just help yourself to the green-handled pot behind the counter.”

Sunset nodded. “Thanks, Joe.”

“But only the green-handled pot,” he added firmly. “It has your usual allotment already measured out, minus what I’ve already given you.”

Sunset gave a stronger nod. “Yes, Joe! I understand! Only the green-handled pot! Thank you, good-bye!”

Satisfied, Joe walked off to distribute more refills.

Sunset stared deeply into her coffee cup, not daring to look up at the judgmental eyes she felt drilling into her.

“A joke, huh?”

“Hey, I’ve got an idea,” the unicorn shouted with a forced chuckle, “let’s talk about something else!”

Twilight’s teasing smirk, turned into a thoughtful expression. “Actually, now that we have a moment, I would like to know how the two of you are sisters. I mean, Cadance, I’ve known you for years! How has it never come up that you had a sister?”

“Hmmm,” Cadance pondered as she finished her donut. “Well let’s see, how much did Shining Armor tell you on the train?”

Twilight groaned and put her face in her hooves.


-Hours Earlier-

The inane chatter of the passenger car, mixed perfectly with the rhythmic click-clacking of the Canterlot-bound Northwest Express to create a comfortable ambient background noise that was perfect for resting, reading, or discussion. That suited Twilight just fine. She had questions. And questions demanded answers.

“How long, BBBFF?” She calmly asked the stallion seated across from her. Despite the pleasantness of the surroundings, most ponies would wither under the cold, interrogatory stare that the Princess of Friendship leveled at her brother.

Of course, Shining Armor was not most ponies.

“How long what T-Twily?” He asked, his voice catching in his throat near the end of the question.

Twilight arched an eyebrow and opened her mouth to reply. However, before she could even get a word out, Shining Armor snorted and clapped a hoof firmly over his mouth. ‘Is he…laughing,’ Twilight thought incredulously. ‘Just what does he find so funny about all this?’

Still trying not to laugh, the stallion’s eyes quickly jumped between his sister and the baby alicorn she held. Following his gaze down, Twilight looked at her niece and bit back a laugh of her own. For some reason, the baby was perfectly mimicking Twilight’s intense scowl. Of course, on such an adorable little face the otherwise intimidating expression looked hilarious. Collecting herself, Twilight lifted Flurry Heart up to face her. For a moment they stared at each other with matching scowls. “You shouldn’t make a face like that bug; it’ll stick that way,” Twilight warned. The baby returned only a lidded stare, utterly unmoved. “LIKE THIS,” she shouted, sticking out her tongue, puffing out her cheeks, and crossing her eyes. The baby’s scowl shattered as she started to laugh.

With Flurry Heart back to her normal happy self, Twilight returned her attention to Shining Armor. However, her expression was now far less severe. “How long have you known that Sunset and Cadance were sisters?”

Shining Armor smirked and brought a hoof up to his mouth. “Well, let’s see. I was part of the royal guard and both of them did live in the castle, so I’d say… the entire time?”

“And you never thought to bring this up?”

Shining Armor gave Twilight an apologetic smile. “Well, Twily, don’t take this the wrong way, but it really wasn’t your business.”

Twilight’s eyebrows shot up. “Not my business!? When Sunset took my crown, I had to follow her through the mirror to get it back! Don’t you think a little background on whom I was dealing with would’ve been helpful?”

“Alright,” Shining Armor allowed, “hypothetically, let’s say that we told you that Sunset Shimmer is not only Princess Celestia’s former student, but also Cadance’s long-lost sister. How does that knowledge help you deal with her?”

“Well…I could’ve… brought up how much Cadance misses her?”

Shining Armor gave Twilight a skeptical look. “At the time, it had been about five years since Cadance had last seen Sunset, and none of us knew what state of mind she was in. Do you really think that a bit of name dropping, from you, was going to do anything helpful?”

Twilight’s brow furrowed as she thought back to how things had played out the night of the Fall Formal. Sunset had attempted to get her to hand over the crown by threatening to smash the portal, Twilight called her bluff, and the amber teen…backed down. For a moment, it seemed as though everything was going to resolve itself peacefully. But when the Rainbooms gathered around Twilight and started praising her, Sunset snapped and took the crown by force.

“No, you’re right,” Twilight conceded. “I think what really pushed Sunset over the edge that night was that she felt…inadequate. She already believed I had taken what should’ve been hers by becoming a princess. If anything, bringing up my relationship with Cadance would’ve only enraged her further.”

Shining Armor nodded. “Aside from Cadance, I don’t think that anypony would’ve been capable of talking Sunset down in that situation.”

“But that brings up another question: why didn’t Cadance just go through the mirror herself? Wouldn’t she have been much better equipped to deal with Sunset than me? And how are they sisters, anyway? Cadance always told me that she grew up in a small village on her own. Also… what was the mirror even doing in the Crystal Empire? Obviously, it’s not from there since Sunset fled through it several years before the empire returned.”

Shining Armor held up a hoof before Twilight’s line of thought could snowball into an avalanche of questions. “Look Twily, I get how this is a pretty big shock, and I know you have lots of questions. And…if I’m being honest, I probably could answer most of them. But a lot of this is really personal stuff; it’s just not my place to tell you. So, I’m sorry but, if you want to know more about Sunset and Cadance, you’ll have to ask one of them.”

Twilight’s face twisted up in annoyance. “UGH! Fiiiiine,” she groaned. “I’ll ask them about it later. But for now, there is something that we need to discuss.”

“Oh?” Shining Armor cocked his head curiously.

Twilight’s horn glowed, and a pink, translucent bubble appeared around their booth. All at once, the ambient noise of the train and other passengers vanished. Twilight covered Flurry Heart’s ears and leaned forward.

“Just how many ponies have you told about my secret vault?”


“Much less than he could have,” Twilight finally responded, lifting her head out of her hooves. “Really, all he did was tell me that the two of you are sisters and that he’d always known that. That’s pretty much it.”

Cadance nodded. “Well to start things off, Sunset and I aren’t biological siblings. In fact, we didn’t even meet until after I came to Canterlot.”

‘Ah, so that’s why Sunset never came up whenever Cadance told me about growing up in her old village,’ Twilight thought to herself.

Cadance looked at Sunset. “Do you want to tell her about how we became sisters, or should I?”

Sunset just smiled and motioned for Cadance to continue. “Go ahead, you tell it better than I do.”

Cadance smiled and turned back to Twilight, who was setting out a few quills, some vials of ink, and a roll of parchment on her side of the table. In the blink of an eye, Twilight had finished setting up and was poised to take notes. Cadance stifled a giggle and didn't even bother to wonder where these supplies had come from. “Okay, so, I had been living in Canterlot for just over two weeks and there was something important that I needed to discuss with Sunset…”

Cadance then proceeded to tell Twilight about the day Sunset became her sister: how she had sought Sunset out in order to learn why she had antagonized her so much; how the unicorn had opened up about her abandonment, years in the orphanage, and massive insecurities; how Cadance had reciprocated by telling Sunset about her abandonment and what it was like growing up in a village where she was cared for but never loved; Sunset’s rage on her behalf, and Cadance’s final realization that she and Sunset understood each other and both desperately wanted the exact same thing, a family.

As Cadance finished, Twilight’s quill came to a stop over the tear-stained parchment. Wordlessly, she stared at them.

“Uh…Twilight?”

* POP! *

“That was beautiful,” Twilight sobbed teleporting herself between Cadance and Sunset in an attempt to hug them both. “I’m sorry for getting so j…upset, about all this! I’m a terrible friend! You two needed each other; and I’m so, so, so, so, so glad you became sisters! Thank you for sharing this with me! You’re two of the most important ponies in my life and finding out that there was such a huge part of your lives I didn’t know anything about was driving me crazy!” After finishing her tearful rant, Twilight relaxed, as though all the weight of the world had been lifted off her. Sunset and Cadance comforted her until the purple pony calmed down and teleported back to her side of the table.

“So, Twilight, any follow-up questions?” Cadance asked.

Hearing the words ‘follow-up questions’ sent Twilight right back into note-taking mode. She sat up straight and began looking everything over. “Actually, I do have one. You referenced a lot of things that occurred during your first two weeks at Canterlot, but you never really got into it. Just what happened during that time!?”

Sunset gave Twilight a deadpan stare. “Really Twilight? We have a decade—Ten Years— of awesome, feel-good, sisterly stories…and you want to hear about the two weeks that I spent making Cadance’s life miserable?”

“It just seems like a lot of important things occurred during that time. Like, how did you save Cadance’s life? What kind of trouble was she in? Why did you risk your life for a pony you basically hated? And just who in Tartarus is Tarnished Knife?”

“Trust me Twilight, it’s really not that interesting,” Sunset assured her. “It’s just two weeks of political intrigue, bullying, drama, comedic relief, destruction of property, a chase sequence, historically accurate references, and a literal downfall. Nothing worth writing home about.”

Twilight’s eye twitched. “You intentionally made that sound interesting! …And I think you mean a figurative downfall.”

Sunset looked up in thought for half a second. “Nope, it’s a literal downfall. Moving on.”

Twilight turned pleadingly to her sister-in-law. “Cadance!”

Cadance shrugged. “She’s not lying, Twilight. The downfall was a literal one.”

Twilight groaned as the sisters laughed.


A few minutes later, the trio was leaning back in their seats with an empty platter sitting on the table between them. “Ahh, that was so good,” Cadance sighed after finishing off the last donut. “I really needed this after missing breakfast. Of course, now I don’t want to do anything but take a nap.”

“That reminds me, what are the errands we need to run,” Sunset lazily asked Twilight.

The princess’s eyes went wide. She had been having such a good time that she had completely forgotten about Sunset’s fitting! She shot a glance out the window. Just how long had the line for Canterlot Carousel been gone!?

Twilight excitedly leaped out of her seat and threw on her mitts, scarf, and earmuffs. “Actually, the first thing we need to do is just down the street! Let’s go Sunset! I have a surprise for you!” Sunset was certainly surprised when she was picked up by Twilight’s magic and hauled out of the comfortable booth.

“Oh not this, again,” Sunset shouted, frantically chugging her coffee and snatching the scarf she had borrowed from Spike

Author's Note:

We're back with a diner chapter!
I'm not sure why, but diners just seem to be a nice location for character interaction. Plus they just have a certain charm that's hard to describe. :moustache:

At any rate, I hope this chapter brought a smile to your day. :pinkiehappy:
Let me know what you think in the comments.

And, as always, thanks for reading. :twilightsmile:

Comments ( 31 )

So... Is that two weeks a noodle story, or a prequel on the sight somewhere?

Or Sunset and Candace trolling Twi all to hell?

This chapter was just hilariously precious. Good job!

Comment posted by Enza Ren deleted Nov 5th, 2020

Joe’s reserves the right to cut off any patron after 16 cups of coffee: regardless of excuses, sass, threats of arson, or general surliness.

This made me cackle, well done.

“Trust me Twilight, it’s really not that interesting,” Sunset assured her. “It’s just two weeks of political intrigue, bullying, drama, comedic relief, destruction of property, a chase sequence, historically accurate references, and a literal downfall. Nothing worth writing home about.”

Can I disagree and say that it totally worth writing home about? :twilightblush:

Anyway, great chapter as always! :yay:

Very nice, I really enjoyed the humor this chapter.

A nice little fluff piece, these are the kind I like.

Every time I read a chapter from this story, I love it's. It's hilarious, heartwarming, and even a little heartbreaking at times. Though I'm most eager to see the reunion between Sunset and Princess Celestia (if it happens) 🤞🏻

Please please moreeeeeee🙏😭😍

10620612
Thank you so much for reading, I'm glad that you're enjoying it. :twilightsmile:

If you don't mind my asking, what have you liked most so far?

10621022
I actually liked everything about it, the flow of the story is pretty well done and the plot is not so convoluted that I don't know what the heck is happening but its just detailed enough that you can get what is happening in the scenes themselves also the story telling of the plot is just great that really makes me relate to the character😍, actually most of the scenes in this story literally and i meant literally made me cry be it tears of sadness or joy!

10621056
Wow, thank you very much. :twilightblush:
This really made my day ^_^

10627250
So, I'm gonna start by saying (now that I have finished reading the whole story) that I absolutely loved it all and am looking forward to your next chapter. Really love the setting and backstory you've created. Actually refreshing to see Sunset and Cadance so close. You actually had me grinning and practically screaming that Mia had better be Cadance in disguise.

As far as Babylon 5 goes, great Sci-Fi show in my opinion. I've not actually watched it in ages, beyond grabbing a scene or two to watch on youTube, so not 100% sure how well it holds up. But certainly something I would say is worth watching at least once.

10627335
I'm really glad that you liked what I did with Sunset and Cadance. :raritystarry:

Their relationship was important to me, so I worked hard on those chapters and am proud of how they turned out. Writing Cadance disguised as Mia was a lot of fun, as was setting up that reveal. :rainbowlaugh:

At what point did you start to suspect Mia was Cadance?

10627652
It was kind of a gradual suspicion. As soon as she approached Sunset, I was in kind of a state of "This could be a random pony, but wouldn't it be great if it was Cadance?" But the time they were walking to the station, it had evolved to "This had better be Cadance!" Seeing Cadence, Shining Armor, and Flurry Heart on the platform made me falter for a bit, but went Mia suddenly started getting very protective of her costume, I was certain that it was Cadence and that the "Cadance" on the platform was Thorax.

10628308
That's awesome!
I was hoping that sequence would be able to give readers a ride like that. I did my best to lay clues hinting that Mia was Cadance while trying to not make it too obvious. It's really satisfying to hear it reads well. :twilightsmile:

10628369
Well, you can also add the fact that I ended the chapter with a faceplate when it finally occurred to me that Mia likely came form "Mi Amore Cadenza".

10628375
:rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh: I was hoping someone would catch that!

10628380
The big question though... Is this story going to end with Sunset and Twilight dating? Cause it feels like those two are heading that way, but it'll make for an almost hilarious herd with trying to process the family, given that Sunset is sister to Cadance who is married to Shining who is brother to Twilight. But that does bring up a point... It does really seem like Shining Armor and Sunset have interacted all that much so... Is Sunset even aware that Shining Armor is Twilight's brother? If not, that's going to be a hilarious scene.

10628424
I'm afraid I'm going to have to pull a 'we can neither confirm nor deny' on that comment cause I don't want to spoil any potential upcoming jokes that may or may not happen in the next few chapters. :trollestia:

Let's just say, Sunset knows a fair amount about Shining Armor. :moustache:

10628459
Ah, well I'll be kind and hide my questions under spoiler tags to keep anyone from accidentally seeing what has neither been confirmed nor denied. Once again, really looking forward to where you go with this story.

Comment posted by AngelaCA deleted Mar 11th, 2021

Pleaseeeee continueee😭😭

10717024
Worry not, it's coming.

It's just that, while writing, I realized there were a number of structural and background points I still had to address. :twilightsheepish:

I also got a new job that I've spent the past few weeks getting used to. But I've worked through the major blocks, so it shouldn't bee too much longer :moustache:

10717281
Yay🥳! Also congratulations to you getting a job🥳

Just now found this story. I am enjoying it greatly. Hope you are able to return to it someday. Definitely following. :twilightsmile:

Hi, I forgot to ask, and I'm sorry if this is annoying but I wanted to ask if this fanfic Die? It's been 3 years.
Sorry if I'm being rude for asking.

11469154
Whaaaaat three years? But it's only been.... 2 years and 2 months from today since the last update :twilightsheepish:

In all seriousness though, I still plan to continue on I just kind of fell out of the writing habit and it's been hard to get back in. And I really like this story so I want to do it right.

No worries about asking, it's certainly a legit question. But yes, I do intend to keep going. :twilightsmile:
If you don't mind me asking what have you liked about it so far? :moustache:

11469168
The way you read the characters is, both loveable and funny, I'm new to the website and want to write a fanfic, but I have a hard time with have the characters "show" emotions, rather than telling the reader the emotions the characters happening.

You on the other hand can make your reader, or at the very least me, feel like the characters in your story are "Alive" (for the lack of a better word) exactly with Sunset and VP Luna in the prologue.

You are also good at writing jokes and funny moments in the fanfic that can make your readers, or me at least, not just smile at the Joke or funny moment but laugh as while.

...Sorry for writing so much.

11469173
Don't be. Feedback is very helpful (I did ask, after all:moustache:) and I'm very happy to hear you've been enjoying my story so much.

I certainly can't claim to be an experienced writer since this is my first story, so feel free to disregard this advice, but when I first came here I spent several months reading fics before starting this one.

I would recommend that you take your time and not rush yourself. Read a wide variety of stories from different writers: long stories:trollestia:, short stories:moustache:, one-offs:twistnerd:, series:applecry::scootangel::unsuresweetie:, funny stories:rainbowlaugh:, scary stories:pinkiecrazy:, ect.

Always make an effort to read something new, in addition to the type of stories you normally like. The more you read, the more you'll pick up how others put their stories together and you'll become better equipped to tell your own.:raritystarry:

Thank you again for reading and best of luck :twilightsmile:

I've lost count of how many times I've reread this story. I really hope to see it continue someday!

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