• Member Since 22nd Mar, 2015
  • offline last seen Last Friday

Mocha Star


I'm here to write my way into your hearts and infect your minds.

Comments ( 37 )

Is this first person writing?

I thought your alt account had all the naughty stuff.

10498100
Yes. If you see any issues, please let me know.

10498102
I'm phasing that one back into this one over time.

10498127
Sorry I'm no good to you... my eyes are so used to third person views... I'm afraid I can't help you T_T... but... I'll try my best to read this.

10498131
Just understand that for the most part, the dad is telling you the story, instead of some author telling you what's happening.

hmmm... She smiled... isn't that telling...

I think???? not sure never done first person???

When I turned my head to the right I saw her opened her mouth with her teeth together, giving me that look, and had her eyes slanted.


I winked at Sky and my penis retracted, after which I thanked Celestia for that little reprieve.

Ok I think this would be better.

I shut my left eye at sky, when my penis retracted, after which I thanked Celestia for that little reprieve.

Just FYI, you've got some editor notes in here yet.

An oedipus complex is between a male and his mother. This story is about an electra complex.

10499051
Nice! Thanks. Fixing it thanks to you.
I thought it was an all encompassing term.

10498762
Thanks.
My editor chose to comment in the story instead of make side bar comments.
I appreciate it!

Note: Ages are based on equine, not human years and ages of development.

"Sunny was three when her mother died..."

"I picked Sunny up and put her on my back."

Ehh...

Generally, horses are sexually mature around two years and mostly grown by that point as well. They'll grow a bit more over the next few years, but by two, they're pretty well there. If Sunny is more than 3 years of age, assuming comparable equine numbers, she should essentially be fully grown. Given the initial description, and how things were presented, I initially assumed Sunny was between 1 and 2, while Golden 5-8 (big assumption there, but the idea was he's a young-ish father).

10499493
I like that idea. I'm gonna work with that in future chapters, where I can.
Thanks!!

The sex scenes are bit too short for my tastes. Sometimes as short as two paragraphs.

10503619
Trust me, they get longer in certain chapters

Hmm, interesting. I wonder who she's telling all this too. Hopefully it's somepony who appreciates how hot this story is.

Pure UNF material, also, an interesting take on Saddle Arabia, a nice change from overused Equestria.

“A little, but it’s done and over with… and you’ll have your spanking soon enough.”

Ropes and stuff is nice, but it's even more hot to play it as a parental punishment - with a paddle or a hoof, over the knee or on the bed, with pajama pants pulled down! I wonder if spanking foals in public is legal in Saddle Arabia, I bet Sunny would cream herself the first second after her dad pulls her into a dreaded position over his knee, yanks her tail and skirt up and slap, when they're in open in the park.

10540451
Thanks, I aim to please in everything I do.
I'll try to appease everypony in the next chapter.

It turned out that Harvest was right, except that if I’m caught there’s a fine I’d have to pay for some reason or another. The best part was that I could practically have sex anywhere and as long as I didn’t disturb the neighbors, I was in the clear.

Harvest nodded. “Yes, you are quite fortunate it is not against the law here, or you may be in trouble; for a filly to have a sticky tail.”

I gulped loud enough to be heard over Sami’s crying, not blinking as I looked into Harvest’s eyes. “Wh-what?”

“This is not Equestria, just do not let her bear fruit, or you will find the laws are not forgiving for family love as you seem to have.”

I'm confused:pinkiecrazy: If its not against the law and its ok to have sex with blood relatives. Then why the heck would you have too pay a fine if your caught doing it? I can understand the whole no incest pregnancy thing. But from what this chapter tells me is that everypony cool and ok with talking about their sex lives. Heck I feel like the ponies in this country could have sex in front guests and friends visiting their homes as long if they let them know first.

The law book, to mention, was revised two years ago and I checked with the librarian that the laws were up to date. I was on cloud nine and was excited to get back home to celebrate with some victory sex, then supper, then maybe a good sixty-nine.

Golden even gets excited about the fact that he and Sunny can have sex without worry of ponies judging them and they don't have to hide it anymore. But the whole getting a fine for getting caught when incest isn't even against the law make no sense.


Either way I'm loven this story. I'm Looking forward to the next chapter :pinkiehappy:

10541785
I should go back to clarify; public sex and exhibitionism are banned, as is voyeurism and public flirtation.
Basically, it's a 'keep it in your house' culture.
It's a loosely modified version of Islam's views of public indecency.
Thanks, once I fix that it'll clear up a bit of that muck.
:yay:

That age really threw me off. I'll say it right now that you shouldn't make it that low that it is ridiculous. Would completely suffice for them to be in their 30-40 or just simply don't mention it at all and leave it for imagination.

This is bad parenting, but definitely a fetish fuel, UNF

What a misogynistic load of BS! Not to mention CHILD ABUSE! Takes a sick mind to call this a story.

10632899
So you read it, making it a story.

10632899
Oh yeah, this is imaginary, they're not humans, and thanks for reading, I hope you like the next chapter!

I often still wonder how many fillies are turned into mares by their fathers, but that’s neither here nor there and not my problem to worry about. Not that it’s a problem, we both enjoy it and a filly’s ready for sex at three, and Sunny’s already four.

For the human comparison, girls enter puberty at around 9, boys at 12. Only some cultures consider this age to be adult. The Ottomans had a separate age requirement for marriage and competency (18).

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Child_marriage

Anyway, his reasoning is flawed because she's still around 11-14 in human years.

10805808
Finally someone gets it!!

10805880
Not that it's any better... The acceptability rating for this stuff is a flat 0 for anyone under 18 (depending on local laws).

Poor Sunny's butt... but she had it coming. However, leaving her like that unsatisfied was kind of mean for her dad.
Maybe she can have some fun with Nighty...
That was a fun chapter, hope to see more soon!

10824942
I know, right!
I'll get more out sooner, I'm writing more and I have a reliable editor, too. Lol I love your comment.

I actually find the more horse-like ages unique and interesting. It makes the world feel more real, I like it.:twilightsmile:

10826017
Thanks! Not everypony is as cultured as you in such matters.

Sunny needs a coltfriend who isn't her father. Maybe that colt she beat up at the park?

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