Cadence fiddles with a recording crystal before setting it on the coffee table, a sapphire light thrumming off polished mahogany.
"Anonymous, right?"
"Yeah."
She looks up from her notes.
"So you're the alien that's been living with Twiley?"
"More or less."
"Huh."
She begins to write.
"When did you first meet Aunt Luna?"
"Three days ago."
"Where?"
"Sweaty Dan's Drinking Shack."
Real classy place.
"Was she disguised or anything?"
"In hindsight, barely."
"I'll take that as a yes. What did you both do together?"
"Drinking Shack."
"Beyond the obvious."
"We talked and had sex."
"What did you talk about?"
"A lot, politics and culture mainly. I'm surprised at how many parallels there are between human and pony history. You know Bone Apart the Necromancer? Well, his life story is pretty much just Nap - "
Cadence raises a hoof.
"Sorry, but this is getting off-track. Focus on your conversation with Luna. What was it like?"
"Well, we generally agreed on a lot of things, and I'd be lying if I said it wasn't enjoyable. Heh, it was like Statler and Waldorf, both of us asshole curmudgeons."
She leans forward.
"Did you feel any special connection to her?"
"What does that even mean?"
"Love, lust, attraction … "
He shrugs.
"I dunno, not really? It was like talking to a good friend, I guess."
"How did you get from there to sex?"
"Alcohol, I'd assume. It's a bit of a leap, thinking back, but it seemed natural at the time."
"Right. How do you feel about the engagement?"
"Numb. It's just … I don't know. Half of me wants to try and make things work, half of me wants to line her up against a wall, and I end up in this neutral middle. To be totally honest, I don't know how to feel anymore, haven't since I've arrived in Equestria. Everything just becomes so confused and melds into this … meaningless grey sludge."
She looks him in the eyes.
"Are you alright? This sounds like something you should see a therapist about."
"It's fine, I'll get over it eventually."
"Are you sure?"
"Yes."
Cadence purses her lips.
"Look, if you need help … "
"I appreciate the concern, but I can do it alone. Is there anything else?"
She places her notes on an accent table.
"I guess that's it for now. Can you get Aunt Luna?"
"Sure."
Anon stands up and leaves, the pony-sized couch audibly relieved to get rid of him. It's a horribly gaudy little thing, some Second Empire monstrosity that had been rightfully relegated to one of the tertiary drawing rooms. The room itself is a hodgepodge of leftover gifts from social climbers and diplomats, and lies tucked away in some overlooked corner. It is thus the perfect place for more sensitive discussions—few even know that it's there, and none of its furnishings will be missed if things turn violent.
A muffled argument flows in from the hallway.
"Your turn, Moonhorse."
"I still don't know why you were so keen on going first, Rape Ape. Are you trying to lie to my niece, make yourself look good?"
"Do you ever shut up?"
"For you? Never."
"Not very regal of you, Princess."
Luna huffs before sauntering in, stately posture betrayed by a grimace.
"As if a beast like you would know a thing about regality."
She slams the door.
"Niece Cadence."
"Aunt Luna."
Cadence wonders if she should hug her, but decides to stay put. No sense in prodding a hornets' nest, after all.
"So, this is certainly an … interesting situation."
"If one wishes to put it diplomatically, yes. I myself would prefer to use stronger language."
Luna sits down on the couch.
"Can you refrain, for my sake?"
"I'll try."
"Better than nothing, I suppose. What do you think of Anonymous?"
"Had I not been put in this situation, I reason we could have been close friends. As things stand, I would like to throw him off a very tall building."
"Why?"
"Emotions are unreasonable. I know that I put myself in this situation, but that doesn't stop me from being angry at him."
"Well, how do you feel about the engagement itself?"
"Furious."
"Care to elaborate?"
"I am being forced to marry somepony I met three days ago, what more needs to be said?"
"Just humor me."
"Fine. I am still recovering from my exile, striving to understand this new era and meaningfully connect with those that live in it. I haven't the time, nor the energy, for love."
"That sounds pretty rehearsed."
"I know how I feel, Niece."
"Aunt Luna … "
"No offense to you, but I have never needed romance. It is little more than a parasite that weakens your spirit and distracts you from what is important. I need only myself to be happy, and to be forced into a relationship is an indignity beyond compare."
"Look, what you just said is something I'd expect to hear from some cheesy comic book villain. How do you actually feel about love?"
Luna stands up.
"I have no interest in something so … fleeting."
Airy chimes signal her departure, the door encased in a cerulean aura.
"Good day, Niece."
Hoofsteps grow softer as Luna buggers off to do moon stuff or something.
-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-
Celestia rests on a copse of tyrian pillows, bolts of afternoon sunlight piercing through layers of cloud and casting her study in a rich orange glow. She lazily sips on some tea as she drinks in the warmth of a sandstone fireplace, where fronds of magical fire dance on enchanted logs. This is a daily ritual for her, an inviolable hour away from governance that keeps her from throwing the planet into the Sun.
Three thumps, followed by a yelp.
"Come in, Cadie."
It's a special knock between the two. Much like that embarrassing sunshine dance, the ritual is a habit of affection, performed without any consideration for appearances. There is an undeniable innocence about it, and from that innocence one can gleam the familial love that flows between them.
"I want to talk about Luna's engagement, Auntie."
Celestia turns to her, beaming smile illuminated by rippling flames.
"Isn't it wonderful?"
Cadence gulps.
"Actually, from what I've heard, it's, um, more complicated than that."
"How so?"
"You know that weird virginity law?"
"Unfortunately."
"Aunt Luna and Anonymous … well, I don't really know how to put this."
Celestia laughs.
"Cadie, I'm well aware of the circumstances—Twilight sent a very, very thorough report."
"Then how are you so happy about this? It's an absolute dumpster fire."
Celestia rises from her pillows and beckons Cadence with a wing.
"My sister has lived for 3,000 years, and in that time she has proven herself to be the single biggest prude I've ever met. That Luna even had relations with Anonymous is a miracle, and tells me that, for all her posturing, she desperately wants to love somepony, whether she knows it or not."
They walk towards the window.
"That's all well and good Auntie, but I just think you're being too optimistic. Both are going through a lot right now, we can't just hoist a marriage upon them and expect a happily ever after."
Celestia surveys her doman, resting a foreleg on Cadence's withers.
"It is because they have problems that this marriage is a good thing. They are alienated from the world around them, and let their troubles fester by refusing the help of others. As the saying goes, no mare is an island, and they will thus learn to lean on each other. Besides, it's not as if we can stop it: the law is the law, after all."
"So you think this will help them."
"I know it will. They will be happier together than they are alone."
Celestia turns, returning to her pile.
"And it is our job to help them realize this."
And with how the meat is beginning to take form, you've earned yourself a like.
This is going to go completely against Celestia's expectations isn't it? Instead of them quietly accepting their marriage they team-up to overthrow and kill Celestia
10149805
but that would prove her point tho...
Why not get them drunk again? That way they can let loose their tightened lips and say what's been holding them back... especially if you record it, and "stop" recording when they start to get intimate, just to make sure they remember/actually clarify their thoughts/feelings... but that might just be my desire for more explicit material talking
10149838
Yeah but Celestia is dead...they change the law, Equestria comes under the leadership of someone who isn't some sort of lucky retard, and everyone lives happily ever after, except Celestia because of her abject stupidity.
10149841
IDK mate, just seems a bit too easy. I like my AIE romances to waffle around for 20k or so words.
To be entirely honest, I find the porn the least interesting bit.
10149857
oo I like waffles, continue....
10149857
Been reading Cackling Moron's stuff have we?
10149878
I'm thinking more along the lines of Sarcastic Brony (welcome back, by the way).
Damn, this was a good chapter!
Rape ape was a great line for those of us who are old enough to know grape ape.
I'm waiting for them to discover what the geas of the spell actually does. Ponys arent violent so it's probably something funny and not harmful.
Rape ape woah shots fired!
(Slow clap)
I'm loving this story.
Dude needs some hefty psychiatric and psychological help. Luna just needs some cuddles.
Ok, a lot of cuddles.
Ah, there it is...
Honestly a reasonable stance on the matter. Understandable, if tragic.
Only options otherwise would be family members, Discord, or dragons.
So Celestia is being manipulative.
Everything's normal, then. Actually, did they even have sex, or were they tricked into believing it to be true?
10150396
Celestia was born a minute before the Nightmare Moon thing, just popped out of the aether fully formed like some Platonic ideal of an Alicorn.
Or it ends with them being each others 'ear' for when the other needs to bitch about something without actually solving anything.
Celestia and her chess games! At least it's for the love of her sister and a hopeful friend.
Great job!
Bretty great so far!
10149933
if you remember that how about "Heavens to Murgatroyd and El Kabong
Oh goodness, this will not go well...
I thought you said this wasn’t going to have clop?
Princess Luna is my spirit animal.
And with that, Celestia ruins the story.
I tried to give you the benefit of the doubt here, Sunbutt, and what do ya do? Throw it back in my face.
Isn't that how Luna got herself into this mess?
(Alternatively)
He he, you said meat
I agree with Luna on love, but my sentiments extend to sex as well.
Like, can't I just sit around my house wrapped in blankets and watch power rangers for a few hours on end without being told to "go out and find somebody already."?
Or " get laid for once in your life, stop playing on that DS, and don't insist that cake is better, you're wrong."
They get along so well.
Fighting like an old married couple already.
Match made in Hell
11021746
I like hell is warm and I don't ever need to get the door because that was stolen weeks ago.
10240124
Who hurt you?
Greatest quote ever...!
Ah, and there it is. The curse of agelessness/long livedness/immortality, being forced to watch all you love and care for be taken by time, while you remain, millenia after millenia.
Ah, the root of the problem finally presents itself. The fear of losing it forever. Such is the fate of agelessness.