• Member Since 13th Jul, 2012
  • offline last seen Mar 14th, 2015

Superswag420


Hello.

T

This story is about Sam, a guitar player from earth. when things go south on a plane ride he crashes into an unknown place and he has no clue what to do.

Wow guys, thanks for taking time out of your day to read this!

It means alot to me for my first fic!

Alright guys story Is completed for now, There will be a sequel!

Chapters (8)
Comments ( 100 )

1.bp.blogspot.com/-gp1JJVtPF-s/T_cZBvokXjI/AAAAAAAAAJM/xBQ_H3cdUpU/s320/IFS.png
Sorry, sorry. I had to use it. :rainbowkiss:

Anyways,

This..... Isn't bad. Nah, not too shabby. Other than the cliche 'unconsciousness' there is nothing too much to complain about. Wha- My god... YOU CAN SPELL CORRECTLY?!?! PARAGRAPHS?!? ALMOST PERFECTED?!?! :yay:

*Opens chapter 2*

:rainbowderp:

In terms of formatting, you want to use italics for any inner thoughts.
Example:

Well, moment of truth time... ‘Oh no what if they get suspicious, WHAT IF THEY DON’T LIKE ME!’ I panic as everyone is still staring at me (And when people are staring or paying lots of attention to me I get really shy...) ‘ oh no not staring... they might as well call me shy strings..’ ‘hmm, Shy Strings...’

Should be:

Well, moment of truth time...

Oh no what if they get suspicious, WHAT IF THEY DON’T LIKE ME! I panic as everyone is still staring at me (And when people are staring or paying lots of attention to me I get really shy...)

oh no not staring... they might as well call me shy strings.. hmm, Shy Strings...

Same rules as if you were using quotations.

Also, try not to add those little breaks in the story with your own thoughts.

‘How about Pick Strings...? maybe I don’t know’ I keep thinking about random stuff when one of the ponies say (in one of the most quiet voice I might add...)

It prevents the reader from keeping themselves immersed when you pop in to make a little note.

Now... story critique time!

Your OC survived a plane crash. A deadly plane crash. If he could feel and see fire burning his body while he was inside, it is alot more serious than just 'keeping a large bandage on it for 3 days.' No, he would most likely have 3rd degree burns in which case it would take anywhere from 3-5 weeks to heal. Also, I seriously hope you will reference to his burns as a weakness later on... To be consistent. :raritywink:

No... It can't be... NO PLEASE NO!

“Is it just me or is Shy kind of cute?” asked Fluttershy

I mean... Sure, I can take shipping in a story nowadays. That shit sells like hotcakes and people eat it up every time if done right. But in a story with an OC, which is usually the author himself, trying to fulfill his fantasies with one of the known cast, it comes off extremely cliche in alot of fics and terribly forced. Unless your someone extremely experienced with the whole 'shipping' do-dad, it hardly ever works.

Best of luck to you, I spent too much damn time writing this! :twilightsheepish:

1124537 He went from human to pony after the crash from a mysterious force ( from a quick change from earth to equestria)

1124558

Thanks you for this, this will really help me out! :yay:

I've got plans for this whole fluttershy thing :trollestia:

To continue the massive comment above me, I agree with him.

The story isn't that bad, but it has been done a thousand times. A human going through some weird crash/portal and ending up in Equestria. It was good the first time, I'm sure, but there needs to be something original. And I don't mean original as in your OC plays guitar, I mean story changing original. The last thing anyone wants to read is a story about how some low life from Earth finds his happiness amongst the ponies in Equestria. No amount of formatting, grammar correction or perfect spelling could fix that.

That being said, your grammar, spelling and formatting are quite good. For a first timer, you remind me a lot of myself which is why I'm leaving you this comment. Just make sure to change the game up a little. Make it unique, and create lots of conflict. That's the key to turning some random HiE fic into gold. Also, be as realistic as possible. The guy above me mentioned something about the 3rd degree burns, and I agree. Just try your best to switch it up a little, and create something that nobody has done before.

Good luck!

1124604

Thank you, I've got plans to make this whole thing unique, Hehe...:trollestia:

I like it:pinkiehappy: I was listing to Plug In Baby while reading. MUSE FTW!!!!!!:pinkiecrazy:

Pacing and punctuation needs work, but I'll track it to see where it goes.

1124681 muse ftw

1124687 Alright sweet man, I'll work on that!

Alright I got chapter one proofread, Most if not all errors in punctuation should be fixed.

I'll fix the rest in a bit!

Changed the thoughts in chapter 2 to italics!

And I changed time from 3 days to 3 weeks before the bandage can be permanently removed!

Basically the major issues have already been addressed. However, I shall throw my hat in as well!

Where someone asked if Sam turned into a pony or not, it raises a good point. I myself had a tough time figuring out if he was human or not. Its easy as a writer to forget about these points, because you think they are obvious. But you have to read your story with the mind of a reader who has no idea what your story is about. There really is no way of knowing if he did change, because you provided no details of it happening.

Oh, and this is just a personal quip of mine, but I dislike how much of the thoughts consist of him telling himself to think. To me, its just filler text that contributes nothing to the actual story.

You have lots of potential as a writer, you have the foundation set for being one, now you just need experience to hone it to a fine art. I look forward to seeing more from you, I really do! For this being your first story, you show a lot of skill that will only be honed and perfected with time:pinkiehappy:

Well I like where this is going, but what is up with the Friend Dead part? :unsuresweetie::unsuresweetie:

1125209

Hehehe, what everyone fails to realize is that I have everything all planned out for the next few chapters.

You never know whats gonna happen next :trollestia::trollestia::trollestia:

Hey, dude.....guess what.....*whisper* Grammar.

Capitalize the names....Oh, and make sure to have him play a few Slash songs. Like this.

I inspired you to write this? This amazing thing?! Whaaaaaaaaaa???????

Also… Fluttershy/Human OC shipping?! BEST STORY EVER!!!!!!!

-MarkusBrony (Skyblaze)

PS.
I also play guitar and speak another language (Spanish). Most relatable character ever!

Sorry about a short chapter three, I usually put up 2 chapters a day so... expect one more

Unless I'm really bored! :trollestia:

*strokes false goatee* yes, yes
I see this story developing. *grins darkly* I shall be waiting…

Yeah, another chapter! Story gets interesting after every second!

And he should better learn how to play a guitar with his magic soon, otherwise, his talent will be very obscured.

Anyway, keep up with the story, you're been doing good so far! wiki.teamfortress.com/w/images/thumb/2/23/Lollichop_taunt.png/74px-Lollichop_taunt.png

pinkie pie luna vinly scratch octavia derpy doctor whooves :pinkiehappy:

1129080

I will take this into consideration! :pinkiehappy:

Well I feel bad for what I'm gonna' put Strings through now...

Of course, I'd like to see Lyra. :P

I request slash songs....If that's allowed. Oh and this

Skip to 24 seconds.

1129236

When I make a chapter that fits the song, I will put lyrics from the songs into some character lines.

Just like I did with madness, except I'll take a more direct approach with adding in lines.

1129200

And yes there will be lyra!


Holy crap, so many comments! :trollestia:

Chapter 4 out MOTHERBUCKERS!!! I took some of your requests!

1130068

I'm a guitarist why wouldn't I rock ? :trollestia:

And this will probably be the last chapter for today, my brain hurts...

1130133 I'm saying you rock for taking suggestions. But yea, last chapter for today is cool. You have been working your ass off.

1130144

Hehe, I'll still put out 2 every day.

And im always taking suggestions

just put

# of chapter:
What song:
or
What ponies:

1130208 You updating once a day would be more than what I put out on a weekly basis....

Good sir, I give you… STANDING OVATION!!!

…oh, wait, you can't see me…

HAVE A MUSTACHE!!!:moustache::moustache::moustache::moustache::moustache:

needs more coheed and cambria and good job on the new chapters!

1130423

Thanks man, And yes maybe I'll put in cambria song :trollestia:

1130468 Well there is only one conflict and that is what song to pick they have so much songs that I like but I will let you go for what you like! :rainbowkiss:

Hmm, yes, that's awesome! Finally Shy Strings got to play the guitar! wiki.teamfortress.com/w/images/thumb/1/14/Pyrotaunt3.PNG/81px-Pyrotaunt3.PNG

Oh, and when you make Chapter 5, instead of making straightly a new chapter, copy and paste this into the Author's Note chapter you made earlier, then paste Chapter 5 over this chapter. Just so it doesn't haves incorrect numbers......you know what I mean. wiki.teamfortress.com/w/images/thumb/b/bf/Pyro_taunt_laugh.png/90px-Pyro_taunt_laugh.png

1130934

Meh, It doesn't really matter. :trollestia:

P.s. Pyro is best tf2 character

1130963

Hmm, yeah, but then it would prevent from it being noted as 'Chapter 5' while in reality it is Chapter 4.

Yeah, Pyro's my favorite tf2 character.

..derpy...lawl...shes probably thinking of shy strings in a muffin costume playing his music :rainbowkiss:

I play guitar! Why I no have mares run me down?! I'm so lonely…

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