Trapped in a situation they never could have imagined, the cutie mark crusaders must fight fear, doubt, and the shadows that plague them. Set up to the song "Blow me away", will they survive? Or, do the stars have other ideas in mind.
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Rated T for teens: contains scary imagery.
Going for a more darker tag on this one, also, going to try a different style of writing.
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Props to Sweetie Bell for the M95, and Scootaloo for the AUG, but... what the hell does Apple Bloom have...?
Blow Me Away.
1125986 Looks to be a sniper rifle from halo...i wubs halo.
1125998
Me? No. I personally don't like Halo in any way. So I wouldn't have recognized it in a million years.
1126008 Ha its all good its not every ones slice of applepie. I see you like bf3 though which i do like also. Just not a big fan of COD.
1125998
Actually, all three of them seem to be wielding Halo weapons
Battle Rifle for Scoots
Shotgun for Applebloom
and Sniper Rifle for Sweetie Belle
Will read latter though.
1126049
Why do people keep putting Halo and MLP together...?
Yey i love the CMCs
1126064 Cause halo is so
. I love that game halo 4 made me sqee so hard.
1126120
So offence, but I don't like Halo. I'm not one of those people who go "Urrg! Halo sux and everyone who plays isa fag!" but I *do* skip all the adds.
1126142 I totally get it. I have plenty of friends that prefere COD or somthing else. I personally dislike people like tha,t that are all like oh your such a noob you like halo/COD/BF3. Just so childish.
1126209
Well, exactly. Glad to see normal people are showing up on the internet lately.
1126238 Hah bro were bronies "normal" isnt the word i would use...more like totally super duper amazing people.
1126400
I like it... XD Either way, we'll be accepted eventually... hopefully it won't become a hipster thing though.
Call To Arms - Manowar
1126471 Excepted i dought it. As long as somthing exsists it will be hated by some one some were. But the more you hate somthing the stronger it gets as when you openly hate it people decide to look at it and see what it is. So ironically enough the only reason the fandom took off and turned into what it is now rather than die in 4chan as some half baked fandom is because of hate. We have haters to thank for our ponies.
1126555
I guess... Meh, forget them anyways. They're missing out XD
Nice cover art, who are they fighting?
It's ironic that the only relevant comment thus far was from Relevant Heavy Metal. Time to change that.
There are a few flaws with this piece of writing, the main one being that your paragraphs are too chopped up. Description of the environment should be enclosed in one (or two, when very lengthy) paragraph(s) only, not separated into three or four as done here. You'll also want to condense the character's actions. The section where Scootaloo fumbled with the ammo could be shortened/rewritten as two paragraphs: one where Scootaloo drops the ammo and reaches for it and another with Applebloom's reaction. Doing this will make the writing feel less drawn out and much easier to read.
Other than this and a few errors which slipped through the editing process, the other issue is that we have absolutely no idea what's going on and aren't given enough info about the present to allow for a satisfactory explanation later. We don't know what the CMC are doing in that house in the middle of a thunderstorm, we don't know why they have guns and we have no idea what the CMC are fighting at the moment ("a black shadow" gives the reader absolutely nothing to go off of). Even if a proper introduction to the story is to be given later, we need enough description of the current scene to assist both the story now and in a chapter's rime.
Of course, it's not surprising that there are flaws with this, considering that you're trying a new writing style. I hope what I've written as constructive critique is able to help you improve your writing.
1126064
Pretty much any FTL drive is kind of a ready-made crossover method, like Twilight Sparkle failing a spell.
Really good story. I believe you are going to be throwing in a back story somewhere, hopefully. And age, and other things. But this is a great opening to a story. Just don't keep people waiting.
Why is this canceled.
1126049 Well because we feel like it