Gala Crashing

by Paper_Pen

Part 2

Pen approached the entrance which was, of course, guarded by a Royal Guardsmare. She was easily a head taller than Pen with three times his muscle mass, if she so desired the unicorn dead then she'd have no issue making it so even without the heavy golden armor and standard issue spear equipped on her enormous body.

"Good evening, miss-" Pen began.

"Who are you?" She immediately asked, a violent suspicion in her dagger eyes. This greatly intimidated Pen, he'd never had the best luck fooling the Royal Guard, though if he could convince a Manehattan cop that he knew more about Equestrian law then he could definitely pull this off with a bit of theatrics.

"Why, I am Premier Cole Clouds of Ornithia!" Pen lied in a feigned tone of offense. Note was absolutely shocked, Pen was good at this but impersonating a world leader? That was certainly a new one.

"But of course, you're high- uh, Premier-ness!" The guardsmare actually bowed in nervous response, "If I may ask, who is your accompaniment?"

"This is High General Lava Light of the honorable Ornithian Guard, I expect you to recognise him as a superior!" Pen lied, making up a title for Note on the spot.

"Of course, carry on!" The mare allowed them through.

The 'Premier' and his 'General' continued into the V.I.P lounge. It was twice as ornate as the rest of the courtyard, namely in the fact that gold littered it's decor like cider stains on Pen's couch. The lounge's guests featured the Likes of Princess Luna, Prince Blueblood, Prince Shining Armor, and several other far less important governmental ponies. Normally the mere sight of any of these figures alone would send Pen into a nervous breakdown, but tonight he was not Paper Pen, he was Premier Cole Clouds of Ornithia and he had enough wine in his system to convince himself it was true.

The sickly savoring scent of a burning blunt reached Note's nose causing him to naturally gravitate towards its source who, to Note's surprise, happened to be Shining Armor and a group of guardsmen. Meanwhile, 'Cole Clouds' moved to speak with his 'fellow' world leaders.

"It should be me on that throne, not her!" A very drunk Prince Blueblood complained to an entirely uninterested Princess Luna, "I have the blood of royalty, it's mine, Twilight is no better than a commoner!"

"Yes, she is a commoner, one twice as mature and thrice as qualified." Luna rolled her eyes.

"This is not a simple matter of applying for the job, blood succeeds qualification, I am owed!" Blueblood pleaded.

Prince Blueblood… oh how Pen loathed him, he was a bourgeois brat that represented everything the unicorn hated about royalty, though, of course the mild mannered stallion would never have the guts to actually say that to his face. Cole Clouds, however…

"Yes, of course we should prioritize tradition over what's best for the country," Cole trotted up and sarcastically criticized the prince before taking Blueblood's glass of wine to have a sip, one that he immediately spat out, "And might I say, your knowledge of wine is as well as your knowledge of politics!"

"Who in Equestria do you think you are?!" Blueblood exclaimed with anger.

"I am Premier Cole Clouds of the great island nation Ornithia!" Cole introduced himself, "And considering that I actually rule a country, well, I suppose that makes me your better?"

This confused Princess Luna as she had just met with the leader of Ornithia last week… the leader that happened to be a princess… and a bird. Still, this was far more palatable than having to listen to Blueblood's whining. Buck, it was actually pretty entertaining, other ponies must have thought so too because soon a small crowd of well dressed governmental ponies gathered to watch the altercation.

"Why, I've never even heard of Ornithia, what sway do you dare think your backwater country brings you?" Blueblood attacked, "Guards, take this ruffian away!"

Cole and Luna looked over to Shining Armor and his guards. They were far too busy passing around a joint and laughing with Note to hear the Princes' command.

"How weak, you choose not to fight your own battles?" Cole laughed in the stallion's face, "Princess Luna was right, you are nothing more than a stupid colt!"

"That's not what she said!" Blueblood defended.

"It was implied." She said flatly from behind, still watching the two with interest.

"I'll prove to you all that I'm a brave and honorable prince!" Blueblood spoke with anger and conviction, "Servants, fetch us a pair of duelling swords!"

Alright, show was over, Princess Luna knew that she now had to step in. She flew up into the air and landed between the two quarreling stallions, turning a stern face towards Pen.

"So, you are Premier Cole Clouds of Ornithia?" Luna quizzically asked Cole.

"Yes, I rule over the great island nation of Ornithia!" Cole proudly lied.

"Hm, I suppose Princess Hera, the actual leader of Ornithia, has a problem with that?"

"East Ornithia!" Cole 'corrected' himself, "I meant East Ornithia!"

"Really, East Ornithia?" Luna looked to Cole with judging eyes.

"Yes, really!" Cole explained, "You see, there's been some political trouble in the nation as of recent and-"

"How recent?" Luna immediately asked.

"Very? Yes, a moon ago!" Cole answered, "Within the last moon, at least."

"Of course," A stallion from the crowd called out, "The populace must have finally had enough of the Princess' iron grip and declared their own state, Glory to East Ornithia!"

"How dare you," A mare retaliated with offense in her voice, "Princess Hera is an honorable leader, West Ornithia is the one true Ornithia!"

Soon the crowd of governmental ponies was divided, fillies and gentlecolts of high standing had taken their sides in this conflict they had only just heard about and were prepared to fight over it.

"Oh, for buck's sake- there is no East Ornithia!" Luna finally shouted to the crowd.

"Then Equestria is sided with West Ornithia?!" A reporter emerged from the crowd, shoving a recorder in the Princess' face.

Finally noticing the commotion, Shining Armor, Rock Note, and a small detachment of royal guards rushed to the scene. They all reeked slightly of weed.

"Your Highness, what's the problem?" Shining Armor managed to ask, his voice slowed and his eyes pink.

"Highness… how fitting…" Luna again rolled her eyes, "This stallion is claiming to be the leader of a country that does not exist."

"Nonsense!" Note exclaimed with confidence, "If Ornithia wasn't real, how could I be it's high general?"

"East Ornithia." Pen corrected from behind Luna.

"And by Ornithia I mean East Ornithia, the best Ornithia!" Note followed up.

"Is… is that actually illegal?" Shining Armor asked.

"Impersonating a world leader and inciting a war between two nonexistent countries?" Luna asked with judging eyes pointed at Shining Armor, "I do not think anypony has felt the need to specifically write it down, so no, but I suppose picking a fight with Blueblood counts, though truthfully I cannot fault him on that misdeed."

"So, we're cool?" Note smiled innocently.

"Yes, 'high general', you are free to go, but as for 'Premier' Cole Clouds... come, subject, take a walk with me." Princess Luna commanded

Fear instantly shot into Pen's psyche and suddenly, in addition to a sobering terror, he couldn't help but feel so stupid. His tricks never worked on honest to Celestia guardsponies, why did he think the royalty they protect would be any different?

"Yo, I'll feed Bambino while you're locked up!" Note shouted to Pen before fleeing to the main venue to find his marefriend.