Chapter 11: Hospitals Totally Suck
Spike walked along the path leading up to Johan's new house, a piece of paper nervously held in his hand. He had coughed it up earlier while reading a comic with earplugs in while Twilight gushed about the date she had with Derek the other day for like, the thirteenth time.
It had a very simple message written on it in hand/hoof/horn writing he didn't recognize;
Dear Purple Dragon,
Please come to Johan's house as quickly as you can. It's really really important.
From: Johan's roommate
P.S please please please please please don't freak out when you get here.
Spike didn't know who this roommate was, but hey, if this guys was friends with Johan, he was friends with him.
Spike crossed a small hilly incline coming to a stop in the front yard of a brand new house. Instead of a small stone shack, there was a nice cyan brick house complete with two floors, a front porch and a nice tiled roof.
Initially Spike thought he was in the wrong place, but the fact that it was right next to the many times larger house of Derek kinda sealed the deal to him. This sure was Johan's house alright. He must have made some huge improvements lately!
Maybe Johan's roommate was inviting him to see the new house! That made sense, though it didn't really explain why he asked him not to freak out...
Spike simply shrugged and walked up to the front door, giving it a couple knocks.
"Come in!" A voice he didn't recognize said.
Spike did exactly that, opening the door and stepping into the room.
"Hey Johan! I like the new house! How'd you get it up so quick...ly...." Spike started but trailed off at what he saw.
Johan was lying on the ground on his back, completely still, sweat pouring from his brow, his body shaking. Sitting on the opposite side of Johan was a white unicorn with cyan hair, two piercing platinum colored eyes, and a suit of platinum armor.
Spike's entire face went white and he let out a deep gasp stepping back.
"I swear to Celestia this is not what it looks like." Platinum Shine said, his hooves in the air in an attempt at a calming gesture.
The unicorn knew it didn't work when Spike reared back and let out a blood curdling scream.
"Murderer! Psychopath! Deer Poacher!" Spike screamed falling onto his back pointing at him. "Help! Help! Help!!!!"
The Unicorn replied by visibly cringing and lighting up his horn, slamming the door closed and casting a sound proofing spell on the room.
"Can you just please calm down? I am Johan's friend!" Platinum cried. Spike replied by shrieking again, clawing at the door.
"How am I supposed to believe that? You're an actual bonafide super villain!" Spike screeched. "And now you want to kill me too!"
"Ex-vigilante Extremist!" Platinum corrected him. He stood up and pointed at the now discarded letter the dragon had previously been holding.
"Look! I'm the one who sent the letter! I need your help taking care of Johan!" Platinum cried out, panic gripping his voice. "I only called out to you because apparently you are the only person in this god awful town who likes him more than Derek!"
That made Spike pause. His face suddenly scrunched up and he turned around to look at Platinum, back to the door. "Hmph... What is Johan's favorite food?"
"His favorite dinner food is Mac and Cheese, because it is the only thing he can usually make, but if you're talking his favorite food of all time, it's a Blue Raspberry Popsicle." Platinum said quickly in response.
"Oh sweet Celestia you really are his friend." Spike said putting a claw to his forehead and sliding down the door to the ground. "I need a second to process this."
There was a pause.
"Ok second over. Now get over here and help me help Johan please!" Platinum said gesturing to the still unconscious sweating deer.
Spike stood up and rushed to Johan's side. "Did you take his temperature or something?" Spike asked, putting a hand to Johan's forehead.
"I did, 101.2 degrees Fahrenheit, or 38.4 in silly foreign degrees. He has a fever." Platinum said sitting next to Spike staring at the deer.
"Have you tried CPR?"
"That was the first thing I did." Platinum replied
"Mouth to mouth?"
A sudden blush came to Platinum's face. "That was the second thing I tried." He said, his voice much quieter than usual.
"Have you though about taking him to a hospital?" Spike asked looking up at him a slight frown on his face.
"Of course I did, but look at me! I am a former villain. No way am I going to be able to get anywhere close to a hospital. That's why I called you!" Platinum cried. He was very close to biting his hooves in panic.
Spike paused for a couple seconds before a sudden, dark smile came to his face.
"I think I have an idea to fix that." He darkly snickered.
"Oh? What's that?" Platinum replied with a raise eyebrow. He barely had time to react when he was blasted in the face by green fire.
The door to Johan's house slammed open, Spike quickly rushing out followed by Platinum, Johan slung over the unicorn's back.
The unicorn was wearing a dark grey hood-less cloak instead of his usual armor, which had been set aside because he really didn't want to be recognized wearing it. The fur on his head was singed black, and his previously cleanly combed and styled mane was now messy, unkempt, and slightly smoking. A deep frown on his face.
"Did you really have to blast me in the face?" Platinum growled darkly, one of his eyes twitching.
"Yeah!" Spike said as he closed the door behind Platinum and began leading him in the direction of Ponyville hospital. "All everyone knows about Platinum Shine is that he is a white unicorn with a cyan mane. That and the armor. No one will think the black unicorn with a black mane is the renowned super powerful 'Ex'-villain Platinum Shine! Isn't that right... Sooty?"
Spike poked Platinum in the ribs with his elbow a couple times, winking and he did it.
"Is Sooty my disguise name?" Platinum asked with a raised eyebrow.
"Yes." Spike replied almost instantly.
There was a pause as the two walked in silence.
"I fucking hate dragons." 'Sooty' said.
Johan groaned as he slowly opened his eyes. He was laying in a bed of some kind, though the sheets were terribly uncomfortable. Like they were made of plastic. He tried sitting up, but found that doing so only made the headache worse, causing him the cry out in pain and collapse back into the bed.
"Hey hey hey! You're okay. Just relax." He heard Platinum say to his right, but when Johan turned his eyes to the origin of the voice, all he saw was a black unicorn.
"A-Am I dreaming?" Johan asked groggily. The black unicorn shook his head in response.
Johan heard a door open, and quickly snapped his eyes in that direction to see Dr. Nurse Redheart enter the room... Or was it Nurse Nurse Redheart? He didn't really know. Pony job title and name relations were weird.
"What's wrong with him Redheart?" Johan heard spike asked. That certainly didn't clear anything up. In fact it just lead to more questions. What the heck was Spike doing there?
"Well... uhhh... To be honest I have never actually operated on a deer before, but based on what I have read about them the answer is kinda obvious." Redheart walked up Johan and put a hoof on one of his antlers. The second she did it a massive wave of pain shot through his head causing him to cry out once again.
"He is supposed to be shedding." Redheart said with a frown.
"Like... shedding scales?" Spike asked with a raised eyebrow.
"Nope. He is supposed to lose his antlers, but they aren't coming off. I ran an ex-ray, and it seems like they are being held in place and in so doing they have not only been pulling on his skull leading to the massive headaches he is feeling, it also seems like bacteria managed to seep in and have infected the area." Redheart explained before grabbing onto his right antler. Johan couldn't help but cry out in pain again.
"To put it bluntly, we have to get these off of him a.s.a.p. Then we can start applying antibiotics until he is fully healed and cured." Redheart turned to the black unicorn in the room. "Do you know any spells that can numb or remove the pain?"
"I... only know what that can make it feel less bad, that's all." The black unicorn said, a grimace coming to his face. "S-sorry but is there another way we can do this?"
"I'm afraid not." Redheart said, a deathly tone coming to her voice. "We cannot afford to preform a surgery on him."
"Why not?" The unicorn said casting the spell and holding the deer down.
"He doesn't have insurance." Redheart said, the same deathly tone in her voice.
"W-wait a minute! Derek said I as a co-dependent on hi-" Johan cried, but he was cut off when Redheart tugged on the antler with all her might. First there was a sickening crack that made Spike and the unicorn's faces turn green, then a loud pop as the first antler came out.
Redheart didn't give Johan time to complain before she grabbed the other one and repeated the process, tugging at the antler and ripping it out too.
The earth pony gave a sigh of relief and stepped back and observed her handy work.
"Owie owie owie owie!" Johan cried, kicking his back legs and holding onto the two new holes on the top of his head. There was no blood or anything, which was good, but the pain was still certainly there.
"Would you like to keep these by any chance? Cause if not I think I'm going to hang them over my fireplace." She asked the black unicorn, who scowled at her and ripped them out of her hooves.
"I'll take this you wack job!" He hissed, before handing them to Spike, who looked like he had just seen a ghost.
"I... is that what sex is like?" the dragon asked underneath his breath.
"Now then, Johan is going to be weaker than ever for the next two weeks, so you will need to keep a close eye on him and give him antibiotics twice a day. Make sure no one tries to kidnap him or anything too. Ya know how it is these days. Villains always swooping in and stealing away the innocent or something." She said as she wrote something on a note.
The black unicorn cleared his throat and tugged at the collar of his cloak.
"Now then, have a nice day!" She said with a smile, handing the note she had written to Spike, who weakly nodded in appreciation.
"Come on Johan, let's get you home. Sorry about this. They'll grow back right?" The unicorn said slinging Johan over his back, who was still holding his head and repeating 'owie' over and over again. "They'll probably grow back right?"
The unicorn leaned over and whispered into Redheart's ear. "Antler's grow back right?"
"Oh yeah. In fact, Equestrian deer grow their antlers back incredibly quickly. Give him two months and he'll have another rack ready to take some people's coats." Redheart said with a nod.
"I'm going to ignore the fact that you just called my friend a coat-rack. In fact, except for the medicine part, you'd better hope I forget everything that happened today." The unicorn growled before he started walking out of the room, shepherding Spike in front of him.
As soon as they were out of the site and earshot, Redheart chuckled darkly, her coat turning black and her mane turning purple. Void shook her head with a content sigh, removing the nurse hat she had pilfered and tossing it uselessly aside. An oily black tentacle emerged from her back, swishing in the air in front of her in a circular movement.
"I did it," she said staring down at a shadowy magical reality window which she had formed in front of her, a helmeted Earth Pony on the other side. "Johan is as weak as a baby now. He won't be able to put up any Resistance when we arrive to capture him."
Epoxy chuckled. "Excellent. The plan marches forwards it seems. It is high time for two unstoppable forces to meet."
Epoxy started to slowly chuckle, before it turned to a guffaw. Before long, the scientist threw his head back in mad laughter. It was only a matter of time now until the secrets of humanity was his.
Because it has been brought up in the comments several times I would like to clarify something.
*Clears throat*
Deer don't have magic. This stems from a deep seated hated of mine for what I like to refer to as 'Elf Deer.' Basically, almost every Fimfiction site I have read that includes deer either has them as completely non-special, generic elves, or tribalist shamans.
I hate that XD
I especially hate the fact that they are always portrayed as having plant magic. The literal worst kind of magic in history.
As I like to say; Better to have no magic than plant magic.
So yeah, Johan will probably not be getting magic, but that's ok! He can instead get strong in other ways! Like emotional and mental strength!
Or instead of getting strong, he can just become happy. He deserves it :)
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I don't know why, but I feel like this has to be brought up: with how weak you like to portray deer, how do they survive as a species in your world? They have no magic, you say they are very weak and are constantly attacked (By elk iirc). Any skills they have are superceded by any magical species or species with claws/fingers or just general strength.
I would get it if you tried to frame it like regular deer in the sense that they are fast and have antlers, but that is negated by other sentient species and magic. They seem like just one war will kill off the species.
Good chapter. I feel sad for Johan
.
Also platinum turned into Johan. Good chapter tho.
im just hopeing by the end of this johan either ends up happy or everyone finds out something terrable about derek that ruins his image
Between no magic and plant magic
I will choose plant magic.. at least i can grow some food to eat...
10402452
my dude plant magic can be scary powerful depending on how it's used, hell even if all you can do is cause them to sprout you can still kill an entire city by just having all the spores in the air take root in their lungs and grow all at once to choke them all to death.
Literally all other magic recks plant magic-
You know that the plant magic is a thing because of the official comics right? The deer that aren't wild animals are ruled by King Aspen and Prince Bramble and their magic allows them full control of the Everfree. They tend to avoid others unless the forest is actually attacked. The way they're written and how they tend to avoid the rest of the world allows them to exist canonically despite the show since everything in the comics has been acknowledged as canon except where it contradicts the show. Either way this is your story, carry on.
10402440
Their portrayal of Deer is almost certainly a fetish thing, their other stories often include Deer being weak and helpless as well as quite prone to domination by other more 'capable' species. They've also gone on to say they dislike mainstream portrayals of Deer essentially making them Elf stand-ins, most likely due to that implying Deer are capable or otherwise not as helpless as he likes to write them.
You are the silly foreign degree.
*Remembers Mob Psycho 100*
Hmm, I'll take the plant magic.
10402501
Damn that scary as heck. Very disturbing.
Now i imagine xerneas using that and he stand in the pile corpses of human
10402440
Running and herding works well against most predators, I imagine.
Against dragons and rocs in the Everfree? Not so much. But there probably aren't that many of them.
EDIT: And as for intelligent species like gryphons and the like, the deer are practically surrounded by ponies. So there's a bit of commensalism, there.
Plot twist: Platinum is also a human. He's secretly undermining the monarchy in Equestria to forment a federalist revolution and establish the United States of Equestria.
Yeah, no. I'll take plant magic any day of the week. You can do an astonishing amount of damage with plants if you're creative enough, especially in a world where magical plants exist. With a little preperation, Johan could flood an entire town with poison joke overnight. Or he could find something with toxic pollen/spores and flood a town with that. If he wanted to be a little more sneaky, he could flood somebody's basement with anything that produces a large quantity of pollen/spores and rig up an alarm clock with some flint and steel, thus creating a dust explosion time-bomb. In this world, there are also probably plenty of plants that have dark magic properties, and I could write a thesis on all the fucked up things you could do with that.
I think I speak for a lot of people when i say That plant magic is better than no magic. Hell, look at poison ivy of DC comics, it’s not exactly magic, but she’s a great example of plant power. Besides, the sheer variety of magical plants that likely exists in Equestria could probably do a lot of damage, or repair a lot of damage. We do get a lot of our medicine from plants.
Yup, they are.
Shit.
Tell me: Do you have insurance?
Good chapter!
I look forwards for the next part.
10402452
10402501
10402683
Or maybe he can summon some tentacle plants...
Those are even canon, as they appeared in the show.
Even the all-mighty Celestia was powerless:
Nah my fam plant magic is way better then no magic. You could make your own house, grow some food or make deadly weapons. Also give yourself some bomb ass armor. All you need is some ingenuity.
But being happier is better
10402700
Johan could have grown himself some aspirin or opiate poppies to take care of his headache and penicillin to take care of the bacterial infection.
10402712
Now there's an idea. He could use his tenticle plants on some of the locals to create all kinds of hybrid races.
Canonically "plant magic" via Discord's plunderseeds was able to take out the Princesses and the TOH so I don't think I would classify it as weak.
Equestria at war gives the deer the ability to predict the future, plus the fact that they are Vikings which is pretty cool. Future prediction of some kind could be a good power for Johan, at the very least he could get heightened instincts about the future
Plant magic is fucken terrifyin.
Ship it!
I thought it could have been shedding but the pain seemed too much for that.
He really wasn't that much stronger before
10402440
They survive through sheer force if will.
If the Yaks have no magic, claws or anything of the sort, how do they survive? Don't say it's because strength because they are legitimately weaker than Earth Ponies.
Deer also have a standing army rather than incompetent royal guard.
I would also like to point out that it's a wonder how other people's depictions of Deer survive as well, considering the fact that the live in a place absolutely full of giant monsters that would completely wipe them out if they simply stumbled on their forest shanty town.
10402444
Aaaaahhh I did it agaaaain.
10402866
They are also the weakest country on the planet that gets conquered in the first five minutes of the game no matter what you do.
10402509
The comics are completely non-canon, as evidenced by the Sombra being redeemed arc.
They are elves and I hate elves. Seeing Deer depicted as Elves makes my blood boil.
10402511
I would like to point you to this;
https://www.fimfiction.net/blog/899572/low-effort-meme
I would also like to point out that the story you are referring to, Catamite to Conquerer, involves the deer literally commiting a genocide on elk.
10402683
10402501
Spores are fungus. Plant Magic is not fungus magic.
Also, I would like to point this out. Every oh so great advantage of plant magic can be neutralized by a trowel, a machete, and a torch.
So, did the villains think he did have magic???
If you don't want to make them elves than don't make them elves. Also races like the yaks survive because they are the hardy type, not just strength which earth ponies have more of.
Plant magic doesn't have to be used (it is already over used as is) but I think that people just want something basic like weak TK or even just some better regen/selfhealing power so they don't seem completely defensless, yes I know good jumpers and force of will, but the way the world views them you would think they were mocking them for even existing. but you don't have to if you don't want to.
Just throw them a bone eventually and let Johan eventually get a job or something even with no magic.
10403013
No. He used to be Human, same as Derek. This makes Johans past life as what they want. Maybe they use him to create a car or gun or something to kill Derek with.
10403106
Yes, but Derek has magic. So they might have thought
"Deer has magic too. Must come from horns, like unicorn. Gotta remove horns to remove magic"
10403124
They removed the antlers so as to make sure he doesn't have anything to fight back with (Antlers can actually pack quiet the punch.)
They are also the reason why Johan's antlers stayed in and why he hot so sick in the first place. He is sick and thus incredibly weak. Mwuahahaha
10402991
True, however under a human player the deer can do quite a bit of damage to their enemies
Again, Johan seems like a nice enough guy that they could just ask, and he would tell all he knows.
I think Johan, and other deer, should have an ability related to speed; an ability Johan taps into some time in the fic. Maybe less a magical ability, and more just a capacity for far higher speed, dexterity and stamina; it's just that he needs to work to get it. Or maybe he already has the power, he just needs to realize he has it. It would be interesting to see him work toward that sort of goal, perhaps learning some form of martial arts involving high speed, and maybe his antlers, on the way.
10403133
okay, plot aside, why do you hate plant magic? Shit's crazy depending on the iteration you're referencing, though I will concede that the most common portrayal of it is kinda stupid.
"secrets of humanity" is plural, you need the plural verb form
I hope Johan's antler's grow back quickly. How else will he carry multiple bags of groceries back to his house from the market?
10405025
Or hold people's hats and coats?!?
10403019
The easiest way to have Johan's life improves is for his friendship with Platinum progress to a point where they can easily rely on each other. I also may ship them a bit. At least have there friendship make Derek look bad to the ponies.
Im sorry but i have to press x to doubt that the deer could survive in this world when everything either has magic or some other advantage, let alone kill off the elk(that's like saying orcs got killed off by goblins because reasons). From how you seem to portray deer they could only ever end up as slaves or food. And anything that the deer could do the elk should be able to do but better(elk are just stronger deer). Sheer will doesn't do squat when and enemy is determined to wipe you out. which is why if you said a good guard and diplomacy i would have been able to buy it. And other peoples depictions includes the fact that they can manipulate the environment with plant magic, so take that same situation of the monsters showing up and just get rid of the magic and your deer are just screwed. I don't care how good your guards are unless the deer breed like rabbits the everfree monsters will always cause massive attrition that i don't think they can handle. Timberwolves that always reform would be crippling and to fight them off without magic of any kind would be a nightmare.
I've always seen deer as earth ponies that instead of going into the strength build went into plant magic. Your deer are that same idea but you took the only think going for them and didn't give them something in return. They have really nothing that cant be countered by just about anything, they can jump high- Pegasus, dragons, and griffons can fly. They are fast- Unicorns can teleport, diamond dogs can dig though the earth super fast and ambush. Are they hardy or strong?- No they seem very weak and not that durable, the yaks could take a lot of damage and seem to keep on trucking. Do they have good medical knowledge- maybe but the zebra shaman seem like they would far surpass them? maybe not sure about that one.
Now the plant magic being countered by a trowel, a machete, and a torch is true, but depending on how fast you could regrow everything you may never get though, that's if you don't add supernatural hazards like poison joke or just spikes. And unless those antlers are make out of super metal or something, than they are dangerous yes but just as much to the wielder as to the target(putting your head out and exposing it), that you'd be better just using a spear.
So to put it into shorter words your deer are just worse earth ponies that are somehow surviving in an environment so hostile to civilized life that i have to assume they don't have permanent settlements and then manage to kill of a race all without magic, sounds unbelievable to me, but if there is more to the story we don't know about.
And no i would rather have plant magic than no magic because than i would feel i at least got something out of this whole new forced life thing instead of just constantly getting shafted by everything. I swear that he would have been better of as a crippled human for how pathetic you make the deer out to be, at least than he would have his hand and human body that way.
10405975
They don't live in the Everfree.
They live far away from Equestria. Far far far away. In a place where giant monsters are not a factor. The fact that they live in the Everfree is one of the things I find most idiotic about the comic deer.
And I should have mentioned it, but while Elk are bigger and stronger, Deer are smarter and are more capable of ingenuity. The story I am writing that features the conflict in a more broader sense is based entirely on that factor.
10402999
The comics follow the same rules as the old Star Wars canon in that they are canon except where they explicitly contradict the main story as was stated by Jim Miller (Jim Miller was the guy in charge of everything canon wise). Sombra's background is an example of that and is still canon but his redemption is not, in fact his background from Fiendship is Magic is a favourite of the writers and directors of MLP FiM which is why they used a watered down version of it for Starlight's background and why they didn't give him one later in the show. The show and the comics worked together moreso in the later seasons with easter eggs for upcoming episodes sometimes hidden for fans who payed attention to both.
10403003
As true as that may be (and I'm not saying it is) in every day life plant magic is infinitely more useful than no magic. Johan could have grown his own treehouse like Golden Oaks Library (even if it took him 20 years), he could have grown his own food like every farmer ever (even if it took him a few months) and depending on how fast he could make plants grow/move it could be a bad substitute for telekinesis ("If I wait long enough that plant will grow that remote to me."). Granted all that can be neutralized by a torch but who would do that? Villains sure but those are a problem either way. The point of it all would be to give him something to do, something to look forward to, something to possibly train himself to be good at, something to help the poor guy to not feel entirely useless. Also your argument only holds true to a certain level: "You can burn down my forest but it takes me 5 seconds to regrow it after the fire burned itself out."
I am not arguing that Johan should have it or anything like that. No, keep the fic as you imagined it to be. I'm arguing that objectively plant magic is better than no magic even if the effect is mostly psychological. Every other usefulness depends on the implementation of the magic system and the power of its wielder. If you, the author, don't want plant magic to be useful it won't be. If you do however it will be.
Derek is a dick. Well done you made me dislike the character. I'm not entirely sure how much I like the fic in general but I'll follow it for now and see where it's going.
Please after the deernapping and rescue let Platinum give Johan some training to make him at least a surprisingly competent damsel that at least can give the bad guys some trouble with his escape attempts in the future. He doesn't have to be a badass, just competent enough to stall for time until heavy artillery(aka Platinum and not Derek since fuck him[not literally]) arrives to save him. check out youtube Trope Talk: Damsels to see what I mean since it might help you with fleshing out the chapters that will feature damseling if you are having a hard time with it.
"Plant Magic is the worst."
...what? Setting aside the fact that magical plants observably exist in canon, purely mundane plants can be utterly insane if applied correctly. Lycopodium powder as makeshift munition charges (aka firearms), quite possibly every sort of medicinal crop (aspirin is derived from bark, morphine from opium... roughly 25 percent of modern medicine is derived directly from plant-life, and most of the rest is synthesized from it as well). Even something as simple as the general ability to ensure consistent crop harvest can make or break a military.
Right there; bullets, bandages, and beans. The fundamentals of warfare, all in one. You can't feed a military on fire magic or metal magic or shadow magic; you sure as hell can't mend others with anything short of biological magics; and the vast majority of weaponizing other magic types is reliant upon hurling the element in question at another. Plant magic, you have a bit of dirt and the right seed (aka, quite possibly one of the most hilariously portable things), and suddenly you've turned your enemy into mulch for your garden.
And 'Determination' doesn't aid a species unless it's got some other advantage to leverage. Boars are determined as hell, but it's simple to turn that against them with a simple flanged spear when they charge you.
Edit: Ironwood is fire resistant, hard enough for axes and trowels to snap against, and generally so densely awesome the stuff can't float in water. Plant magic is literally just limited by the creativity of the user and their general knowledge.
Well, this was a depressing read.
Not sure how much ill follow this one. I prefer stories where the underdog gets ahead and out from under a controlling force.
Im not getting the impression thats going to happen here.
The Monk
“Not telling you too much about humanity's special power, but I can give you a big hint! It is pure, concentrated spite.” -Knight Breeze
You make a great story and I love it. You just drive me to fantasies Derek getting his ass kicked and Johan being happy with good friends. impressive how much of a reaction you can get from me.
When is the next update
10428252
Hopefully soon. I've been going through a bit of a funk and just lack all motivation to write right now but I should hopefully be able to buckle down and crank out a couple chapters soon lol
Don’t let this story die