You forgot to add Starlight and Mane6 tags to your story. And Pear Butter was a timberpony? Has she been like that from the start? If so, that would mean the current Apple family were timberponies too? Is that why the fourth image look kinda like a young Granny?
10604718 yeah, whoops, I forgot to update the character tags when I posted the new chapter. you're sort of on the right track for the Apple family's backstory, but I don't really want to spoil too much...things will be explained in due time.
10604656 Yeah, for a while, so did I, but I really took time to think out a plot for this story before writing it, and that process took me a while.
Usually, I go into clop-writing with "2 or 3 characters + list of kinks" and mostly wing it from there based on whatever pops into my head. With this story, though -- I wanna try for more mystery and intrigue, and more plot-driven sexual encounters than my usual. It's exciting and engaging to write for, I'll say that much
10605242 One of the biggest things that have improved my own writing is completing the entire outline/chapter breakdown before I even start putting words to paper on the first chapter. It really helps keep things cohesive, and focused. Plus the payoffs feel better, and you can make your big moments hit harder. Even for random throwaway things like clop it can really help keep things focused while also being easier to write as all of the 'hard' work is already done.
10605254 Yeah, that's true...I've been doing outlining a lot more lately, on more stories than just this, and I think I've got Vis-a-Viscera to thank for that -- collabing with him so often has helped me get into the habit of properly staging a story. Once you get started, the outlining process is just as fun as the actual writing!
10605237 You also forgot to mention this story contains transformation and transgender theme. Curiously, I didn't see this story in TF/TG group either.
the latter donning Vietnam War-style face camouflage and a period-correct infantry helmet from...somewhere
Bit of an immersion break. Pinkie being Pinkie is one thing, but specifying the war leads to some baggage. Especially when it's Nam.
Intriguing developments, especially the Den-Mother, but you go overboard on the italics during the sex scene. It reads like a Silver Age comic book with all of that gratuitous, borderline random, constant emphasis.
Still, looking forward to seeing where you go from here. Especially AJ's reaction when she comes too.
10629924 overusing italics is an impulse that i typically do my best to reign in (it was something that I also encountered a lot in my older Pokemon fanfics) but I was fairly weak-willed in that respect here. I'm definitely going to return to policing myself more in future chapters and in other stories.
With the amount of italics I use, and the fact that I've written one Pokémon story, have another in the works, and a Pokémon commission nearly finished, I'm worried that someday I'll be making a comment just like that
Nice to see this updated! Great job!
Thought this one was dead for sure.
You forgot to add Starlight and Mane6 tags to your story.
And Pear Butter was a timberpony? Has she been like that from the start? If so, that would mean the current Apple family were timberponies too? Is that why the fourth image look kinda like a young Granny?
10604718
yeah, whoops, I forgot to update the character tags when I posted the new chapter.
you're sort of on the right track for the Apple family's backstory, but I don't really want to spoil too much...things will be explained in due time.
10604656
Yeah, for a while, so did I, but I really took time to think out a plot for this story before writing it, and that process took me a while.
Usually, I go into clop-writing with "2 or 3 characters + list of kinks" and mostly wing it from there based on whatever pops into my head. With this story, though -- I wanna try for more mystery and intrigue, and more plot-driven sexual encounters than my usual. It's exciting and engaging to write for, I'll say that much
10605242
One of the biggest things that have improved my own writing is completing the entire outline/chapter breakdown before I even start putting words to paper on the first chapter. It really helps keep things cohesive, and focused. Plus the payoffs feel better, and you can make your big moments hit harder. Even for random throwaway things like clop it can really help keep things focused while also being easier to write as all of the 'hard' work is already done.
Helps with writer's block too.
10605254
Yeah, that's true...I've been doing outlining a lot more lately, on more stories than just this, and I think I've got Vis-a-Viscera to thank for that -- collabing with him so often has helped me get into the habit of properly staging a story. Once you get started, the outlining process is just as fun as the actual writing!
10605269
If not moreso.
10605237
You also forgot to mention this story contains transformation and transgender theme. Curiously, I didn't see this story in TF/TG group either.
10605338
Wow, huh. I did miss that. O.O
Bit of an immersion break. Pinkie being Pinkie is one thing, but specifying the war leads to some baggage. Especially when it's Nam.
Intriguing developments, especially the Den-Mother, but you go overboard on the italics during the sex scene. It reads like a Silver Age comic book with all of that gratuitous, borderline random, constant emphasis.
Still, looking forward to seeing where you go from here. Especially AJ's reaction when she comes too.
Mostly good story, but it really overuses italics. Italics are meant for emphasis, but when you emphasize every fifth word it kinda loses its impact
10629924
overusing italics is an impulse that i typically do my best to reign in (it was something that I also encountered a lot in my older Pokemon fanfics) but I was fairly weak-willed in that respect here. I'm definitely going to return to policing myself more in future chapters and in other stories.
nice work
10632926
With the amount of italics I use, and the fact that I've written one Pokémon story, have another in the works, and a Pokémon commission nearly finished, I'm worried that someday I'll be making a comment just like that
Sexual Conquest go!