Apple Bloom isn't crazy. Sweetie Belle knows she isn't, because Apple Bloom keeps telling her so.
And so when Bloom insists that the Cutie Mark Crusaders sneak out of a sleepover to investigate the strange lights she's seen out of her window at night, the ones that Applejack says don't exist, Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo begrudgingly agree to help.
This, as it turns out, is a mistake.
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Hit me with that 15K of deliciousness, baby.
Awesome story!
Fine work, as always. The pacing and atmosphere is on point.
I suspect it was Zecora chasing after Apple Bloom through the forest, which would make the timing of her sudden rescue more believable, but that part of the plot still felt unsatisfyingly convenient.
Kinda left me wanting to go swimming at night though ;)
And here I thought "Don't Open The Door" was scary!
Awesome story man.
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Thank you!
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That's fair. Generally I'm against any sort of deus ex machina, but in this instance I think Sweetie Belle still earned it, which is the biggest issue I have with deus ex situations. If she hadn't managed to free her friends and sacrifice a leg it wouldn't matter if Zecora found them or not.
Glad you liked it anyway, that quibble aside. And if you must go swimming at night, maybe stay away from the woods...
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You're welcome. Keep up the amazing work. Your stories always give me chills.
I really love this, especially the ending. A lot of horror endings are so abrupt and unsatisfying without ever going into the aftermath, so I personally enjoyed the ending very much. I ESPECIALLY loved
the fact that the girls can still hear the kelpies song at the end. It's a great reminder that the threat is still very real and out there still, lying in wait for its next unlucky victim... Now THAT is good horror!
At least now Ponyville and the Everfree have a great new urban legend that will hopefully make the next little foal think twice before following strange lights in the woods
Great story! It was a really scary, and sometimes I intend - what if some of the events happen in the fantasy of characters (when they hear a magnific song, and then deep dive; near the end - a game of imagination), and final of this story eventually close the my issues. But - creature do not disrupt connection with the CMC, and this part look so nice (as a plot move) and do the final open: how can they continue live with it?
I rarely meet stories with a tense plot and a good ending like this. Keep up the good work!
Very nice! This reminds me of the story ice, involving Rarity and Fluttershy in a sense, mostly without how the ending effects Rarity like how this ending effects Sweetie Belle.
Great horror story.
A wonderful story all around. Just one thing bugs me; does Applejack still think Applebloom was lying?
Very good stuff here!
All I can say is WOW!
(Ok maybe not) is there any possibility for a sequal? Like this was just the prequel for a much larger story of adventures in the everfree? Conquering and fighting the constant threats from the evergreen. And maybe a little bit of revenge for a missing limb?
Holy moley this is an incredible story!!!!!! You are an excellent writer!!!
That one line disrupted me more than anything. Maybe because this finally brought the full image to my head and I could clearly see/envision it... But I was relatively calm until that line. It was just interesting until that line. Now it is unsettling.
Did you draw inspiration from the story of the kids who found a Kelpie and mounted it? Only one child escaped because he went to pet the horse and his hand stuck so he had to rip it off to survive. I love that story so much for some sadistic reason.
I don't think I'll be walking through the woods in my mom's backyard any time soon.
Also, thank you for not just ending it right after the event. Thank you for adding how everyone dealt with it.
Cutie Mark Crusaders Kelpie wranglers!
Yay!
I had a pretty good idea of what it was once we had the backwards hooves, and that was cemented in place once it lengthened to make room for all of them and when they stuck to it. They fared much better than the children in the legend. Much better.
Very enjoyable read. Always good to see Celtic folklore getting some much needed attention.
A really good story! The creature they encounter reminds me of Bäckahästen or the "Brook Horse" in Scandinavian mythology. The Brook Horse was believed to live in bodies of water and was said to lure children to climb onto its back and then gallop back to the water from which it came and drown the children in the depths.
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This was my exact thoughts. I made the connection too to the creature. Along with a connection to the Siren. Due to it's singing voice. The Will-o-wisps were interesting also
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I actually thought of the sirens as well because of the creature's enticing song. Mythological creatures are indeed interesting.
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The truly are. The creature could have been a mix of the two, or an actual siren, since they do exist in the mlp world. Perhaps a really old one thay went sorta feral
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Since the creature in the story resembles both the brook horse and the siren, there is a strong possibility that it is a mixture of both. It could also be, as you say, a siren in a more "unrefined" form. I really wish we knew more about Equestrian mythology.