• Published 28th Feb 2020
  • 284 Views, 19 Comments

The Shopping Spree - TheKMExperience

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Shop, Shop, SHOP!!!

On an average sunny afternoon, local egghead, Twilight Sparkle, does her usual overanalyzing at the town's supermarket. Up ahead in the aisle, she spots her quirky roommate and friend, Pinkie Pie, happily tossing pack after pack of hot dogs into the shopping cart.

"Uh, Pinkie," she utters. "What are you doing?"

"Oh, don't worry about it, Twily." Pinkie nods. "They're free."

"No, Pinkie. The ones on the plate are free. These things are........$3.95?!"

The bubbly party girl watches helplessly as Twilight sternly removes every pack from the cart.

"Come on, Twilight." Pinkie whines.

"I'm sorry, but we are not here to buy those greasy little 'cheese dogs' things."

"But they're gooooooooood!"

"You know, you're the kinda girl supermarket owners love."

"Awww, thank you. You think so?"

"That was not a compliment. You obviously don't know the basic rules of shopping."

"There are rules for shopping? Will you teach me?"

"Well, I guess I could give you a few pointers on comparison shopping."

"Well, you're gonna have to, 'cuz I don't even know where they KEEP the comparison."

"No, no, Pinkie, comparison shopping is when you compare the price of one item with another. For instance, take this rice here. Which package would you choose?"

Pinkie examines the nearby shelves and picks out a bulky bag of rice.

"Ooh, this one looks nice!" she squeaks.

"Eeyup." Twilight nods. "Very nice and EXPENSIVE. Rule #1: don't fall for the attractive package trick. You have to compare prices, check the weight. Find the BEST value."

"Well, where's the best value?"

The egghead pulls out the geekiest looking calculator ever like the sword of a valiant warrior.

"That's where this little baby comes in." Twilight states. "My father gave this to me the first time I went shopping alone. Now, one pound is $1.92. Divided by 16 ounces, that would be..."

"12 cents." Pinkie utters.

"That's........right, wow. 12 cents an ounce. Alright then, five pounds is $8.80. That would be..."

"11 cents."

"........11 cents an ounce. Now, the next size is..." Twilight quickly looks at the details of a bag of rice and frantically taps away on the calculator, blocking her silly friend's view of it. "That would be eight cents an ounce. Therefore this is the best value."

Pinkie keeps Twilight from falling back as she lifts the heavy bag towards the cart.

"Twily, I can't help noticing that the best value weighed 25 pounds." Pinkie says.

"That's right, by buying the economy size, we can save four cents an ounce."

"But we have only eaten rice three times in the last year."

"And THAT means we don't have to buy rice again for..."

"16 years."

".........16 years. How are you doing that?"

"I have no idea."

Pinkie gleefully skips towards the cash register as her nerd of a companion struggles to push the loaded cart.

"I've gotta get some antacid real quick." Twilight sighs. "Don't touch anything."

"Pffft, this is Pinkie Pie you're talking to." Pinkie scoffs.

"Totally reassuring, Pink."

"Hmph."

"How are you today?" the cashier chimes, wiping the counter.

"Well, my day started out kinda rough actually. Twilight wanted to go shopping but she didn't wanna take me with her. So we had kind of a big fight and then we got here and.....we've had our ups and downs, but when you come to think of it, we always have our ups and downs if you know what I'm saying. And then over there she let me push the cart for about five seconds which I liked quite a lot. And so, I'm happy, you know. How are you today?"

"........fine."

When the cashier scans a can of green beans, an alarm goes off, loudly blaring all over the store as a few of the store's employees surround a startled Pinkie and bathe her in colorful confetti.

"I didn't do it!" she shrieks. "Ooh, edible confetti."

"Pinkie, what's going- ACK!" Twilight gags as a slip of confetti slips down her throat. "Whatever she did, she's sorry!"

"Hey, hey, you haven't done anything wrong." a man states. "Hi, I'm Midnight Blitzer, the manager. You've been chosen by our computerized cash register to win our grand opening prize."

"A PRIZE?!" Pinkie gasps. "Twily, we won a prize!"

"Alright, alright." Twilight chuckles. "Let's just get our......oven mitt, or whatever we won and head out."

"Have we won an oven mitt?! AWESOME!!!"

"Oh, no." Midnight says. "You've won our grand prize shopping spree."

"Pinkie, did you hear that? Do you know what this means?!"

"NOT a clue!"

Everyone around in the supermarket give a round of applause as the pair happily roll around on the blanket of tasty confetti.


Later that evening in her nice, cozy apartment, Twilight aggressively looks through her mountain of notes as a chipper Pinkie Pie comes bouncing in.

"And where have YOU been?" Twilight huffs. "I have been waiting for you for two hours."

"Oh, I've been telling all of our neighbors about the free shopping spree. I'm SOOOOOOO excited about all the fun we're going to have tomorrow that I don't think I'm going to be able to sleep a wink tonight!"

"Pinkie, this is no time to fool around."

"Right, right. Serious time now........'cuz tomorrow is the time to fool around, WOOP WOOP!!!"

"Hey, this shopping spree is serious business. Now.......I have a plan."

"Twily, why is it that every time we have a chance to have fun, you have to have a plan?"

"You don't seem to understand what kind of opportunity this shopping spree is."

"Oh, I do. It's an opportunity for you to have a 'plan'."

"Well, excuse me for being organized. What did you think we'd do tomorrow?"

"I thought we would run around the supermarket and everytime we see something we like, we THROW it in the cart!"

"Pinkie, do you know what we would wind up with?"

"What?"

"800 pounds of 'Ding Dongs'."

"That is not fair, that is not true......and that's not right. Because I would also like to pick up some of those cheese dogs. And some of those potato chips that taste like tacos-"

"Alright, alright." Twilight sighs. "This is one way to go. Let us call that.......plan Z. Let's listen to my plan which we will call plan A.

The enthusiastic nerd drags Pinkie to the dining room and reveals a large chalkboard that appears to be a map of a building.

"Now, I have made a diagram of the supermarket and labeled ALL the sections where we have to go."

"W-What is the........'gawur-met' section?"

"The gourmet section is where they keep the expensive foods, like caviar and escargot."

"Ohhhhhh."

"Alright-"

"What are they?"

"Fish eggs and snails. They're considered delicacies."

Struggling to keep her balance, Pinkie's face slowly morphs into one of absolute disgust at the fact. "I'm not eatin' that stuff. You can count me out."

"Wait, we're not going to eat the food, Pinkie." Twilight shakes her head.

"Well, silly me. Why would I think we would eat the food?"

"Can I finish, Miss Sarcasm? I stopped by 'Chez Rockette' and I talked to the chef. He'll buy everything we get. We'll sell him the food, take the money and buy.......THIS."

Twilight holds up a magazine to the bored womanchild, pointing to an image of a sleek, clean looking air conditioner."

"A living bra?" she says in confusion.

"Ugh, no, THIS. The air conditioner."

"Twily, we don't need an air conditioner."

"Pinkie, have you forgotten last summer? The weather? The HEAT? Do you remember the heat?"

"It wasn't really the heat so much, it was really the humidity."

"The point that I'm so desperately trying to make here is that we need that air conditioner. This thing could cool off the WHOLE apartment for the summer. Especially your room."

"My room?"

"Y-Yes, yes! Think about it..."

"..."

"..."

"Well......maybe it wouldn't hurt to give your plan a little listen." Pinkie giggles.

"YES! Thank you, look! Now, we will have one cart and three minutes to get as much as we can. That means we'll have to maximize our value per cubic foot of cart space. The rules say we cannot use any baggage but it says nothing about pockets. So, in the event we run out of cart space, we will be wearing special outfits with lots of pockets. We will hit the meat department and go STRAIGHT to the expensive cuts. No ground beef, I repeat, NO hamburger. Then we'll swing by the produce section. The failure of the Cassava crops has pushed the price of those melons through the ROOF. Then it's over to the gourmet section. You get the escargot, I'll get the caviar. IF the price of the white fish is still up, we'll clean them out! Any questions so far?"

"........why do they call them 'Duck Dynasty' when none of the people are ducks?" Pinkie ponders.

"About THIS subject?"

"None at the moment."

"Good. Now, let's go back and analyze each section."


The next day at the supermarket, Twilight does a quick recon while Pinkie waddles around in oversized overalls. Eventually, Rarity arrives and nearly stumbles at the sight of the pair's fashion choice.

"Well those are........interesting choices." she winces.

"They're part of Twily's plan." Pinkie says. "Hey, Rarity, do you need anything besides shampoo?"

"Oh, no thanks, darling. I think I'm fine on conditioner."

"Alright, we're about to start." Twilight states. "What's this about shampoo?"

"I told the Rarity and the neighbors we'd get them a few things."

"........super. Pinkie, can I speak to you for just a moment?"

Twilight's forced smile fades almost immediately as she takes her blabbering friend behind an empty aisle.

"Pinkie?"

"Yes?"

"What are you doing?"

"I thought it'd be a nice thing to do."

"I get it, but we can't do that now!"

"But Mrs. Schlegelmitz needs some salami."

"Who?"

"Okay, I need salami."

"We only have three minutes to get everything on our list. This is gonna throw the plan WAY off."

"Well, then we just change the plan."

"Change the plan?! We can't do that right before we start! Why do you think they call it a plan?"

"Ladies and gentlemen, may I have your attention, please?" Midnight Blitzer chimes on the intercom. "The contest is about to begin. I'd like to introduce you to our shopping spree winners. Remember, girls, you have exactly three minutes to cross this finish line before the buzzer sounds or you lose everything. Shoppers, take your mark."

"Twily, I don't understand why we don't have time to be nice to our neighbors."

"You're right. We'll throw them a dinner party. Stick. To. The PLAN."

"Ready. Set. SHOP!"

Twilight makes a mad dash for the meat section, only to stop in her tracks and dash back upon seeing Pinkie take a sharp left down the soap aisle.

"Pinkie, what are you doing?!"

"I just thought I would get Rarity's shampoo before I-"

"You can get it later! Stick. To. The PLAN!"

The pair continue down to the meat section.

"Roasts!" Twilight barks.

"Three!" Pinkie responds, catching the amount one-by-one and dropping it in the cart. "Roast one! Roast two! Roast three!"

"Ham!"

"Four! Ham one! Ham two! Ham three! Ham four!"

"Pheasants!"

"Nine! Salami!"

Twilight throws all nine frozen pheasants each to the floor as Pinkie rushes over and slides salami after salami down her stretched out overalls.

"Pinkie, forget the salami! We've gotta get to the Cassavas!"

"Two minutes!" Midnight states.

"We forgot about Rarity's shampoo!" Pinkie gasps, charging away from the next location to the other side of the store. "It's just down here!"

"Forget the shampoo!"

"Just real quick, they're right there!"

"Fine, get it!"

The party girl grabs two types of shampoo.

"You want squeeze bottle or tube, Rare?"

Frantic, Twilight swipes rows and rows of shampoo into the cart and forces her way through Pinkie, tossing her into the cart as she makes her way down to the gourmet section.

"Pinkie, whitefish!" she pants. "$19.95 a pound!"

One after another, the two toss more and more fish into the overflowing cart before stuffing them down their now soaked overalls.

"30 seconds."

"We have 30 seconds to get the caviar!"

"But, Twily, if we don't go right now, we'll lose everything we got!"

As Twilight attempts to pushes the pillar of caviar cans into the cart, Pinkie pulls it away, allowing the items to collapse to the ground.

"I'm not leaving without the caviar." Twilight grunts, grabbing cans on her knees.

"But, Twi-"

"10 seconds."

With all her might, Pinkamena Diane Pie pulls the heavy cart of food toward the finish line.

"9.........8.........7........6..."

Twilight hooks her boot through the bottom of the cart and is dragged past the line as she holds on to over ten cans of caviar.

"5.........4........3..........2.......1..."

POP!!!

Twilight opens her eyes to find confetti raining down upon the finish line laying before her as Rarity and the crowd break into uproarious applause.

"Here," Pinkie says, extending a hand. "Lemme help-"

"No." she utters. "Just........let me rest for a sec."

"Okie dokie lokie."


Back at the apartment, Twilight bursts inside waving around a fat stack of cash, to Pinkie's delight.

"Pinkie, we did it." Twilight nods. "$635."

"This is awesome! We can get the air conditioner and the living bra! AMD we had fun, too."

"......you had fun?"

"Well, always, Twily. Al-ways."

"Why is it work for me and fun for you?"

"I don't know, um......maybe because you spend so much time making plans and you don't leave enough time to have fun."

"Oh, that's not true."

"Yuh huh, you're gonna make a plan to buy the air conditioner."

"But that only makes sense. You've gotta comparison shop and find the best deal."

"Yeah, but you're not gonna have any fun. Do you wanna have fun?"

"But, I'll have an air condition-"

"Do you?"

"But-"

"Do you?"

"Yes, I do." Twilight whines. "You're right. I need your help to me loosen up."

"How do I do that?"

"I'm.......I'm gonna give you this money. I want you to spend every last penny of it."

"Twilight-"

"Don't worry. It'll be fun, a little bit crazy, and totally spontaneous."

"$635 smackeroos." Pinkie giggles.

"You know, I feel terrific. What are you gonna do with all that money?"

"Are you asking if I have a plan?"

"U-Uh, no, no. No, that's not what I mean. Just that if I wanna know how to be less.....rigid, I wanna know how you're gonna do it in a very......loosely structured, free kinda way..."

Pinkie plops down beside her obviously anxious friend.

"My buddy, Cheese Sandwich's B-Day is getting closer and I wanna rent a sky writer to put out 'Happy Birthday, Cheesy. From guess who?' Doesn't that sound like fun?"

"Oh, it sounds fun, alright." Twilight laughs. "Hey, Pinkie?"

"Yes?"

"Give me the money."

"No!"

"Gimme!"

"NNNNNNO!"

The two wrestle it out on the floor, struggling to hold onto the thick wad of money and throwing childish insults and remarks at each other.

THE END


Author's Note:
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Comments ( 19 )

Huh not bad

"My buddy, Cheese Sandwich's B-Day is getting closer and I wanna rent a sky writer to put out 'Happy Birthday, Cheesy. From guess who?' Doesn't that sound like fun?"

Fuck cheese sandwich!

.....

........

............


Sorry had to say that

Mixed feelings. Funny, but very rushed. Really would’ve helped if you’d explained the rules of the shopping spree. Also, Rarity’s appearance makes little to no sense

10106970
Hahaha damn I love weird al but I hate cheese so much and that picture is funny and aggravating

Haven’t read the story, but read the description.

Twily has a plan. It’s not going to end well if she’s becoming like Dutch.

10106992
I think that was the point. :twilightsmile:

10106997
Did you make that or find it?

10107004
Found it. I'm truly sad I lack the creativity to make something like this. :pinkiesad2:

10107012
Hey don’t put yourself down I suck ass at it too!

10107014
Depends on whose it is. :rainbowwild:

Ah yes thank you for the cameo.

The voice of each character is spot on, especially the "womanchild" Pinkie Pie. Especially with the internet and online shopping, you end up comparison shopping so much that you lose the joy of shopping...and all just to save a few pennies? I totally get that feeling, and I agree with Pinkie that it ends up not being fun. :facehoof:

I guess you live in the North where air conditioning isn't a given and you have to put in those nasty window units.

Overall I found this to be a light and entertaining read. Thank you for it.

What is a living bra? I shudder to think.

If I was in Twilight's place, Pinkie yelling about Rarity's shampoo and whatnot would've really pissed me off. You can buy all sorts of shampoo and salami after, but your blatant stupidity could literally cost a hundred bucks or more.

I’m reminded of the days I used to watch supermarket sweep.

It always astonishes me how few people plan their shopping.

I always do. I once saved 30 pounds by price comparing.

10106948
Hey! It's Pinkie's ideal ship!

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