A bedtime story from a lighthearted dragon.
Thanks to Arágon, Lofty Withers, and others for helping me out with this fic. Y'all are the best.
Cover image is my own art over this background:https://i.pinimg.com/originals/6b/9d/ce/6b9dce0de80992f4723a444411e1b3be.png
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Hmm...
Well, you did a great job with the emotions of the piece. It was sweet enough, but...
There's just too much that doesn't make sense. I mean, Spike is dying... because he fell in a cold river? We've seen him fall into an icy lake and be fine, aside from an apparent cold. Plus, the whole, "He'll be fine until he falls asleep" bit is just silly, like the "Five Step Punch" thing from Kill Bill Vol. 2, where you will be totally fine until you take five steps. This condition is serious enough that Spike will literally die the next time he falls asleep, but he's perfectly fine until then?
Furthermore, why did Twilight never ask Celestia or Luna? You would think when the life of her Number One Assistant/little brother/son was on the line, she would go to the wisest being on the planet who both have history with dragons. Or if this is taking place anytime after Season Five, why not ask Ember? Or Smolder, if it's after Season Eight? The biggest problem, however, is that she went to Discord. By doing this, you ran smack into the "Omnipotence Problem." This is where a character who is canonically capable of great feats of strength/magic/whatever, suddenly can't because doing so would kill the plot. That is, Discord can bend the very fabric of reality to his every whim and demonstrably cause physiological changes in living creatures... but he can't fix a dragons heart because "reasons." It's contrived, and could have been easily avoided if you simply didn't involve him.
I get what you were going for, and you sort of pulled it off. Like I said, the emotions were done well enough, but this is Twilight Sparkle we're talking about. For someone like Spike, she would demolish Heaven, Hell, and every realm in between to save his life.
The feels are strong in this story. Nice work!
As was already mentioned, Spike's heart being effected so bad after falling into a cold river doesn't add up, since he only got sick when he fell into a icy lake in season 1. This could be fixed with some edits though.
Um... Yeah. This fails for several reasons. Someone else pointed out everything that makes this whole scenario fall flat for me.
It's not a bad story by any stretch. But it fails in too many ways for me to get emotionally invested in what's going on.
10099380
honestly? it's Discord. He doesn't need a reason to not help. He is a dickish asshole in cannon. He was just making excuses again. Can't explain anything else, though. Sorry
You are a very good author and a kind person.
10099772 Then just send Fluttershy to glower at him. Sheesh, even the canon makes more sense than this story's forced drama... and, god, is THAT ever saying something!
Be more creative. This is a magical land with body-horror tree-parasite-transformation diseases being canon. Spike just falls into a river. Uhm… yeah, this is a world where turning creatures to stone is only a temporary issue. How about a magical malady only dragons contract which is an anti-fever? His temperature gradually falls until his internal fire goes out and his magma heart crystalizes into an icy gem, something like that.
And the dragons have no idea what to do about it since they just shove out any dragon afflicted with it, you know, since it's canon that they're exceedingly selfish and wouldn't give a crap.
Still need a reason for Discord not to help. The only excuse I can come up with is rather BS regardless: Discord's afraid of how his chaos magic will interact with the disease magic... but that's pretty lame given what we've seen him do. Hmmm... he WAS incapable of curing himself from that Tatzlwurm disease. Maybe it's one like that.