Pinkie Pie for President

by Dreadnought

Answers... sort of

The snow crunched under her hooves as Princess Twilight Sparkle resolutely marched towards Sugarcube Corner. It being early morning meant that many ponies weren’t out yet. Some – Rainbow Dash assuredly among them – were still snuggled up under the covers of their bed and a few – again, Rainbow Dash assuredly among them – snoring loud enough to wake the dead. Most were probably up enjoying a hearty breakfast with a mug of coffee or hot cocoa. But one thing was certain. All of the ponies in town had read or were going to read today’s edition of the Ponyville Express.

The announcement the day before had made the front page. And second. And third. Okay, the entire issue had been devoted to the story, or editorials about what it meant, or reactions from audience members, or discussions as to what “The United States” was or what the office of “President” entailed. The fact that Pinkie Pie hadn’t offered many details or taken any questions after her speech meant that much of the paper was filled with rumor and speculation. Most thought this stunt was an elaborate prank designed to top even the incident involving the Filly Guide cookies. A few writers ventured that the United States must be a pony nation across the seas. Those who did believe Pinkie Pie assumed that President must be a minor office with limited to no power, because what nation in their right mind wouldn’t have wise, benevolent monarchs providing stability and prosperity for decades at a time? Regardless, there was great anticipation for the coming weeks as events unfolded.

Along the way, the few ponies who were about greeted Twilight Sparkle. She returned each with a concise – some might say terse – acknowledgement and continued on her way. The Princess of Friendship wasn’t unfriendly. Each warm greeting was heartfelt and sincere. But she was a mare on a mission who would not allow herself to be distracted or delayed. She had so many questions that had nagged at her, keeping her awake all night long. She would have answers!

Twilight smiled as wonderful scents filled the air – fresh bread, baked cakes, and unidentifiable sugary sweets. Even from several blocks away she could appreciate the skills of the Cakes and their star apprentice Pinkie Pie. If ever there was free advertising, this was it. And how effective it was! Despite the fact that Spike had prepared a delicious breakfast and made her eat her fill before she left the castle, her mouth began to water as her full stomach growled in anticipation. Perhaps she had time for a mouthwatering muffin, a delectable Danish, a scrumptious scone, or another tasty treat? No! She must focus! Questions needed answers!

Rounding a corner, the whimsical bakery and sweet shop came into view. It’s delicious-looking exterior coupled with the appetizing aromas emanating from the interior made it nearly impossible for passersby not to go in and eat or, at the very least, stop by and get an order to go. Many times a walk by Sugarcube Corner had left Rarity in tears, wailing that the Cakes had conspired to ruin her diet!

A jingling bell above the door announced her entrance. Twilight’s eagerness turned to exasperation upon seeing the queue before the counter where Mrs. Cake was busy taking orders. Of course ponies had come in for breakfast. Now there was a line ten deep. And it was just her luck that Mud Briar was at the front, taking his sweet time in deciding what to order and speaking in a very slow, monotone voice. This would take forever! She could use her royal prerogative to jump to the front of the line. Or she could push her way past the crowd to the kitchen where Pinkie Pie was likely baking. But it felt... wrong. What kind of example would she be setting if she didn’t afford everypony the same respect they gave her? Surely she could spare a few minutes?

As she waited impatiently, Twilight examined the selections offered this morning. There were rows of fresh muffins – dark chocolate, apple, apple cinnamon, blueberry, strawberry, lemon poppyseed, bran, pumpkin, salted caramel, and every other conceivable type. Then there were donuts, from classic glazed to jelly-filled and those smothered in chocolate or powdered sugar. And Danishes. And scones. And she couldn’t ignore the breakfast sandwiches, from eggs-and-cheese to maple-and-fried-hay. And this was just for breakfast! Come lunch, a full spread of cupcakes, pies, cakes, ice cream, and every other imaginable sweet treat would be displayed in all their glory!

Before she knew it, Twilight was getting a box of a dozen muffins to go. As she was passing the bits to Mrs. Cake, she asked, “By the way, Pinkie Pie is expecting me. Where can I find her?”

“Oh,” said the earth pony as she rang up the order on the cash register, “she’s in her campaign headquarters over there.” A sweep of her foreleg indicated a door off the lobby of the shop.

“Thank you,” said Twilight as she accepted her change. Levitating the box behind her, Twilight headed to said door. Now Twilight was a bit perplexed. She had been to Sugarcube Corner many times since moving to Ponyville. Hardly a week went by when she wasn’t stopping by to see her friend or to purchase something delectable from the shop. And she was widely known for being quite observant. From picking up on the slightest magical traces to solving complex riddles to catching the miscreants who had mutilated the masterpiece that was the Marzipan Mascarpone Meringue Madness. But never had she seen this door. Yet it appeared as original as the rest of the building.

Opening the door she found a small waiting room. There were a few chairs and a large desk at which sat a receptionist. Twilight approached the receptionist who was deeply engrossed in, and concealed behind, the latest edition of the Ponyville Express. Clearing her throat, Twilight said, “I am here to see Pinkie Pie.”

Without setting down the paper, the receptionist said, “Name, please.”

“Twilight.”

“Twilight...?”

“Sparkle,” she replied. “Twilight Sparkle.”

“That name does sound familiar,” came the voice.

Standing up a little straighter, she said, “Princess of Friendship.”

“No, that’s not it.”

“Uh, Bearer of the Element of Magic,” Twilight clarified.

“Doesn’t ring a bell.”

“The one who led the Bearers in the defeat of Tirek,” she ventured.

“Was that recently?”

“The one who organized the recapture of Canterlot from the Storm King,” she suggested.

“Sorry, try again.”

“Founder and headmare of the School of Friendship?”

“Never heard of it.”

Completely at a loss, she said, “Well, I’m a friend of Pinkie Pie.”

“When Pinkie Pie becomes President, she’ll have a lot of ‘friends.’”

“I’ve been her friend for a while, and I’d like to speak with her,” she replied, her voice beginning to reflect the irritation she was feeling.

“She’s in an important meeting with her campaign manager,” said the receptionist, with a hoof indicating the nearest door.

Twilight looked over and saw the door. The upper half held a pane of glass. Through it, she could see the dark silhouette of a pony with a big puffy mane. And she could also see the silhouette of a long slender creature, with mismatched wings and horns.

Instantly Twilight’s face ran through a variety of emotions – realization, relief, embarrassment, anger. “Wait a minute,” she said. Taking a hoof to pull down the receptionist’s paper, she discovered – “Discord.”

The draconequus smiled back at her with a big, toothy grin. “Hello, Twilight.”

She glared at him before growling, “I should have known you were behind this! This is all an elaborate prank of yours, isn’t it?”

He leaned back in his chair, the morning paper having vanished. “While this is bound to cause quite a bit of chaos, I assure you this is no prank. Miss Pinkamena Diane Pie is a candidate for the office of President of the United States of America.”

Twilight moved towards the door. “I’m getting to the bottom of this.”

He appeared before her, blocking her path. “Uh, uh, uh,” he said, waggling a claw at her. “She’s in a very important meeting with her campaign manager, and they are not to be disturbed. But maybe I can help you?”

Twilight narrowed her eyes at his wry grin. “What are the ‘United States of America’? What is ‘President’? How is she running for an office of a state we’ve never heard of?”

“Well, I could answer your questions directly, but you’d never believe me.” He stroked is beard in thought. “I suppose there is one way to for you to know that I’m not lying.”

“What’s that?”

Discord pulled a lever that wasn’t there before. Instantly Twilight was buried. “Read it in a book,” he said dryly.

Twilight battled to control her competing emotions of anger at Discord and elation at new books. She scanned a few of the titles, “United States History for Dummies? Civics for Idiots? The US Constitution for Beginners? The Electoral College for Hillary Clinton?”

“Now then, I’m very busy so I’ll ask you to go.” He snapped his claws.

Twilight stood in the middle of her castle library with her new books. Well, she didn’t get the answers she wanted. But now she could read them for herself. With muffins!

Author's Note:

Maybe some of you saw this coming. I hope not! Plot twists should be unexpected. Though I'd imagine every zany twist in MLP would have someone screaming "Discord!"

Dreadnought

Comments

[RoyalBardofCanterlot]

10091509
I'm actually an Imperialistic Fascist Nationalist...EQUESTRIA THE GREATEST NATION SHALL BE THE ONLY NATION.

[Darth Arcaneus]

Pinkie's chances of winning the presidency are the same as a super intelligent lab mouse winning.

[Bumblebeau]

I'd vote for her over Hillary any day

[Mystic Sunrise]

10116124
Um, no. That is actual fact. Pinkie Pie cannot run for President in any way, shape, or form. Unless it's the Equestria Girls Pinkie Pie of course. Then it's legal.

Yes, I'm being a stick in the mud. But even Pinkie Pie, for all her randomness, would not do this if it wasn't legal.

[Dreadnought]

10229191
What are you, a lawyer? Of course she can run. Just wait and see. Note to self, finish writing chapter.