• Member Since 7th Dec, 2018
  • offline last seen 16 minutes ago

Kody The Ultimate Brony

Go check out my non-clop alt account Virtually Mistaken

Comments ( 24 )

Lolll. This short story is kinda written like an RP and lacks a lot of correct punctuation but otherwise not bad for a first clopfic Kody.

Liked and faved.

Liked and faved!

Will read later thou, to tired right now.

I don't know what to say, but I like it

Good start on writing. I enjoyed the read.

This is an RP, not a proper story. Do some research darling, read others' works that show exactly how a story should be written. I suppose if you were trying to write a screenplay, this might be passable, but otherwise, this could use some work dear. Not a terrible attempt, though

Thank you for your constructive criticism, I know most people wouldn't be as respectful about it as you so I appreciate it, I'll take this into consideration when/if I write my next story

Oh. Oh my.
This is more a screenplay than a story, but I like it. Well done for putting your work out there, which I haven't done because I'm a wuss.
Faved. :)

As other have said, this is written more like a generic screenplay than an actual story. It fits the definition of Ikea Erotica: https://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/IKEAErotica

It's written entirely in a functional manner, rattling off several porn clichés without much connection. I recommend looking up the story "A Roll in the Hay" by Gentleman Ponyographer, as that story does the same concept in a way that shows chemistry between the characters, and gives them more dynamic personalities beyond generic dialogue.

Unless you are, in fact, a semi-advanced A.I writing this, in which case I'll say: hello fellow real human! :P

My apologies, I know it sucks, I don't write much, and this is my first real story, I'm sorry for wasting your time

Nah, it's not a waste of time. I apologize if I sounded a bit harsh. It's a serviceable story, just generic. The best thing you can do as a writer, learning wise, is to read more stories and try and understand what they did well. Check out the fic I mentioned, and how the foreplay builds up to the sex itself. It's straight and too the point, but it still makes the characters interesting through their dynamic dialogue :).

that makes me feel a lot better and more confident in myself, I do want to write better and I honestly don't want to waste anyone's time, thank you so very much for your constructive criticism and I truly hope I can do better in the future

A nice short clopfic. It does read like a roleplay, but nevertheless great first story!

Bravo bravo love the story but it does need some more bajazz more hmm dialogue before the sex scene little bit more personality in screen play

Israel Yabuki look him up he's a great reader read one of his story's u might see what I mean but it was a still a good first story keep it up 😊👍

I'm hoping it wasn't sounding too rude

Sorry it took me so long to notice, you wrote a story.

Cute for a first story, does read sort of like a Rp.

But still a fun romp.

hmm, this is pretty good for a first story thought everyone has already said the issues it has. it's still good, short and sweet

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