A Hooffull Of Bits

by Autumnblazelover61

All The Bits In The World

"Ah, another successful business brought to its knees by ol' Rich's Barnyard Bargains! Life is good!" Filthy Rich said with a smirk as he walked away from the town's ice cream store.

It was another lovely sunny day in Ponyville, and the wealthy tycoon pony was, as usual, spending it going around and buying out whatever well-maintained businesses caught his greedy eye. It was a weekend morning, and he had dragged his daughter Diamond Tiara out of bed to come with him. She was, of course, growing annoyed by her father constantly going around town and showing off his money to everypony. She just wanted to be like a regular young pony- playing in the grass, blowing bubbles, hell, even stealing pies from windowsills or something, but her mother Spoiled Rich was constantly pushing her to act like the rest of the Rich family and showboat her money to everypony she saw. Still, she just wanted out of it.

"Father, do we really have to do this EVERY weekend? A filly like me needs her beauty sleep!" She whined, adjusting the crown on her head. "Now now, Diamond Tiara, you know better than to question your elders. Besides, Sweet Apple Acres had a slow zap-apple season this year, and I fully intend on getting back all that zap-apple money. Anyways, whenever they add a new ice cream flavour to their menu, YOU get to taste test it, doesn’t that sound great?”

"Blech!" Diamond Tiara said with disgust. "I can’t stand that stuff..."

While the young filly had reformed years ago from being a schoolyard bully, she still had the annoyingly important reputation of her family to uphold. Even so, she hated having to walk around town with her father every day, looking like a princess and earning looks of disgust from the other ponies, especially her classmates.

"Now we’ve just got one more stop to make before heading home, sweetheart." Filthy Rich said, looking stern as they marched towards Rarity's house, which just so happened to be the most famous clothing store in Ponyville. Diamond Tiara sighed. For once it was HER that wished she wouldn’t be spotted by anypony she knew.

"Oh, hello, Filthy Rich." Rarity greeted the pair as they entered the store, with the bell ringing sharply above their heads. "My word, you’re looking very sharp today. Did you get a new kind of shampoo? Your hair is so-"

"Enough with the compliments, Miss Rarity. I’m a very busy stallion, and if I’m to keep galavanting around town making money like this, I’ll need some new clothes. So here’s the deal: I want you to make 30 extra copies of every new dress you make: 10 for me, 10 for Spoiled, and 10 for my little angel." He patted Diamond Tiara on the head and she huffed angrily as he did. "Just in case we happen to be invited to another gala. And I’ll make sure you get all the extra thread you need to keep

"Oh my word. I-I'm sorry, Filthy, but 30 copies is a LOT. And I’ve learned a thing or two about over-doing it with dresses..." Rarity started, but Rich raised a hoof to silence her. "Now Rarity, you have your business and I’ve got mine, and if you try to turn down a deal with old Filthy Rich, maybe I’ll just have the Carousel Boutique shut down, COMPLETELY!"

Rarity gasped in horror. Diamond Tiara rolled her eyes and stepped away. She didn’t need to hear all this. She just wanted to go home before-

"Uh, Diamond Tiara?" She looked up and saw Sweetie Belle coming down the stairs. Oh, great she thought. "What are you doing here?" The grey filly asked. "Oh, you know, just business, as usual." Diamond Tiara said, gesturing towards her father who was droning on and on about getting Rarity's entire fashion line cancelled if she didn’t do what he asked. Sweetie Belle sighed. "I know, I know. It’s not your fault. You’re just doing what your dad tells you to do."

Diamond Tiara raised her head to glare at Sweetie Belle. "'What he TELLS me to do'? What do you take me for, some kind of corporate puppet? At least I don’t get bossed around by my big spectacular sister all the time!" Sweetie Belle cocked an eyebrow. "Seriously?" she said simply. ”I’m just saying, it’s not like I don’t ENJOY being the heir to a big snooty stallion with all the bits in Equestria. Why, all you’ll get when you grow up is a bunch of CLOTHES, you blank flank!" She could feel tears springing to her eyes as Sweetie Belle nonchalantly turned around to remind her she had gotten her cutie mark a long time ago.

Diamond Tiara couldn’t think of a good comeback to that, so she just stomped her hoof in annoyance and ran out of the store. Filthy Rich saw her go and gave Rarity one last demand before marching out the door.

The young filly ran all the way from the boutique to her home, where she threw herself onto her her bed and started crying. Spoiled Rich watched from the doorway and scoffed as her husband came in.

"That filly just doesn’t understand how LUCKY she is to be in a family with such a rich history... literally!" Filthy nodded. "I know. She doesn’t have the HONOUR of being in a nice, wealthy family. Who would’ve thought she’d turn into such an unordinary filly... even befriending those BLANK FLANKS. Come on, let’s go somewhere else before we get infected..."

Diamond Tiara felt her cheeks start to burn as her parents walked off to their bedroom, probably to have sex on their bed of money. "They aren’t blank flanks anymore, you asshole..." She muttered. She spent the rest of the day in her bedroom, not even leaving to enjoy her usual five-star supper. By bedtime she was feeling immensely tired, despite her belly starting to growl up at her angrily, like she hadn’t eaten in days. Her parents sensed that she was in one of her moods and left her alone without even bringing her a single crouton.

I just wish my family wasn’t so stuck-up. I just want to be normal. I just wish all this money would go away somehow...

Then she sat up as she suddenly got an idea. A lightbulb immediately appeared over her head (well, actually, for the Rich family it was a disco ball). "What if all that money were to DISAPPEAR?" She thought with a smirk. She picked up an edition of the Foals Free Press sitting on her nightstand and looked at an ad for a new toy store in Canterlot.

"I HAVE always wanted my own dollhouse..." She chuckled wickedly.

Author's Note:

Thanks for reading!

Chapter title is a reference to the movie All The Money In The World.

The line about having sex on a pile of money is a reference to The Woof Of Wall Street.

Comments

[Posh]

You might want to give a credit to the artist behind your cover image, and link to them on derpibooru (or wherever you got it from). Unless you are the original artist, of course.

EDIT: oh, it’s from the comics. Nvm, sorry.

[Ice Star]

Just saying that you shouldn’t have that kind of a warning on an E-rated story. The only swears that work in an E-rated story are show style mock curses (ponyfeathers, sweet Celestia, Tartarus) and sex shouldn’t be referred to in a story meant for all audiences.

[Starlight Nova]

Is this a crossover with the movie A Fistful Of Dollars?

[Autumnblazelover61]

10088471
No.

[OmniFox]

Weird, I thought Diamond Tiara would need a boyfriend to define her parents.

[Autumnblazelover61]

10096393
Heh, maybe she and Twist could hook up.