• Member Since 26th Nov, 2011
  • offline last seen 4 hours ago

Rated Ponystar

"You think you know me..."


An incident lands Gallus in trouble. The biggest trouble he's ever been in. Because of it, he's now forced to confront and talk about the one thing he never wanted to address: his parents.

Thanks to Scyphi for helping me edit this.

Chapters (1)
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Comments ( 54 )

Ouch. In A Horse-Shoe In, when Grandpa Gruff was screaming at Trixie, that look on Gallus' face was just heartbreaking.

Oh God, yes. Like Rated said, Gallus being an actual orphan (as opposed to the Scoota-orphan debacle which was officially debunked) really brought an interesting character into the show. Grandpa Gruff being the closest thing to a 'guardian' Gallus would get was honestly depressing. Gruff was the worst kind of griffon, and the fact that he was the only 'family' Gallus had did bring in another one of those 'this-is-a-subject-people-don't-like-talking-about-but-we're-bringing-it-up' situations in the show.

I don't usually condone such extreme violence, but I'm actually glad Gallus did what he did. How dare that fucking prick go that route! He deserved what he got coming! (Not Gallus, but the guy he was beating up)

On a side note, I really like how this story was written. Gallus's feelings were very well portrayed in this fic.

That was a good story. Emotion was portrayed wonderfully here.

I feel like AJ could've have been a good pony to talk to this about, since y'know..

Well to a certain extent yes, but keep in mind, AJ has memories of her parents and was raised by her grandmother when they died. Not to mention having siblings, cousins, aunts, uncles, and so forth.

Gallus had nobody. None. And there are no memories. There is a difference between the two.

I very well know that Gallus's situation is vastly worse, I just think AJ might relate a little better is all. :pinkiesad2:

Poor Gallus. His little rant at the end really shows how much he has been hurting for years. Even having friends for years now and finding a place in life won’t completely heal him of that trauma.

Excellent story, but man the feels! :fluttercry:

On a side note, I'd really like for Gallus to be my bodyguard.

Yordna #10 · 1 week ago · · ·

He felt a sinking feeling in the back of his chest. “W-what?”

“You’re parents. Or lack of them and how you feel."

you were so close

That aside, that was a nice little read. It seemed a bit bony, to be honest, like it was moving too fast and reached the endgame a little too soon. I'm unsure if Gallus is the type to throw a violent tantrum over this or if he'd withdraw and mope silently until someone found him. With the former, I'd be surprised if he didn't get jail time for what he did, unless Equestria has such sophisticated healing spells that Speed Thrower will be back to full health within a few days. I agree with 10083675 in how Starlight probably should have brought in Applejack to give Gallus a little life lesson on coping, or at least talk to him as someone who kind of understands what it's like to have someone missing.

It just feels like there should've been more to this. But maybe that's just my personal taste (I prefer quiet and introspective approaches to emotional problems). Please don't take offense. You're a wonderful writer.

Flaring his nostrils

Pretty amazing for a beak to be able to deform like that.

Yeah that's what inspired me

Comment posted by FarmFreshAppleTarts deleted February 14th

The nostrils are often above the beak on the avian face, they are called nares. How ever as Gallus has nostrils on his beak, so realistically the top of his beak would be a different color than the rest as is would have layer of flesh growing over the top up to his nostrils(and a little past them). Regardless the point is yes he has nostrils he could flare.
I am one of those people who has a little knowledge of animal anatomy and have considered how it would translate to fantasy creatures. For example when ever I see a transformation described with "knees bending backward" I cringle, as no that is not the knee joint, it's the ankle. Just like dogs and cats don't have backward faceing knees, that joint is the ankle, they have forward facing knees and short shins!

Poor Gallus. This made me want to cry. :fluttercry:

lego3 #17 · 1 week ago · · ·

I can't even imagine how heartbreaking it would be to see Gallus cry like that...he may have gone overboard, but Speed Thrower deserved that beating

You've got a good handle on the rage and pathos. It's just a pity you don't do anything with it. You've written a good story hook; now you just need to write a story.

Yeah. The only thing I could fault Gallus for is not being able to finish him off.

See, I told ya you had a winner with this one. :raritywink:


He felt a sinking feeling in the back of his chest. “W-what?”

“You’re parents. Or lack of them and how you feel."

you were so close

Darn, considering I was the one who edited this for Rated Ponystar, I feel like that's on me for missing that! :facehoof::rainbowlaugh:

As mentioned previously regarding the Will Smith scene, this is usually a ... hm... forced scenario where someone has already a damaged or weakened mental state where 'the dam has burst' and it just continued onwards. It's unfortunate that many people don't ever get to this point, revert back, or never manage to find someone that is, quite literally, someone to hug, or listen.
It's therapeutic to let people vent, but it's another thing if they have someone to soundboard. Lots can happen.

Nice work.

Remember, MLP FIM is a show for little girls. No serious issue will ever be handled.

Damn man, reading this made me respect how fanon can really explore characterization further than what's already been established in the cartoon. And your experiment on Gallas just as much made me give a real good insight on his own character.

The RAW and EMOTIONAL behavior you made him depict is such a damn fine method of the burden has. Kudos for getting inspiration from that iconic Fresh Prince scene too; both powerful in their own right.

Yes, the orphan tear farm is coming together nicely. Soon we’ll be able to move onto the next step of the plan and when the ritual is complete, the world will be ours.

Bro I was thinking the exact same

I feel sorry for Gallus :fluttercry:


I can hear her going on about how violence is never the answer. Says the mare who turned three of Equestria’s worst villains into a stone monument for pigeons to use as a toilet.

But...neither Twilight or Starlight did that.

Did you see the ending?

Speed Thrower got up and pointed at Gallus. “At least I don’t hit others from behind like a coward.”

"Well that is the safest way isn't it?"

Elim Garak, Star Trek Deep Space Nine Season 5 Episode 26, A Call to Arms

“You’re parents. Or lack of them and how you feel.”

That should be "Your"

This was brutally effective. Poor Gallus.

The fight between Gallus and Speed Thrower made me really think about something: Griffons are predators. Both halves of their bodies are carnivores who likely have to eat meat to survive. Ponies are herbivorous herd animals with only hooves, while griffons enjoy claws, talons, beaks, and retractible paws. Gallus could probably have killed Speed Thrower if there hadn't been anyone to pull him off.

Ri2 #32 · 1 week ago · · ·

I thought it was just Discord, Celestia, and Luna who turned them to stone? I forget.

I had forgotten how good that show was, time for a run through

You must be a big fan of Fresh Prince of Bell Air.

i know when i read that same reaction

Oof, so many feels. Best catbird needs a hug and a LONG talk with the Apples.

Was gonna link this if nobody got to it yet.
Good post.

Damn that internally hurts.

I... actually don't like this story. And not because it's badly written, and plus, the problem I have with it isn't that it exists, it's that it isn't long enough. It's an execution thing. It's weird, because I appreciate it's execution... and yet I keep seeing what I think are two massive flaws that nobody has seemed to point out.

The good: Gallus's reaction and emotions were in character, they made sense, were sympathetic, and god they were powerful. If the story was 1-2K words longer I would have unreservedly favorited and upvoted.

But as it stands... the resolution of the story was flawed. Gallus viciously attacked a pony. Granted, the pony was an asshole, but unless I read it wrong, he could have killed a pony. So... was his anger justified? Yeah, but was it wrong? Well yes! I mean, looking at the story:

“With the damage you’ve done, Speed is lucky that he’ll be able to continue school… but I think he’ll most likely want to leave after today.”

Speed leaving school? Good riddance, but oh my god Gallus nearly put Speed down. That's... that's horrifying.

Yet, the story doesn't follow through with the consequences of Gallus's actions. It leaves us on this note that clearly has us sympathizing with Gallus... but while I did that... I was also highly cognizant of the fact that Gallus nearly killed someone! That really spoiled how much sympathy I was feeling for Gallus.

Furthermore, I didn't like how the story doesn't follow through with the consequences of the confession and left me on a note that seemed... manipulative and in defiance of canon with the sentence:

Because this was the closest thing he was ever going to get compared to a parent’s love.

That sentence just sounded such a stretch to the point it sounded manipulative because this... this is EQUESTRIA, land of friendship, love, harmony... and ponies in canon explicitly being family to ponies that they aren't related to (Rainbow Dash and Scootaloo. Pinkie Pie and Applejack). I find it a major leap in logic that the story would choose to end on this note. Just... anything but this. It could have gotten sadder, it could have resolved those feelings... just anything but the ending here that seems in complete defiance of MLP canon.

Thing is though, people seem to clearly like this story and what it did and I agree with the comments that it portrayed Gallus's emotions with a raw intensity I've rarely seen in other works. It's very well written and in-character for Gallus. I just... find these two parts of the execution to get on my nerves.

well, I don't really know what you are going through, but my dad was and still is never here, just mom and me, and no one else

I know this is supposed to be a one-off scene, but I hope I’m not the only one that thinks this is something worth exploring further of you feel so inclined, Mr. Rated, because this was REALLY good.

That’s why I think this story would benefit from a sequel.

At least they are not punishing Gallus in this story.
The one thing this world needs to change to stop bullying is to stop punishing people for standing up for themselves or others and taking down bullies no matter how.

Yes this, his mind in his rage was referring to speed as prey, something to consume. Griffons are probably omnivores.

This is also probably why griffons are considered warrior cultures in mlp literally every limb is armed, beaks, eagle claws on front cat claws on the back and wings can easily be armed with some kind blade, combined with an omnivorous or carnivorous diet makes them much more suited to be warriors then ponies.

I wouldn’t mind an update or sequel with Gallus facing some kind of consequence for his actions.

Fanfic of starlight adopting gallus?

Una #47 · 1 week ago · · ·

Speed deserved what he got. Gallus had every right in my book as far as bullying. If you just let the bully go (ignore it) or tell a teacher, yes they may be punished but they'll be back. I have delt with people like this during my early childhood. If you don't stand up for yourself who will?

Comment posted by Cannotbeseen deleted February 19th


Speaking as a Gallus booster, I wish my boy got more airtime on the show. Stories like this one help fill that void pretty well.
Still, that emptiness that Gallus feels in his life is like a needle in the heart that never fully stops jabbing. I felt his rage and sadness in this story.
Nice job!

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