• Member Since 17th Jun, 2017
  • offline last seen 8 hours ago

The Red Parade


I wish you all the luck in the world, you need it more than I do.

T

A team of deputy marshals execute a raid in the desert. A short one-shot throwaway noir-style piece I wrote to get over some creative difficulties. Has guns and violence.

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 6 )

Great work on this.

10082111
You're welcome.

Good stuff! I can see that this was just a prototype for some of the ideas you mentioned to me previously, but for a one-shot story, you did a great job! I particularly enjoyed how you managed to introduce everyone and give us enough of an idea of their roles without bringing in too much effort.

A couple things did strike me. For one thing, you called it a "handgun." Ponies don't have hands, and you had me wondering if this was an anthro story for a second.

Second, while I know about Strongheart's rifle from your PMs, others might not, so if you were going to put this into a full story, I think a bit of exposition on that part might help.

All in all, though, I really enjoyed this!

10095362
Thanks!

Did I? Huh, definitely a mistake on my part, although I have reached some rather interesting dilemmas with words like 'marksmanship' 'personnel' and 'shaman' (who isn't a shapony because they're a buffalo), so it'll be... interesting to see how it works out.

Agree on more exposition on Strongheart's rifle. As you already know this piece was experimental so I didn't have many details locked in when I first wrote it. I'll go back and add the extra parts.

Thanks again!

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