- Member Since 4th May, 2018
- offline last seen 3 hours ago
WildWPony
CDL driver and mechanic by day and writer by night. Help me become a better writer and spread the magic of friendship
WildWPony
Joined 4th May, 2018 ·
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I have little doubt of your success.
It is modeled just after his parts, right?
And you are surprised of that?
Good story!
I enjoyed reading it.
10155785
Thank you very much, I appreciate that.
This is your official review from Dirty Little Secret's Dirty Little Contest!
Remember to vote in the contest's poll -- voting closes at midnight, June 6th.
And make sure to allow notifications from the contest group and/or follow Dirty Little Secret to get the full results and the awards show post on June 9th!
You can also check the current ranking, thanks to garatheauthor's unofficial ranking of the scores that have been publicized so far.
------ Review ------
Please keep in mind, I know I can be overly critical and negative at times. I can always find something to nitpick, even in the greatest works of literature ever written. Please don't take it personally!
-
For DSL’s Dirty Little Contest-- Yes, for Dirty Secret Little's contest. lol, but I won't count this one against you because it's not part of the story proper.-A little bit telly in the opening, but that's ameliorated a bit by the first person POV.
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More and more I began to watch the erotic dreams, the more thoughts of participation swirled around in my mind.-- mixed-up phrase.-Doesn't really feel like Luna's voice in the narration.
-It's kind of weird that Luna would know so much about Feather Bangs. Of all the ponies in Equestria, why has she taken the time to learn so much about him in particular?
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He'll do and the rejection just might work in my favor.-- missing comma.-Fairly rushed and light on detail.
-Really feels like it needs a second chapter where she gets more intimate with him.
-It is interesting that you'd limit it to voyeurism and masturbation.
------ Scores ------
To clarify what these scores mean, check my judging rubric.
Cloppability: 65/100
Allure: 80/100
Enticement: 70/100
Immersion: 60/100
Prose Quality: 70/100
Total Score: 345/500
The more specialized scores for individual prizes, as well as the results of the community poll, will be published when the full results are announced. If this story wins any awards, there will be another post in the story comments sometime after June 9th announcing that this story has won.
Thank you for participating, and thank you for contributing to Fimfic's collection of clop!
10254378
Why is it taking my pony so long to download? Damn it all, I should have gotten comcast!
Like Luna, I want more of this. Feather Bangs and Luna shipping is a unique ship in clop and deserves to be explored more.
10299819
I appreciate the sentiment, but it was just for the contest and in all honesty, I could have done a lot better with it. Not really planning on going any further with it. However, I've been debating on writing some one-shots on what Emmit and Luna/Nightmare Moon do together in the dreamworld in my Ninetails in Equestria story. Which would be very similar to this.