• Published 13th Feb 2020
  • 2,965 Views, 35 Comments

Praying For Insight - TCC56



Twilight asks, "why are there no male alicorns?" The answer will surprise her!

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Chapter 1

Princess Celestia was used to having Twilight Sparkle barge in on her. In the throne room; in the solarium; painfully frequently in the bedroom; and more than a few times into the bath. The frequency had decreased once Twilight moved to Ponyville - and increased back now that Twilight had recently become an alicorn and discovered long-distance teleportation - but the fact that any moment in her life could be abruptly interrupted by a purple mare appearing with (in her mind) pressing questions was just something Celestia had learned to live with.

This, however, did not mean that those around her were as prepared for it.

Air displaced with a soft thump of magenta magic as Twilight popped into existence. "Princess Celestia, I need to talk--"

Her question was preempted by horrified screaming from the other dignitaries present - as an alicorn suddenly appearing in the middle of a sauna was distinctly unexpected - and by Twilight's own shriek - as she had teleported herself atop a pile of steaming hot coals.

Princess Celestia placidly waited for the chaos to sort itself out and tried very hard not to laugh.

Twenty minutes later, they were out of the new sauna the yak ambassador had been showing off and the crowd had calmed down. Princess Celestia guided Twilight through the hall to a more private place - her study.

Inside and over tea, the elder Princess gave her student a small nod. "You were saying?"

Twilight Sparkle stopped fidgeting with the bandage on her burnt hoof and finally remembered why she was there. "Oh! Um, I did have a question about, um..." Twilight shifted uneasily in her chair. "Why are all alicorns mares?"

Princess Celestia sipped her tea to buy a few more moments before confronting the question. "The answer is that not all alicorns are. Or were, more accurately."

She paused to sip again, letting Twilight hang waiting. It was something Celestia had found added some enjoyment to these conversations - having her student enraptured never ceased to give the Princess a boost of pride.

"Once long ago, there were alicorns of both genders. But we were very few in number. Tell me, my student. Since you have ascended, what has been the greatest problem you've had?"

Twilight considered for just a moment. "The fact that ponies keep trying to take pictures all the time and I've caught three different tabloid reporters in my bathroom?"

There was a pause as Celestia used centuries of experience at controlling her emotions to keep from snorting tea through her nose. "A valid complaint, Twilight, but not what I meant. As an alicorn, we have the magic of all three tribes within us and in many ways each aspect is stronger than an individual of any one would be. That power comes at a cost to our metabolism - I'm sure you've observed an increase to your appetite."

With a little laugh-snort, Twilight rolled her eyes. "Well, Spike certainly has noticed it!" She cleared her throat, trying to become serious once more. "I mean, yes Princess Celestia, I have noticed it."

"Maintaining an alicorn's body requires considerably greater energy than any other pony's. And when we enter a state where our bodies need even more..." Celestia paused, waiting to see if Twilight would fill in the gap. She didn't - she simply continued to hang on Princess Celestia's every word. "Pregnancy. I mean during pregnancy, Twilight. An alicorn's body requires far more than what normal sustenance can provide."

Understanding twinkled in Twilight's eyes. "Oh, I see! So that explains why alicorns never overtook the other tribes in terms of numbers despite their strength and longevity! A slower breeding cycle would--"

The elder Princess cleared her throat. "Actually Twilight, that's only part of the story. You see, in order to gain the energy needed to survive and birth a healthy foal, alicorns had to.." Celestia trailed off for a moment, putting off the information for just a few seconds. But it was inevitable from the moment Twilight asked the question. So she closed her eyes and bit the bullet. "Consume their mates."

".....I'm sorry, could you repeat that?"

"It was the norm for a female alicorn to kill and consume their mate after fertilization. The more nutrient and magically rich food source would create enough of a buffer to allow the alicorn to survive pregnancy and foster the foal's development." Celestia still couldn't bring herself to look at her student.

"So you--"

"Ate the males of our species into non-existence," Celestia confirmed.

Twilight started giggling. Not the cheerful laughter of Pinkie Pie, nor the devilish chuckle of a prank-playing Rainbow Dash, nor even the nervous titter of Rarity as she tried to explain why her latest creation looked like a neon nightmare. No, Twilight's giggles were distinctly and thoroughly unhinged. "Sexual cannibalism," she snuck out between laughs. "Alicorns engage in--" She devolved into deranged laughter mid-sentence.

A quiet sigh slipped from Celestia's lips. "And this is why I was reluctant to tell you, Twilight."

"No! No, it's fine." A small twitch developed in Twilight's left eye. "I'm totally fine with the revelation that Princess Celestia has probably almost certainly definitely murdered and eaten dozens of ponies."

Celestia shook her head. "It isn't quite so bad, Twilight--"

"ISN'T QUITE SO BAD?!"

Wisps of golden magic covered the younger alicorn's mouth to silence her. "Isn't quite so bad as you think, Twilight," Celestia repeated. "First of all, there is a reason I haven't been romantically involved with anypony in centuries. Secondly, modern times have a much greater availability of food than in pre-Equestrian times. And there's also the fact that the alicorns of today have replaced that need with external sources of power. By being tied to the Sun and the Moon, such extreme actions are no longer needed. We can simply pull the power from other sources."

"So you mean that--" Twilight's question was cut off by her own understanding. "My brother!" Her jaw dropped. "But Shining Armor's-- I mean he's-- Cadance didn't--"

Gently, Celestia raised a hoof to silence Twilight. "Her connection to the Crystal Heart overcame any physical need and may have even played a role in Flurry Heart's development into what she is. And as well, Cadence chose to deviate from tradition. I suspect that she couldn't bear what the loss of Shining Armor would do to you, Twilight."

Twilight breathed a heavy sigh of relief at that. "That's good to know. I was worried that maybe for their next foal she... wait." Her eyes narrowed. "You said something about tradition?"

"Indeed, Twilight." Celestia paused to sip her tea. "While such acts are no longer needed physically, it is still customary for alicorns to do so. Tradition is a powerful thing, after all."

There was a long, ironically pregnant pause before Twilight hesitantly asked her next question. "Princess Celestia? If... if alicorns consume their mates afterwards, does, um... does that mean I have to eat Rarity?"

Author's Note:

Happy Valentine's Day!

Comments ( 35 )

There was a long, ironically pregnant pause before Twilight hesitantly asked her next question. "Princess Celestia? If... if alicorns consume their mates afterwards, does, um... does that mean I have to eat Rarity?"

Okay, I can buy Twilight being with somepony. But why Rarity of all things?

10083270
>Monochromatic has entered the chat.

I wonder if Sunset was better or worse than Twilight with regards to the whole "popping in at all hours" thing.

As for the revelation... I was not expecting that. Really, it seems like a massive maladaption for K-selection breeders. Which pans out, given how alicorns are nearly extinct. This was odd. And fun. But odd. Though I did quite like the punchline.

I'm half convinced Celestia is screwing with her... or maybe that's just the denial talking.

You haven’t already twilight?

10083270
MONOCHROMATIC HAS ENTERED THE CHAT

10083287
God dammit great minds and all that

Traditions that are dumb tend to die or be replaced by symbolic ones, I think cannibalistic mating is one of those.

10083270

But why Rarity of all things?

What better pony for an alicorn to eat after (or during, even) sex than marshmallow pony :duck:.

Didn't this used to have more chapters?

10083667
That's an excuse. Not a reason. If this was done by Monochromatic, then I'd get it.

No, Twilight, you don't, as Rarity is not a male alicorn.

Unless there's more you're not telling us...?

As a tradition after marriage yes, she has to eat her, but phisically, not, they won't get offsprings due to both being female. Now, there is one question left, If Celestia ate the males to extinction, where in the hey are the supposed alicorns born from said act? there should be plenty of alicorns if the males were consume for pregnancy, but there isn't, so where are they?

"Maintaining an alicorn's body requires considerably greater energy than any other pony's. And when we enter a state where our bodies need even more..." Celestia paused, waiting to see if Twilight would fill in the gap. She didn't - she simply continued to hang on Princess Celestia's every word. "Pregnancy. I mean during pregnancy, Twilight. An alicorn's body requires far more than what normal sustenance can provide."

She's just covering up for the fact that it was actually Death by Snu-Snu wasn't she?

So if Celestia ate her mates... where are all her egg sacks that she'd... oh... OHHH!!!

What if... ERMAHGERD!! DER CHERNGELERNGS ER CERLERSTERER'S ERFSSPRERNG!!! :pinkiegasp::twilightoops:

:trollestia:

10084398
DEATH BY SNU SNU (futurama reference -quoted 2020)

Alicorns are black widows.

......


So was Chrysalis an alicorn that took "eating love" entirely the wrong way?

Ok that makes no sence... There no insects with massiv numbers of children.

Rarity, start running, and hope you find a place to hide where Twilight can't find you.

There needs to be a sequel to this! after all Twilight had to have taken notes while she was talking to princess Celestia and then afterwards decided not to tell anyone else for fear of causing panic but instead of destroying her notes she hid them. Enter Rarity one day at twilight's castle looking for Twilight and she stumbles across the notes in the library for Twilight had been reading them and accidentally left them out. That would be a great way to start off a comedic chase through town where everyone thinks Rarity is being melodramatic as she yells about Twilight trying to eat her. :rainbowlaugh:

10235663
Because there was literally nothing that said Twilight and Rarity were a thing. If there were hints, and I don't mean just Twilight asking Celestia the question in the first place, then I could buy it.

10235681

Sure there was.

Twilight said it.

10083287 "Well..." Princess Celestia took a measured sip of tea. "Since you are not pregnant, and most likely will not become so as you travel down this path--excepting certain spells--I would presume the actual consumption of your mate would be unwise. And criminal, I might add. Something we added to the unified Equestrian code a century or two ago. "

"Oh," said Twilight, obviously relieved and confused at the same time. "Well, that's a relief, at least."

"I would caution you against going to bed hungry," added Celestia. "Nothing is worse than going to bed next to your prospective paramour and waking up only to find a few scraps of hair and some feathers."

"Oh," said Twilight again.

"A slice or two of cake at bedtime should do the trick," said Celestia. "It has worked wonders for me, and I haven't lost a Royal Guard in years now."

"That's... nice," said Twilight. She produced a notepad and jotted down a few of the salient points of the conversation, just to ensure she would not miss anything when she passed it along. "Rarity is going to be so glad to hear I'm not going to eat her."

"Oh, I didn't mean that exactly," said Celestia. "It shows appreciation for your mate and respect for our culture to at least nibble a little around the interesting bits."

"That's how we wound up with the question," muttered Twilight, pressing so hard against the notebook that the pencil point threatened to punch through the paper.

Twilight, if you *aren't* eating Rarity already as a matter of course, I have to imagine she's very disappointed in you. :V

You made a tradition just so Rarity being a mare aswell wouldn't rule out sexual cannibalism.


You absolute madman

Her question was preempted by horrified screaming from the other dignitaries present - as an alicorn suddenly appearing in the middle of a sauna was distinctly unexpected - and by Twilight's own shriek - as she had teleported herself atop a pile of steaming hot coals.
Princess Celestia placidly waited for the chaos to sort itself out and tried very hard not to laugh.

Did she succeed?


Wow, that is an interesting explanation...
Never thought of that.

There was a long, ironically pregnant pause before Twilight hesitantly asked her next question. "Princess Celestia? If... if alicorns consume their mates afterwards, does, um... does that mean I have to eat Rarity?"

oh shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii-

No, Twilight. That's what she just got done saying. Listen.

10235681
I think it would be difficult to do in implementation. The author would have to pick someone as Twilight's partner, and with Rarity being one of the most popular characters to ship with Twilight, it's been normalized enough for us as readers. Foreshadowing of Twilight having any relationships would spoil the punchline at the end a bit, since it mostly relies on the shock value to elicit a laugh. Also, thinking through it a bit, Rarity, of all ponies, would probably have the funniest reaction to being informed, balancing her revulsion with an awkward want to stick to propriety.

This time, the tea was thoroughly prepared, and fled through the right nostril with a skill Trixie Lulamoon would have given up several teeth for.

"Wh--what?" Celestia managed to get out, after a few moments of spluttering and choking.

"I mean, I thought that term was just an euphemism, actually. I didn't understand I was like literally supposed to eat her. I wasted two and a half, no, three and a half days. Now I'll have to go back and..."

"Twilight..."

"She's not old, per se, but definitely no spring chicken anymore. I better get started immediately; even famished, it's going to take a few days, and what do I do with any stringy parts? And can you help me with thinking up an ironclad excuse for Sweetie Belle and Rarity's parents?"

"Twilight, I EXPRESSLY forbid that you eat anypony!" Celestia exclaimed with a flash of her eyes as she stood up.

"Why not?" Twilight asked innocently.

"I was making a joke! Sun's Day, you always come by and ask some of the most inane questions at times! I forbid you eating anypony, especially the one single pony in this world that gets my dress measurements correct the first time she measures me! I REFUSE to wear those burlap sacks other designers make for me!"

Oh. So, not really."

"OF COURSE, NOT REALLY! Are you insane?"

"No. Just tired of all the worn out pranks you pull on me ALL THE TIME...!!!"

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